Broken Colours
by City Girl Dreamer
Summary: He has the cool friends, the awesome grades and the many lovers...but Mello's life is far from perfect. Then he meets Matt and discovers what a 'far from perfect' life is really like. Mello's life was awful...but at least it wasn't Matt's. Mello/Matt. AU.
1. Yellow

**Okay, so this is like my third Death Note story...I've been writing a lot of humorous stories so far on this site, so I actually wanted to try something more serious and different.**

**I'm going to be writing...ANGST! Dun, dun, duuuun! Hehehehe...**

**_DISCLAIMER:_**_ I own nothing from Death Note...anything I do own is most likely stolen from my friends..._

**_WARNING:_**_ YAOI...ANGST...MENTIONS OF VARIOUS CHILD ABUSE...SPOILERS FOR FIRST NAMES!_

**Now...why have I decided on choosing colours as this stories main theme? Because...colours have a lot of symbolic meanings behind them and if you pair them up with characters from Death Note...they can be both ironic and they can match the person perfectly. ^.^**

**So, here's the prologue-type thingy...**

**ENJOY!**

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Chapter 1 - Yellow

_The shade of yellow determines the meaning. Pure, bright and sunny yellow is the easiest color to see. People who are blind to other colors can usually see yellow. Yellow is full of creative and intellectual energy. Yellow symbolizes wisdom. Yellow means joy and happiness. People of high intellect favor yellow._

It was quiet in his room.

It was always quiet in his room. Just like it was quiet in all the other rooms and quiet in the garden and the garage and the cellar. Quiet was something he was used to. He could tolerate it, he could put up with it. Sometimes, on the rare occasion, he even appreciated it.

However, overall his opinion of silence came down to one thing. He hated it.

Silence; it was empty, hollow, **nothing**.

He loathed how his voice would echo, whenever he muttered out loud. He hated how the sound of a dropping pin would be emphasized because there was nothing around to block it out. He despised how the most quiet of activities would appear to be the loudest, simply because there was no one else around to create noise. His home was not a home but a house. A silent, quiet house with no one around but him. Just him. No one else around for _miles_.

You could scream; no one would hear.

You could kill yourself; no one would care.

You could destroy everything within your sight; no one would be around to notice.

_It was just him, himself and he._

No one else.

He was all alone.

Mother, the glamorous socialite, forgot she had a son she was supposed to take care of. Mother, the gold-digger, forgot that her son was supposed to be the one that got spoilt. Mother, the cold-hearted bitch, forgot that her son needed her and that she was supposed to shower him with love and adoration.

Mother, who forgot what she was...and that was a Mother.

Father, the business man, forgot that he had a glamor-puss for a wife and a son who was _just_ _as_ beautiful. Father, the stuck-up snob, forgot that he was a man who had a family he needed to take care of. Father, the heartless bastard, probably forgot that he had a family at all.

Father, who forgot what was most important...and that was being a Father.

_Two people...two parents...one Mother...one Father..._

Neither of them have seen their son in five years.

Between them both, they've probably seen their son twice. Once when he was born and once when they bid him farewell, as they left on their Mediterranean Cruise. He was ten years old when they finally left. They didn't even wave goodbye.

But.

Mihael Keehl didn't care.

Mihael Keehl didn't need them. He had himself. He had his friends. He had--Mihael had--oh! Who was he trying to kid? Who did he have, really?

**No one.**

Mihael Keehl, truly had _no one_. His friends might seem close to him, but they didn't _see_ him. All they saw was Yellow. Bright, happy, intelligent Yellow. Yellow didn't get abandoned by parents, Yellow didn't get upset and depressed and moody. Yellow wasn't angry. Yellow was mellow.

_Yellow was mellow...Yellow was mellow...Yellow was mellow...Yellow was Mellow...Yellow was_ **Mello**_._

It was all Misa's idea at first. That stupid, ridiculous nickname that held so much irony, it actually _hurt_ him to hear it! Yet, he accepted the nickname. He owned that nickname and gave it to the person they saw. No longer did they call him Mihael Keehl. No longer did Mihael Keehl grace them with his presence.

They didn't see him, didn't want to see him, never had really seen him. They saw Yellow. They saw Mello. They didn't see Mihael.

Besides, in some way he liked the facade he had up. Mello had friends, Mihael had no one. Mello got laid, Mihael was pretty much a virgin. Mello smiled and laughed and insulted and joked. Mihael prayed and prayed and prayed and _cried_.

Mello was what they wanted.

Mihael was something they didn't know about.

If they wanted Mello; they got Mello. If they wanted Mihael; they got a one-fingered salute headed straight for them.

Mello was fun, laid-back and cheerful. Mello went out to clubs with Misa and Light and Mikami. Mello went to the library to help out L whether the older boy wanted it or not. Mello mercilessly teased Near. Mello flirted with loads of girls and even more boys. Mello slept with more girls and more boys.

Mello loved and was loved by everyone.

Mihael was stubborn and quiet and lonely. Mihael would curl up at night and read until his eyes felt like they were going to pop out. Mihael prayed until his fingers started to bleed, because he was holding his rosary too damn tight. Mihael flirted with no one, teased no one, slept with no one.

Mihael wasn't loved and had no one to love.

_Two sides of the same coin. One was fake, one was real. One was hiding, one was cowering. One was strong, one was weak. One despised the silence; one welcomed it with open arms._

The boy was used to acting two different life styles, that sometimes he actually believed he was Mello. The thing is that he _wasn't_. But he was just so good at acting, so good at pretending...he sometimes _believed _it was truly him and there was no such person as Mihael Keehl, and that he was a figment of his nightmares. He was Mello: proud, brave and confident. Mello who was liked by people and known by people.

Mello was brash, reckless and free. He trusted no one.

Mihael was closed up, cold and trapped. He didn't even trust himself.

The blonde knew that his life was awful compared to Light's perfect life. The blonde knew his life was better than Near's past life.

But he just couldn't see how anyone could have a life worse than his. At least Near had his friends. He had no one! No. One. Even when he did have people with him, it wasn't really him they were with. Those 'friends' of his, they weren't friends with Mihael. They were friends with Mello.

_Anyway, enough of the pity-party. I have a school day to survive._

Mihael slung his bag over a shoulder and walked down the narrow stairs leading into the main foyer. It was nice of his parents to leave him a huge, fancy mansion. It would have been even nicer if they were there to fill it up!

Sighing and running a hand through his straight, blonde hair, Mihael grasped the door handle and pulled it open.

The sunshine poured in...the mansion was left behind...the day was bright and beautiful.

And Mihael Keehl became Mello once more...

* * *

**Yeah...depressing, depressing Mello. Out Of Character for him, I know...but that's how he'll be. OOC for Miheal and IC for Mello.**

**Now, who found that confusing? My sister did...it were funny! ^.^**

**Anyway, Matt (the hawtest guy in the anime) will appear in the next chapter...which I can't wait to write!**

**So, perty please review! It would be awfully nice to get some feedback! On my 40th story as well!**

**^.^ I am so proud! 40 stories on this site...**

**Hehehehe...**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	2. Orange

**^.^ Thank you for the reviews! They give me the warm fuzzies!**

**Anyway...this is an awfully long chapter...there is a bit of boring explainations regarding Mello's friends...and then there's some humor too...and then there is MATT!**

**Seriously, just one look at my description of him would tell a non-Death Note fan just how much I loved him! ^.^**

**Hehehehe...also, Mello and Mihael will act completely different to each other. I will be using both names, but a different times when his personality changes...**

**ENJOY!**

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Chapter 2- Orange

_Orange__ is a power color. It is one of the healing colors. It also stimulates enthusiasm and creativity. Orange means vitality with endurance. People who like orange are usually thoughtful and sincere. Lady Luck's color is orange. Wearing orange during times of stress, or shock can help to balance your emotions. It can bring about the willingness to embrace new ideas with enjoyment and a sense of exploration and creative play._

He cared for his friends.

He cared for them a lot. In fact, he cared for them so much, he could honestly admit that would be nothing without them. If he would admit it of course-not that he would. Naturally, that didn't necessarily mean that Mello trusted them. Trust was a delicate thing and it was not something Mello took lightly.

Trust them? No. Care for them? Yes.

Mihael would sometimes wonder which prayer had actually worked for him, which angel had actually pitied him enough to give Mello his friends. Sure they didn't see the real him, but they gave him a distraction, they gave him a faint feeling a belonging. Without them, there was no him. There was no Mello, there would just be Mihael and his lonely, cold world. Mello felt a faint smile creep up on his lips as he viewed the people who were sat around him. Yes, he did very much appreciate having friends.

Heck! He was even glad Near was there and he despised Near with every bone in his fucking body! He turned to look at the white-haired fluff ball and smirked. Why was Near there? Near knew Mello didn't like him, that Mello only tolerated him, so why was he still there?

The answer to that question was sat right next to him.

L.

L was the first one to approach him, even if he was asking for a bite of his chocolate. Back then, no one talked to Mello and he had no idea whether he should have been insulted or flattered that the older boy had taken the time to speak to him. Mello had quirked up an eyebrow and had given his bar a considering look, before turning back to L and flipping him off. L didn't even blink; he just reached over and snatched the bar straight out of his hands.

Well, Mello wasn't going to have any of that, and punched the boy straight in the face. What surprised him was that L didn't even budge as the fist connected and instead he had lashed out a leg and tripped Mello over. The blonde and the raven continued to fight until Mello had somehow pinned L to the floor with a victorious smirk plastered across his face.

_"You forgot to say 'please'."_

That one sentence that he had let slip from his mouth, cemented the foundation of their friendship.

Now here they were, two years later. It was lunchtime and they were sat at the same table where they had fought, only with four more people with them. Light, Misa, Mikami and of course...Near.

Light was the most, quote-_gorgeous boy to have ever walked this earth_-unquote. He had eyes the same colour of caramel and honey, and hair the same colour as freshly made cinnamon. Or, so Misa had said. Light was also the second smartest boy in the upper year, directly behind L by a couple of points. He had piercing eyes that could see through any lie and had a tainted innocence that could manipulate any teacher.

Misa...was special. To say she was a bit blonde would be a ridiculous stereotype, plus it would be insulting Mello himself. Misa was the prettiest, bubbliest and downright scariest girl at the school. She was just like any other girl when it came to Light. She would melt and squeal and hang off him with delight. She wasn't exactly...dumb...but she wasn't all that clever either.

Mikami was one of the prefects and so they counted on him when it came to getting out of trouble. Although, it was safe to say that he also loved getting them _into _trouble just as much. Fickle bastard. He had a sharp profile and a mysterious air about him that should have attracted any girl around. Unfortunately, they were turned off by him. Why? Because of Light...again. Mikami would just about do anything for Light. He would allow himself to be used by Light, to be treated like a dog by Light, to be humiliated by Light. Just because it meant that the boy's attention would be on him for a few seconds.

Near...Near was Near. That was pretty much it. He was quiet, incredibly smart and had a slightly disturbing addiction to playing with toys. Oh, and Mello screamed when he first saw him. Not that he would ever admit it, but damn...the boy just looked like a _ghost_ so much. It was terrifying. Near was at first only L's friend but after a Science project, an English assignment and a Psychology essay, he became their friend too. Because he was smart. So. Damn. Smart!

It wasn't fair! Mello was supposed to be the smart, young one! They all had their parts within the group, their roles, their jobs…L was the smart, older one, Misa was the girl, Light was the pretty boy and Mikami was the rule-enforcer. Mello loved being the youngest and yet the same time one of the smartest. He loved helping out Misa whenever Light was busy, he loved helping out Mikami whenever he misunderstood something, it gave him the feeling of belonging with them. But now Near was there.

Near had stolen his crown! His part! His place!

Near helped them, taught them, listened to them! It wasn't fair!

L had told him to stop being childish and just leave it alone, but dammit! He wanted to be a part of them. At first, he tried hard to be smarter than Near, but to no avail. He tried desperately to help his friends out but Near always got there first. It got to a point where Near had almost beaten him at everything, where Mello was almost about to give up. Mello had confided in Misa his little predicament, because girls were supposed to be good at that sort of stuff. Listen and help their friends out...right?

Wrong.

What Misa had told him and what he had done afterwords was the worst possible thing ever.

Near might actually be smarter than him, more helpful than him and more chilled out than him...but Near had never been kissed. Near had never slept with anyone. Near was a virgin in every way possible. Misa told him that if he couldn't beat Near using his smarts, then he could beat Near using his body. It had to be the most illogical piece of advice that Mello had ever heard. Misa told him it was fool-proof, the only way to have something that Near didn't. So Mello went along with it. Within a month, Mello had slept with five girls and seven boys, broken twenty-six hearts and had kissed thirty-one people. One for each day of the May month.

Over time, Mello's new found reputation began to spread and everyone wanted to have a go with Wammy High's Player. He received love letters on a daily basis, received even more death threats every day and his social status in school had shot straight up. He was no longer Mello, the young, smart one. No...that title had fallen to Near. Now he was Mello, the playboy. He broke hearts and laughed about it; he made tears fall and joked about it. Mello didn't care if his conquests were hurt or felt betrayed because they deserved it.

They all deserved it for not seeing him!

None of them saw Mihael-they all wanted Mello. None of them could fill the empty void in his heart...none of them could see the pain or the loneliness. All they saw was a gorgeous boy with a big house. And he hated it, he hated them-he used them, used their trust, their self-respect and then broke them.

L was worried about him. L was always worried about. Misa begged him to tell her about his nightly experiences in graphic detail. Light didn't care. Mikami looked on with disapproval and Near just looked at him. Looked at him. Not through him, but at him, it was that reaction that scared him most. He had always wanted someone to see him, but he would break down with despair if that someone ended up being Near.

"Mello...you look like you're in pain. Are you okay?" a voice broke through his thoughts.

Mello turned to give a worried looking Misa a flashy smile, smoothing away the girls concern. Misa liked to worry about him, it was actually quite...endearing.

He watched as she turned back to Light, snuggling up to him and stroking his hair with adoration. It's funny how sometimes people actually mistook him and Misa for twins. They may look similar, but their personalities might as well be chalk and cheese when compared.

"Mello, you're acting rather strange today. Are you sick?"

L, another worrier. That's all they ever did. Worry.

"Seriously, I'm fine...just a little tired. That's all," he replied with a cool smile.

L raised an eyebrow but didn't push him for further information. He had learnt some time ago that when Mello wanted to talk, he would come to you...not the other way around. The raven-haired teen silently sighed and went back to his strawberry cheesecake, Mello's strawberry cheesecake, Near's strawberry cheesecake and Misa's strawberry cheesecake. That was another advantage to having L as your friend; he would eat anything sweet, especially if the sugar content was over 75%.

However, not everyone was alright with this fact.

"L! Why do you keep bringing desserts to the table? I'm trying to stick to my diet here and it's so hard to keep with it if you're surrounded by sweets all the time!" Misa complained, giving the sugary sweets a dirty look.

L placed a piece of cake in his mouth and tilted his head to the side. Misa had been on a diet for years, and her size has never changed. Also, it seemed to have gone over her head that she had quite literally given him her own dessert two minutes ago.

"I've told you Misa. You can have sweets if you want, but then again...you do need to use your brain if you want to burn the calories."

"Oh! So you're practically saying because I don't use my brain, I shouldn't eat sweets?"

"Of course not, don't be ridiculous. The way your brain is being used, you shouldn't be eating at all. You should be throwing up."

Mello stifled his laugh and averted his eyes. L could be so catty to Misa when he wanted to be; funny how he was only like that when she was cuddling Light. Coincidence? Well, Mello liked to think not. Especially when coincidences rarely occurred when L and Light happened to be in the same room as each other.

Speaking of which...

"Light! Are you seriously going to let him talk to me like that?" she demanded, her grip tightening and her eyes flashing with need and frustration.

The handsome young man just gave her a bored look and sighed with exasperation. Misa was cutting off all blood supply in his arm and it was actually starting to hurt. He wrenched his arm from her grip and turned to L with deadpanned look.

"L? Be nice," he said, and returned his attention to Mikami.

Misa looked somewhat scandalized and stood up with a huff. She gave L a scathing look before storming out of the lunchroom, muttering darkly under her breath. L had a small smirk on his lips as he watched her leave, but let it drop as he heard Light growl with annoyance.

"C'mon, this is the third time she's done that today! Can't you try to be nice to her?" he asked L, annoyance and frustration seeping into his tone.

L tilted his head to the side and chewed on his thumb.

"I can't promise to try. But I'll try to try."

"Good enough...anyway, let's go. We have two minutes to get to English and I don't have the desire to waste any more money on apples for Ryuk if I'm late. Again."

L nodded and stood up; taking the two cheesecakes he had yet to eat with him. Ryuk their English teacher was the kind of teacher pupils loved to hate. If you were a second late to lesson, he would give you a detention. Of course, you could always get out of the detention if you bought him enough apples. Light was sure he would be broke by the end of the month, especially as Ryuk had taken a-_liking_-to him.

As L and Light left the lunchroom, Mello switched his attention to Mikami who was gazing at Light's back with a longing look. It was pathetic but oh-so-amusing too. Mikami would get so worked up over simple teasing. Especially if the teasing was nothing but honesty. Plus, all sources of entertainment had left the table. The next best thing was better than no thing at all.

Mello smirked coldly and his eyes held a cruel glimmer. Mikami felt the gaze burn into the back of his neck and he turned to face Mello with a level glare.

"What?" he hissed.

Mello's smirk only grew and he leant forward, his eyes getting brighter with cold mirth.

"You know Mikami, it'll never work. You can worship him all you like, but he'll never like you in that way, let alone _love _you," Mello stated bluntly.

"Oh and why not!" Mikami demanded, glaring daggers at Mello.

"Why not, indeed? Well, maybe it's because you're a guy? Because you're pathetic? Because he sees you nothing more than a friend, if that? Take your pick."

"My gender had nothing to do with it. I'm a valuable asset to Light and he knows that!"

Mello's smirk curled up into a cruel and mocking grin.

"Okay, so your gender doesn't mean anything, but you still have Misa as competition...and I think you're more of an accessory than an asset."

"Misa? She's blind if she can't see that she's nothing more than a cover up!" Mikami spoke with earnest, pointedly ignoring the last part of Mello's speech.

"Oh? So you think that just because Light might be batting for the other team, you still have a chance? Please...it just means you have bigger competition."

"Yeah? Who!"

Mello paused for effect, his blue eyes glinting madly.

"L."

Mikami's eyes widened as he mouthed L's name. Feeling that his job here was done, Mello heaved himself up and flicked Near in the head. Near rolled his eyes and continued to ignore Mello, like he had been for the past few minutes. Mello was painfully honest, but he was also a downright liar too. The albino just didn't know what he was lying about...yet.

"Come on sheep-boy. Sidou is waiting for us and so are the test scores."

Mello had a smirk on his face. He had revised so hard for that test, spending every night and day, copying notes from the textbooks, doing mock-tests, reading books, researching on the internet.

He had a good feeling that this was finally going to be the test he beat Near at.

X-x-X-x-X

98%.

98%.

Ninety. Eight. Fucking. Percent.

Not 99...not 100...98.

He was second again. Again!

What would it take for him to be Number 1 at least once!

Mello crumpled up the test paper into his fist and tossed it to the bin with disgust. It just wasn't fair...Near probably spent all of his time playing with his freaking toys and yet he still managed to scoop 100% in every single thing he did.

Sighing and resting his head in his arms, Mello started to plot the albino's demise. He was going to give Near the most painful and slow death imaginable! He was going to make Near's death a long, torturous progress. He started to chuckling darkly as he envisioned Near's face screwed up in pain, begging him to stop, almost groveling on the floor and-

"Ummm...Mello? Y-You dropped this..."

The blonde was snapped out of his lovely thoughts by a young red-haired girl, holding his test paper out to him. Hmmm, he always had a thing for red-heads. But then again, there was something about this particular girl. Had he done her already?

"Thanks," he muttered, taking his disgraceful test paper back.

The girl twirled a piece of hair around her finger and swayed slightly on her feet. She was batting her eyelashes and pouting slightly. Fuck, she looked _awfully _familiar. Perhaps he had done her already. Oh...fuck. If he had, then this would be fun.

"Mello? Aren't you going to say anything else?" she asked.

The blonde quirked up an eyebrow and grinned at her coldly.

"Oh? Why should I say anything else?"

"B-But...l-last night! You and me...we..." she stammered under his intense gaze, all sources of courage melting away rapidly.

Ah, now he remembered. He _had _done her. Last night as well, it seemed. Hm, she must have been kicked out as soon as they had finished. Mello narrowed his eyes and smirked-she mustn't have been worth keeping in bed until morning. Fuck, he couldn't even remember her name! Not worth it at all. The blond's eyes flickered up at her and his smirk grew. Her name was something weird, exotic...or something...

"_'We'_ nothing. Just because I gave you a bit of attention doesn't mean anything."

Her face grew hot and a blush swept across it, covering it completely. Humiliation and hurt gathered in her eyes as tears began to form. She knew that she had been another notch on the bedpost, but something deep within desperately wanted to be that girl that made that boy want to change, just for her. Obviously, she was _not _that girl and _this _boy did _not _want to change. Especially for her.

"B-But...b-but..."

"Are you still here?"

The girl stifled a sob and turned away from him, walking stiffly to her friends, who in turn, gazed at him with narrowed eyes. That reaction was normal though. The girls would most likely cry and maybe hit him, but they always ran off to the pity of their friends. The boy's very rarely cried and the tended to smack him one instead. Suffice to say though, getting hit by a girl was not something to be taken lightly. They were more than likely to be wearing rings and _they hurt_! A lot!

Mello didn't mind it much though, it spiced up his hum drum life anyway.

He was about to return his thoughts to the delightful torturing of Near when Sidou, their history teacher cleared his throat.

"Attention! We have a new student today. He's joining us from the sunny country of Spain and he'll be with us until end of the year. I know it's strange for someone to be joining us at the end of the day rather than the beginning, but he's here and he's new and that's all that matters. I know how horrible you all are, but please attempt to be nice to him."

The class tittered softly as Sidou made his speech, but Mello merely rolled his eyes. An air of excitement seemed to rise and he had no idea as to why that was. New people were joining them all the time: some from other countries, some from down the road. Everyone wanting to befriend them and everyone wanting to be nice and say hello and wanting to show them around school. Pfft. Whatever. It didn't matter to him-if the kid happened to be pretty or hot, he'd do his duty: seduce, use, test, drop. Easy.

The classroom door opened quietly and the headmaster walked in with a boy trailing behind him playing on a PSP.

And damn...what a boy he was...

Coppery red hair that glinted with tones of gold and brown, flawless skin that was whiter than his own but darker than Near's. He was quite tall, extremely skinny by the looks of it and he had such a pretty, pretty face. Well, what he could see of it anyway. High cheek bones, kittenish nose and hair that swept across his eyes in such a pretty-boy fashion. The eyes were covered up with goggles. Goggles! Mello couldn't even see what sort of eyes he had, and the eyes were Mello's favourite part of the body! He gave the boy a once over, and then a twice over...and then a three times over. _Damn._

Now, Mello was no fashion expert but he was no fashion _faux pas_ either. The boy had an unusual taste in clothes: baggy jeans tucked into black boots, which just hung from slender hips, with a studded belt hanging loosely around his waist. A black and white striped shirt under a fur-lined vest completed the outfit with leather gloves. The boy had no muscle, but damn, he certainly was no bag of bones either. Each defined line of the boy's chest could be seen through shirt and Mello had to swallow hard to get rid of the dryness in his mouth.

Never had he ever seen an outfit like that before and the oddest thing was, the boy worked it. He was working the look. Fuck...he _owned _the look!

"This is Mail Jeevas class and-" The headmaster began, but was cut off as the boy put away his PSP and tugged on his sleeve hard.

The boy took out a pen and wrote on the headmaster's wrist. The class was, for the first time, completely silent as they watched the new boy write on their headmaster's hand.

"Oh? A-Are you sure?" he asked as he inspected his wrist.

The boy nodded and went back to playing on his game. The headmaster cleared his throat once more but his overall confidence had drooped slightly.

"Class...this is _Matt_ Jeevas. He's new from Spain and I expect you to-" He was cut off again and peered down as Matt-or Mail...whatever-tugged hard on his sleeve again.

He wrote something else on the headmaster's wrist and pocketed his pen once more.

"Matt Jeevas. From _London_, not Spain. He's new. Be nice," The headmaster said it all in a rush, the new boy clearly unnerving him.

He gave Sidou a stiff nod and marched out of the room with mechanical steps. Matt was giving the headmaster a dirty look as he left, playing his PSP without even glancing at the screen.

Mello was gazing up at the ceiling, praying to the God Mihael believed in so badly with thanks. This boy, Matt, was his best wet dream come true! Now if only he could see his eyes. As he looked back to the boy, he jumped slightly as he realized that the boy was staring at him. Or rather, the boy was glancing around the room and happened to lock eyes with Mello and decided to remain locked in that silent staring contest.

Orange was an intense colour and Mello could feel his breathe quicken as Orange continued to gaze at him.

"Well...ummm...Matt. Why don't you go sit down? There's a spare space behind Mihael, the blond boy with chocolate around his mouth."

A hand flew to cover his lips as he narrowed his eyes at Sidou. Matt gave him a small smirk before slowly making his way to his new desk. The boy moved with a slight sway to his hips and Mello watched, hypnotized with the movement. Orange gazed at Yellow once more and Mello knew from then that he had to have Orange.

Orange was so different from all the other colours-people-in his school. Everyone was so dull and lifeless. It was like a black and white painting. There was the canvas, white as snow and there were the people, black and dark. Then a splodge of Orange appeared. So vivid and bright...Mello wanted him. Mello knew he was going to be different to everyone else.

Or would he?

Would Orange see Yellow?

Or would Orange see nothing, but a black and white fake?

Mihael whispered to him to leave it, but Mello was dying to test the new boy out.

To see if he was just like the rest of them...

_Blind._

* * *

**Longest. Chapter. Ever.**

**Trust me...I don't think a chapter will ever get as long as that again.**

**There are hints of relationships everywhere and I just made Matt out to be the most gorgeous creature on Earth...oh wait...HE IS!**

**Hehehe...perty please review! ^.^**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	3. Purple

**Early, early chapter...^.^ I loved the reviews I was getting, so I decided to post this one up early!**

**Hehehehe...**

**So many people fell in love with my description of Matt. He's such a lovely boy, he'd be torn to shreds if he was real...well, probably not with SuperBoyfriend Mello around. **

**Anyway, this chapter has Mello and Matt interaction, plus a swap into Mihael's personality.**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 3 - Purple

_Purple is the color of good judgment. It is the color of people seeking spiritual fulfillment. It is said if you surround yourself with purple you will have peace of mind. Purple is a good color to use in meditation. Purple has been used to symbolize magic and mystery, as well as royalty. Being the combination of red and blue, the warmest and coolest colors, purple is believed to be the ideal color. Purple can also encourage fantasy, mystery and imagination._

The bell rang at exactly 3:00.

Having spent all lesson daydreaming about a certain red-head, Mello was almost saddened by the shrill ring.

Sidou's voice was drowned out by the excited chatter and gossip that exploded from the class. He eventually gave up trying to give them homework and proceeded to shoo them out of his class. Mello smirked as he watched the History teacher push pupils out of the door with a hysterical look on his face. Sidou hated kids and never had the desire to work with them. Rumor was, the only reason he became a teacher was because of a lost bet, between him and Ryuk.

Stretching out and sighing, Mello shoved his books into his bag, looking over to see Near do the same. He didn't even need to ask the albino what he had gained in the test. It was clear as fucking crystal. One-Fucking-Hundred-Fucking-Percent.

The blonde narrowed his eyes as Near turned to look at him, a small smirk on his features, yet his eyes remained blank and hollow. The albino then stood up with a mocking wave and left the classroom with all the other pupils.

"Damn him. I _hate _him!" Mello muttered, swinging his bag over his shoulder and swaggering across the classroom to leave.

Cursing Near to Hell and back, Mello felt the buzz of his mobile in his pocket.

_We're going to Shinigami's at 8:00pm. Are you coming with us? L._

L was probably the only person he knew who typed out their texts in full. And then signed it with their name afterwards. However, L was a good friend and so he didn't tease him about it; mainly because L had a fierce kick and Light would probably hit him as well.

Genuinely smiling at having a chance to go out, rather than stay in a big empty house as Mihael all night, he typed out his reply.

_Shud B fun. C U there. xx_

Pocketing his phone, Mello continued to walk down the hallways when a sharp tug on his sleeve stopped him mid-step. Turning around, he had to force libido from getting the better of him as he saw the heavenly sight that was Matt in front of him. The boy was holding a book out to him, which he recognized as his own. Mello knew that this was the perfect chance to start testing the boy out.

"Thanks Matt," He said, taking the book back and giving the red-head a flashy smile.

Matt looked surprised that Mello had remembered his name, but then he gave him a small smile back and shrugged, averting his eyes from Mello's intense gaze. The blonde tilted his head to the side and chewed his lip. Was Matt really this shy? How..._cute_...?

Was that the word girls used to describe it?

Pfft...he'd call it annoying, but damn did this boy make annoying seem fucking hot!

"My name's Mello, by the way," He added, watching Matt's lips twitch up into a smile once more. Lifting his hand up in a half-hearted wave, the red-head began to leave, his hips moving in that sinfully sensual sway again.

Fuck...he _wanted _him. He wanted him badly and now. Mello saw how the others stared at Matt in the lesson and he'd be damned if they took the red-head away from him. Mello saw him first and Mello had claim on him first. No one else would take him away!

Of course, for that to happen, he would have to get to know the red-head better. Lure him in, make him feel safe and then once they were alone, Matt would be his.

Naturally, Mello was not one to waste time and so he threw out a hand and grasped onto the red-head's sleeve, pulling him back slightly.

"Hey, listen...I know you're new and all, but do you wanna come hang out with me and my friends after school?"

Matt's head shot up and he gave Mello an incredulous look. He bit his lip and then took out his pen, grabbing Mello's arm in the process. The blonde quirked up an eyebrow at Matt's actions but couldn't deny the warmth he felt, that emitted from the red-head's grip. His skin was fizzing and tingling under the contact and his lips curled up into a satisfied smirk as Matt finished writing, looking up at him with guarded eyes.

Mello twisted his wrist around to the see what the red-head had written.

**_I'd like to...but it all depends on the time._**

Quirking up an eyebrow, Mello gave Matt a confused look.

"What?...can't you talk?"

Stupid question. Even Matt knew it was a stupid question.

He shook his head slowly and made a gesture to his throat and mouth.

"So, you're like a mute then?"

Nod.

"Oh. Have you always been a mute?"

Shake.

"Oh."

Mello felt an awkward silence rising up and he shifted uncomfortably. Matt bit his lip again and started to fumble for his PSP, a hurt and slightly worried look on his features. Shit, this wasn't going to ruin his chances, was it?

Matt looked awkward just standing there…fucking Hell!

Well…fuck it then. Who cared about the mute thing? It didn't matter…it would be nice to hear silence for once, if he had to turn Matt down (if he failed the test that is) and it would probably put a dent in his plans if he rejected the red-head on the mere fact that he couldn't talk. The blonde then shook his head and cleared his throat.

"Well that doesn't matter. We're going to a bar called _Shinigami_ at 8:00PM. Is that alright?"

Matt looked to the floor, his face hidden by his coppery fringe, his arms crossing his chest. Clearly Matt was taking his offer into serious contemplation. Mello narrowed his eyes warily and quirked up an eyebrow. Then Matt looked up. The smile Matt gave him then was probably up in the five most beautiful smiles Mello had ever seen. Fuck...that smile was so beautiful it took up all top five spaces. Matt nodded his head enthusiastically.

"Awesome. I'll see you there," Mello purred. Lure them in…make them feel safe…

Matt smiled again and gave him a small wave before walking off. Mello's heart was fucking pounding against his chest and he had to shake his head to clear his thoughts. Damn. No one had ever had this effect on him before. No one. He looked at his arm with amazement; it was still fizzing.

It was official. Orange was special. Orange was _very _special.

Mello felt a small, lazy smile grow on his lips as he watched Matt's retreating back. The sway of the boy's hips enthralled him, hypnotizing him to the spot. Once upon a time, a boy like Matt would have annoyed him. Shy, quiet and introvert. Never before had those three seemed so goddamn sexy. The buzz of his mobile brought him out of his daydreams and he looked at with annoyance. It was L again.

_I wish you wouldn't shorten your words Mello. We'll see you there anyway. Also, Light is complaining about the kisses you added._

Of course Light is complaining about the kisses, because Light can't function without complaining about something, Mello thought dryly.

_But its quiker LOL. BTW, I hav a frend comin as well. Tell Light 2 sod off. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

Pocketing his phone, Mello headed out of the entrance doors with a new bounce in his step. He couldn't wait until 8:00 came around. Matt was going to be his by the time their outing was over. It was time to see if he was truly Orange, or just another black and white fake.

If Matt could see him, then Mello would be ecstatic and Mihael would...what would Mihael do?

If Matt couldn't see him, then he would be dismissed and he would fall into the category of the colourless, shallow people who wandered around the school halls. Or at best, they could become friends. After all, Matt was still pretty no matter what and Mello wanted that pretty boy near him at all times. Just thinking about Matt going off with someone else made his skin crawl with jealousy and disgust.

No...Matt was his and everyone would see that. Even if Matt couldn't see Mihael and only saw Mello, the red-head was still special. If Matt couldn't be his lover then he'd be his friend…his friend who wouldn't be allowed to fuck anyone else apart from him! Plus, he was a mute. Not that Mello was going to let that bother him, he saw the way Matt's face fell when he found out about it. However, Mello just knew that if Matt could talk, his voice would be...be...

Fuck.

He had only known the fucking boy for a couple of hours! The blonde growled at the ridiculous thoughts that only Mihael would think up of and scolded himself for acting so fucking soft.

Mello shook his head free and concentrated on the task at hand. Tonight at _Shinigami_, Matt was going to be tested. He was just another boy, albeit a mute one, but he was going to be treated like any other conquest.

No matter how Orange and special he was.

X-x-X-x-X

Mihael walked slowly through the house, his footsteps echoing as he did so. Empty, empty, empty.

There was no one but him.

He was used to it; but he hated it. He tolerated it; but he loathed it.

Mihael knew that no matter how the night ended, Matt was still going to have a place in his empty, hollow heart. Just like L and Light and Misa and Mikami and...Near to an extent.

Dropping his bag, he winced at the sound it made; echoing throughout the air, bouncing off the walls and humming through his ears.

Quiet...silence...it was disturbing.

He crept up the staircase, the soft footsteps being the only sound. It was funny. He had crept up the staircase so many times; he knew which ones creaked...the fifth one, seventh, tenth and fifteenth. He avoided each and every one of those steps, to avoid the echoing creaks that issued from them. Each creak that sounded only served to send shuddering stabs of pain throughout his body, as each one reminded him of the loneliness around him. They only reminded him of how quiet his house was.

House. Not home. House.

Home was where the heart was; there was no heart in this place. It was dead.

Mihael shuffled across the landing to his room. His sanctuary. His private place. His.

No one had ever been in his room. None of the girls Mello had fucked. None of the boys Mello had screwed. Those events took place in his parent's room. It gave him a sick, twisted sense of pleasure that the people, who were meant to occupy that room, couldn't prevent anything from happening.

Because _they weren't there_!

Shaking his head from his thoughts, Mihael opened his door and was immediately drenched in darkness. He had forgotten to open up the curtains. It wasn't unusual that he did that...he was so used to having his ex-maid do it for him.

Hmmm, his ex-maid. She used to be around until he fired her. She would taint his sanctuary with her very presence. Tidying it and taking things out of it and making it smell of lavender and roses.

He regretted firing her...at least when she was around the place wasn't so...cold.

Opening up his wardrobe, Mihael gave his clothes a critical look. He wanted something that would make Mello look sexy, look cool, look...irresistible.

Mihael sighed as he remembered the look on the red-head's face when he first entered the classroom. He remembered his real name...Mail...and how the boy reacted to it. He remembered the same reaction to when the headmaster said he was from Spain.

Matt was hiding something. Maybe that was why Mello was so attracted to him? Although, that being said, Mihael was somewhat intrigued by the mute boy too. He just hoped he wouldn't fuck it all up as Mello.

Flipping through outfit after outfit, Mihael's eyes widened with approval as he caught sight of the most perfect outfit in the whole wardrobe. Mello approved most definitely! It was the only outfit that wasn't black. It was Purple. Purple was just like Orange: bright, vivid, colourful. It was attention-seeking and sexy, whilst at the same time subdued and subtle.

Orange clashed with Purple though, but Purple was still bright and colourful.

But it still wasn't Yellow.

Taking the outfit from the closet, he placed onto the bed gently. Catching himself in the mirror, he wrinkled his nose with disgust. Why would Matt want him? Really?

If Matt liked Mello then there was no way in Hell he was going to like Mihael. Just like all the others and no wonder too..

Mello was everything a person could hope for. Mihael wasn't.

However, maybe Matt was just like him, maybe Matt was just like Mello and Mail was just like Mihael. Yellow did go better with Orange after all, unlike Purple.

Mihael sighed and gave the mirror image another disgusted look.

He needed a shower. Once that was over he would do his homework...get changed...and go out...

And then the test would begin.

* * *

**So, Mello has met Matt. Mello has asked Matt to join his friends. Mihael is getting all angsty.**

**Gawd I love it! ^.^ Also, what do people think of Mute!Matt...personally I find it adorable!**

**Perty please review!**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	4. Black

**Another long chapter updated quickly because of you awesome people out there!**

**I'm also glad people like Mute!Matt...he's adorable really...and now I have another description in this that makes him seem like the sexiest guy ever! My mum thought I was describing a Gary-Stu at first...and then I was like: no...that's just how Matt is! ^.^**

**Anyways, I am loving the reviews people are giving me! I adore them seriously...I have an aim for every multi-chaptered story I write to get at least over 100. If I manage to do that, I write all your names down and then cover you with glittery love!**

**So, back to Mello. It's a bit more light-hearted and there's a teensy bit of Misa-Bashing. Ah well...**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 4 - Black

_The color black is usually connected with darkness, secrecy, and mystery. It can also be mean silence and concealment and mostly indicates death (including execution) and bereavement. Black is also linked to end, chaos, and lack. The colour usually goes hand in hand with such topics as: evil, bad luck, and crime. Not only that but some use the color in conjunction with elegancy, anarchy and rebellion._

L, Misa and Light were already in the bar. Near had declined their offer and Mikami was busy studying for his finals.

That left one person. One person who had Mihael running around the house trying to look perfect. One person who had Mello in something other than Black. One person who Mello was waiting for outside _Shinigami_. He really hoped that Matt would turn up and soon; the blonde wasn't the most patient of people and he was itching with anticipation for the red-head's arrival.

He so desperately wished he had gained Matt's number, or at the very least, gave the red-head _his_ number. But that would be against the rules. When Mello first started his little 'tests', it was rather messy when it came to breaking up with the people he hooked up with. Misa noticed this and told him that he should make some rules to go with his game. With the help of his friends, Mello had come up with a list of standard rules designed to keep his tests clean and simple.

They were designed to prevent stalkers, to prevent hurt and above all: to prevent the loss of his friends:

**1. All test subjects get one chance. If they fail, then another chance is out of the question. No test subject gets slept with twice.**

**2. All test subjects are not to be kissed on the lips. That just makes them clingier and more emotional about Mello.**

**3. All test subjects are not to go anywhere near the sanctuary/bedroom. That's the one place that isn't 'tainted' and so it shall remain as such.**

**4. No test subjects are to be given any personal information, such as phone numbers. The house is hard to find without Mello's help, so the address is out of the question too.**

**5. Friends are NOT test subjects and shall never be put through a test no matter what.**

**6. If a test subject does somehow pass, then all of the above rules (bar rule 5) are to be dismissed.**

Six simple rules that made his life as Mello a lot easier. Rule 5 was something his friends came up with on their own. They valued his friendship and he valued theirs and so it became the most important rule up there. Rule 3 was a rule he came up with on his own, his friends never questioned it, but he could tell they were curious.

Rule 6 had never been carried out before.

However, Mello had a slight suspicion that fucking Matt would bring such consequences that involved every single one of those rules breaking. Even number 5.

The blonde took out a bar of chocolate and tore the wrapper off. Chocolate had been the first thing given to him by his parents as a present for a birthday once. Mello had always known that they had sent it through obligation. Ever since the first bite of the sweet, chocolaty goodness melted in his mouth, he had become addicted. It was the only thing to calm his nerves and right now his nerves were on fire.

Where was Matt? Surely he wasn't lost; this town wasn't that big nor was it that hard to miss the _Shinigami_ bar, with the huge neon apple flashing on the roof.

Mello snapped some more chocolate off and chewed thoughtfully. It was 8:15PM, not everyone had to arrive on time; Misa had gotten there at 8:10, so perhaps Matt was just running late. It wasn't like he was just gonna skip out on it. Right?

...

No. Mello may not know the boy, but he had a strong feeling that standing someone up, regardless of whether it was a date or not, wasn't the red-head's style. Even still, Mello stood outside the entrance to the bar, waiting for a boy with sexy hair to come strolling up to him, with guarded eyes. Fuck...he hoped Matt had those goggles off tonight. He really, really wanted to see his eyes. He wondered whether they would be a glowing acid green, or a melted chocolate brown, or sparkling sea blue, or mayb--

_Shit_. He really needed to stop talking to Misa.

The chilly autumn wind swept past him, reminding him of what he was wearing. Fuck, he really hoped Matt would appreciate all he had done for tonight. His leather clad legs shook as he inspected them. In the normal light, they appeared to be Black, but when they hit the right light, they shone with a beautiful deep Purple colour. They had simple silver laces either side keeping them up and a couple of studded belts hung across his waist. Funny...his pants reminded him of himself.

Mihael was Purple. He was hiding under the tones of Black, trying to keep hidden amongst the people at school. However he always fails as the spotlight hits him. Hits him and reveals Mello. Mihael was a fake, hiding behind his security blanket. Purple Mihael. Yellow Mello.

What would Orange pick? What did Orange go best with?

The blonde shook his head of such ridiculous thoughts. Matt would end up with one colour, one way or another.

Snapping off more chocolate, Mello realized with dismay that he had finished it. His nerves were still fizzing and it didn't help when the very object of his day dreams had just walked around the corner. Matt had his head down and his concentration focused on the PSP in his hands. Trying to push down the delighted feelings inside of him, Mello threw the wrapper over his shoulder and placed his hands on his hips. He fixed a haughty, pouty look onto his features and started to prowl towards Matt.

"Matt! There you are! I've been waiting for you for ages!" He called out, making the red-head jump and look up.

His voice was portrayed as light and casual, but inside he was burning with the urge to jump the red-head there and then. He tried hard to keep his emotions in check, not really wanting to scare Matt off so early in the night.

Matt looked up and waved, smiling as he slipped his PSP away into his pocket. He was minus a vest and gloves, but sadly the goggles were still present. Mello breathed out slowly and swore to God that Matt was walking like that on purpose. No one walked like that naturally. No one.

Mello felt his hands grown clammy inside his small leather gloves as Matt approached him. His haughty, pouty look melted away at the sight of Matt's genuine smile.

"C'mon, let's go meet my friends, they're already inside."

Matt looked a little apologetic and took out his pen, writing on Mello's arm with earnest. The blonde's face grew prickly as he was used as the red-head's paper once more. Although, if being used like that meant he could be _this_ close to the boy, then fuck! Matt could write on him as much as he wants.

His senses were sent into overload as he realized that he smell the boy from where he was stood. It was so weird. It wasn't an artificial smell like Misa, nor was it a sweet smell like L. He didn't smell of designer aftershave like Light, nor did he smell spicy like Mikami or musky like Near. He had never smelt something so _wonderful _before. He smelt fresh and clean. Not only did he smell good, but he looked good too. Mello could tell that Matt's hair wasn't purely red, but had a mixture of browns, golds and coppers; plus his skin was so soft and smooth as he touched Mello's arm.

Damn. This boy was really something else.

**_You weren't waiting for me long...were you?_**

Snapping back to reality, Mello read the message scrawled onto his arm.

"Nah, those three won't mind. And I was only out here for a few minutes so..." He trailed off as Matt began to write something else.

**_But you're freezing!_**

Mello smirked and rolled his eyes, pulling his arm and giving Matt an amused look. The boy was worried about him. He looked worried about him. Damn!

"Don't worry about me. Now come on, let's go; besides, the cold doesn't bother me that much. I'm used to it," Mello explained casually as Matt pocketed his pen.

The red-head gave him a deadpanned look and gestured to Mello's clothing. The blonde tilted his head to the side and tried to understand what Matt was trying to tell him. He looked down at his clothes and then realized what Matt was getting at.

"Trust me Matt; I've worn skimpier clothing than this. Ask Misa...she'll tell you that I'm wearing too much."

The red-head flushed slightly at the mention of Mello wearing skimpier clothing but shook his head with mock disappointment. Mello laughed and slung an arm around Matt's shoulder, leading him into the bar. The warmth that radiated from the boy chased all the cold away from Mello's body. God, the boy was like a furnace!

A guy could get used to this...

X-x-X-x-X

_Shinigami _was a bar that could pass itself off for a club.

It was the only place around that only served under 18's and hadn't been shut down by the police yet. The owner was called Rem, she was an intimidating woman who didn't take shit from anyone. If you pissed her off once you were barred for life. If you hurt Misa, her favourite, then you lost your life.

Misa was the one who had given Rem the idea for the bar, and because of that fact, the girl had discounts on everything. Mello and his friends could always count on Misa to get them cheaper alcohol, or free games of snooker and once Rem had given them money to play on the fruit machines. It soon became their official hang out, and as long as they kept Misa happy then Rem allowed them to get away with most things other bar owners would not.

The bar itself wasn't your typical bar. The carpet was a deep, rich red with patterns of gold apple outlines decorating it. The wall matched the carpet, but the patterns were more elaborate and intricate. The main bar was placed in the centre of the room, the counters were glossy and black, and never would a smudge be found on them. A set of ten stools surrounded it, all had a rich, red cushion perched on top. Around the bar were six tables. Three lined the left wall and three lined the right. A fruit machine could be found at the end of each row and either side of the doorway were two snooker tables, complete with balls and sticks.

Behind the bar was a small dance floor that was only opened up at 11:00. Rem had strict rules concerning the dance floor, making it clear each night that drugs and sex were forbidden in her bar and that anyone caught would be barred. Especially if you tried to carry out such deeds in the bathroom.

Mello personally thought that the best thing about the place was the apple-shaped disco ball. He knew that it was tack-central, but he couldn't help but find it totally cool.

He smirked as he saw Matt's eyes widened with awe and approval as they walked into the bar. The red-head's eyes would dart from the bar, to the snooker tables, to the dance floor, to the decorations hung on the walls and back to the bar again.

Tugging slightly on his sleeve, he pulled Matt along to where L, Light and Misa were sat. L didn't drink and would proclaim that drinking would reduce his thinking levels by almost 75%. Misa would drink cocktails, trying a new one out each time they came here and Light would drink a small shot of vodka. Enough to make him feel loose and enough to let him keep his mind in tact. Not a single parent suspected their children of underage drinking and if they did, they didn't care.

"Hey guys...this is Matt. You know, the new boy I was telling you about," Mello stated as he reached the table.

Misa's eyes scanned the boy up and down, her eyes twinkling merrily.

"Oooh, so this is the new tes--"

"Boy! Yes, Misa. This is the new boy!" Light cut across her, knowing that one more word would send the boy running.

Light didn't exactly agree to what Mello did, but from the way Mello talked about him, he knew that the boy was something other than just a test. Misa's mouth fell open with a flushed understanding and she gave Mello a sheepish smile. L rolled his eyes and went back to his strawberry milkshake.

Mello's smile strained a bit and his looks hardened as Misa looked away. The girl had almost destroyed his chance and he wanted--no--he needed Matt to be his by the end of the night. The red-head was giving him a confused look and was biting on his lip nervously. Mello gave him a reassuring smile and pulled him down gently. The blonde ended up sat in between Matt and L, with Light and Misa opposite them.

Misa then exploded into a conversation with Matt, the red-head looking absolutely terrified as she leant in further and further towards him. Mello could feel the boy sliding down his chair with flustered look covering his face and smiled.

"Now Misa, give him a chance to breathe and get out of his personal space."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"You see that two foot space of air surrounding him?"

"Ummm...yeah?"

"That's called 'personal space' and you're currently invading it."

"Oh! I'm sorry Matt!"

The red-head gave her a short smile and sat back up as the girl continued her apologies. Light rubbed his temples with frustration as Misa carried on babbling to Matt. L looked slightly amused at Light's predicament and reached over to pat his head with pity. The cinnamon-haired boy looked up with a small flush on his features and he gave L a deadpanned look, swatting his hand away with annoyance.

Mello could feel Matt getting edgy as Misa went on with her interrogation and mentally slapped himself as he realized that he forgotten to tell them that Matt couldn't speak.

"Hey, Mello? Is your friend like, really, really shy?" Misa asked with a small hint of irritation in her tone. Matt hadn't answered any of her questions and it was really starting to bug her.

"No, Misa...Matt can't talk."

Mello turned to Matt to see the boy look down with a slightly ashamed look and he frowned at the sight of it. He took hold of Matt's hand and gave it a small squeeze, watching as the red-head looked up and gave him a look of appreciation. He then took out his pen, and reached for Misa's arm. The girl looked slightly upset that her skin was being graffitied on, but her expression changed to one of delight as she read what he had written.

**_My name is Matt. I'm fifteen. I come from London. I have no pets and my favourite colour is orange. Anything else you want to know?_**

"You...you actually understood her babble?" Light asked incredulously.

Matt nodded slowly, a small grin forming on his lips.

Light tilted his head and smiled back.

"You asked him what his favourite colour was?" L asked with disbelief.

"Ummm, duh? That's something everyone has to know. You'd be surprised by how helpful it is when you know someone's favourite colour!" Misa exclaimed.

L raised an eyebrow, but didn't push the conversation anymore. It would be utterly pointless, not to mention a complete waste of time to argue with Misa.

"Oh! And just so you know, I'm Misa. This is Light my boyfriend and one true love! That boy over there is L, the smartest person in the world and there are two other people. There's Mikami, who's totally obsessed with rules and order. And Near, who Mello is _totally _obsessed with!"

Mello flushed and glared at her as Matt turned to him with an amused smile.

"I am not obsessed with him!" He growled.

Misa merely shrugged and downed her cocktail in one. She gave Mello a smirk and turned to Matt with a dangerous glint in her eyes.

"He is you know...won't ever stop talking about him. I think it's because Near can beat him at anything. Well...except getting laid that is! That's the only thing Mello can do that Near can't...hahahahaha..." Misa cackled, the effects of the drink going straight to her head.

Mello clenched his fist and grit his teeth. Misa always had a loose tongue whenever she got drunk. That unbelievably _stupid_ girl! He felt Matt wince slightly and realized that he was still holding his hand. Releasing it at once, Mello apologized immediately, noticing how uncomfortable the red-head had gotten.

Damn Misa! She better not have ruined his chances already!

"Hey? Is your hair naturally that red? It's so...pretty! Like a ruby...hahahahahahaha...you're like a _ruby_!" Misa giggled, her whole body shaking with mirth as she fingered a lock of Matt's hair.

Misa wasn't the only one shaking. Matt's hands were clenched tightly, the skin blooming white at the knuckles, his lips were thinned out and his skin lost its entire colour. His face looked pained and Mello had a sinking feeling that Misa had said something wrong. Matt looked as if he was about to break down into tears, his eyes shut tightly and his whole rigid and tense. Mello could feel Light's and L's curious looks burning into his back and he knew...he _just knew _that tonight he wasn't going to get Matt!

He knocked Misa's hands away and scooted closer to the trembling boy.

"Hey...are you okay?"

...

...

Something was bad. Really bad. As soon as those words slipped from Mello's lips, Matt shot up and sprinted out of the bar as fast as he could.

Mello looked on with a confused and slightly hurt look, before turning to face Misa with malice sparkling in his eyes. The girl was still shaking with laughter, falling down to the floor as more and more giggles tore through her throat. Light looked annoyed and was rubbing his temples once more. L was giving him a sympathetic look, whilst placing a hand on Mello's shoulder gently.

Matt had run off.

Matt had escaped.

Matt was meant to be his tonight. HIS!

But now it was _ruined_. Misa had ruined it with her big mouth and somehow Mello must have ruined it, by the looks of things. It looked like Orange didn't go well with any of the colours linked to Mello.

Now, it looked like Orange never will...

Stupid, stupid girl!

* * *

**Poor Mello...didn't get to test Matt...**

**Bad Misa for ruining it for him! Hehehehe...kudos to anyone who can guess what it was exactly to get Matt all upset!**

**So perty please review for me!**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	5. Indigo

**Another long chapter! ^.^**

**I have been a busy, busy bee all weekend at a music festival! I loved it and it gave some fabulous ideas for _'The Boys Of Wammy'_!**

**Also, I wanna thank **Bloody Mello **for giving me an idea to use in this chapter! ^.^**

**So...I really, really like this chapter. Why? Because I'm including more Mello/Matt interaction now. And I like it!**

**Plus, I have a poll up in my profile: _Marry, Kiss, Throw Off A Cliff! Death Note Style!_ ^.^ Seriously, I already have an inkling of which option will win...but that could be biased thinking on my part...hehehehehe...**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 5 - Indigo

_Indigo is the color of the deep midnight sky. It can have a negative effect when used during a depressed state, because it will deepen the mood. Indigo symbolizes a mystical borderland of wisdom, self-mastery and spiritual realization. While blue is the color of communication with others, indigo turns the blue inward, to increase personal thought, profound insights, and instant understandings. While blue can be fast, Indigo is almost instantaneous. Inventors use indigo skills for inspirations that seem to 'come out of the blue'._

Mello had spent the whole night thinking.

Not as Mihael though...as Mello. It had been the first time he had ever done so and felt slightly drained the next morning. He had been considering all sorts of reasons for Matt's early departure--or more accurately, his escape. None of the possible, logical reasons would add up though. It must have been something pretty deep, seeing as Matt looked as if he were about to breakdown.

The blonde though was determined to break through Matt's barriers though, wanting to see what had scared him so much last night. Misa was pretty scary, but not terrifyingly enough to send people running. Or maybe it wasn't Misa herself, but rather Misa's words...or her touch. Mello had no idea what he was going to say when he met up with the red-haired boy, but only hoped that Matt would still want to be around him.

Hopefully, with any luck, Matt would actually come sit with them at lunch. But what were the odds of that happening?

The blonde took out a bar a _Dairy Milk_ and started to unwrap it slowly. Last night was probably the first time he had ever failed at getting laid. Ever. What made the situation worse was the fact that Mello actually cared about Matt's opinions of him. Fuck knows why…maybe it was because Matt was that extra bit prettier or some other fucking reason. He knew that the boy didn't know about his past flings, or his little conquests or the fact that everyone who failed to call him Mihael got dumped like that!

Was that for the best? Should Matt know about those things?

The blonde knew that Matt was far more interesting than any other test subject and Mello knew that there was something about Matt that he had to keep for himself…

Fuck…Mello liked Matt. It had only been a fucking day and yet the gamer was already plaguing his thoughts. He was already wondering what the gamer would think of him and he was already wondering what the others would say about him, if Matt actually passed the test. And shit, Matt had better pass that test!

For once, Mello actually, really wanted someone to pass his test…someone he had actually deemed worthy of it…but what repercussions would that have?

Mello chewed thoughtfully on his bar of chocolate, looking up at the morning sky, hoping to find an answer written in the clouds. There was none. It was inevitable; Matt was going to find out that the blonde was something of slut sooner or later. He had his many 'fans' to probably thank for that. Girls and boys who despised him for what he did to them. The boy that took many precious virginities and not caring how rough or how careless he was with them. Girls and boys who hated him and would do just about anything to hurt him.

If they found out about his little 'fondness' for Matt...then he was screwed...

And not in the good way either.

Seeing the school in the distance, Mello swallowed the last piece of chocolate with a painful wince, throwing the wrapper behind him without a care. He could just hear Mikami's voice, lecturing him on being a litter-bug. Just to spite the voice in his head, Mello took out a few more chocolate wrappers from his pockets and sprinkled them along the pavement as he neared the school entrance. He now knew what it felt like to be blown off by the one you like...and he didn't like the feeling at all.

Would he end up being a pathetic, longing wreck just like Mikami? Was Matt like his Light?

Pfft...God he hoped not.

Slipping through the entrance gates, Mello spied a head of white, fluffy hair and smirked. Near was sat on the steps, playing with a Transformer. He was most likely waiting for L to arrive. Fucked up kid. Mello sauntered up to Near with a cold grin on his face. Trying to be as quiet as he could, he crept up the steps and the edged his way behind Near. Towering over him, he swooped down and plucked the toy out of Near's grip. The boy didn't even flinch.

"Good morning Mello," He murmured, not bothering to look up at the blonde boy behind him.

Mello merely rolled his eyes and sat down beside the albino, toying with robot in his hands. He looked at it thoughtfully and imagined it to be Matt. He ran through various conversations in his mind...all of them turned out to be ridiculous, completely unrealistic and just plain wrong. How could he put it into words..._'Hi Matt, I'm sorry for whatever Misa did to you last night that made you spaz out on us, but hey! We don't mind and I would love for you to come hang out with us more so that I finally get the chance to hop in your pants!'..._yeah, like that won't get him slapped.

"Mello, would you care to tell me what happened yesterday?" Near asked, curling a finger around a lock of hair.

The blonde sighed and narrowed his eyes at the robot in his hands. Obviously L must have informed Near of yesterday's events.

"You already know...so what's the point of telling you again?" He growled slightly.

"Hearing all sides of the matter helps to piece together what really happened. It's basic detective training Mello."

"I know that!"

They fell into silence as Near watched Mello with suspicion in his eyes. Mello was the most intricate puzzle he had ever been faced with. It was also the only one he couldn't solve...yet. The blonde had barriers and walls surrounding him, and whilst it would be hypocritical to say it, Near didn't like it when people hid themselves behind masks.

Opening his mouth to push the topic further, Near raised an eyebrow as Mello suddenly stood up. He tossed the robot back to the albino and sneered.

"If you want to know what happened, then ask Matt."

"Of course, that's what you're going to do now, aren't you? Because Matt is the first one to not fall into your trap straight away. Because Matt is the only one you don't want to let go. Because Matt is hiding behind a facade just like you. You have to figure everything out, and piece it all together...but what if a piece doesn't fit? What if you don't like the finished picture? What then Mello?"

The blonde scowled and spun on his heel, marching towards the entrance doors, not giving the albino another glance. He didn't care what Near had to say, when those questions came up, Mello would deal with them then.

Storming through the hallways, knocking random people aside, Mello felt a burning determination to find Matt and apologize to him and talk to him and break down those damn barriers. It was making him insane. Reaching his locker, Mello untied his key from the string tied around his wrist and unlocked the padlock. As the locker door opened, a pile of envelopes cascaded out and fell down to the floor. All were a mixture of Indigos and whites. The Indigo ones were usually letters of admiration, the white ones were usually threats and filled with hated. Nowadays, the amount of Indigo envelopes was decreasing, whilst the white ones were growing at an alarming rate. Not that it bothered Mello, they all ended up in the same place. The shredder. Empty threats and hollow declarations of love meant nothing to him.

Although...getting a letter from Matt might be nice. Especially if the envelope was Orange.

Indigo was a colour he hated...it was too dark to be called purple...too dull to be called blue...and too light to be called black. It was such a screwed up colour and it made him depressed every time he saw it. Even more so, now that he had to link it with the love letters.

He gathered up the pile and walked over to the nearby bin, watching with joy as each one fluttered down to the bottom. He gave them a little smirk and a wave, before swaggering back to his locker, pulling out his history textbooks. Slinging them into his bag, he was about to shut the locker door when a group of voices made him freeze.

"Hiya! You're the new boy aren't you?"

"Awww...you're so cute!"

"Hey, what's your name?"

"You're so gorgeous...I've never seen hair as red as that before!"

Mello's head snapped away from the locker and turned around at the sound of girls squealing. His eyes widened with horror as he saw Matt pinned against the wall, surrounded and cornered by a groups of girls. Four out of five of those girls had been fucked by Mello...the last girl was already taken and Mello maybe a whore but he was not a home-wrecker. Or relationship-wrecker...whatever.

What was important right now, was Matt's paler than pale face and Matt's clenched shut eyes and Matt's pained expression. Mello could see him shaking like a leaf and cursed as one of the girls reached out touched Matt's hair. Matt flinched at the contact and Mello slammed the locker door shut. The blonde saw red and marched over to the boy who was on the verge of another breakdown. Mello pushed past the girls, ignoring their protests and glared down at them, holding an arm out in front of Matt. The blonde smacked the girls wandering hands away and growled.

"Fuck off, if you know what's good for you. And if you really appreciate your lives, you'll leave Matt alone."

One of the girls, a tall, curly-haired brunette scoffed and narrowed her eyes at Mello.

"This is new...you're actually protecting your toys this time? Poor thing, I bet he doesn't know what he's in for...does he?"

"You clearly don't know what you're in for, if you don't bugger off now!"

The girl merely shrugged and spun on her heel, sauntering away, her heels clacking on the shiny floors. Her friends gave the two boys a mixture of looks, varying from anger to slight fear. Watching the gang of girls disappear from sight, Mello felt a smirk bloom on his face and placed his hands on his hips with a feeling of victory. He jumped slightly as a hand touched his shoulder and he spun around to see Matt, smiling sheepishly. The red-head retracted his hand quickly and held it close to his body. He was minus the gloves again today and Mello could see the little groves in his palms where his nails had dug in.

Gently, so not to startle the red-head, Mello took hold of Matt's hands and turned them upwards, stroking the groves with his thumbs softly. He could still feel Matt shaking and looked up to see Orange goggles peering at him with curiosity. Feeling slightly hot under the gaze, Mello dropped Matt's hands, watching as they swung by his sides.

Feeling an awkward silence come on, Mello opened his mouth to speak, but Matt and his pen beat him to it. Chewing on his lip as he watched Matt scrawl something down, the blonde remembered how he had wanted to talk to the red-head. Now that Matt was here though...all of his confidence had left him and he felt immensely unsure of what to do.

He still wanted to test Matt...He still wanted to sleep with Matt...but for some reason, he also wanted more.

What he just did, save Matt from those girls...he never would have done that for any other test subject.

So why Matt?! What made him so damn special!?

**_Thank you...you really didn't have to do that you know..._**

Gazing down at the message with a small smile, Mello looked up to see Matt fiddling with his PSP. From what he had gathered from the past few days, it seemed that Matt only played with it when he was nervous. He placed a hand onto the screen, causing the red-head to look with a slight hint of wariness in his eyes. It seemed Matt hadn't forgotten yesterday, and didn't really wish to talk about it. Mello decided to push that issue away for now and gave Matt a small smile.

"I really did have to do that you know. Those girls would have torn you apart. Y'see Matt, you are new here, not to mention that fact that you're also somewhat _attractive_. That makes you fresh meat and that also makes you rather...desirable. So yes, your Knight In Shining Armor had to save you, before you were eaten up by the vultures."

Matt flushed and smiled, taking Mello's arm up again and scribbling another sentence down.

**_Attractive? Knight? Eaten up? Have I stepped into the Twilight Zone or something?_**

Mello laughed and felt all the tension from the morning vanish from his muscles. He still had to speak to Matt...but that could wait...couldn't it?

"Come on, you're hot and you know it. And anyway, what are you trying to say? I reckon I make a perfect Knight thank you very much!"

**_Stop your teasing...and if you're a Knight then that makes me your Damsel In Distress and that seriously wounds my male pride!_**

The blonde shook his head and grinned again. Matt had a sense of humor...Matt was cute...Matt seemed to be rather intelligent too.

Was this a dream?

Was this for real?

If this all turned out to be fake then the person who thought up of fucking with his mind this way, was dead!

"But Matt, I just saved your life from dangerous, boy-eating dragons! You can't be thinking of your male pride at a time like this!" He teased, sensing that the more he played along, the more relaxed and open Matt was.

He'd have to remember that for later…

**_I'm ever so sorry, my brave Knight. Whatever can I do, to make it up to you?_**

...Mello could think of a few things.

He shook his head, banishing the vivid pictures from his head and gave Matt a bright smile.

"Why, you can accompany me to my next class. Which incidentally, you share with me."

**_Oh? And where is your noble steed, my brave Knight?_**

"Out in the front waiting for L...come on! Let's go!"

Linking arms with the red-head, Mello pulled him along the hallways, rubbing away the scrawling on his arms. Matt seemed to like writing on others, but never himself. Would it be such a personal question to ask him about it? Probably...instead, Mello thought of a better question.

"Hey, Matt...hypothetically speaking, if we ever have a long, long conversation and somehow you fill up all the space on my arms...where will you write on next?"

Matt chewed on his lip looking thoughtful, and then gestured towards Mello's legs. And then Mello's chest, and then Mello's back.

"But I can't see my back!"

Matt shook his head and took out his pen again.

**_We could use mirrors..._**

"Okay...but what if that's all filled up too?"

**_Are we really going to have a conversation that long?_**

"Hypothetically speaking, remember?"

**_I remember...don't worry...I can think of a couple of places I can write on. ;)_**

Mello's eyes widened and he turned to Matt who was looking away from him with a small blush on his face. The blonde was speechless that Matt had made such a cheeky...cocky...sexy comment. And on his arm no less!

They reached the classroom, Matt still blushing and Mello still gawking at him with surprise. He had assumed that Matt was all innocence and sweetness...maybe he was judging by the blush, but still...

A comment like that...that was...hot. The blush just made it all the more sweeter. They unlinked arms, without a glance or a word to each other and sat down in their respective places. Mello felt an urge bubble up inside him and now he was getting desperate...

Sidou shuffled into the classroom, looking around warily. He took out his register and began to call out the names. Sidou was the only teacher to use the pupil's real names, calling Mello, Mihael and Near, Nate. They weren't the only ones who hated this fact. Mello could sense Matt's discomfort as his real name was called and felt another pang of curiosity.

The blonde sighed and knew that a personal talk was just around the corner. He reached into his bag and pulled out a notebook, tearing a corner off and scribbling a message on it. Once he had finished he leant back and stretched his arm towards Matt, poking the desk. The blonde couldn't help the smile when he felt the boy take the note of him and the smile only grew when he felt the note nudge back into his hands.

_Do you want to come hang out with us at lunch?_

**_Will that scary girl be there?_**

Fuck...he had forgotten about Misa. Chewing his lip, he thought over his answer before giving the note back.

_Yeah...but she won't be a bother. I promise, I won't let her touch you or say something to you, if it upsets you._

The 'again' hung in the air and although Mello hadn't written it, they both knew he was thinking it. It took Matt longer to reply this time and Mello began to shift uncomfortably in his chair. Sidou had just introduced their new topic for the term...'Medieval Times'.

How...coincidental.

**_Alright. If my brave Knight will be there, then surely I must be safe. Right?_**

_Of course...I'll always protect you, my dear Damsel._

Mello knew that Matt only thought he was teasing him...but Mello was being truthful.

He would protect Matt...against any people trying to hurt him, take him away from him...fuck, he'd kill someone if they even looked at Matt in the wrong way.

However, if this is how he felt before the test was carried out...then how would he feel for Matt if he failed that test? Or did the test really need to be carried out?

...yes. Of fucking course! Just because Matt was pretty and innocent and easy to get along with didn't make him any different than any other fucking person.

Then again, he had to admit it. Matt was different.

They clicked, Mello saw this. Matt was not into girls, so he there was the slim chance that he was into boys, the blonde could sense it in the way he reacted to girls. So what was stopping him from just taking Matt then and there?

...Mihael.

That's what was stopping him.

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**That last sentence did my head in. I kept saying it over and over and it felt so weird to say...eurgghh...**

**Anyway! Getting more cute fluffiness mixed in with the undertones of angst! ^.^**

**So perty, please review! They do help me with this story and my self-esteem. ^///^**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	6. Gray

**^.^ Another chapter up and running! Plus, I am amazed at the kind of reviews people are giving me! They are...beautiful...really! ^///^**

**So...here is another basic-filler-chapter-thingy where Mihael has his time to shine in his doom and gloom bedroom. Hehehehe...**

**_Olivia-Newton-John - Have You Never Been Mellow? _is the name of Mello's ringtone in this. Yesterday, I was skimming through some songs and I found two perfect songs that would suit Matt and Mello's ringtones wonderfully. Matt's ringtone was used in 'The Boys Of Wammy' and I decided to use Mello's ringtone here. Even though I'm pretty sure Mello would rather shoot Olivia than listen to one of her songs...**

**Hehehehehe...**

**On another note, it seems that my favourite option on my poll is winning! Although, I am slightly saddened by the fact that two people decided to throw MATT of all people off a cliff...seriously, why would you do that? It's MATT!**

**...hehehe...fangirl moment over...**

**ENJOY!**

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Chapter 6 - Gray

_Gray is the color of sorrow. People who favor gray can be the lone wolf type or narrow-minded. Gray with more silver in it can be a very active color. Native Americans associate gray with friendship. Gray is the symbol for security, maturity and dependability. It connotes responsibility and conservative practicality. Gray can assist in improving relationships toward more stability. Gray clothing suggests efficiency and is often used for this in the business world. Gray can also suggest lack of imagination. Gray will emphasize neutrality. Too much gray, or the wrong shades will suggest lack of character, initiative and detachment._

Mihael couldn't believe it.

Today at lunch went--actually, really well.

Matt came along holding his PSP, biting his lip and averting his eyes. Clearly looking as if he wanted to be somewhere else, and judging by the quick glances he kept giving the door, Mello could see that he was this close from being somewhere else. Clicking his tongue, he reached out and gently pulled Matt down into the seat next to him. The table was unusually quiet and Misa looked as if she was about to burst into tears. She was gazing at Matt with an almost mournful glimmer in her eyes, clinging onto Light with her bottom lip wobbling. Misa had an incredible guilty conscience when it came to upsetting people she didn't intend to upset. That wasn't to say that she would get upset over hurting a person she wanted to upset--she just wasn't that kind of person.

Mello mentally counted down from five, his knowledge of how predictable Misa was giving him a slight warm feeling of satisfaction. As soon as the one entered his mind, Misa dissolved into messy sobs. She threw her arms down to the table, her eyes wide and her cheeks streaked with mascara rivers. Her voice trembled and she had to swallow a few times before she could get her point across. She began apologizing over and over again for her 'totally humiliating stunt last night' and that she was 'so, utterly sorry for being, like, stupid and stuff'. Mello noticed how Misa was starting to reach for Matt's arms and discretely pulled the boy back, not wanting a repeat of yesterday.

His action gained the gamer's attention as he peered up from beneath his fringe, gazing at Misa with an unreadable look. He blinked at her and tilted his head, regarding her pitiful appearance. He took in her vibrating bottom lip, her stained cheeks and her red-rimmed eyes. The girl held her breath and then gave him a winning grin as he smiled at her and pocketed his PSP. Somehow, as soon as Misa smiled, her flawless features had returned and left Matt feeling quite stunned as to how she did that.

Nonetheless, he took out his pen and gave them a warm smile. Misa was the first to chat to him, carrying on her personal questionnaire from last night. Her questions ranged from favorite food (take-out, the boy ate take-out every night. Mello did a double take on Matt's skinny figure and placed it down to the same disease that L had) to dream career (Matt had fun with this one, saying that it was his dream ambition to hack into every single intelligence agency in the world. Mello wondered if it had something to do with World Domination, then thought it wise not to ask).

Over lunch, it was discovered that Matt was quite intelligent and witty once you got to know him. He didn't shy away from them, even when a personal question had been asked. The only question he had avoided was a question concerning his parents. Mello eyed him from the corner of his eye when he realised that Matt was having trouble explaining that minor detail. Sensing Matt's discomfort, L smoothly asked another question, regarding the languages he could speak. It was clear that Matt was from Spain originally, as he and L began communicating fluently in Spanish. Mello couldn't help but feel rather warm when he noticed how easily Matt fitted in amongst his friends.

When the bell went, five of them left the table with Matt's scribbles up and down their arms. Light enjoyed having someone 'normal' to talk to, and took advantage of the fact that everything he said, Matt promised to keep quiet. L was horrified to learn that Matt hated sweet things, but decided to let it go once the red-head gave him his desserts. Misa was still wary of him, and would keep giving him sheepish looks now and again. Mikami lectured him on every rule in the book where the school was concerned and Near remained silent throughout it all. Near. He couldn't even look up from his stupid toys to even say 'hello'!

Mihael growled as he remembered Matt's confusion over why the albino was so cold to him. Mello had thoroughly enjoyed ranting about how Near was always like that and how nothing could change that fact. Matt had watched with wide-eyed amusement, blinking every so often whenever Mello turned for his opinion. Matt's opinion, however, was no where near the same as Mello's was. In fact, Matt didn't seem to mind the freak, as long as Near didn't patronize him in the same he (apparently) did to Mello. It took all of his self-restraint to prevent himself lashing out after that. Matt should not like Near. Matt should despise Near. How could he even contemplate being nice to the freak!?

Mello just didn't understand. Oh sure, he knew why L liked Near and he knew why Light and Misa and Mikami liked Near. What he couldn't understand was why Matt liked him. Mello hated Near with a passion; he knew that from the first time he received a 'B' and Near an 'A'. Due to the intensity of his feelings, Mihael then ended up loathing Near with every passionate feeling he could muster.

Thought, it hadn't always been like that. Mihael had wanted to be Near's friend, because Mihael could see past that cold facade. However, Near hurt Mello one too many times and so his mind was made up. No one who hurt Mello that much could even be considered as friend-material. The desperation to be Near's friend was all in the past now and as time went on, Mihael couldn't help but despise the very white thing that made Mello's life at school somewhat miserable.

Furthermore, Near was starting to see through him; through Mello. With his cold, calculating glance and his blank demeanor, Mihael could feel his very soul being examined. Near was starting to see Mihael and it wasn't fair! Mello didn't want Near to see through him, Mihael didn't want Near to see through him. No matter what mask they placed up, Near seemed to burn past the wall with his laser-like glances. Neither wanted to be seen by the albino; rather, they wanted to be seen by Matt. The boy who fit in with their friends, the boy who had secrets of his own.

However, it made Mihael slightly uneasy as he knew what would happen if Matt failed Mello's stupid test. He couldn't understand why Mello didn't want Matt to remain a friend, why he had to first sleep with him, just in case; Matt would make a perfect best friend. Friends didn't get tested on. Friends were allowed to hang around with Mello. Friends weren't used, abused and then left confused! Unlike everyone else. Everyone else who lusted after him for looks and money and reputation. Friends were friends because they liked the person they were with. Matt liked him. Mello liked Matt.

_Mihael_ genuinely liked Matt. He, who didn't liked anyone but Mello; he liked Matt. However, he hated how Mello lusted after him and wanted him for one thing only. Mihael's skin crawled at the thoughts that ran through Mello's mind. The flashes of mental images that blinkered every now and again. Matt tied up; Matt begging; Matt covered in chocolate. The situation was worsened when Mihael realised that Matt seemed to respond to Mello's flirtations. His little innuendo-filled message was still scrawled on his arm, and Mello spent the rest of the day trying to understand what Matt meant. Reading in between the lines as they call it. Mihael couldn't comprehend why Matt would choose to write those letters, those words, that winking, cheeky face.

Did Matt want him too? Or was Matt just fooling around, playing games and whatnot?

Well, if he was, then Mihael couldn't blame him. Matt didn't know him and with any luck, Matt will never know him. They've only been friends for a day. This wasn't Romeo and Juliet, he wasn't Leonardo and Matt sure as hell wasn't Claire. Love as first sight didn't happen in real life, and if it did then such romances didn't last long. Only the very shallow fell in love with a person at first sight. They'd have to be shallow; no deep, sensitive person could fall in love on look alone. To fall in love you have to know the person. Well, either way, it didn't matter. Mello didn't believe in love and Matt sure as hell wasn't looking for it.

Besides, what did Mihael have to offer?

Huge amounts of money? More money than he cared to have? Whatever, Matt wasn't a gold-digger, Mello could see that. A huge, big empty house? Please, what was the point of having such a big house, if only one person lived there? What was the point of having such large rooms, when nothing was there to fill it? What was the point of having a double bed, if only half of it was used?

_Matt could fill the other half..._

Mihael shot straight up into a sitting position, clutching at his hair. He scrunched his eyes shut and he cursed his other half sharply. How dare Mello's thoughts leak into his mind! He didn't want Matt like that; he respected Matt as a friend! He didn't want to lose the red-head because of some stupid test. Some stupid test that his stupid other half wanted to stupidly carry out. However, no matter how much he tried to ignore such thoughts, the question always came back to the front of his mind.

What if Matt passed said test?

Near's voice came echoing back to him: _'What if a piece doesn't fit? What if you don't like the finished picture? What then Mello?"_

Would Matt open up to him and show Mihael who 'Mail' was? What if he didn't like Mail? What if neither he nor Mello liked Mail. What would happen next?

Or, what if Matt saw Mihael, but didn't like him. What if he only wanted Mello 24/7. That would been that he wouldn't have passed, right? If Orange could see through the Black and white and saw Purple, would Orange like what he saw? After all, Orange did clash with Purple and it went with Yellow perfectly.

What did Mihael have to offer him, anyway?

The blonde looked around his room and gave a sad sigh. It was fully furnished with a large, white wardrobe, with matching dressers and shelves and tables. The walls were painted ebony and the carpet was silver. The curtains hung loosely over the big window over-looking the back garden. It was dark outside, and the moonlight did nothing to lighten up his room. There was his TV, his laptop, his guitar; everything was so materialistic. No pictures, no photographs, nothing that held warmth and love. Everything was dead and cold. The only evidence of life being inside his room were the many chocolate wrappers littering the shelves and floor.

It was lonely.

Mihael hung his head and gazed at the carpet; it didn't look silver that much, rather it was a dank Gray. His vision blurred slightly as he continued to stare at the lifeless colour. Funny, his life was in a Gray area; nothing stood out, everything blended in. It was like a large, Gray canvas, with nothing but little flecks of white and Black decorating it. There was no Yellow, no Purple, no colour whatsoever.

Well, apart from that Orange splodge in the corner. That single Orange blotch brightened up the whole piece, turning that depressing portrait into something worth seeing, worth noticing.

Would Matt bring the warmth to his cold room, if he ever came into his room?

No: because Matt will never enter his room; because Matt won't even enter his house.

He cared for the red-haired boy a lot. Mihael refused to let Mello harm and hurt Matt, like so many others before him. He could see it in those Orange guards; a boy who has been hurt badly, harshly, repeatedly. If he allowed Mello to carry out the disgusting test on Matt, then it will only end in tears; all of their tears.

Closing his eyes, Mihael ran through the many faces Mello had hurt due to his tests. So many pretty girls and handsome boys. All of them were the same: dull, boring, fake. Plastered in make-up, diet-junkies, rippling with muscles. Then there was Matt. Genuine, likable Matt. He didn't wear make-up, he didn't seem to be on a diet and he didn't have a single muscle on his body. Matt was pale, skinny and practically made of bones, and yet he was so beautiful and Mello wanted him and Mello was going to end up hurting him in ways Matt should never be hurt...

And then came the image of Matt's crying face and Mihael flinched. More flashes of pain and heartbreak: Matt screaming; Matt begging; Matt breaking. No, he had firmly decided that Matt was not getting hurt because of a stupid test. Matt was going to be a great friend and Mello would accept that!

Mihael would never forgive himself if Matt ended up winning or losing that test. If he won, the he would be sorely disappointed and hurt because of who Mihael is and what Mello does. Namely because, if Mello did carry out the test, then the first thing Mihael was going to do was inform Matt about the tests. If he lost, then it was obvious how he was going to get hurt. People who sleep with Mello always get hurt. Emotionally and mentally. Physically too; Mello was too rough and careless with his test subjects and the red and white stains on the sheets always made Mihael gag and choke.

Mihael fell back onto his bed with a sigh. His head hurt and his muscles burned, he had never felt so tired before. He rubbed his aching eyes and stretched out his numbing limbs. The blonde tried to fall asleep, but the vibrating sound of his phone and a familiar ring tone prevented him from doing so:

_Have you never been mellow?_

_Have you never tried,_

_To find comfort from inside you?_

_Have you never been happy,_

_Just to hear your song?_

_Have you never let someone else,_

_Be strong?_

He despised that ring tone. It was Misa's doing and he no idea how to switch it back to the default music. The ring tone suited him apparently, but it was wrong, wrong, wrong with its message. It was asking people to try being mellow; to try being Mello. Mello was fake and cruel and practically resembled a whore. No one should try being Mello; if anything, they should try being Mihael. His life was much simpler. Pfft! Yeah, whatever.

The blonde leant over his bed and searched through his bag on the floor. His hand brushed against something hard and small, picking it up and eyeing it with distaste.

**One Missed Call - Misa-Misa**

Mihael rolled his eyes again and tossed the phone to the floor. Whatever Misa wanted can wait; she's the one who made his life what it is was really, and he hated her for it.

She gave him his nickname.

She placed a ridiculous ring tone on his phone.

She nudged him into sleeping around.

She scared Matt away.

Then again, Mihael didn't exactly stop her. He didn't exactly prevent the shit from happening, he just rolled with it. He allowed the nickname, and that caused Mihael to melt away into the darkness, he kept the ring tone without asking anyone to change it, he slept with those people voluntarily and he--he was the one that would end up scaring Matt away the most.

Inwardly wincing at the thought, Mihael stretched out along his bed and sighed. It was ridiculous. His thoughts were giving him a headache. Rubbing his temples wearily, he sighed with defeat. There was no way that he was going to sleep tonight. Mello's ponderings and his thoughts were mingling together, creating a whirlwind of a migraine. Swallowing hard, Mihael allowed those thoughts to run free.

Matt might not even run away. He might stay; the operative word being 'might'.

Mihael gazed up at his ceiling with a frown, expecting the answer to all of his troubles to be written up there. The glow-in-the-dark stars faintly brightened up his dark room, shining down softly. Mihael had arranged them in such a way, that they resembled the constellation for Sagittarius. At first, he thought it was quite a clever thing to do...now they looked tacky.

He glared at the little stars and rolled over onto his stomach. Maybe if he bought some more and arranged them into a different pattern. A different constellation.

Aquarius maybe?

* * *

**If you don't understand the last bit, then let me clarify. Sagittarius is Mello's star sign and Matt's is Aquarius.**

**Also, some people want to know where I got my colour definitions from. It's from this site: **crystal - cure . com **just take the spaces out and your there! They have a lot of spiritual stuff on there and some of it is scarily accurate!**

**Anyways...perty, please review! It would be so, totally awesome if you did!**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	7. Brown

**Squeeeeee! I'm so happy by how popular this story is already! ^.^**

**I'm also pleased by how nice you all are too! Your reviews are simply stunning!**

**So, concerning my poll...a LOT of people have thrown Near off a cliff, three people threw Mello and two people have thrown Matt. Naturally, I have decided to stand under said cliff to catch Matt whenever someone decides to throw him...ditto with Mello. I'll just get Near a trampoline! ^.^**

**Anyways...we're back to Mello, and this chapter includes a plot twist, some blood, a tennis ball and a Mello/Matt moment! ^.^**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 7 - Brown

_People who prefer brown are often conventional and orderly. The negative meaning of brown can be a repressed personality or a lazy person. Brown is the color of the earth and is associated with the material side of life. Brown gives a feeling of solidity, and allows one to stay in the background, unnoticed. Some shades of brown create a warm, comfortable feeling of wholesomeness, naturalness and dependability. Wear brown clothing if you want to show no direction or attitude in particular. Brown is a disguise that can be used to effectively hide your true nature. Warm browns can be worn to exhibit a 'down to earth' feeling._

Misa wasn't very happy that Mello missed her call.

She told him so at the beginning of school, on the way to first period and on the way to second. It was now Sports and despite the fact that girls were supposed to be running on the track, Misa had wandered over to the tennis courts to pester him about it. Sports was one of the few things that Mello both loved and hated about school. He loved being outside, in the fresh outdoors, surrounded by noisy kids. He hated it because everyone in the school had it at the same time. Now, when you had tennis champions L and Light in your class, there was really no point in joining in...they could make you feel...inadequate.

Instead Mello would sit against the fence, watching them battle it out. He always figured it was their own way of getting the sexual tension out of their bodies. They were vicious on the pitch, but the blonde figured it was better than them throwing punches at each whilst knee-deep in denial.

"Mello! It's important! You have to listen to Misa-Misa now!"

Rubbing his temples and sighing, Mello heaved himself up and turned to face Misa through the fence, a forced smile on his face.

"What!? What is it now Misa?" He bit out.

The blonde girl gave him a blinding grin and a wink. She looked extremely proud of herself and Mello dreaded to find out why.

"I wanted to know if you were inviting your little test-boy to your Birthday/Christmas Party?"

Misa appeared to look completely innocent, but the way she said 'test-boy' screamed otherwise. Matt been quite distant to her, compared to the others. One could say he was being downright cold. Because of this, Misa was quite miffed and refused to call Matt by his name. It made things hard for Mello; he didn't want Matt to overhear the girl calling him such things. That would only lead to questions, which will lead to answers, which will end up with him getting slapped. Most likely.

He peered over his shoulder and spotted Matt playing on his PSP, sitting on the ground next to Near. Mello felt a bubble of ugly envy rise up within him as Near leant over Matt's shoulder to watch him play. The blonde gritted his teeth and reluctantly turned his attention back to Misa.

"Of course I'm inviting _Matt_ to my party! Why wouldn't I?" He spat.

Misa looked uncomfortable and scratched her arm nervously. Mello kept his cold mask up, but inside he was shocked to the core. He had forgotten all about his party. Mello always had one at his house on the 18th of December...the date was chosen for the very fact that it was directly between his birthday and Christmas. It had completely slipped his mind the very second Matt entered his life...

"Well...I just wondered if you were going to use it as a way to get test-boy into bed...that's all..." Misa mumbled.

Mello knew that it wasn't all. The girl had an ulterior motive and he could just see her coy little mind working over time. The girl didn't like being ignored, the girl didn't like people not liking her and above all...she hated it when people were cold to her.

If she hurt Matt in any way, shape or form...Mello would ki--

"Mello! Are you coming to play or not?"

Snapping out of his murderous thoughts, the boy spun on his heel and saw Light waving a racket at him. Letting loose a deep sigh, he gave Misa a warning look before trudging towards tennis court. It appeared that L had won that round, judging by Matt and Mikami's applause. Mello smirked at the sight and his eyes glittered with mirth as he approached Light. The handsome boy hated losing, especially if the one he was losing to was L.

"Having an off day are we?" Mello asked casually.

"Shut up Mello...I'm not in the mood for your attitude!"

Mello rolled his eyes at the sore loser and stifled an oncoming laugh.

"C'mon, live up to your name and 'lighten' up..."

"Oh yes, that's really witty because I have _never _heard that one before blondie!"

Mello ceased his laughter and narrowed his eyes at the worst nickname he had ever been given. 'Blondie'...because that was the most original nickname he's ever heard. Picking up a racket and bouncing a ball up and down on the ground, Mello got into position. He wasn't bad at tennis...just not L or Light standard...

If he concentrated enough though, he could sometimes pull off a good game.

"Serve it up blondie!"

Gritting his teeth and driving away any malice-filled thoughts, Mello threw the ball into the air and smacked it over the side. Light immediately hit it back and a slow but steady rally began. However, Light could tell that Mello was miles away from the game, by how slow he was moving. Granted he hadn't missed a ball yet...but he could see it in Mello's blue eyes that he was lost in thought. Because he was such a nice guy...he decided to take it easy and held back some of his skill. Hopefully Mello would return to reality before the game got too easy and too boring.

Mello's thoughts were lingering on what Misa had said. He did plan to invite Matt to his Birthday/Christmas Party...but that would mean inviting Matt over to his house...and that would mean one very unhappy Mihael. Quickly back-handing the ball back over the net, Mello's thoughts began to centre on the party itself. He knew who he was inviting...his entire friends naturally, but also some other people. People who were connected with his father...people who he had to be nice to in order for those contacts to remain as such. It was horrible how he had to act around them...he didn't want Matt to see him like that...

A fake...

An act...

A façade...

_A liar..._

He winced at the last thought and missed the ball completely. Light looked slightly victorious and went to get another ball from the bucket. Twirling the racket around in his hand, Mello thought about how Mihael would react to Matt being invited to his party. He would be upset...very upset...and judging from last night he'd be kinda pissed too.

Even worse...he might blow Mello's secret.

That couldn't happen...but he couldn't snub Matt off like that either. It wouldn't be fair...or particularly nice.

Then again, when was he ever nice?

Returning with a new ball, Light bounced it a couple of times before throwing it up and smashing it down over the net. Reacting quicker than he thought necessary, Mello rushed over and flicked it back over the net. Smirking, Light backed up a bit to hit it back...Mello was still distracted by whatever was on his mind. The caramel-haired boy had an inkling that it had something to do with the certain gamer sitting over by the fence.

Of course, the gamer was on Mello's mind, because for some reason...Mello couldn't stop thinking about him. He wanted him...lusted for him...needed him. Matt had to be tested A.S.A.P! The party would be a perfect opportunity to get into bed with him, but the blonde was slightly wary of that idea. Misa had something planned and he didn't want Matt to get hurt by some psycho lady. Clearly, in order for his precious Damsel to be protected...Mello would have to act as the brave Knight and keep said Damsel with him all night...and maybe until morning too.

Hitting the ball back over, Mello's lips curled up into a grin, briefly picturing Matt first thing in the morning...lips all pouty, hair all frazzled and messed up...and his eyes would be uncovered by Orange and he would finally get to see what colour they were and how beautiful they truly are.

Caught up in his thoughts he didn't see the tennis ball, zooming straight for his face...

"MELLO!"

...

Pain...pain, pain, pain, pain...hurtful, nasty, sickening **pain**!

The tennis ball had hit him directly on the nose and the agony blossomed and blood erupted from the hard impact. Dropping the racket, Mello clutched at his face and let loose a stream of expletives...most of them were aimed at the worried looking boy rushing towards him now.

"Shit...I am so sorry Mello! Why weren't you paying attention? Were you that lost in 'certain' thoughts?" Light asked, sounding more smug than apologetic.

Glaring coldly at the caramel-haired boy, Mello felt a pair of hands pull his own away from his face. L blinked at the sight of Mello's abused face and tilted his head to the side, nibbling his thumb a little.

"It appears that you'll need a nurse Mello," He commented.

Light scoffed and swung his arm to rest his racket on his shoulder, giving L a scathing look.

"Really L? And what gave you that idea?" He asked sarcastically.

"The blood was the most obvious clue...that and the nauseating crunch we heard when you hit him in the face with the ball."

"It was an accident!"

"There's a 12% chance that it wasn't an accident at all...you certainly didn't sound apologetic afterwards."

"What? Are you kidding me? I said sorry...it was his fault for not paying attention!"

"37%"

"L!"

Not wanting to listen to the married couple's argument any longer, Mello shuffled from in between them and headed over to the gate. The blood dripped onto the astro-turf and he eyed it with disgust. He had always hated the sight of blood...apparently it was supposed to be a bright red, but on the dirty, sandy ground it appeared Brown. Brown blood...he guessed he wasn't normal after all, if he had funny coloured blood.

He approached the gate and gazed at it blankly. Mello didn't want to remove his hands from his face, but he also needed the nurse too. He felt a bit helpless and looked at the gate with an almost mournful look. The blonde was about to turn around and scream out for some help, when a gloved hand reached out from behind him and opened the gate up for him.

God...he'd recognize that fresh, clean scent anywhere.

"Hey, Ma'...than' you for hel'in' me..."

He sounded ridiculous. He sounded utterly and totally un-sexy and ridiculous. No one could pull off a bloody nose...it was hopeless.

The red-head shrugged and gave him a soft smile, placing an arm around Mello's shoulders and pulling him along towards the changing rooms. The blonde held his breathe at the close proximity and felt himself saunter along as Matt walked beside him. The red-head was looking at him with concern and sympathy. No pity was found in his eyes. Not a trace. Mello found himself subconsciously leaning into the gamer's warm body and a small, lazy smile grew on his lips. Fuck the boy was warm...

Matt tilted his head to the side and felt a small blush rise up in his cheeks. He spied a small trail of blood falling down Mello's chin and he used his sleeve to wipe it up gently. Realizing what Matt was doing, Mello's eyes widened and he looked up to see a pair of Orange-tinted eyes looking down at him with such intensity...it made Yellow feel quite small.

...and yet...

Yellow felt bigger than ever too.

When they reached the changing rooms, they remained quiet...or Mello remained quiet. Matt didn't bother to take out his pen and he was clearly too embarrassed to even look at the blonde, let alone write on his arm. The blonde slumped down onto a nearby bench and watched in silence as Matt gathered some paper towels from the dispenser. Kneeling down in front of the blonde, Matt gently took away Mello's hands and his eyes widened as he saw the mess of the blonde's delicate nose.

He mopped the blood up a bit, using a couple of towels, wiping Mello's face softly and slowly. Neither of them could break the trance that was growing between them. Their eyes were locked onto each other...barely blinking...rarely showing anything other than concern and pain.

After cleaning the blood up, Matt crumpled up the paper towel and tossed the ball behind him. Directly into the bin.

Lucky shot.

Mello felt his face heat up as Matt continued to gaze at him. Swallowing hard, Mello tore away from Matt's eyes and gingerly picked up a paper towel next to him. His cupped it over his nose and began to lean his head back, only to have Matt's hands shoot out and grasp the back of his head. Mello froze and leaned forward, watching as Matt fumbled around his pocket for his pen.

He wrote down on Mello's free arm and pocketed the pen, looking up with earnest.

**_Don't tilt your head back...it's dangerous...pinch your nose instead, unless it's broken..._**

Mello swallowed hard as he realized that one of Matt's hands was still tangled within his hair. It felt nice...really nice...

Pinching his nose slightly, Mello winced at the pain, but felt slightly relieved that it was still intact. Maybe Light didn't need to suffer such a painful death after all.

The blonde returned his attention the gamer in front of him. Funny...Mello swore Matt hadn't been _that _close to him before. It was then Mello realized that it wasn't Matt who was getting closer; rather he was getting close to Matt. He slowly leaned further towards the red-head and a giddy feeling of relief washed over him as he saw that Matt wasn't moving or backing away. He was just kneeling there, still gazing at Mello with an unreadable look.

Their faces were mere inches away; Mello removed the towel from his nose and let his gaze slip to Matt's quivering lips. The gamer blushed heavily...he wanted to move away but for some reason, he was cemented to the ground, hypnotized by Mello's close proximity.

Mello swore he could count every...single...eyelash, from where he was, and even though blood was still dribbling down his face...the temptation was getting far too much and far too hard to resist. He could hear Mihael screaming at him, begging him to stop...but he was past caring. He needed Matt and he needed Matt now!

Just...a...little...bit...closer...and--

_Brrrriiiinggggg!_

...

The shrill, sharp ring brought both boys back to reality with a harsh bump. Mello quickly brought the tissue back to his aching nose. The pain was starting to numb up now, he could hardly notice it...or was that due to the fact that he had been 'distracted'?

Matt jumped up almost immediately and gave Mello a frantic look. His eyes were glittering with something Mello recognized, and his entire body was shaking once more. Mello reached out to comfort him, but Matt stepped back, as if Mello's hand had been fire. The gamer snapped his head up to sound of boys nearing the changing rooms and he gave Mello one last look, before stumbling away from the blonde, his face flushed and his fists clenched tightly.

As the boys began to enter the room, Mello ignored everyone's questions and tried to find Matt within the group, but to no avail. He couldn't find the gamer anywhere and a cold, heavy feeling of rejection dropped into his stomach. This was twice he had been denied Matt...twice. Normally Mello would be pissed...and he was. Slightly. The blonde's anger however, was swallowed up in the distraught emotions washing over him. Mihael was screaming at how idiotic and foolish he had been, but Mello wasn't focused on that.

Mello remembered how Matt's soft touch felt...

Mello remembered how gentle Matt had been and how close he had gotten…

Mello remembered how Matt had looked after the bell had gone and the look in his eyes as he stared at Mello.

It was a look of horror.

* * *

**YAY! A little moment between our boys, interrupted by the cliché bell!**

**All is good! Hehehehehehe...also, I have finally written out Matt's background, and I am proud of it! It explains everything perfectly!**

**On a side note...I LOVE making L and Light argue...they are too cute for words! ^.^**

**So...perty, please review! They are amazing reviews and I appreciate every single one of them!**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	8. Amber

**Another long chapter...hehehe...it's becoming a habit now! ^.^**

**I am so flattered by the lovely, awesome reviews I've been getting and ZOMG! I have over 100...already...and this is what? The 8th chapter...wow, it took _'The Boys Of Wammy'_, ELEVEN whole chapters before I reached 100 there!**

**As per-ususal, I will write down all your lovely names at the end and smother you with love. Of the glittered kind. 'Cause it's awesome! ^.^**

**Anyways, poll update: Matt and Mello have been thrown off the cliff three times each...I caught them each time! ^.^ Near was thrown off the cliff 48 times...poor thing...**

**SO! We have another chapter...with some Mello/Matt and Light/L interactions here!**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 8 - Amber

_Amber is a energized colour linked to love, healing, protection, power and luck. The colour can bring a care free, sunny disposition. It also promotes good luck, success and is used to dissolve oppositions. In ancient times, amber was carried by travellers for protection. Amber signified the presence of the Lord to Christians. Amber is the symbol of courage. Asian cultures regard amber as the 'soul of the tiger'. Egyptians placed a piece of amber in the casket of a loved one to ensure the body would forever remain whole._

For the past couple of days Mello had been frustrated.

Matt had been avoiding him like the plague and the longer he was away from the red-head, the more desperate he was becoming. He knew that they had a moment in the changing rooms; he knew that they had connected...that they would have kissed if it hadn't been for that damn bell! He could remember the look of horror in Matt's eyes at the sight was beginning to haunt him. Mello couldn't shake the image from his mind, especially whenever his thoughts strayed to the gamer.

Which happened a lot.

If Mello were L, and worked things out into percentages, he was sure that almost 95% of his time was dedicated to thinking about the red-head. 3% of his thoughts were about his friends and 2% went to his class work. Unfortunately, that 3% ended up being added to the 95% as Matt was counted as one of his friends...or he hoped he did. If the gamer still wanted his friendship and that 2%? Well that was pretty much fucked too...Matt was in all of his classes and sat next to or near him in all of them. So really, technically...he spent 100% of his time thinking about the red-head.

Well...that didn't scream clingy or needy at all...

The gamer had become an important part of his life...and he's only known him for a week! That was...that was fucking ridiculous.

...although, Romeo and Juliet only knew each other for a day before they went and got hitched...

_Yeah...and look at what happened to them..._Mihael's cold voice crept into his mind and Mello winced.

Mihael was especially pissed off. He couldn't believe how stupid Mello had been, leaning into Matt with a bloody nose, lips puckering up, eyes drilling holes into Matt's head. The blonde liked Matt...he liked Matt a lot. He could feel the connection, the little electric spark that flew between them, but Mello didn't have to fucking react to it! He had spent the past few nights glaring at himself in the mirror, not liking what he saw, not believing that he...Mello...Mihael...had scared Matt.

...was it Mello who had scared Matt? Or was it Mihael?

No...it was definitely Mello, he was the one in control, he was the one that the public was meant to see. Mihael had been locked up in his mind, watching with shocked eyes as Mello screwed up what could have been a very beautiful...friendship...? Relationship? No! Friendship! Mihael swore that Matt was a friend and would become nothing more than that. The gamer didn't deserve such pain to be inflicted on him. It just wasn't fair...

Mello could hear Mihael's sneer in his head whenever he caught a glimpse of the shimmery, coppery hair. He could hear the cold words that swirled around in his mind and he could feel the vice-like grip around his throat as Mihael threatened to kill him...them...him, if Matt ever got hurt again.

The blonde boy felt like killing something...he had never felt this fucking needy for anyone. Matt had to be tested! No matter what Mihael said, the gamer needed to be tested...Mello needed him to past that test, to see Mihael, to accept Mihael and...love Mihael?

Love Mihael. That was an odd sentence. Love. Mihael. Not love Mello, love Mihael. Mello didn't do love…in fact he scorned the very topic of love…but Mihael? He never had any experience with it, so how would he react to such a thing?

Orange clashed with Purple, but did that mean it couldn't love it as well? Orange blended in with Yellow and went with Yellow so perfectly. Did that mean Yellow was destined for Orange, not Purple?

"Mihael Keehl! Pay attention!"

Jumping out of his thoughts, the blonde looked up to see Ms. Wedy glaring at him with annoyance. She was the English teacher and took no shit from anyone. She wasn't a half-bad teacher; she just needed to work on her 'being nice' skills. Flushing as he realized that half the class was now staring at him, Mello gave them an icy look and lifted the poetry book to cover his scowling face. He hated them, hated them all!

Heh...they might call him Mihael...but they most certainly didn't see Mihael! The fuckers...

What right did they have to just stare at him like that? He was no freak show, he wasn't their entertainment, he wasn't thei--

A folded up piece of paper, jabbing at his head brought him out of his malicious trance. He peered over the book and saw that the class had returned their attentions to Ms. Wedy as she wrote out their homework on the board. Feeling that it was safe to do so, Mello twisted around in his chair and was met with Matt's unreadable gaze. Funny...in this light his goggles appeared more...Amber rather than Orange. That was unnerving. The blonde looked at the stretched out arm and saw that in his hands was a note. Without breaking eye-contact, Mello reached over and pulled the note from the gamer's grip. Swallowing hard, he turned around again and unfolded it discreetly under the table.

**_I'm sorry._**

...sorry? Sorry for what? Did Matt know what he was doing, know that he was constantly on the blonde's mind, that he was the reason he had just been told off? Mihael screamed at him from within, shouting that this wasn't Matt's fault at all...it was his and Mello himself should take the blame and all of the blame only!

_For what? You didn't do anything...did you?_

**_I ignored you...that was completely childish of me, and I shouldn't have just ran like that. I just...I can't...that moment in the changing rooms; it brought up some unwanted stuff from years ago. That's all..._**

_No that's not all, and you had every right to ignore me. I was being selfish and stupid. I was practically forcing myself on you!_

**_No...no, you weren't. Trust me, I know when someone is forcing themselves on me...and you weren't. I promise you that._**

His words created a fierce bubble of anger and determination to grow in Mello's stomach. Someone had clearly hurt Matt. That someone needed to die and painfully too!

_Who!?_

**_...who what?_**

_Don't play innocent with me Matt! I know you're hiding something, so tell me! Who forced themselves on you?!_

**_I'm not playing innocent! And you have NO right to talk about hiding something MIHAEL!_**

His eyes widened with panic...did this mean Matt saw him? No...it wasn't possible. Matt knew his real name, just like he knew Near's real name. Every teacher, bar Ryuk, would call the pupils by their real names. Of course Matt would pick up on this...but wait...that was hypocritical of the gamer. He had a real name, he had a hidden past, Mello wasn't the only one at fault here!

Ignoring Mihael's screams and protests in his mind, Mello threw back his response.

_Well then, that makes us even then, doesn't it Mail Jeevas from Spain!?_

He heard the small, quick intake of air from behind him. Mello had hit a nerve and he knew it...fuck, he was such a bastard. He wanted Matt so fucking badly and all he ever did was hurt the poor boy. The blonde needed this red-head...he lusted after him so fucking badly!

**_Don't...don't...please, Mello...I don't want to fight! Please..._**

Fuck.

He was such a fucking twat. A two-faced bitch who always needed his own way. But, that was the way Mello was programmed. People wanted twats and two-faced bitches and so they got him. Unfortunately, most people overlooked the added clause of him being a heart-breaking whore in that contract...and look where it got him.

_Shit...I am so sorry Matt...I really didn't mean any of the crap I said...it was ridiculous of me to do so._

**_It's okay. I know you didn't, people say stupid things all the time when they're angry._**

It isn't okay, it will never be okay and it should never be okay! Mello knew that...but if Matt wanted to cover the whole thing over with sugar and act like it never happened then that was fine with him. Biting his lip, Mello cautiously wrote down his next sentence, praying that the red-head still had his sense of humor and would take the bait, the opportunity to bury the whole situation.

_...but, you kinda started it._

**_No...you started it._**

Thank fuck for people with a good sense of humor!

_You started it!_

**_You did!_**

_You!_

**_YOU!_**

Mello was having a hard time keeping his laughter in and he sensed that Matt had the same problem. The blonde had taken a risk with that added joke and he was glad that it paid off. He and Matt had started over. Best to keep things careful though, he didn't want the gamer to ignore him and grow cold with him like had done with Misa. Damn...that reminded him!

_My dear Damsel...are you busy on the 18th of December? If you are not, then it will be my honor if you were to accompany me at my Birthday/Christmas ball._

**_A ball, my brave Knight? Why, aren't you ever so forward, especially after being involved in such a fight. I suppose however, if we are to truly forgive one another for being such dickheads, then I would love to come. :)_**

Nothing in the world could keep the grin off Mello's face after he read that. Not the itching feeling he got whenever he thought about Misa's questions regarding his party, not the many glares he gained from his classmates and especially not the 99% he got in his latest English Exam.

Mihael had quietened down and Mello knew that he was upset over this fact. Matt would be coming over to his house, to stay at his house and...if Mello had his way, sleep over at his house. But Matt wouldn't actually have sex with Mello now, would he? No, not after the changing room's incident.

Fuck...it looked like he'd have to pull out all the stops in order to get Matt tested.

Matt was going to be his. Matt was going to be fucked.

Matt was going to past that damn test!

X-x-X-x-X

"Sooo...what's the theme this year?" Misa asked, scooping a spoonful of low-fat, god-knows-what onto her spoon and swallowing it with a wince.

Mello smirked at her and stretched out, yawing slightly. His party always had a theme and usually it was Light who helped him out with it. The blonde boy watched as Misa continued to gaze at him thoughtfully whilst forcing herself to swallow whatever was in that pot. Misa was putting herself through Hell in order to get 'thin'. It annoyed the fuck out of Light, but after what happened on the tennis courts, Mello thought the caramel-haired boy deserved it.

"I actually haven't thought about it yet..." He admitted, resting his head on his arms and gazing out into space.

"I can help! Can I Mello? I know a fabulous theme, you'll love, honest!"

...right. Of course, he'll _love_ it because it's an idea from _Misa_ and _any_ idea from Misa was _bound_ to be good.

Pffft...whatever.

"Alright then, shoot."

"Well, remember last year's theme?" She asked, scraping the last bit of what-the-fuck out of its pot and into her mouth.

Oh crap. He remembered last year's theme. It was the most ridiculous theme he had come up with, mainly because he was pissed out of his mind, but the majority of people liked it. He was certain though, that if Matt caught wind of what last years theme was, then Mello was fucked. Luckily for him, Matt was too busy scribbling on L's arm to be paying any attention to Misa's voice.

"Yeah, I remember, what of it?" He asked cautiously.

"Y'see, I think that this year we should have a Mafia Theme! Last year, a whole load of people turned up in the coolest costumes and suits and Mafia people wear suits don't they and they get plenty of prostitutes working for them! So that's the boy's costumes and the girl's costumes worked out for it! Granted it is a bit like last year, but like, loads of people loved it and I'm sure they'll love it this year too!" Misa explained with a bright smile.

Mello gaped at her and blinked. He felt torn...yeah, the Mafia theme sounded awesome and he couldn't believe that someone like her had thought it up, but did she really have to have to mention 'prostitutes'? He didn't know why, but he really didn't want Matt to know that last year's theme was...'Pimps and Whores'...it was a stupid theme, but Mello had printed out the invites before he could sober up and rethink his chosen theme.

He glanced around the table and caught sight of Light rubbing his temples. If it weren't for yesterday, Mello would have contemplated feeling sorry for the boy. No such luck today though. Mikami was glaring at Misa coldly and Mello felt a sudden burst of affection for him. Someone was on his side at least. Near was too busy fondling his stupid toy and L was smirking at the blonde girl. Was that another person on his side?

Mello couldn't care less...he was too busy fixed on Matt's amused expression. Amused. Like he found this whole thing hilarious.

Which it wasn't.

The gamer stood up and walked over to sit down next to Mello and took out his pen. Automatically, Mello held out his arm and gulped silently as Matt touched him and wrote on him. The blonde could tell Matt was still not comfortable enough around Mello. Especially with this amount of closeness. He spied Matt's hands shaking slightly as they grasped Mello's arms and the blonde longed to reach out and comfort the red-head. But that would most likely end up scaring the boy off even more.

**_What was last year's theme and should I be scared?_**

"Last year's theme was stupid and yes, you should be scared...very scared. In fact, you should start running for the hills right now; I'll catch up to you later."

Matt's face broke into that beautiful smile that melted Mello's insides. He ignored the titters from his friends and instead concentrated on Matt's sparkling smile. Fuck...he's gone soft. What was this boy doing to him that no other test-subject could do?

Easy...he could reject him. Avoid him. Argue with him, chat back to him, tell him off, joke with him and do a Hell of a lot of other things too. And Mello knew that no matter what Matt did, he would never get pissed off with him.

It was that fucking fact that actually did piss him off to no end. He's allowed himself to fall so much, that Matt had a little amount of power over him!

Fuck…this was fucking bad.

"Mello, you should tell the boy what he's in for...Matt, last years theme was 'Pimps and Whores' courtesy of the blonde idiot sat next to you," Light stated dryly.

The blonde growled and narrowed his eyes at the bored-looking teen.

"Sod off nose-breaker! You went along with it just like everyone else!"

"I didn't break your nose and I told you, it was a damn accident. And...it's not my fault I look good in a suit!"

"You almost broke my nose! It's still fucking sore, and what the Hell are you talking about? You looked ridiculous in that suit!"

"Hey! No he didn't, Light looked extra delicious in that suit; Misa-Misa could have eaten him all up then and there!"

Light groaned and gave Misa an exasperated look. The girl was clutching onto him, shooting daggers at Mello who was rubbing the bridge of his sore nose gingerly. Matt meanwhile, was observing the whole situation with an amused look, wishing that a bowl of popcorn would just appear before him.

"Please...you really think Light looked good in that suit? Fine, I'll ask someone else...L, did he or did he not look 'extra delicious' in the suit?" Mello asked, pointedly asking the in-denial boy for a reason.

Said boy, (who was so far in the closet, he was in fucking Narnia) flushed and looked up to see both Light and Misa staring at him expectantly. Light's eyes were glinting with anticipation whilst Misa looked suspicious. L placed a piece of shortcake in his mouth a chewed thoughtfully, gazing up at the ceiling.

"Well...usually, Light looks 17% delicious in his normal attire. Wearing a suit however, would raise that percentage by about 33%. But, I am comparing him to a shortcake which is 82% delicious so perhaps that isn't fair at all...comparing him to a cheesecake though, which is 76% delicious would raise his statistics of being delicious by around about 14% each. So it really depends on what you're comparing him to, in order to see how delicious Light really is..."

...

Mello loved L. He loved him a lot.

Misa looked totally and utterly confused, Mikami was wearing the same expression. Near had a small twisted smirk on his face and Matt was hiding his broad smile behind his hand. Light's reaction was probably the most amusing...no...it **was** the most amusing at the table. His entire face had bloomed red and his eyes were widened with shock and embarrassment. His mouth had fallen open, but no sound was coming out.

The caramel-haired boy then shook his head and narrowed his eyes at the raven opposite him.

"So, you're saying that I'm 50% delicious?" Light asked, feeling completely ridiculous that he had been sucked into such a Misa-like conversation.

"When compared to shortcake...yes," L replied simply.

"...but when compared to a cheesecake, I'm 78% delicious?"

L gazed at him thoughtfully before nodding and returning his attention to his 82% delicious shortcake in front of him.

That seemed to end the conversation, with Mikami glaring at L, Misa looking distraught, Light looking confused and yet flattered at the same time, Near was still smirking and Matt was having trouble with his silent fit of giggles.

Well...this was a new development in the so-deep-in-denial teens. L thought Light was 78% yummy scrummy. Mello mentally laughed at the thought and turned around to see Matt's Orange protected eyes, glittering with mirth. Ah...Matt...

Fuck...that boy wasn't 78% delicious...

He was the whole 1-0-0 percent!

* * *

**Yesh...I have killed the word 'delicious'...mwahahahaha...and L's little explaination? Don't ask...gawd...please...I have NO idea where THAT came from...hehehehe...**

**So! Time to thank you awesome reviewers out there for doing what you do best! REVIEWING! ^.^**

_Amaya-Ai, InnerShadow, XxXDevil-Chan, XXX, threemillionworded, Living in a fantasy, Nana Weiss, ZomgKelley, Blind Unicorn, Your Alien, keeda, twingem2, LxIsxJustice, SunnydayinPallet, atomiclint, jinnabun, Sleeping Demon, Mia-Gabriella, methegirl, unheardcries, Nippz, Taio Ryder, Fused-Chappy, Cousin It Like Pie, XthirteenX, Bloody Mello, ShinigamiMailJeevas, GremlinGirl, xxWammyGirlxx, Hollie-chan, Possessed4evr, Yoru K-Chan, Agatsuma Ritsuka, ParaPara, ebo2, merichuel, maiko, doujinshilover1516, smiley95, Dreamer878, Missy, Fundibulous teh Zohan, Grace Raven, Shinra'sCrazyTurk, The. VII. LunaEclipse, trytobrakemylittleshell, Ms. Bloody Death ANND IndifferenceToSociety!_

**All those people RAWK! MY! SAWKS! Hehehehe...seriously...love...glittery...yeah...they rawk...some sawks...mine mainly! ^.^**

**ANYWAYS, I have to tell you NOW, that updates may become somewhat...strained...I am to go back to school on Wedesday to carry my edukation...hehe...**

**So expect the next update over the next few days...I hope you're patient! ^.^ **

**Perty, please review! You'll end up in glittery love too!**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	9. White

**It's my second day back at school...GAH! I hate it...you have no idea how high my paranoia levels have risen. **

**Eight weeks without my friends have literally torn me apart. X.X Plus it's my last year at High School before I get carted off to college so...meh...pressure...stress...meh...**

**Good job this kept me together then, eh? ^.^ Hehehehe...someone said that this story was 'beautiful'...hehehehe...is it? I've never written a beautiful story before...LOL!**

**So...another little chapter...a filler if you will...ALSO, I've included the lyrics to my all time favourite song as well! _Snow Patrol - Run_ is quite literally the best song in the whole, wide world...FACT!**

**Anyways, this is an update that will begin the saga of rare updates from ME...well, rare updates during the week. At the weekend, I'll go crazy and probably update like mad...hehehe...**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 9 - White

_White is the color of purity. Brides wear white in many countries, because white symbolizes a virgin. White means kindness. White daisies are a symbol of loyal love. Wear white to impart a pure, wholesome impression. Surround yourself with white if your surroundings feel cluttered and you want to refresh your mind. It stands for wholeness and completion. White can be used to start a fresh beginning, to bring about mental clarity and to purify thoughts or actions._

Mihael was sixteen today.

Another year closer to death, another year's worth of knowledge and learning, another year of loneliness...

To Mello, being sixteen was the best thing to happen to him. He had been given presents, money, cards and plenty of kisses on the cheek! His locker was literally bursting with love letters and death threats. To be perfectly honest, he had no idea which one he was more annoyed with. Of course many of the cards had the same dreary: 'Happy Birthday!' message in it, plus the presents he received, ensured him that he now had enough chocolate to last him until he was twenty-one.

Naturally, those presents didn't mean much to him. Chocolate was chocolate and it didn't change because it was wrapped up in sparkly wrapping paper. The gifts he looked forward to most were the gifts off his friends. They almost never gave him chocolate. Never. Instead, they gave him gifts worth having.

Misa gave him the sexiest leather outfit. It was soft and light to the touch. Misa said it was the best and judging by the designer label glaring out at him, Mello didn't doubt her for a second. Mello swore the trousers were supposed to be for women, though. Light gave him _Amouage Die Pour Homme_...expensive cologne that was quickly used up as Misa went around squirting it at every guy she saw. It smelt nice, and as soon as the girl left it alone, he quickly hid it within his bag. Mikami had given him a box filled with hair-care products. It did make him feel a bit...feminine...as he opened it, but Mikami swore he used the exact same brand. One look at Mikami's hair told Mello that this box was pure gold. L and Near had given him a book...or so it said on the label. Mello still didn't like the albino and believed that Near's name was only written on the label due to L. The book was actually one of the more impressive presents. It was a Bible, entirely written in Latin...however, within the pages was a hidden hole and in the hole was a bar of Ghirardelli.

It may still be chocolate, but this was chocolate given to him by friends. That made an immense difference to Mello.

To Mihael, it made no difference what-so-ever and in his personal opinion...he'd rather have no presents at all.

Being sixteen didn't mean anything to Mihael. He was older, he was smarter and he was taller. He could achieve all of those things without the need for a birthday. Everyone grew older by the minute...you didn't need a birthday to tell you that. You can get smarter by simply working harder and getting taller? Well, a pair of heeled boots would sort that problem out.

The blonde hated the spotlight...Purple despised it. Purple was a dark colour and so it would rather remain in the dark. Yellow however, relished being in the spotlight. It was a bright colour, a vivid colour...a colour that screamed: 'Look At Me!'

Mello loved his birthdays. Mihael didn't want his birthdays.

Mihael especially hated this birthday due to the fact that Matt was now a part of it.

Matt...Orange...the boy...the colour...

The person who probably had no idea what to give Mello and yet, gave the blonde something after all. Something that probably outdid every other gift Mello had received.

Both Mello and Mihael knew that Matt wasn't rich like Misa and Light. He didn't have a generous grandfather like L, or even more generous friends like Near. He wasn't up-to-date with all the new products that guaranteed you a whole new, beautiful look. Matt didn't have any of those things...the last thing he didn't even need.

What Matt gave him...Mello...Mihael...was a present that had been slipped into his locker and had been found lying on top of his History textbook. The gift was wrapped in plain White paper. A message had been hastily scribbled on the paper and it warmed his cold heart whenever he read it.

White...what a pure colour. Mello knew he had described the people at his school as Black and White...but Black was a fake, dark, miserable colour. That colour described every person in the school so well...apart from his friends. Maybe that's why everyone was Black and White to him. The shallow people who loved and hated him were Black. His friends were White.

Matt...was different. He was Orange...and now Mello knew that his mind was truly lost, never to be seen again.

Reading the message however, Mello felt that some of his sanity still remained...he knew that if he really wanted Matt, he'd have to cling onto that little piece of sanity with everything he's got.

**_I don't have money, I don't know the latest trends, heck...I don't even know you all that well...but I have this. I know you enough, to ensure myself that I want you to have this...I want you to keep this. Happy Birthday Mello! :)_**

That damn smiley face.

It always, always got him.

All throughout the rest of the day, Mello would keep glancing at Matt every so often. The red-head never gave him a single clue that he had given him something. During lunch when Mello had been given his presents, Matt merely gave him that stunning smile...that smile in itself would have made the perfect birthday present. Seeing it made something inside Mello melt and bubble. Mihael hated how Mello was blatantly flirting with the red-head, but even that hatred couldn't hide the disappointment as he realized that Matt was no longer responding the flirtatious blonde. Mello felt slightly put out by the red-head's cold attitude, but merely placed it down to nerves and anxiety over getting him something...hand-made.

Yes, Matt had made him something...and Mello adored him for it.

Now he was Mihael. Now he was sat in his Grey room in his Black leather holding that White gift. Mihael was apprehensive. What if, by opening this gift, his deepest fears were confirmed? What if by opening the gift, he had somehow accepted Mello and Matt's increasing friendship? What if, by opening this gift, he was giving Mello the opportunity to sleep with Matt? Hearing Mello screaming obscenities in his mind, Mihael made up his choice. He carefully unwrapped the paper, making sure the message wouldn't get destroyed. Sitting neatly inside the White paper was a CD. A blank CD.

No playlist, no other message, no other clue that told him what was to be expected if he played the CD.

Mihael gently ran a thumb over the smooth casing and looked across his room at his stereo. Hesitantly, Mello stood up and shuffled along the floor towards it. Cautiously, he popped the CD out of its case and inserted it into the slot. Reluctantly, he pressed play.

He held his breathe. He grasped his rosary. He clenched his eyes shut.

...and then he heard it.

A...no...THE most beautiful voice he had ever heard. It was soft and gentle, like the person who owned it had never shouted once in his life. It was deep and creamy and made Mihael melt on the spot. He knew that the person singing it was not the original singer of the song. The person singing was not Snow Patrol nor was it Leona Lewis. The person singing it, had a far more beautiful and enchanting voice. Mello cried out within him, telling him to turn up the volume, to sling on that sexy outfit Misa had bought him and to dance.

Dance to the sound of that sexy, wonderful, sinful voice.

The blonde couldn't though. He couldn't dance to that voice...he'd rather hear the lyrics. They haunted him and made him shiver. Mihael knew those lyrics so well...so well that he could sing along with them in his sleep. Mihael felt so...trapped when he heard them.

...especially when they were sung in that voice.

_Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear_

_Louder, louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say..._

Those lyrics...that voice...

It made tears well up in his eyes. It made him choke as realized that he wasn't breathing. It made his hands shake and bleed as the rosary cut into his hands...

Mello was silenced and calmed as the song echoed within his fucked up head. Mihael broke down and cried as he realized it was too late...far too late.

Everything he had protected himself from...every wall, every mask, every facade...broke.

That song...that voice...

Matt's voice.

* * *

**...dun...dun...DUUUUN! And teh plot thickens...**

**Hehehehehe...someone asked me, why I haven't used the 'L' word to describe what Mello is feeling for Matt. Simple. Because Mello has never experienced true love before and so he wouldn't really recognize it, even if it came strolling in with red hair and smexy goggles. ^.^**

**Anyways, I am adoring your reviews...they make school that little bit more fun whenever I log on here in secret. Hehehehe...**

**Perty please review! **

**GAH! I think I need a lie down...too much pressure and stress...school...meh...**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	10. Red

**Finally and update! Y'know, these will probably only happen at the weekend, so be prepared to have** 'The Boys Of Wammy' **to be updated on Saturdays and this story right here to be updated on Sundays.**

**All the other days will be spent angsting on how wubbish my school-life is!**

**ANYWAY! Poll update: Matt and Mello have four people each throwing them off a cliff...and I've lost count with Near. Poor baby...I'm actually starting to luff him! ^.^**

**I'm a traitor, I know...anyway, this chapter is the party chapter. I can guarentee that you will all HATE me after this chapter. I promise you that...hehehehe...**

**Also, there are more mentions of possible pairings here. Plus some hinted past pairings, including Mello/Halle... the only het pairing I like...ever. Seriously, I can see it happening, but only if Matt is with Near or something. You can't leave that smexy boy on his own...GAH! What am I saying???**

**I'm ill...that must be it! Hehehehehe...longest. chapter. yet!**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 10 - Red

_Red is the warmest of all colors. Red is the color most chosen by extroverts and one of the top picks of males. On the negative side red can mean hate or anger. In China, red is the color of prosperity and joy. Red roses symbolize passionate love. Red is associated with fiery heat and warmth. It can also mean danger. Red is the color of blood, and as such has strong symbolism as life and vitality. It brings focus to the essence of life and living with emphasis on survival. Red is also the color of passion and lust. Wear red to present yourself as bold and dynamic. It can also boost your confidence. Red is usually associated with sex appeal._

Five days have gone past.

Each day, Mihael would wake up, play the CD and cry. He knew...he just knew that the heavenly voice that issued from his speakers belonged to the beautiful red-head. Mello knew it, and he was hell-bent on taking advantage of it. The music would fill that empty void in his body, the empty space in his room and he would just cry. The tears would trickle at first, a few slipping under clenched eye-lids and then they would stream, cascading down his face, leaving wet trail to dry on his face.

The music would then stop. Mihael would scrub his face and spend fifteen minutes trying to force that 'I've-just-been-sobbing-my-heart-out' look off his face.

At school, Mello had it worse. Matt wouldn't touch him without acting as if he had been burnt. The gamer could hardly look at him and the conversations they had were short and almost always left him cold. The worse thing was that Matt had taken to writing on a notepad, rather than the blonde's arm. Unfortunately, Mello was the only person Matt no longer wrote on. Fuck! He even wrote on Misa now!

Mello tried to talk to Matt about his present, but the other boy would merely shrug and turn away. Mihael would then scream with terror and fear, knowing that it was a huge mistake to open that fucking present! He knew that, by opening it, something bad would happen. Matt was acting seriously withdrawn around him, and the blonde could feel that deep, dark feeling called depression eat up inside of him. People began to notice that Mello wasn't himself...

It was probably when Near mentioned it, that Mello realized that people had been seeing Mihael for the first time. Not seeing, seeing Mihael; just 'seeing' him. They didn't know Mihael, and in their personal opinions, Mello was probably feeling sick.

Of course, only one person knew better, and that one person was avoiding him at all costs.

Tonight, though was going to change all that.

Tonight, not only was he going to sleep with Matt, but he was going to get that boy to talk, to sing _and _scream.

Mihael felt sick at the very thought of Matt coming into his house, seeing his house and then the very idea of him entering his room! But, unfortunately Mihael was silenced as Mello went about his day. His party was all they could talk about during school and he was beginning to get sick of all the talk.

_Yes, he knew it was his party!_

_No, you are not invited!_

_Yes, it is Mafia-themed!_

_No, you're still not fucking invited!_

It was driving him insane. The situation was made ten times worse, when the one person that could make him sane, was now avoiding him. The mixed signals were giving him a headache and Mello was this close to giving up.

Whenever he contemplated the thought, all it took was the gamer to walk past him and all those ideas of giving up vanished. New ideas involving rope, handcuffs and rape sprang to mind and Mihael would shriek with horror whenever Mello daydreamed about the combination. Mello tried desperately to keep such thoughts at bay, tried hard to keep Mihael's poor, innocent eyes free of such graphic images.

But...it was getting so hard. So _very _fucking _hard_.

He sorely hoped that tonight, everything would change; tonight Matt _would _be his. Matt would see him and Mello would own him and Matt would fucking accept him as he was: Fucked up mind, whored out body and tainted Black soul! Of course, he was just lucky that Matt even agreed to come to his party. Reminding the boy had left him feeling cold and empty.

_"You're still coming tonight right?"_

**_I said I was, didn't I?!_**

Being around Matt and thinking about Matt had given him the power to decipher Matt's tones whenever he wrote something. That message right there was Matt snapping at him. Snapping. In the annoyed way too. It gave him that hollow feeling in his gut. Mihael knew that Matt was upset about the present...but there had to be something else, right?

Was Matt just the same as him? Afraid to let anyone see Mail?

...or had Mello fucked it up by hitting on him, one too many times?

The blonde's paranoia had risen to unbelievable levels. He doubted Matt's sexuality (the boy seemed asexual more than anything else), he was reconsidering his party (he always made a fool of himself whenever he got drunk) and his friends weren't much help either.

Light wouldn't stop talking about his damn costume, Near had beaten him in the latest exams, Mikami had given, yes, _given _him a detention for skipping lessons and L? Well, he was asking one too many questions. Oh, and then there was Misa. Pffft! Fuck her...fuck her sideways with something rusty and covered in nails.

Mello had just about had it with the girl and he had been this close to smacking her across the face, when they were talking about his party.

_"Misa, the people who are coming are highly respectable to my...parents. You cannot say things such as: like, so, totally and oh-my-god...alright?"_

_"Oh! I can like, do that!...I like, so said like! I totally just said it again! Ohmygawd!"_

Instead of hitting her though, he resorted to punching the art block wall. His knuckles were sore and the skin had broken...but fuck, did it feel good. Mello then made a mental note to ask for a punching bag for Christmas...and maybe a gun...

A bullet hole would look stunning in Misa's head.

However, killing Misa wouldn't make his life any easier; plus she was the one who had managed to get his dining room looking like a Mafia's hideout and his ballroom to look like a sleazy strip-club. Apparently Rem had some decorations left over from her 'special adult's night' at the _Shinigami_. Misa, being the only one who was excited over decorating, sorted it out all by herself and for once, hadn't managed to fuck it up.

So, the decorations were done, Rem was serving at the bar, his chocolate fountain (courtesy of L) was up and running. So far, the party had outdone last years on decoration alone. Mello had eyed each and every inch of his house with impressed appreciation. All that was left to do was to get changed and then plaster that fake Mello-smile across his face for the guests.

For his costume, he decided not to wear the suit, but the leathers that Misa had gotten him. Pure Noir the label said and Pure Noir they were. He looked as white as Near with them on. A skimpy, sleeveless vest that hardly covered his stomach was zipped up and felt like a second skin. His trousers looked as if they had been painted on, and he skillfully laced them up in the most complicated knot he could make. When it came to sleeping with Matt later tonight, he was going to make that boy work for it. Matt had given him a beautiful present, Matt clearly regretted the beautiful present. Matt had wanted him to have the present; now Matt was treating him like some contagious disease. Matt was mind-fucking him and _no one _did that to Mello! Fucking with his mind didn't go unpunished, no matter who it was.

His black nail polish had been chipped and looked tacky with the rest of the outfit. Peering around his room, he spied a pair of small gloves. Slipping them on, he stretched out his fingers and smirked. He was the very definition of badass and Matt was going to figure that little fact out very soon. Mihael was stuffed down in the back of his mind, only snorting with contempt as Mello slung the rosary around his neck. The rosary looked so out of place on an outfit that personified sin. Somehow, as always, Mello had managed to find a way to make the look work. To finish off the look, Mello pulled on his favourite boots. High-heeled, laced up and totally screamed _danger_.

Fuck. He was smokin'...the sun was incomparable with how hot he looked right now.

Mello scoffed and smirked. Poetry, really? What a perfect way to start of the night.

Running a hand through his ironed-straight locks, Mello jumped as the sound of his doorbell echoed throughout the house. He could hear Misa' excited squeals and sighed. Knowing her, the people at the door would be running for miles with terror. Well, either that or they would be a puddle of lusting goo messing up his patio. Considering what she was wearing, Mello placed his bets on the latter. He would be highly annoyed if anyone tried to run away for miles on _his _birthday!

Miles...Mile..._Mail_. Funny how Matt's real name was pronounced differently to how it was spelt.

It was also funny how he could never get the gamer out of his mind! Shaking his head free from the thoughts of the soon-to-be-his gamer, Mello left his room and hooked the padlock around the handle. No one was to go in his room, especially when one took into account of who was actually going. Mello didn't really expect anyone to sneak up stairs to fuck but safety first and he wasn't having anyone's filthy essence in his fucking bed!

Mello gave the padlock a hard yank and deemed it worthy of keeping his door locked. He swaggered across the hall towards the steps and winced when a highly excited voice echoed up to him.

"Hiya! Ohhh, you must be Mello's other friends, riiight?"

Shit. He could tell automatically that the people outside his front door were reconsidering their decision of coming tonight. Sliding down the banister and leaping gracefully off to a standing position, Mello placed a hand on his hips and prowled towards the door, sexy smirk in place and playful glint in eye. He not-so-subtley pushed Misa out of the way and grinned as he realised who had arrived.

Halle Lidner, Stephen Gevanni and..._fuck_. Touta Matsuda.

Double fuck...did he _really _invite him? Did he?...fuck if he could remember...

Matsuda was the heir of a rich clothing designer. He had a reputation of falling in love quickly, and by the looks of it, he had fallen hard for Misa already. How cute. Smirking at the poor man's doom, Mello motioned for them to come in. Halle; she had probably been the only girl worth doing, and fuck, had she been worth doing. Unfortunately she had failed his test, crawling back to the attractive, rich blonde boy who would have made daddy really happy.

Nice to know that she still had a soft spot for him though. Manipulation had always been one of his favourite games.

Gevanni; he was a nice guy. Mello had done him once, not for the test, but out of spite. He had known about Near's little 'crush' on the older man and decided to hit the little freak where it hurt. In his practically non-existent heart. Once L had caught wind of what he had done, Mello--or rather Mihael--felt sick with guilt. L had lectured him on how fragile and insecure Near was and whilst Mello was cackling at the news, Mihael felt bad. Apparently Near had now given up on trying to get with the older boy.

Sucks to be him. Gevanni had been good.

Mello sighed silently as his first guests took in the decorations, Matsuda spewing out compliments to Misa whenever his mouth opened. He rolled his eyes as Misa soaked up the compliments like a sponge. Giving Halle a small smirk and winking at Gevanni, the blonde turned on his heel to exit the house.

He lingered on his steps, wrapping his arms around his body, feeling the chilly wind bite his bare skin. He had a good feeling tonight, a very good feeling. As the music started up and as the laughter began to grow, that feeling only blossomed. Besides, he could already see the limousines he had ordered in the distance. Mello had been in charge of transportation, as Misa understood his need for privacy. He had organized it so that all the guests were to be picked up in limos with blacked-out windows. The difference with these windows is that people can't see in OR out of them. That way, Mello's house would still remain a mystery to people.

His body shivered as the December wind swirled around him. Mello allowed a small smile to grow on his lips as he heard more laughter from within.

Misa, Halle, Gevanni and Matsuda. Four people down; god-knows-how-many to go...

And only one person that mattered.

X-x-X-x-X

Alcohol was a very complicated thing.

It can make you aggressive, depressed, numb, happy or incredibly affectionate. It can also make you crave more and more until you no longer felt the need to crave more and more. The craving usually died along with you.

Luckily Rem was skilled in serving to alcohol-craving teens, and kept them all satisfied with plenty of drinks to go around. The party was in full swing now, with scarcely-covered up girls and suit-wearing boys grinding against each other in nearly every room. Mello couldn't remember how many people had actually turned up, and realized that none of them were as 'highly respectable' as he remembered.

After the first three set of guests came, Mello soon found armies of people trying to squeeze through his doorway. Light, Mikami, L and (surprisingly) Near had all shown up, in their respective costumes. Mello was probably tipsy by the time they had arrived and had given them each a clumsy kiss on the cheek. The group had given him a strange look, but as soon as Near caught sight of Gevanni, he made them disperse into the crowd, making them forget about Mello's small display of affection.

Yes, when Mello got drunk, he got affectionate or rather, he got frisky.

He might have been tipsy, he might have lost count of the guests, but Mello knew that Matt had not shown up. He would have recognized that head of sexy coppery hair immediately, no matter how many people there were, or how smoky the room was, or how fucked up his vision was becoming. He would have known that Matt had arrived at his party, no matter how moody the boy had gotten lately. However, Mello had noticed the lack of the sexy boy and proceeded to pout and sulk.

Matt was not at his party and that sucked.

Still, despite the pouting and sulking, Mello managed to have fun. He danced, he drank, he danced some more, he drank a Hell of a lot more.

In short, the blonde still had fun. Even if it was fake, half-hearted fun.

Mello could recognize a lot of people, his friends were mingling with his other 'friends', Light and L were trying to beat off their sexual tension, mostly through he art of arguing whilst not-so-subtly checking each other out. Misa was being chatted up by a clearly long gone Mastuda and Near was avoiding Gevanni like his life was on the line.

Stumbling through the rooms, Mello caught sight of Mikami and Little-Miss-Rich-Bitch Takada in a heated argument. It was probably mere seconds away from becoming physical and Mello didn't really want a glass of vodka thrown in his face. Instead, he reached for the vodka in Mikami's hand and smirked as he realized that the older boy hadn't noticed his drink disappear. He probably had better things to worry about, such as where Takada was planning on shoving her bottle of cider.

Downing the vodka in one, Mello felt the buzz in his mind heighten. Squeezing past a heavily-making out couple (who looked suspiciously like a certain pair of Narnia-inhabitants), he stumbled into the foyer. The thumping of the music from the ballroom died down as the door closed shut and he fell against the wall, breathing heavily. It had been three hours since the party had started. He was absolutely off his head and still no sign of Matt. Mello absentmindedly heard Mihael's sigh of relief as the other boy processed this information; then the doorbell rang. Mihael was completely ignored and Mello proceeded to clumsily run towards the front door. Trying hard to keep his hopes down, Mello paused at the mirror and squinted.

He looked pissed.

Smoothing his hair down and dropping the empty glass of vodka onto the floor, Mello rubbed his eyes furiously. He took in a deep breathe a swallowed hard. It didn't make a difference. He still looked smashed. Maybe a neater, more tidier version of being utterly pissed, but the fact remained; he still looked drunk.

Would Matt stay if he saw Mello like this?

Hell no.

Hearing the door bell ring again and again, Mello hurried along to answer it. Mihael's voice had been drowned out by the alcohol and his excitement, therefore...so had his common sense.

Mello scrabbled against the wood of his door, searching for the handle. As he found it, he grasped hold of it hard and yanked it down to pull the door open. He stumbled as the act made him lose his balance, but seeing that gorgeous face and that gorgeous hair and that fuck-gorgeous smile, Mello found his feet.

"M-Matt?"

The boy gave him a small wave and averted his eyes. He had decided to come after all...

Did this mean they were friends again? That Matt maybe wanted more? Really?

Mello let out a sound of delight and he grasped Matt's wrist. The gamer flinched slightly under Mello's grip, but allowed himself to be dragged in. The foyer was silent, apart from the muffled thump of the music in the ballroom. His breathing had hitched up as Matt tilted his head to the side, giving him a confused look. Mello knew he radiated the same smell of a brewery, but Matt was here! Matt! Was here!

...in his house.

Mihael was _so _going to kill him.

The blonde chewed on his lip and appeared to be deep in thought. The red-head regarded him warily, wondering what was going on within Mello's head. Gazing around the foyer, he took in the undeniable fact that Mello was rich. Filthy rich. God, he better not be some charity case. Matt's smile slipped from his lips and a shiver ran up his spine. He took out of his pen and slowly took hold of Mello's arm, causing the blonde to jump. Matt still seemed wary of him, but at least he was no longer cold.

**_So...now what?_**

Feeling his stomach flutter as he realized that Matt was using him as a notepad once again, Mello looked up with a bright, shining eyes. He gulped and tried to control his voice as best as he could. No slurring in front of Matt. It'll probably scare him off.

"Well, in the dining room is the bar, where Rem is serving drinks. Or, you could head go to the ballroom, where the music is." _Or...you could go upstairs, take a left, open the door and strip yourself of those troublesome clothes._

Shaking his head clear of such thoughts, Mello congratulated himself on how _sober_ he sounded. Then he gave Matt the once-over. He was wearing a striped suit, with a plain black shirt underneath. A plain black shirt with the top two buttons undone...teasing little bastard. To top off the look, a loose, stripy tie hung around his neck. Fuck, that boy loved his stripes. Well, that probably made sense; he owned them after all. The blonde felt his mind go fuzzy once more and reached out to hold Matt's hand.

"C'mon, let's go get a drink yeah?"

Matt shook his head.

"Oh?...you wanna go dancing then?"

Another shake.

...

Opportunity had risen. Opportunity will now be taken advantage of.

Mello flicked his hair out of his face and gave Matt his most charming smile. The gamer flushed under the intensity of his gaze, and averted his eyes once more. Feeling slightly miffed at the actions, Mello grasped Matt's chin and turned the boy's face towards him. Damn those goggles; damn them to fucking hell!

"Let's go upstairs then," He whispered, tugging on Matt's hand.

The gamer's eyes widened slightly, but nodded his head all the same. Dancing and drinking just wasn't his thing, although, neither was heading upstairs with tipsy boys. However, this was Mello...he could trust Mello...right? Accomplishment washed over the blonde and a bright smile bloomed on his face. He spun on his heel and feeling more sober than ever, carefully walked over to the stairs. Trying to keep his head on his shoulders, Mello counted the steps...

_One, two, three, four...skip the fifth...and the seventh...miss out the tenth...and the fifteenth._

Matt's curious gaze burned into his back and Mello shifted uncomfortably under his scrutiny. Matt swallowed hard as a swirling feeling of apprehension bubbled in his stomach. He could trust Mello, he _could _trust Mello...he could _always _trust Mello...

Right?

The blonde pulled him along to his parent's bedroom; hardly disguising his excitement any longer, Mello turned to give him a quick glance. The dangerous glint in his eyes made Matt feel uneasy about his decision. The gamer jumped as Mello slammed the door open. He was yanked inside and the door slammed shut behind them. The room was enveloped in darkness, with a small flicker of light issuing from the crack in the curtains.

Mello flicked on the light switch and grinned as he watched the emotions flicker across Matt's face. Confusion, apprehension, fear, worry...anxiety. Beautiful emotions...beautiful face...

The blonde released Matt's hand and stumbled over to the bed, collapsing onto it with a sigh. Matt was alone, with him, in his parents room. Just like many a person before; the test starts now! Mello stretched out like a cat, and beckoned Matt over with a finger.

"Hey Matt, don't be shy...c'mon over and sit next to me," He called out playfully, keeping his lust in check and off his face.

The gamer bit his lip and shuffled his way to the bed, perching on the edge of it carefully. He turned to look at Mello and flushed at the sight of his bare skin. The red-head twisted his body away from the reclining blonde and he swallowed hard. He gingerly took out his pen and began to write on Mello's stomach. The blonde boy felt his skin tingle and fizz as the pen nib was dragged across his taunt stomach, Matt's warm hands holding him in place.

God; tonight was _the _night.

He strained his neck forward and smirked at the message.

**_Why are we here? And where are your parents?_**

"Well, it's nice and quiet up here, plus we haven't really had the time to chat one-on-one for the past few days. As for my parents? Well, God only knows where they are. As long as they manage to keep me here in this house, then I'm pretty fucking fine."

**_You live here...all alone?_**

"I'm not too fussed about it to be honest. I know I used to be underage, but my father has managed to convince/bribe/blackmail social services. So they're convinced that I'm okay on my own here. Plus, I'm sixteen now. I'm allowed to live on my own."

Matt remained silent. Mihael's voice was getting clearer through the hazy fog, and Mello could hear the words: 'Matt', 'scare' and 'leave' amongst the mumbles. Mello ignored the mumbles though and sat up, taking hold of the hand gripping the pen. Matt's head snapped up at the contact and he peered at Mello through Orange guards. Feeling pretty fed-up at seeing Orange, Mello leant forwards and grasped at the white bands.

His hands though, were grabbed and knocked away; Matt had an annoyed look on his face. Mello scoffed and leant further forwards. Mihael was now crying, begging, groveling for Mello to leave the gamer alone. His voice however, drowned in the sea of determination that overflowed Mello's body. He had waited so long, too long, for this moment!

"C'mon Matty-boy...I wanna see 'em...lemme see 'em..." He muttered, not bothering to control his slurring anymore.

Matt scooted away from him and frowned at the blonde's behaviour. Mello was being awfully forward; emphasis on the 'awful'. He pushed Mello away, and glared at him heatedly. Annoyance coursed through his veins, and Mello growled as his hands were knocked away once more. Matt gave him a considering look and quickly scrawled something down on Mello's outstretched arm.

**_You're drunk!_**

Mello laughed and shook his head.

"'m only a teensy bi' tipsy babe...nothin' t' worry abou'!"

But Matt wasn't convinced. The slurring of Mello's voice had come back full force and solidified Matt's apprehension over being in the same room as Mello. The gamer shook his head and crawled further up the bed, away from the blonde closing in on him. Unfortunately, Mello wasn't phased and continued on with his ever-so-forward approach. He crawled on all fours, reminding Matt of a predator hunting its prey.

Shit...

There was Matt, looking utterly _delicious_. The most fuckable thing he had ever seen. Sitting prettily on his bed, legs spread out and face flickering with fear and irritation. How can one NOT resist such a delectable treat?

Licking his lips, Mello swung a leg over Matt's body, effectively pinning the younger boy down. His body was poised over Matt's and now Mihael was screeching, like he was being tortured and no mercy was being spared. Matt's eyes were wide and flooded with horror; the same look he had back in the changing rooms. So beautiful, Mello could almost taste that fear. One would normally pause to think about why fear was apparent in their partner's face. Mello simply put it down to virgin fears.

_Stop Mello! Stop, stop, stop, stop, STOP!_

Mello ignored the voice and nuzzled deep into Matt's soft neck. Soft, creamy, wonderful neck. He felt the red-head freeze under his actions and a small smirk danced on his lips. Nerves. Every first timer got them; maybe he should have given Matt a drink first, get the boy to loosen up a bit. His hands gently caressed the boy's arms, running up and down the tensed up limbs, trying to get them to relax. His hands moved up to Matt's shoulders, giving them a slight squeeze. They slid down to a quivering chest, feeling lean muscles and sticking out bones. Continuing on their journey, they rested upon Matt's hip, rolling his thumbs over the bone softly, gently.

They reached their destination at Matt's waist, where they held on firmly in a vice-like grip.

_Stop Mello! Stop, stop, stop, stop, STOP!_

Gah! Shut the fuck Mihael! Matt was right here! Right here! He could not and will not stop!

Mello let his lips ghost across Matt's furiously pumping pulse, teasing the vibration with his tongue. A small hum of amusement slipped from his lips and through his drunken haze, Mello could feel Matt shake under his body. God...the little tease! Each quiver and tremble sent a volt of pleasurable electricity down to Mello's groin. Each wisp of panted breath, tickled his hair and sent shivers down his spine.

Never before had someone felt so good!

_Stop Mello! Stop, stop, stop, stop, STOP!_

Mello sat back up and gazed down at Matt's terrified face. His eyes were clenched shut, his hands were shaking...and were there tears? No...Matt wasn't crying! His test-subjects never cried! They laughed and giggled and moaned and screamed with pleasure, but never did they cry. Well, apart from one or two...maybe three.

Seven tops.

But making Matt cry? No, that was not part of the deal! At least…he thought it wasn't. Matt was supposed to enjoy this, so why the fucking tears? Of course, it wasn't like he wasn't going to stop; he had waited far too long for this moment so why should a couple of fucking tears stop him?

Fuck. Then again, tears did get sticky and Matt did look awfully upset…

However, Mello was also drunk, Mihael was having a breakdown and all common sense had leaped out the window.

"Hey, hey...ssshhhh, Matt? You'll enjoy this, I promise. C'mon loosen up...it'll be fun. Trust me."

Trust. Me. Trust Me.

Two words that didn't mean fuck in Mello's vocabulary, and yet here he was spewing them out to Matt.

Fuck...he really was out of his mind, and his words seemed to have no effect on Matt. The blonde bit his lip in confusion and decided to do the first thing that came to his mind. He bent down and kissed the quivering boy. Right on his shaking lips.

Rule 2? Fucked. Foreplay? Forget about it. Getting into Matt's pants? A.S.A.P please!

The blonde sucked and pulled at Matt's lips, trying to gain some reaction. Matt's whole body had gone still, lips unresponsive to Mello's, hot tears pressed against Mello's face.

Mihael was broken...Mello had fucked up...and Matt was crying.

Sensing that Matt wasn't reciprocating the kiss, Mello moved down to his jaw and nipped his way to the gamer's ear. Sucking the lobe and licking the shell teasingly. It seemed to have no effect what-so-ever and Mihael's pleading was only getting worse. His hands began to wander, fiddling with the bottom of Matt's shirt, feeling the warm skin there and trailing down to the waistband of his trousers. Mello tugged at it and slipped a hand into Matt's trousers and--

_Stop Mello! Stop, stop, stop, stop, STOP! _"STOP!"

...huh? Something registered in Mello's drunken state of mind. Everything felt like slow-motion. A glass-shattering effect that made Mello freeze up instantly in his ministrations. His blood ran cold and his eyes snapped open.

The blonde hesitantly pulled away from the gamer, his mouth dry as a desert and his head pounding like crazy. That wasn't Mihael's voice. That voice...that voice...

That voice was heavenly and gently and sang a beautiful song in such angelic tones. He listened to that voice religiously, every morning without fail. That voice made him cry and hope and wish and squirm in anticipation. That was Matt's voice.

What he had been doing and what he had planned to do finally clicked in his mind. Looking down, Mello's drunken state of mind felt the regret and guilt rise up in his gut. He felt sick…and it probably wasn't just the alcohol either. Matt was shaking uncontrollably, his eyes wide open, fear flashing and his lips were quivering. The gamer clapped his hands to his mouth, but it was too late. Mello hadn't stopped and so Mello had forced Mail to come out.

Mail, who was broken and torn. Mail, whose skin was ashen and whose eyes were wide, gleaming with undisguised fear and terror. Mail, who couldn't stand being touched. Mello couldn't tell how, but he knew this was not Matt. This boy was not cheeky, happy-go-lucky, carefree and sarky Matt.

Not Orange Matt. It was Red Mail.

Red because it stood for anger. Stood for hate, for danger. For lust and..._love_. Yellow went well with Red, so did Purple. But Yellow had fucked up with Orange, and in turn had fucked with Red. Mello had fucked up. Fucked up because of his lust, his drunken state of mind and because manipulating people was his favourite game. Manipulating Matt had been his game tonight. A game he had so been looking forward to playing.

Not anymore. Not when he had lost. Not when GAME OVER flashed before his eyes.

He allowed himself to be shoved to the ground. He didn't get up to stop Matt. He didn't chase after Matt. He didn't move, even as he heard the door slam. The footsteps echoed down the hallway and each echo caused more and more pain to sink into his head.

Mello just stayed on the floor. Mihael hissed words filled with malice and venom; those words might have actually hurt him, only the effects of such tones were ruined by the cracking of his voice. Funny how the words seemed to go beyond hurting him due to such a tone. The words just plain _killed _him inside.

Matt...Mail...Jeevas...

...fuck.

What has he done?

* * *

**Yes...what has he done? Poor Matt? Poor Mello? Or Poor Mihael?**

**Plus, I'll say this now...Matt hasn't got the same...personality disorder as Mihael/Mello. The reason for his two names will be revealed soon! ^.^**

**Also, I have more faith in this story now, thanks to you all! I agree my paranoia is ridiculous...but it's there and it's been diagnosed...so whatever...^.^**

**Anyways, this chapter was kinda hard to write...and I don't whether I like the outcome of it...O.o**

**Hehehehe..can you believe that half of this was written whilst I was EVER-SO-SLIGHTLY tipsy myself? Hehehehe...everything is like...dizzy and stuffs...hehehe**

**Perty please review, you awesome people you!**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	11. Silver

**I'm dying! Seriously...**

**I have a cold...bleurghhh...your reviews made me feel better though!**

**Plus, I updated a day early! ^.^ I'm so proud of myself...even though I'm all bunged up and stuffs...hehehe...this chapter is shorter than some others as well...**

**GAH! I can't believe the response I got for the last chapter! Thank you for not threatening me with bodily harm! Hehehehehe...**

**Anyways! This chapter had been rewritten a total of seven times. I couldn't get it right and I couldn't find a colour to go with what this chapter signifies...then I found another site and discovered Silver! Go me! ^.^**

**Poll update! Near is still being thrown of the cliff...followed by Mello and Matt is last. Mmmm...my Matty-boy is certainly very popular! LMAO!**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 11 - Silver

_The colour Silver can be seen in both a positive light and a negative one too. It can mean to be contemplative and revealing. Silver can portray a secretive person but also a thoughtful one. People who are impartial favour Silver. Silver often symbolizes riches, just as gold does. Silver can be glamorous and distinguished. While gray-haired men and women are seen as old, silver-haired denotes a graceful aging. The color Silver can be earthy, natural or sleek and elegant. However, Silver can also be linked to astute people. People who are disconnected are often linked to the colour Silver. Slippery, deceitful people can relate to this colour._

Trust. Me.

Trust Me.

Two small words. One small sentence. One fucked up meaning. Or rather, two fucked up meanings rolled up into one nice 'n' easy package.

**Trust: Noun. To have belief, faith or confidence in; rely or depend on.**

**Me: Pronoun. The objective case of I, used as a direct or indirect object.**

They're probably the two most hated words in Mello's dictionary, vocabulary, thesaurus...whatever. The words damaged a lot of people. Screwed them over with false security and hope. The words could destroy friendships, relationships and families.

Trust Me.

The words had destroyed the best possible thing to ever have happened to him. He had spoken those very words to the best damn person who had walked into his life and was probably running out of for dear life. He, Mello, had scared Matt off. The most beautiful boy he had ever seen...had very nearly raped.

Mello was a lot of things. He was a bastard, an asshole…a person who didn't give a fuck about anyone and had a heart made of ice. Even then, he didn't rape people…especially people like Matt…people who were supposed to fucking trust him!

What were the words he had uttered?

Trust. Me.

Matt couldn't trust him though. He could have...he had...but that's been destroyed. Utterly and completely. He had pinned Matt down, leered at him, kissed him!

Fuck! Rule 2...he had broken Rule 2. Well, that wasn't surprising really. Mello had always known that being with Matt meant discarding all rules, but did that also mean that Rule 5 had been broken as well? Had he really tried to test a friend?

Yes...he had. Now Mello knew exactly why that rule had been created. Testing friends meant losing friends. Now Mello had lost one very important friend. What was the last thing he had hissed in Matt's ear?

Trust me.

Matt couldn't trust him. Mello was an insatiable whore. The gamer didn't deserve being burdened with such a person. Mello couldn't believe how far he had fucked up. He had forced Matt to use his angelic voice...the first time he had ever heard him speak face-to-face...and it was to prevent Mello from raping him...He had made Matt speak. He wanted to though, didn't he? Yes, he did...he wanted to hear Matt speak, shout and scream. Shit, Matt screamed alright. He screamed 'stop'.

Fuck!

After the red-head had ran out on him, Mello had remained on the floor, completely still with a tear trickling down his face. If Matt hadn't pushed him off, would he have raped him? Would he have repeated history and forced himself on the gamer?

It was those sorts of questions that haunted his brain as he sat there. His lips quivered with every quick intake of air, and his cheek grew sticky as the tear dried on it. His eyes stung and his head ached...he still didn't move though. The room was dark and silent, the only sound being his breathing...he felt comatose...he was there, but at the same time...he wasn't.

Never had he felt more sober in his life.

Eventually, the door had been slammed open and a concerned looking Near had stumbled into the room. The albino had taken avoiding Gevanni to new extremes, but seeing the pitiful state Mello was in, all thoughts of Gevanni slipped from his mind. The boy acted quickly, hooking an arm around the blonde's back and hoisting him up. Mello still felt hollow and empty, no longer caring that his rival was now seeing him at his most pathetic.

As Near helped Mello to the bed, a small part of him felt smug that the blonde's heart had been broken. It was like Karma, coming to bite his ass for all the hurt he had created. Of course, when Near had found out about Mello and Gevanni, he hadn't broken down like the blonde was doing now. Instead, he had thrown away Mello's puppet and glared mournfully at the Gevanni puppet for at least a week.

Now the boy, who had completely destroyed his ability to trust in others, was hurting. Badly. Near was torn between comforting him and coldly telling him how he deserved it. The albino watched as Mello curled up into a ball, rivers of tears streamed down his face as clenched his eyes shut and pressed his lips together. Near felt awkward in his current situation and decided that it would be best if he left Mello alone.

He gave the blonde a pitying look, before turning on his heel and shuffling over to the bedroom door. His hand brushed the handle when a broken voice called out to him.

"I'm a bastard…"

The voice was filled with pain and anguish. It cracked up as a few sobs tore through Mello's throat and Near sighed and he turned to face the crumbling boy.

"Why?" He asked coldly. He knew what Mello was getting at, he already knew why Mello was saying it…but he needed to hear it...he needed Mello to say it!

The blonde gulped and lifted his head to face Near with blue, blue, blue eyes swimming with unshed tears. He gazed directly into Near's eyes. Silver...cold, hard, unblinking Silver. The colour made Mello wince, but he swallowed hard and opened his mouth.

"Gevanni...I know how much you liked him...but fuck! It wasn't fair! You always got what you wanted! You were always Number 1, always first, always everyone's top priority! I needed you to lose at least once...just once..."

Frowning at the dejected tone, Near cautiously approached Mello and hesitantly placed a hand on his shaking shoulder. Mello flinched but didn't protest.

"I never get what I always want. No one ever does Mello...we all have to fight to get what we desire...even if it does get taken from us."

"Hypocrite."

"...what?"

"You. You're a hypocrite. If you truly believe that, then you would have marched straight up to Gevanni and you would have sucked his fucking face off."

Near frowned at his choice of words and rolled his eyes. It was pointless to argue with Mello...there was no point to it. Especially when his mind his hazy from alcohol. The albino settled for a quick rub on Mello's back before retracting his hand and giving him a short nod. It was an unspoken agreement between them. This didn't change anything. Their little heart-to-heart meant nothing outside this room.

Once again the albino found himself at the bedroom door, lingering in the doorway. He bit his lip and turned to face the shaking blonde on the bed.

"Matt will understand. If you explain everything to him, I'm sure he will forgive you. He's that kind of person, the kind of person who will just know when you're being sincere. Matt will forgive you...I just wonder whether you'll forgive yourself..."

Mello froze as the words hit him like ice. Near left the room, closing the door behind him. Shooting a dirty look at the place the albino had just stood; Mello let out a quivering breath and slumped over.

Near was right...fuck...Near was always right.

Matt would understand.

Matt would forgive him.

But...Matt would never, ever trust him again.

_Trust me_...yeah, right...

X-x-X-x-X

_And I can barely look at you  
But every single time I do  
I know we'll make it anywhere  
Away from here_

_Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear..._

The song made him cry. Not with the same sort of tears as before, not tears of fondness and hope...but tears of heartbreak and depression. It had taken him some time after the party had ended for Mihael to finally retreat to his room. His tears came heavy and fast as he played the song over and over. Stopping and playing. Fast-forwarding and rewinding.

The song...it reflected his mood and everything going on in his life...

He had lost Matt. Mihael had lost him...no Mello! He had lost their Matt...their beautiful friend, the only one who could make that small void inside of him disappear. It was a terrible thought, but Mihael hated himself.

He should have stopped Mello from going upstairs. He should have prevented Matt from coming to the party. He should have cancelled the party all together.

Matt...he had only known the boy for a couple of weeks. Some people only need a couple of days or a couple of hours, but Mihael now knew the truth.

Love.

That...feeling. That...emotion. Something so foreign to Mello and yet something so desired by Mihael.

Love.

If 'Trust Me' were two words despised by Mello, then 'Love' was the word loathed by Mihael.

**Love: Noun. A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. Sexual desire. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection.**

...truthfully, there was no definition of love. You couldn't define it really...it was wild and impossible to tame. Love knows no boundaries and all that.

Mihael used to have a boundary, but that boundary had been crossed out, stamped on and set alight. Mihael no longer had a boundary...not after Mello had been created...not after Matt had walked into his life. No...love had now infected him. Love had hurt him and was now destroying Mello.

Mello didn't know what love was. He had never experienced true love. He may have felt love for his friends, but never had he felt so strongly for anyone like Matt. Mihael knew how he felt about the other boy. Mello didn't. Not yet anyway.

He loved him.

Mihael loved Matt. Mail Jeevas. Matt Jeevas. He loved the whole package. It was all he ever needed...a sweet, stunning boy who's heart was pure and so untainted and kind and so...damn beautiful. God must surely hate him now...it had torn Mihael apart when he realized how he felt for boys as well as girls. Mello had no qualms about it, but Mihael felt like flogging himself every time he woke up and realized just what gender Mello had taken to bed.

Matt though. He was different. Mihael didn't care about touching him. Mihael didn't feel dirty...he felt free. He longed for Matt, but knew...he just knew that it was too good to be true.

The gamer was meant to be a friend. Mihael had fallen in love with him. Mello had fallen in lust with him. Matt had trusted him.

Trust?

Love?

Quite odd how simple words held such power. Both gave people power and made people vulnerable. Both words could make a person hand themselves over, expose themselves and give a person the opportunity to hurt them in ways no one else can comprehend.

Trust Me...two words that Mello hated. However, they were no where near as hated as the next three words on the list: Histrionic. Personality. Disorder.

Love...one word. Mihael hated it...but not as much as these words: Avoidant. Personality. Disorder.

Personality Disorder.

Trust.

Love.

Yellow stood for intelligence. _Mellohadnoneofthat. _Purple stood for mystery. _Mihaelhashadenoughofthat._

Words had many meanings...meanings had many meanings...

Mihael just longed for the day where everything would become simple, easy...

Right.

* * *

**Awww...poor Mello/Mihael...**

**YAY! More Snow Patrol! I may be going to see them in November! YAY! ^.^**

**Anyways, I must ask...this story isn't going to fast, is it? I mean relationship-wise between Matt and Mello/Mihael?**

**GAH! Now you know their personality disorders...you'll find out why he/they have two disorders next time! ^.^ Also, I love, love, LOVE Gevanni/Near! ^.^ That's the third solid pairing in this story. The other two are so obvious it probably hurts...LOL!**

**So...I swear I was gonna say something else...but I forgotted it...humph...damn colds...meh...**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	12. Sulfur

**ZOMG! I am loving, loving, loving the reviews! **

**How many have I got now...200! OH YESH!**

**Hehehehe...this is another delayed update because of dreaded school work and my other Death Note story. ^.^ _'The Boys Of Wammy'_ no where near had this many reviews on Chapter 12. Hehehehe...I am so glad people don't think their relationship is getting rushed! Makes me happy!**

**More Mello torment to come, plus the long explaination, plus L/Light interaction plus BOOM! You will know what I mean by BOOM! once you reach the end of the chapter!**

**So...I had to look long and hard for this chapter's colour. I have about five different websites saved because of this story, all have colours and their meanings on them. Hehehe...**

**ENJOY!**

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Chapter 12 - Sulfur

_Sulfur is a dirty yellow colour, with a greenish tinge to it. Some consider it to be the colour of tainted people and impurity. Hidden torment and suffering are linked with the colour Sulfur. It also indicates pain or lack of ease within a person. The colour is often seen as the colour of people who are hurt or tormented with agony. Sulfur can also be the colour of angry people, and people who are easily infuriated._

Histrionic. Personality. Disorder.

Sling them together and you get a sentence, an illness, a disease that's loathed with a passion. It was a disorder that Mello personified. Yellow Mello, the sex fiend, the manipulator, the hurter and destroyer of all things good in Mihael's life. Mello refused to acknowledge that he had a disorder, but deep in his mind, he knew that something was wrong with him. Something that made him the cruel, heartless bastard that he was today.

Of course, he couldn't put all the blame solely on the disorder. There were ways to help make his life easier, to help him fight the disorder, to prevent it from ruling his life.

...but he didn't want the help. Mello enjoyed playing with people. He enjoyed being able to create lust, anger, confusion and depression within people's hearts. Mello enjoyed the way people would fold and hand over their pride and dignity on a silver platter. They became his toys, his playthings and Mello loved the manipulation he used to get what he wanted.

So Mello ignored the disorder, blanked the help and carried on with his life.

None of his friends noticed his behaviour, although he had been subjected to a couple of questioning looks. L and Light weren't geniuses for nothing and Mello had a sinking feeling that Near had suspicions about him too. Not that any of them said anything, but a single glance can say ten times more than any 'innocent' question in his opinion.

The therapist suggested that it would be best for him to 'come out' to his friends. Mello responded in his signature snarky way that it wasn't him that needed to come out. He refused to give his friends the feeling that they had to treat him gentle and be careful around him. Mello didn't want pity, especially pity from his friends. That would hurt him far more worse, than if they abandoned him completely.

Of course, he therapist disagreed with him. His therapist always disagreed with him. She was a miserable little bitch with streaky gray and black hair, with hawk-like eyes the colour of stone. Her hands would be curled around her notepad, with her long nails tapping against it whenever she got impatient. And fuck, did she get impatient with him. Naturally, it wasn't his fault she couldn't handle him. He certainly didn't want her there...neither did Mihael. It was the maid that pushed him into it.

And that just gave Mello another reason to fire the maid.

It probably took Mello at least two months before he snapped. She had uttered those three detestable words again. Histrionic. Personality. Disorder.

She had been fired as soon as the words had left her lips. Not only that, but a couple of plates, not to mention a chair had been thrown at her, whilst she was leaving the house. After chewing her out, with a large array of colourful language, Mello had thrown all of his 'personal papers' into the fire. He didn't need a fucking therapist, analyzing him and saying all these long fucking words that, in short, basically meant he was fucked up in the head!

His bliss of being therapist-less, lasted around about two months, before his maid hired another one. A man this time...he was younger than the woman, and he had softer features. The fact that he was morbidly obese probably added to these attributes, and the fact that his eyes were small, squinted and glowing green. He had a terrible comb-over and an even worse lisp.

Mello refused to step foot into the same room as that man.

Not because he was a therapist...but because Mello couldn't look at him without bursting into laughter.

So, Mihael took over.

Mihael went to the sessions and Mihael went through all the exams. However, unlike Mello with the woman, Mihael refused to open up. He would sit there with a cold, blank stare on his face. Unresponsive and unrelenting to the man's prodding. Mihael would always hear Mello's cackles in his mind as the blonde blanked the man's every question and ignored his every suggestion. Mihael was emotionless and empty.

The man decided to give him his own little disorder.

Once Mihael had been informed of it, he felt his sanity crack and crumble. Mello screamed with protest and hatred towards this man, this fucker that would dare tell _Mihael_ of all people that he was fucked up!

Apparently Mihael was easier to decipher...he was calm, cold and direct. Withdrawn and filled with self-hate. He had Avoidant Personality Disorder. He hated contacting other people, communicating with others and had not a single drop of trust for anyone.

Not even himself.

The man explained how _normal_ it was and how _easy _it was to overcome, if only Mihael would _open up a tad bit_ more and _accept his condition_ and the _help _the man would provide. Mello was furious. Mihael didn't need help! A disorder like that didn't make people normal and Mihael was already normal, to tell him something like that...fuck! Didn't the bastard know how unstable Mihael was? Didn't he know that was the reason Mello was created?

Fucker!

Who the fuck does he think he is?

No wonder Mihael didn't trust anyone, no wonder he was filled with self-hatred...the bastard! How could he say such shit to Mihael?

Mello was blinded with fury. He had taken it easy on the woman who had diagnosed him...but when it came to that man, all traces of mercy and holding back melted away under the heat of his anger. The man must have known something was up; by the way the air tensed and grew heavy, the way the atmosphere around them grew thick and suffocating. However, Mello didn't allow the fucker a second to react before he attacked, and unleashed all of his fury on the fucker in front of him.

Hell may hath no fury like a woman scorned...but that didn't hold a fucking candle to when Mello was scorned.

Everything within his reach was thrown, glass, books, lamps, chairs, cushions, a tray with everything on it... Mello even leapt at the man, clawing and punching and kicking. He was blinded by his anger, and he really didn't give a shit.

...that man left via ambulance.

It was probably Mello's most favourite moments in his life.

After that incident had occurred, the maid had been fired and all therapists and social services and psychologists and psychiatrists had a restraining order slammed on them and their company. Mello didn't desire the humiliation on being told how fucked up he was. Mihael certainly wouldn't be able to handle it either.

After a while, the news of his disorders soon settled down to the dark depths of his mind and Mello soon forgot about it, but the knowledge of them always lingered.

Fuck...

Histrionic. Personality. Disorder.

Avoidant. Personality. Disorder.

It was ridiculous...how can one person, one human being, have two different illnesses?

He knew that Mihael had cast himself off and created a new person within himself. Mello knew that he had split personality disorder, or rather Mihael had a split personality and Mello was the 'add-on'. He had first been created to appease his friends. From the moment he met L and was introduced to all the others, it was at that moment when Mihael began to fall into two. Mello had appeared and socialized with his friends, and played and learnt and basically took over Mihael's life in the public eye.

In a way, Mello was protecting him.

It was like a deep bond that no one could see, break or tamper with.

No one had ever seen Mihael and only called the boy by name. Everyone had seen Mello...because that's all they ever wanted to see. It suited them fine...Mello was fine...Mihael was fine.

Their bond was fine.

...

...of course, that was until **the incident**.

After Matt and after his party, Mihael had blocked off their 'connection'. Mello could no longer hear his cries or screams or feel his sadness. Mello couldn't sense Mihael anymore. It was like Mihael had died within him...he might as well have. Mello had broken that bond himself and he felt hollow inside. Mello had spent all night as himself, trying to gain some response from the other, but to no avail.

It was all ruined.

Completely and utterly...ruined.

X-x-X-x-X

Naturally, his inner turmoil would never be shown to his friends.

Mello carried on being fake, fake, fake. Fake smile, fake laugh, fake happiness. He hated it. You were supposed to trust your friends and be honest with them. Not lie straight out to their faces. Fuck! What kind of fucking person was he?

...he was an awful friend, a cruel lover and no matter what, Mello knew he couldn't, wouldn't ever change.

It was simply too late.

The final curtain had closed and Mello had been left stranded on the stage, the spotlight beaming down on him with a fierce glow. The pressure and the heat made him sick, but he couldn't move from his position. Mello was stuck like that, stuck in that show, that act forever...his audience, his friends, wouldn't ever know the truth.

They would just applaud and clap and smile.

Because the show was just too damn real...

Mello bit his lip and clenched his fists and the chatter around him melted into one big noise. The world around him slipped away and he was under. Matt had just walked into the canteen. Beautiful, innocent Matt. Matt with his gloved fingers shaking like leaves, Matt with his eyes heavily protected by Orange, Matt who resembled a frightened rabbit...Matt, who had walked straight past their table without a second glance.

Mello had always wondered what having a heart attack would be like...he wondered if the feeling would resemble that of a broken heart...

"What's his problem?"

The question from Misa caused his stomach to lurch, his head to ache and his eyes to sting. Fucking questions...he knew they would come up. Turning to face her with a flashy smirk and glittering eyes, Mello forced his tone into one of innocence.

"I haven't the slightest clue."

Ignore the curious glance from L.

Ignore the suspicious gaze from Light.

Ignore Mikami's questioning stare.

Ignore Misa's confused look.

Ignore, ignore, ignore Near's knowing, knowing, knowing glare!

Ignore. Blank. Act natural. He's fine!

Just. Fucking. Fine!

Returning to his half-eaten chocolate bar, Mello tore of a piece and chewed on it hastily. Their eyes burned into his back and he almost winced from the intensity of them. Mello felt hot and sweaty under their scrutiny, but thankfully his prayer of a change of subject was granted.

"Light, may I inquire as to whom you were kissing last night?"

Fucking Near. A blessing in the disguise of a curse.

The reaction was immediate. Light's handsome face bloomed up with a pink blush, spreading over his cheeks and his nose. He spluttered on his drink and wiped his mouth clumsily. Trying to avoid Misa and Mikami's faces, Light turned to Near and cleared his throat.

"I-I have no idea what you're talking about Near..."

Lie, lie, lie...

"Oh? I think you do...L, don't you agree?"

Mock, mock, mock...

L smiled wryly and twirled a fork around in his fingers. His eyes were glittering with dark mirth as he turned to face the horrified Light beside him. He placed the fork down and tilted his head to the side, a small smirk dancing on his lips.

Tease, tease, tease...

"Light, you know it's ridiculous to deny what's obvious. You kissed me at that party, and judging by your reaction, you were 76% sober, therefore the kiss we shared was not a mistake and that you did want it. Also, you enjoyed said kiss...the proof I have of that statement, lies in your pants. Of course it was erect at the time of the kiss bu--"

"STOP!"

...

Mello has said it once and he'll say it again. He. Loved. L.

Light's face was now fluorescent and could probably glow in the dark if it wanted to. His fists were clenched and shaking, his eyes shut and his lips drawn thin. He looked pretty angry, but Mello knew that no one would take that anger seriously due to the blush on his face.

"L, please stop saying those things! They're humiliating!"

"But they're true..."

"I'm not gay!"

L looked slightly stunned for a second and turned to face Misa, who looked utterly scandalized by the whole affair. He allowed his smirk to show on his face as he returned his attention to the seething brunette next to him. He eyed Light's hand for a second, and his eyes flashed with something that disturbed Mello greatly. L then proceeded to pick up Light's hand and dropped it into his lap. To be more specific, his crotch.

Light's eyes shot open and he stared down at his hand in horror.

"L, wha--"

"You like this, right?" L interrupted smoothly.

Light looked as if he were about to protest and gave his friends a pleading look. Near offered no help, Misa looked ready to commit murder, Mikami looked...hopeful? And Mello merely shook his head. Fuck...

Had he been that obvious?

Clearly, he had. Fuck...no backing out of this one then...

"I-I...alright! Yeah, I'm gay! B-But that's a...a..." Light stammered, staring down at his hand with shock.

"Dick?" Mello offered dryly.

"Yeah...that..."

"Well that sort of thing does appeal to homosexual men, Light," L stated.

No care, no empathy, not even trying to soften the blow...

Light bit his lip and his eyes grew round. He shook his head and wrenched his hand away from L, cradling it to his chest and glaring at L with a fury that seemed to radiate off his body. L merely shrugged and returned to his cheesecake, however a small smile still played on his lips. Light meanwhile, refused to back down.

"No...I mean...yeah okay I might be gay...but...that doesn't mean I have to like _that_! Especially yours L...don't you ever, ever force me to touch you like that again, or so help me God, I wil--"

"Shut the fuck up!"

Mello had snapped.

So much drama, so much fucking lying, mocking, hurt, teasing...he had snapped and hard. He had slammed his hands down on the table, stood up and glared at everyone surrounding him with a cruel, harsh glare.

...snap.

"Listen up you miserable fucker! If you don't fucking admit that you have the hots for L then I will make you admit it! You should count yourself so fucking lucky that he reciprocates your feelings! L, would you stop teasing him! It's not nice and it hurts, especially when you're teasing the guy who loves you and the guy you love. You're gonna give him a fucking heart attack! Oh, and that's not all! Misa, I'm sorry darling but I'm gonna have to break it to you. Light. Is. Gay! Get over it and find someone else! More importantly, go find Matsuda, 'cause that guy is head-over-heels in fucking love with you! You don't deserve his love you selfish tart and yet you have it anyway! Stop using him and just show him the love and respect he should get from you! Mikami, for fucks sake! Stop the acting and just be honest with yourself for a second! You will never have Light...you, have Takada. The sexual tension between you two, is almost as bad at the tension between L and Light. It's fucking suffocating me! Oh, and Near! Here's my phone. Find Gevanni's number, ring the bastard up and ask him out! Grow a pair would you! He loves you...he fucking adores you! Give in to your feelings otherwise it'll just build up and bite you in the ass later on!"

Mello's breathing was harsh and his tone was bitter and cold. His friend's were staring at him with fear and disbelief shining in their eyes.

But he didn't care...he didn't give a flying fuck!

"You have no idea how fucking lucky you lot are to have someone who loves you! You have no idea how lucky you are that someone sees you and still loves you and still wants you and needs you! You. Have. No. Fucking. Idea! At all! You lot are the luckiest bunch of bastards I have ever met...you are loved! You have people who want you and love you...I almost had that! I almost fucking HAD that! Matt...my fucking gorgeous Matt! I almost had him...I almost had him! Then what did I do?...I fucking screwed everything up! I fucking destroyed everything between, that's why he was like that Misa...does that answer your question! No! Of course it doesn't, because now you will want to know what I did that was so wrong to make him loathe me...I fucking nearly _hurt _him! At my party...I nearly..._hurt_...my...beautiful...Matty..."

Hurt, hurt, hurt...

Fuck...

Pain, pain, pain...

Sadness, depression, upset...

Bubbling feelings exploding over the brim, overflowing and pouring over the sides...

Hurt...rape...the message was implied, but he so dearly wished they understood the hidden meaning behind it...

The word had been whispered...only for their ears...only their ears deserved to hear his sin!

Anger, pain, hurt, lies, sadness, loneliness...

Mihael!

That was all Mihael!

Fuck...he had to get out of there...he had to leave...

NOW!

Mello span on his heel and sprinted out of the room, desperately ignoring the calls of his name and the whispers and the rumors and the gossip. Mello Keehl...the school's playboy found snapping at friends and running through corridors like a madman.

Mello Keehl...

Mihael Keehl...

It didn't matter who he was anymore...

He had snapped at his friends, his eyes burning with hatred for them. Them...the selfish, narrow-minded, loved them. He had snapped at them and cursed at them and insulted them and fuck...he had released his secret. He had told them what he had done. He had _hurt _his Matt.

Badly...No, not even that...he had hurt Matt in ways; no one should ever be hurt.

Near was wrong. Matt would never, ever forgive him.

Never.

The word swirled around in his mind, corrupting his sanity and causing him to go blind as he slammed into the boy's toilets. He stumbled into a stall, clutching his Sulfur hair as his thoughts tormented him. Mihael was no longer there. Matt was no longer there. He had driven his friends away. He was all alone.

_Never...alone...never...alone...**never alone**..._

Of course he would never be alone. Because his thoughts would always be haunting him...

Always.

Tears stung his eyes and dribbled down ashen cheeks.

Mello needed someone. Mello wanted anyone.

Mello just didn't want to be alone...

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**Poor Mello...how I torment him so...**

**Anyways, time to thank you glittery, lovely people out there for reviewing this story! ^.^**

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**ZOMG! What will happen next!? I don't know...LOL! Ahh yes, 'tis dangerous when even the author doesn't know what will happen next...hehehehe...**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	13. Turquoise

**O.O I am literally amazed at how many reviews I got last chapter!**

**You are all...amazing! In such glittery, awesome ways! ^.^**

**Hehehehe...you all wanted to have Matt run after Mello...awww...I'm sorry, you get this instead. LOL! I was thinking about it last night, wondering what I could put in to spice it up and VOILA! A plot penguin sat on me and handed over this idea on a silver platter! ^.^ **

**I'm still ill by the way...it was made worse by having a whole school photo taken in the windy, windy weather. Yuck. My hair kept flying all over my face, and I probably blinked when the picture was taken anyway...LOL.**

**In other news, I have decided to expand my other Death Note story. It will now be a Hell of a lot of one-shots about Mello and Matt...in their lives...in general. I have changed the summary and I also might change the title too...**

**SO! In this chapter...we have...Mello...Mello...Mello...Matt...Mello...More Mello...Matt...And MORE MELLO! ^.^**

**ENJOY!**

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Chapter 13 - Turquoise

_The colour Turquoise is a colour deemed to be supportive and protective. This color has more to do with feeling and creative expression than with rational thought. It strengthens the body and spirit. Turquoise is often linked with people with for emotional, mental and physical problems, as it can help heal them. People with hypersensitivity, or people with a mental calm are associated with the colour. Some say that Turquoise can help calm hyperactive or hypersensitive people. Turquoise calms the mind and is cooling to the nervous system._

Mihael.

His friends had just seen Mihael. It was Mihael who had snapped from their selfish talk and hurtful teasing and their cowardly ways. It was Mihael who had stood up and scolded them, revealing his secrets and allowing them to see his torment. It was Mihael who had allowed the words to flow from his lips, shouting at them and swearing at them. Mihael never swore. Never...

It was a sure indication that Mihael was truly broken and torn up about the entire ordeal.

Luckily, Mello had realized what the other boy had done and had taken over, only to sprint out of the room as fast as he could.

Now, sitting in the small, narrow toilet stall, Mello allowed a stray tear to trickle down his cheek. He had remembered the shocked look on his friend's faces. Their eyes filled with disbelief and fear. Fear!

He...Mihael, had said all those nasty things to them, but really he was just shouting at himself. Accusing his friends of all those things that he had done as well. The blonde boy was ashamed of himself. He couldn't believe how...easy it had become for anyone to crack Mihael out of his shell. Mello didn't like it. Mello couldn't believe how their secret had lingered dangerously close to becoming exposed.

No one...No one, should ever see Mihael…not like that anyway! It was the very reason why Mello was created. Why Mello had been 'born' as it were.

It was also the very reason the test kept failing…

Mello had tried so hard to make sure no one even caught a glimpse of the other boy until they were deemed worthy, but unfortunately his efforts were all in vain and clearly weren't enough. Mihael had made his debut in front of his friends and made one Hell of a first impression.

The only issue to deal with left is whether his friends saw Mihael...or saw Mello on a bad day.

If they just reckoned that Mello was just having an off-day, then everything would be simple and he would be able to shrug it off. However, if they knew that something was up, and seeing as three out of five of them were child prodigies...he wouldn't be surprised if they did see Mihael. That would make everything much harder, much more complex and all of his hard work would crumble down and turn dust.

Mello scrubbed at his cheek, erasing the evidence that he had allowed a tear to fall and stood up on shaky legs.

He closed his eyes and thought back to the incident that had just occurred in the canteen. L and Light were arguing, Misa looked ready to cry, Near looked somewhat uncomfortable; Mikami looked confused...the whole atmosphere was cold. Cold, cold, cold. Why was it cold? Surely it being the December month couldn't be it alone...could it? Cold, chilly, freezing, cold...

His insides had felt cold. Why?

Surely it wasn't because of his friends? Had something happened before that...before the argument...before it all went haywire?

...ah.

Of course. Of course, something went bad, went wrong, went cold.

The reason for the feeling had walked into the canteen and completely blanked him without a second thought.

Matt. His...beautiful...innocent...Matt? No. Mihael's beautiful, innocent Matt. Mello only wanted to test him and fuck him. Mello only wanted to see if Matt was just like anyone else. Well, he certainly got his answer. Matt was different because Matt didn't like his touch.

Because Matt thought Mello was going to rape him. Because Mello almost did rape him.

Fuck.

Mello clenched his fists and his eyes snapped open. His test-subject had failed then. Matt had failed the test, purely because he had rejected it. Matt would never get a second chance from him now. The blonde had been solely set on getting Matt into bed, and as soon as he had the gamer had let him down. It was impossible to carry out the test now an--

--what the fuck was he saying?

Was he really blaming Matt for all this?

Matt, the boy he almost raped?

Fuck...fuck the test, fuck the rules, fuck it all. Mello couldn't believe he had been so close to pinning everything on Matt rejecting his advances. The blonde never knew that the test would actually cause consequences such as this, but he knew that if he placed Matt within the test, nothing good would have come out of it. Yes, he had hoped the outcome would be positive, but a small niggling voice in the back of his mind had told him otherwise.

Mello could never put Matt through all that again.

He had no choice but to leave Matt out of the race and start at the beginning again. He couldn't risk putting Matt through that much hurt and pain again. Even Mihael had made himself (themself?) promise to never hurt Matt. But his reason for that was different...

Love.

Mihael loved Matt.

It was an absurd notion, but it was true. Matt had a place in Mihael's cold and empty heart. Shit, Mihael had never even met Matt properly and yet, such powerful feelings were growing within him. Mello, on the other hand, didn't love Matt. Mello couldn't love Matt. Mello couldn't love anyone.

Love was such a fickle emotion. It hurt people, placed them in dire situations and made them worry about nothing. Love could screw up a person's mind and make them do the most outrageous of things. Mello didn't want to love anyone because he didn't want to place himself in such a vulnerable position. Love made you weak and pathetic and it created something deep inside of you, something that only the person you loved could control. Common sense? Intelligence? Emotions? Mello didn't know exactly what that 'something' was, but he knew that all three of those things could be manipulated in ways that only a loved one could do.

He would know...he's had the experience of being the manipulator.

Mello sighed and rubbed his temples. The knowledge of Mihael's deep feelings for Matt was giving him a headache. He now knew that something had to be done. Mello had to do something, anything to help them get over the gamer.

The blonde wanted his old life back...his simple, easy life where he was on top and everyone was at his beck and call. Of course, Mello could no longer imagine a life without Matt being there. The gamer's very presence caused such a rife within his mind and it confused him and made him ache. The gamer was different to every other person Mello had met...he had to get the boy back in his life...but how?

Matt already had control of Mihael's emotions. Mello couldn't allow the same to happen to him.

Mello refused to _fall in love _and allow himself to become a victim to such an emotion. Yellow had to break away from Orange...Yellow had to connect back with Purple...Yellow had to return to normal. Normalcy was an incredibly odd thing and such a strange concept to achieve. No one can truly be normal, but Mello at least had to return to his standard of normal. In order to do that, he had to get over Matt.

Get over the fact that he had almost raped the boy.

Get over the fact that Mihael had fallen for him.

Get over the fact that getting over him would probably be the hardest thing for him to do.

Mello needed to break away from the string that connected him to the gamer. The string that was slowly thinning out and was starting to snap. Snap, just like Mihael had snapped mere moments ago...

Shaking his head, Mello unlocked the toilet stall and walked stiffly towards the mirrors.

Normalcy. He had to gain his sense of normal back. Mello knew that if he continued pursuing Matt, then the whole school would surely see Mihael sooner or later, and his little bundle of tightly wrapped secrets would come undone and everyone would know what a freak he was. A freak to have a split personality. A freak to have those personalities that also have different disorders. A freak to have fallen in love with a boy he almost raped because he was so desperate to carry out his test, too drunk to even think clearly and much too proud to even contemplate saying sorry.

How could he say sorry? Really? After something as major as that? It would be pitiful and ridiculous to say sorry after that kind of incident...but he had to get Matt to forgive him anyway.

He couldn't pursue the boy...but he couldn't ignore him either. He couldn't cut Matt out of his life fully. His friends would ask even more questions, Mihael would probably curl up and die without him and Mello...Mello...

Mello needed Matt in his life. Simple as that. As a friend though, not a test-subject. Seeing Matt as a test-subject had ruined everything. Mello needed to stop chasing him, yes...but he also needed to stop thinking of Matt in that light. He needed Mihael to get rid of his feelings of love.

Yellow now needed Purple to blend with him once more. Yellow needed Orange to fall away and into place.

No longer would Yellow and Orange blend, rather they would compliment each other...as friends.

Yes. Friends. Mello and Matt would be friends and Mihael would stop loving the gamer and Mello could carry on his little tests and--

--fuck. What about his friends?

They would want to know how he hurt Matt and why...what would he say? What could he say?

...fuck. Would Matt really want to be his friend? Knowing Mello's utter stupidity and in-sensitiveness that night, he probably caused Matt to have a flash back or something.

Damn.

He could remember that night so clearly. Matt's terrified expression, Mello's aching heartbreak and--wait, what? Heartbreak? Did Matt truly break his heart by rejecting his advances?

...he did. The gamer actually broke his non-existent heart. Why? How was that possible? Mello's head began to ache once more as the questions swirled faster and faster around his mind. Surely he didn't...feel for Matt, right? Oh, who was he kidding...of course he felt for Matt. The red-head was the most intriguing person he had ever met and the only person Mello would even consider as 'his type'. The feeling wasn't love though...it couldn't be love.

That would ruin everything.

Mello had to figure out some sort of plan. A plan to gain back his normal life, with the added bonus of getting Matt to forgive him and becoming his friend. Ignoring all possibilities that he had fallen just like Mihael had done so and continue testing random boys and girls.

Without imagining them with red-hair and Orange goggles on their faces.

Only people in love would do something like that.

And Mello wasn't in love.

X-x-X-x-X

Ignore the looks, the glares, the glances and stares.

Walk left, right, left, right and sit down.

Look ahead. Not to the side. Not up above and not down below. Look straight ahead at the board.

Ignore whispers, rumors, gossips and murmurs.

Look, ignore, look, ignore, look, ignore...Matt. Look Matt. Ignore Matt.

The gamer scanned the room with protected eyes and his gaze fell upon the blonde sat in front. Mello felt as if Orange lasers were burning into his back. He didn't turn though. He didn't look. Look Matt. Ignore Matt.

He was going to ignore the boy. For now anyway, and then, when they were alone in a more private and deserted place, he would fall to his knees and beg Matt for forgiveness. Any other test-subject would be ignored. Not Matt...never Matt. It has already been established how important Matt was in Mello's life. The boy could do anything and Mello would never get pissed off with him. The red-head just had the vibe, that effect that deemed anyone unable to get pissed off with him. Of course, Matt being different didn't always mean a good thing. The blonde had broken two of his rules because of Matt...and if he wasn't careful, then Rule 1 could be discarded too.

Matt looked so fucking beautiful. Every time he laid eyes on the boy, his heart would skip a beat. When he first saw Matt, the boy was radiant and glowing...like a phoenix. Now, his light seemed to have gone from his eyes, his fire extinguished within him. His hair still shimmered in the light; his skin was still flawless and resembled porcelain. No wonder Mihael fell for such an exotic beauty like him. Matt was perfect...but Mello knew better.

He knew that his stupid actions had broken Matt mentally and emotionally. Such wounds couldn't be seen on the surface, but Mello could see beneath his mask and saw the imprints of pain and hurt he had left behind that night.

Silently sighing, he closed his eyes as he heard Matt stiffly walk towards his desk. Incidentally, the boy was sat beside him...it probably made everything that much worse.

The gamer sat down and folded his arms, inching as far as he could away from Mello, but rendered incapable of turning away from him fully. The blonde would always have his attention, always. Whether it be for good or for bad, the blonde still managed to capture his concentration and focus.

Mello meanwhile, was having a hard time from falling to his knees there and then, grasping at Matt's hands and groveling on the floor for the gamer to forgive him. He could smell Matt's distinctive scent...but frowned as something musky and smoky was entwined within the clean, fresh scent that he normally associated with Matt. It wasn't a strong smell, but it was still there.

What had Matt been doing?

He longed to just turn to the boy and ask him, but he knew that he wouldn't receive a response...he probably didn't deserve it.

The torture of being so close to the very thing he used to covert and desire was stabbing at his mind and heart. He was within touching distance, speaking distance, smelling distance...kissing distance and--NO!

He couldn't. Mello absolutely couldn't finish that thought.

Matt was off limits. Strictly off limits!

The blonde would have to stick it out and take that fact that he could no longer be the same around Matt. Every thing had changed. Everything was different.

It was his entire fault and now he was paying the crime. Now he was repenting for sins.

If only Matt could see how sorry he truly was...

"Okay, books out, pipe down and listen up!" Ms. Wedy called out as she marched into the room.

Mello felt slightly better for the distraction and relaxed his tensed up shoulders. In the corner of his eye, he could see Matt playing his PSP under the table, his eyes darting back and forth from the screen to the blackboard. Mello felt a small smile tug at his lips but held it back and forced a frown onto his face as he read what Ms. Wedy was writing on the board.

_FAIRY-TALES_

Mello couldn't understand why she had picked such a topic, especially as she had expressed her disgust for such stories time and time again. She threw the chalk down onto her desk and stood up straight, hands on hips. She viewed the class on front of her, behind her dark sunglasses, a small smirk playing on red, red, red lips.

"You are such a lucky class. For the first time ever, you'll be the first ones to get an assignment over the Christmas holiday. You will be assigned a partner and you will be spending the entire two weeks, creating your very own fairytale, based on the real world. By that I mean, no dragons, no princesses, no princes, no knights in shining armour and no damsels in distress!"

Mello knew he wasn't the only one who flinched at her last ten words.

"Of course, if you're going to use such words in metaphorical means of getting your message across, then by all means...do so at your hearts content. If you fail to finish this up by the first lesson we get back, I will not chase you up and I will fail you for this module."

Ms. Wedy then gave her class a flashy smile and pulled a piece of bright Turquoise paper out of her bag. The colour made Mello wince from the vividness of it and he averted his eyes and looked at his table instead.

"Now, I understand that none of you are Hans Christian Anderson, and none of you are the Brothers Grimm, but I do expect this work to be of high standard. Now as for your partners, they shall be as followed. The rules are simple concerning you and your partner. If you can't visit their house, then you have a variety of other ways to communicate. Calling them up, emailing them and sending them a letter through the post are all easy ways to swap ideas and complete this task. Also, above all...you cannot change your partner. I don't care if you've been split up from your friend, or if you're stuck with a boy or a girl. They'll be your partners for the two weeks of this assignment. Happy? Good."

Mello shuffled uncomfortably in his chair as she cleared her throat and began to list off the partners.

"Now…Lucas and Dita, Millie and Hunter, Nicole and Chloe..."

The list went on and on and on...

...then she called out Matt's name. Then she called out Matt's partner's name.

The PSP fell with a clatter to the floor, a hushed silence swept over the class...

And Mello felt like screaming out loud with anger.

* * *

**Hehehehehe...who's Matt's partner? LOL!**

**Can't tell...'tis a secret, and I've already planned the whole thing out! For once, I actually know where this story is going! ^.^**

**And no, Matt can't forgive Mello yet! It takes a lot of time and trust to get over something like that, I should know, BUT I promise to write up a WHOLE chapter dedicated to Matt and his past life...soon...very soon...hopefully...**

**Hehehehehe...perty please review! This has become my baby! I have only four other major stories like this, but this one is getting all of my attention! Of course, so is TBOW...but this one is just so amazing with all the reviewers and people who favourite and alert and...has anyone added this story to that 'Storymarks' thingy-mah-bob?**

**I've just realised that it's there and I think of all the stories I have lost and how many times I have lost my place in a story...GAH!**

**ANYWAY! Love the reviews...love you all...love the cliffy I have just left...**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	14. Aquamarine

**I am blushing with how many lovely reviews I have received! ^.^**

**You're all glittery-love covered stars! ^.^ I mean it!**

**Now, this chapter...I must say now that this has been one of the more...challenging chapters to write. Mello is an intense person, but he isn't soft either. So...this was a challenge to write and I hope I pulled it off!**

**Mwahahahaha...so many people with so many thoughts on who Matt would be partnered with...**

**In other news...my nose hurts. I walked into a door. I fail. My cold is gone though annnnnd...I'm in love! ^.^ Yah! Happy, happy me, right? Hehehe...**

**Unfortunately, my happiness doesn't exactly...flow into the story...LOL!**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 14 - Aquamarine

_Aquamarine is a colour associated with people need to stimulate their intellect and stabilize their emotions. Some people wear Aquamarine for self-understanding, compassion, understanding and tolerance. The colour can also help with communication. People who need to improve their confidence, and the ability to stand fast are usually linked with the colour. A brighter Aquamarine helps communication whilst a darker shade may indicate a sedentary person, a person who is bit lazy. Shades that are more blue than green indicate a dreamy person, a person who us more emotional and is a thinker rather than a doer. Greener shades are associated with insight, someone with the perception who sees possibilities. They mean well but may presume to know what is right for everyone else._

Mello slammed his bedroom door shut and cursed the Heaven's above.

He couldn't believe it. It simply wasn't fair...everything he had planned was ruined. Everything he had thought up of, was now considered impossible to do. How could he even think of carrying out his plan when Ms. Wedy had to do _that_?

It wasn't right, fair, proper...it simply _couldn't_ be done.

The blonde threw his bag to the side and gripped his rosary as he marched over to his bed. The rosary was sharp and pricked his hand, but he didn't care. Mihael was the one who did the praying between them, but Mello knew that God must have fated this to happen due to his non-belief. The blonde himself had never prayed, but simply allowed Mihael to take the lead and watched as the boy knelt down by the window and muttered out a stream of prayers.

Mello had come to the conclusion whilst angrily marching back from school. He had a long way to walk and so he had a lot of time to spend thinking. He was considering if it was Fate that had decided his crappy life for him and that it was too late to change it. Fate, Karma and Destiny. The three things that he believed in...it was another aspect of Mihael's life that Mello had split apart from. The blonde thought that if God had made his (their; Miheal's) life awful, then surely it would just be a waste of time praying too him.

Or was it _because _he didn't pray to him, that his life was a wreck?

Mello had contemplated the thought and decided to entertain the very idea of praying and as soon as he reached his house (not home, house), he slammed open his front door and sprinted up the stairs, not bothering to miss out the ones that groaned under his weight. He was still seething by Ms. Wedy's decision and the very thought of prayer being the answer to his problems made the situation worse.

He didn't want to pray to a being he didn't believe in. Mello never had to before. However, it's already been established that Matt was different and so for him, for them, for Mihael...Mello would swallow his pride and kneel before God. God who Mihael loved and worshiped. God who Mello hated and ignored.

God. The eternal being who loved everything and had bright, wonderful plans for everyone on this Green Earth of His.

_Damn it all..._

The blonde sighed and stretched out, before falling to his knees and clasping his hands in front of him.

It looked easy enough when Mihael did it, but Mello knew he had to actually mean what he was saying. He had to mean his pleas for help, his begging for forgiveness, his promise to live his life well.

Praying to God right now went against his very lifestyle and half the things he believed in. Mello didn't ask for help, he didn't need help. He was independent and his pride simply wouldn't allow him to actually ask for the assistance of another being. But...

...if praying to God mean getting his life back on track, then he _would_ kneel down and he _would_ mean every single word he said.

Especially after today.

He needed this, he needed the help...he needed Matt.

One prayer to God. One single question, a single plea, a simple asking for help. If that single, solitary thing gave him Matt's forgiveness, then Mello would pray every morning, noon and night for the rest of his life.

That was a promise he intended to keep.

Shifting his body into a more comfortable position, Mello closed his eyes and sighed. Every word had to be meaningful. Every word had to be said right and properly. Think before you speak, as they say.

Well, Mello thought...and then Mello spoke.

"Dear...God, Lord, Father, whatever the Hell they call you nowadays. It's me, Mello. Normally, it's Mihael you're talking to and listening to, but he's busy throwing a hissy-fit. A hissy-fit that he should have...because, as I'm sure you have noticed...I'm a bastard. I hurt people, I use people and I love it. I love the way they just crumble beneath my hands, the way they melt from my words, the way they crack and break whenever I turn them down and reject them. It's like...it's like an anti-drug. The way I fuck and chuck them. Forgive my language, but it's the truth, in all of its blunt glory. I'm addicted to the feel of being wanted by someone, even if it's just sex. I'm addicted with the way they moan for me and beg for me. It's like they need me to be there and in the past, it was the one thing I...or rather Mihael, wanted. More than anything else. I long to be wanted and needed. I have to have the feeling of belonging somewhere. Look at me Father. Look at my house, my 'family', my life. It's cold, empty and desolate. I fucking hate it! I'm going insane Father and I need...I need...Father, I need him. I need him so fucking much. Yeah, my friends are there and they help me and I feel like I belong with them. But it isn't the same. He's different. He's like, one of your angels. Mihael is sure that you've sent him down from Heaven to help us...but why would you do that? You hate my kind right?"

Mello's eyes flickered open for a second and his hand's felt clammy and warm. The heavy feeling on his shoulders...it was like, with every word his spoke, the weight got lighter and lighter. He thought back to his last question and a small smile appeared on his face. He closed his eyes once more and continued his prayer.

"...of course you don't. Otherwise you wouldn't have made us. Made me. You couldn't have created us. Why would you? Why would anyone make something, purely for the sake of it being hated? It's kinda like Frankenstein...only, different. Frankenstein only made one monster, but you made many. Funny thing is, we aren't monsters...well, maybe I am. But that's how you created me right? Humph, to be honest, I don't care either way...I never believed in you, you know? It was all Mihael, but right now...I'm actually starting to feel slightly better talking to thin air. So God, why did you send that angel down? Why did you send Matt down? To torment me...to torture me...to test me? Well guess what? I've had it with fucking tests. Your test, my test, the tests I fail at school. All of them are nothing but utter bullshit."

**Test: Noun. The means by which the presence, quality, or genuineness of anything is determined. A means of trial.**

In short, another word added to the list of words he despised.

"So Father, what are you going to do? I want him to forgive me...but would you really help someone like me? A whore...don't I deserve to be stoned? A fag...shouldn't I be killed? A mental head-case...shouldn't I be locked up? The answer is probably 'yes' to all of the above, but I begging you now, and I never beg. I never ask for anyone's help. I know that I don't need anyone's help, much less yours...but I have to have Matt's forgiveness. He makes me feel so weird and funny inside. Damn me for sounding like a soft tart...but he makes me feel whole. Fuck...Mihael loves him. _Love_! Isn't that stupid! He loves someone...someone he has never met properly, someone he'll never meet properly because Matt failed my stupid, fucking test! Matt will never, ever see Mihael and Matt will never, ever talk to me again! Unless...you help me. This is going to kill me...but...please? I need him so fucking badly in my life. It's like my life is on a pair of scales. I'm on one side and everything else in this world is on the other. I'm sinking down Father, I'm drowning! There's no one to help me and BANG! He comes along and stands on my side, and suddenly, everything is balanced. I have balance in my life and I love...I love it. But I hate it. I've hurt him, I've broken him. I've broken Orange, Father! I've broken the most beautiful colour in this dreary Black and White world! I could have raped him that night...can you forgive such a sin?...because I can't. Never will I forgive myself for what I did to him. Never."

Tears...small, sparkling and Aquamarine slowly slid down his cheeks.

Mello no longer cared that he was practically talking to himself. No longer cared that he was being weak and pathetic.

No longer cared at all.

"God, Father, Lord My Saviour. Save me...please...because Matt has gotten off my side of the scales and is now stood on the other side. I'm suffocating; I'm going under...I'm fucking losing it! The guilt, the pain, the want and the longing. All of it is inside my head and I want it out! Get it all out! Matt has to forgive me...please...Father...do something. Anything. Everything. Just not nothing. I've said 'please' for fucks sake! You have to something now!"

Mello felt a lump grow in his throat and he swallowed it down thickly. His words were becoming more strained and Mello now knew what it was like to tell the truth for once, to mean what he said and knew...just knew what it was like to depend on nothing and everything at the same time.

"I'm fucking sick and tired of being on my own! It's not fun or fucking funny either...this big house? I can't call it a home, y'know? Because it isn't a home...it's empty and big and hollow and fuck! I hate it! I hate it all! I want it gone...fuck it all. Father, I'd happily live on the streets if it meant I was no longer alone. You can give my house to some homeless kids if you want. Switch our places. However, if you can't make that happen...then at least give me Matt. Give me the strength...give me my friends forgiveness for screaming like a dick to them. I want a lot of things Father...I want to be Number 1. I want to be the best. I want to see my parents for the first fucking time. I want my friends back. I want--no, I need...I need, need, need Matt! Not in that way mind, just as a friend. For everything to be like it was before my birthday. Where I was his Knight and he was my Damsel. Please Father...this Knight needs his Damsel...I need him..."

Mello's throat felt raw and his eyes stung.

He had no more to say, he had no idea what to say...and so he let his (their) rosary go. The cross fell against his chest, the metal now gleaming with red tint. He had clutched it so tightly, he had made himself bleed. Mello frowned at the blood, and wiped it away on his duvet.

Standing up on shaky legs, he roughly removed any tears from his face and stumbled across his room to his mirror. Mello wrinkled his nose at his reflection and felt a bubble of disgust grow within him. His hair was stuck up and dry. His face was ashen and sticky from his tears. His eyes were puffed up and blood shot. The blonde looked awful and he knew he had never looked so..._human_ before, in all of his life.

He felt real. Alive. Here. Mello smiled a small, genuine smile and looked up.

Gazing up at the ceiling, he absentmindedly crossed himself. The blonde didn't feel any spiritual energy, or any feeling of the Holy Spirit near him...he merely felt lighter. More relaxed. More confident in his life.

He still didn't believe though. If God had heard his prayer and decided to grant Mello his wish, like a Fairy Godmother, then Mello would believe.

After all, believing is seeing.

Feeling somewhat drained, Mello allowed himself to collapse to the floor with a sigh. He had to rethink his next move. If God was truly there and if God was truly helping him out, then this would go without a glitch.

Mello grimly thought back to Ms. Wedy's lesson.

_"Matt Jeevas and--"_

She was a total bitch. He couldn't believe her decision. Why would she do such a thing...?

It made everything more complicated and difficult for him.

He remembered how silent the class was, how Ms. Wedy had scolded Matt for playing a PSP in class, how mortified and horrified Matt looked from the corner of his eye.

The feeling of shock, fear and anxiety...

...they all came crashing back to him, and his hand automatically reached up to his rosary.

_"--Near River."_

* * *

**O.O**

**X.X**

**Your eyes are NOT deceiving you. That name really is there...you can glare at it all you want, it won't change to Mello, I can assure you that! ^.^**

**...how many people thought that it would be Mello, really? Hehehehehehe....**

**Sorry, but this is how the story shall roll...hehehehe...**

**SO! Perty please review...hehehehe...**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	15. Gold

**I've been so ill! GAH! This is waaay over-due! It should have been up, like, forever ago!**

**^.^ I have over 300 reviews though! Excited? Me? Of course! Hehehehehe...**

**ZOMG! I am now going to bury myself in a hole far away from your death threats and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Step AWAY from your computers/laptops! Hehehehehe....**

**So, I'm glad you liked Mello's prayer! ^.^ It was a challenge to write. And of course...the delicious little twist that earnt me many death threats! ^.^**

**Here we have Near's past and Gevanni/Near implications. And Mello...lotsa Mello too...^.^**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 15 - Gold

_It is no surprise that gold symbolizes wealth used wisely, but it is also the symbol of good health. People who favor the color gold are optimistic. Wearing gold in everyday life increases personal power, and promotes courage, confidence and willpower. Gold chains worn around the neck preserve health. The color can be used when people desire increased personal power or relaxation and enjoyment of life. Gold can also be linked to good health and success. People who desire good communication skills and power wear gold to increase such attributes._

Talking to Near wasn't fun.

It wasn't easy, wasn't simple and wasn't Mello's most favourite past time. After his little 'conversation' with God, the blonde decided to head on over to Near's house and have a private word with the boy. Mello had a million things he wanted to say to Near...half of which were insults and the other half revolved around Matt.

Knowing that downright insulting the boy wouldn't be beneficial to him and his desires, Mello had taken his time getting ready before heading on over to the albino's house. He couldn't call what Near lived in a 'home'. The same reason why he couldn't call his own house a home applied to Near. However, where Mello's parents were both on a very long 'honeymoon' of sorts, Near's family...wasn't there.

It wasn't like they wanted him. It wasn't like he was a mistake they were trying to get rid off.

...on the contrary, Near's parents loved him very much. They spoiled him and showered him with love and affection. Only...too much love and too much affection. When Near was younger he was always overwhelmed by the amount of attention they paid him. He never had any privacy or any air to breathe. His parents simply wouldn't allow him out of their sights. It only went from bad to worse when they found out how intelligent Near was.

The albino couldn't handle the attention and so he started to withdraw.

He started to grow cold, grow stoic, grow emotionless...he began rejecting their gifts and presents, he turned down their many offers and invitations. Near locked his parents out of his life, wanting nothing more than to be left alone.

...of course, one day he was left alone.

They promised to return from their evening meal at 10:30PM. Near knew something was wrong when they hadn't turned up by 2:30AM.

Not that he waited up for them.

The albino merely waited all night and then all morning too, for their swift return. He waited for the knock on the door and the joyous voices calling out their welcomes...well, he heard a knock. The door didn't open up though. The knocking continued. The albino had decided to go and investigate the persistent knocks and was momentarily shocked when he discovered that a couple of policemen were standing on his doorstep.

_"We're sorry..."_

_"...our condolences..."_

_"...car...crash..."_

_"...no survivors."_

_"Dead."_

_"Dead."_

**_"Dead."_**

They had gone out alive...they came back dead.

That day, Near truly felt something for his parents. He didn't what it was though. The albino didn't cry, didn't get emotional nor did he show any signs of grief. Instead he crawled further back within his shell, creating a thick wall of protection that hid him from the cruel outside world.

Dead. Death. Dying. Die.

Such words didn't effect him anymore...not after _their _lives were cut short. It may seem as if Near no longer cared, but in actual fact, he cared too much. He cared for his parents, but he didn't know how to handle their love and affection and so he blocked them out. He cared too much for Gevanni, and the older boy had slept with Mello. He cared too much for Mello, and he ended up getting hurt.

Near was emotionless to all of those who refused to find out the real him. Those who did know him wouldn't regret digging into his past.

Of course, it was L who told Mello all of this and it was L who did all the digging and it was L who didn't regret the persistent questioning. He was L and he had to know. After hearing about Near's full past, L took it upon himself to protect Near and look after Near, even if it seemed like he couldn't care less.

When Mello was first informed of Near's past, he immediately thought of his own. Living alone, hiding behind a mask, not wanting just anyone to break through to him. That thought however, made him disgusted. He didn't want to be alike to Near in any way, shape or form. Mello loathed Near, but Mihael was different. Mihael wanted to reach out to him and share their pain. Misery. Loves. Company.

However, seeing as Mello was dominant within the body, the opportunity for Mihael to reach out never came. Mello simply wouldn't allow it. So Mihael had to stand back and watch as Mello repeatedly hurt Near, time and time again. Near might not have shown it and Mello might not have seen it...but Mihael did.

Right now Mihael was worried about what Mello would do.

Of course, he had every right to be worried. Mello was an emotional roller coaster and right now that roller coaster was stood on Near's doorstep. The very doorstep where he was informed of his parent's death. The very doorstep where Near's life had halted and then came crashing down. Not that he had allowed anyone to witness it, nor had he allowed himself to be affected by it.

The blonde looked down to the cold, hard slab under him and frowned. Fuck...a few years back and it would have been a pair of policemen stood here. Sighing and shaking his head free from such sentimental thoughts, Mello looked up and raised a fist to knock on the door. However, he hesitated and clenched his eyes shut. He didn't know why he was doing it, he hated Near...hated the little freaky fucker...and yet, he couldn't knock.

He couldn't bring flashes of the past to Near's mind. Mello knew what it was like...or was it Mihael who knew that experience?

Either way, he couldn't knock. It was just so strange to find himself actually thinking about Near in such a way. Was he feeling...sorry for the boy?...no. Absolutely not. He couldn't be, he refused to be. Near was a freak...a pathetic excuse for a self-pitying little leech. He despised Near.

It was probably Mihael that was causing him to pause in knocking.

Yes. It was all Mihael's doing....Mihael had felt sorry for the boy. Even though he despised the albino for hurting Mello time and time again...Mihael had wanted to befriend the boy and help him out. All of which were forbidden by Mello. The blonde refused the other's pleas and his pride couldn't allow him to go on with Mihael's ideas. It didn't matter who talked to Near on the inside, he would still appear to be the same on the outside. Mello used this to his advantage, stating that it would merely confuse 'poor' Near if, one day he was being nice and the next he was flushing his head down the toilet.

Not that Mello has ever done that. Not that Mello would _ever_ do that...

Hell hath no fury, like an L scorned...and when L was scorned, you'd have to run like mad, change your name, alter your appearance and pray that the raven never found you.

With that thought in mind, Mello reluctantly rang the door bell. The dull ring echoed within the house and Mello swallowed hard as he waited. The chilly air bit into his skin and dug down deep to freeze his bones. He shivered slightly and berated himself for going out in such clothing. Only the other week he had bought a nice new winter coat...perfect for such conditions. But no, because he was in a rush, he had to ignore the nice, red, warm coat and head on out in nothing but skimpy leather. Fuck. He wished he had that coat now...it was gorgeous with a beautiful Red colour that resembled a certain boy's hair colour an--

"Mello? What are you doing here?"

Brought out of his thoughts by the questioning tone, Mello looked down to sneer at the albino who had now appeared. The cold, Silver eyes gazed back at him and made him shiver far more than the December wind. He frowned at the question and hugged himself tightly.

"What the fuck does it look like I'm doing? I'm waiting for you to let me the fuck in!"

Near raised an eyebrow but stood aside anyway to let Mello march in, his skin flushing red as the hot air hit him full on. Closing the door, Near slowly turned on his heel and watched as Mello rubbed his arms up and down, lingering by the kitchen doorway with an uncomfortable expression on his face.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck! Listen up...I...we...we need to talk."

"Oh? I had a feeling that this situation would arise. It's about..."

"Matt. You and Matt. Me and Matt. Mainly you...and Matt."

Near nodded and knelt down by the window, curling a lock of snowy hair around his finger as he regarded Mello cautiously. The blonde seemed to be calm on the outside, with only flickers of annoyance being seen, but the albino knew he was just like a volcano, ready to erupt.

"Go ahead then."

And God...did Mello erupt.

"I need to switch places with you! Fuck what Ms. Wedy said, fuck the rules and fuck the class. I need to, I have to work with Matt! Seriously, you know that I've hurt him; you've seen what's happened to me and him. I have to work with him; otherwise I won't see him for the full two weeks and fuck Near! I want to apologize to him and say sorry and all that shit. Plus, you work better with Linda than I do! Come on Near, do not make me fucking say 'please'! I've said it enough times in my past life to last me the _rest_ of my life."

Near tilted his head to the side and hummed.

Mello waited, tapping his foot impatiently.

"...hmmm...no."

The blonde glowered at him and folded his arms, his eyes buring with hatred and disgust. He stiffly marched over to the albino and glared down at him.

"The fuck? Why the Hell not?"

Near was unfazed by how angry Mello had become and continued to curl his hair and match Mello's gaze.

"You don't deserve him Mello. All you ever do is hurt people. You hurt everyone yesterday...you insulted us and you made Misa cry--"

"Anyone can make fucking Misa cry!"

"--not only that, but I've seen the way Matt looks at you. His eyes may be covered up, but it doesn't take a genius to see the pain and hurt within them. I don't know what exactly happened that night, nor do I wish to...all I can say is that Karma has come around and has bitten you where it hurts. Now you know, yes? Now you know what it feels like. I will not help you with your relationship--"

"Friendship!"

"--...friendship then, with Matt. If he asks me anything, then I'll tell him the truth. Whatever he asks me, I'll respond to him and give him any information he desires."

Mello was silent for a minute. He looked down and sighed...he knew what he had to do. He didn't want Matt to find out his dirty, sleazy past. Least of all, if he gained such information from a freak like Near. He pulled out his mobile and tapped in a number. Near watched him curiously, but didn't question Mello's motives.

"Here. This is his number. Gevanni's number."

Near held back a flinch and glared up at the blonde. He couldn't believe how low Mello would go to get his way. Actually...thinking about it, he could.

"If I can get you two to hook up, because it's painfully obvious how much you fucking want him, then will you let me swap with you?"

The albino gave the phone a wary look, his eyes flickering from the device to Mello's cold stare. He swallowed hard and twisted his hair tighter. Gevanni...Gevanni...

Could he do it? Could he allow himself this selfish little desire? Could he allow himself to give in to his temptation...his weakness?

No. No, no, no, no, NO!

"...yes."

Gevanni. Beautiful, sophisticated, intelligent Gevanni. His sharp profile, his exotic eyes...Near found it hard to erase such an image from his mind, no matter how hard he tried to distract himself. But, Near was still human...still selfish...still needy.

He still wanted him.

Mello's grin curled up into a cruel and mocking smile. He pressed the call button and held the phone to his ear. The dialing tone could be heard and Near gulped as it rang through the heavy silence.

Selfish...stupid...needy...human.

He was human. Human. Human. Human.

Many asked if Near had Asperger's. It would make a lot of sense, but it was wrong. Yes, Near was awkward in certain situations and yes, he found it hard to react to people...but he didn't have Asperger's. He knew he didn't.

He was just...selfish...needy...and human.

Although, if he were to be diagnosed as such, it wouldn't come as a surprise. Near's hair was feeling the strain as he pulled harder and harder on it. Twisting it tighter and tighter around his fingers.

The dialing tone silenced. A voice...a 'hello'...and Mello's smile melting into the sadistic grin.

"Gevanni...how are you?" He purred.

Mistake. Mistake. Mistake.

"That's good. Me? Oh, I'm just fine thanks...actually; I have a proposal for you. Yes...would you like to hear it?"

Please say no...please say no...no...no...no...no!

"One word Gevanni: Near. You remember him right? Yeah...that 'cute' one, whatever. You still want him, right?"

No he doesn't! Gevanni doesn't want him. No one ever wanted him. Only his parents...and look what happened to them. Gevanni doesn't want him, doesn't want him, doesn't want him!

"Excellent! How about...Friday. 8:30PM?"

...Gevanni wanted him?

Actually, really wanted him?

Near was in shock as Mello continued to smile that cold grin and felt a bubble of fear within him. He didn't know if Mello was being honest or not, he didn't know whether it was all just an act or real. It seemed surreal to him.

...Gevanni. He really did want him?

"Is that alright...oh no, you can come over to his house! You already have his address right? Good. Treat him well or I'll fucking maim you. Bye."

He flipped the phone shut and peered down at the wide-eyed albino staring up at him with disbelief. Near couldn't comprehend why Mello did such a thing. It was cruel and taunting and mocking...and probably the nicest thing Mello would ever do for him. But did the blonde actually deserve to be with Matt. The albino knew it would kill the gamer to have to spend two whole weeks with the guy who had hurt him so...but may be he could assist the chocoholic.

"Mello?"

The blonde grinned at him as he tucked his phone away. He brushed several strands of blonde hair out of his eyes and waited expectantly. Funny...in this light, his hair appeared to be Gold. How ironic that a sinful demon looked so much like a pure angel with hair as beautiful as Golden silk.

"Mello...I shall not swap partners, but...I shall help you. I'll befriend Matt and gain his trust and respect in order for him to gain yours as well. It won't be too hard by the looks of things. He still wants to be your friend, very much so too."

The blonde allowed the words to sink, feeling like arguing his case against the albino. However, he knew that deal was as far as Near would go for him. He had no other choice but to accept it. He could always find other ways to socialize with the red-head.

"Fine. That's fine Near," He stated stiffly.

Mello turned heel and walked over to the door, his hand brushing over the handle as Near opened his mouth once more.

"If it doesn't work out though...then I'm sorry."

Mello's grip tightened around the handle and he gritted his teeth. Pathetic excuse for a fucking genius.

He hated how low he had fallen to gain Matt's forgiveness...but fuck! Did Near have to say such a fucking thing?

"No. If it doesn't work out, then you'll be dead. And I'll fuck Gevanni to Hell and back on your fucking grave Near! If you don't get Matt to forgive me, then you can't have Gevanni to accept you. Sorry freak, but that's life," He stated with an icy tone.

How dare he even contemplate such things?

Near will get Matt to like him once more!

Mello hated having to resort to Near's help, but he knew deep in his black heart that there was no other way about it. Near would help him and he would help Near. Never again though. Never fucking again. He wasn't this weak! He wasn't this low! If it were up to him, he would have gone up to Matt and demanded his forgiveness...but then again...

This was Matt. You couldn't just march up to him and demand such a thing of him.

It simply wasn't done. Not when it came to Matt anyway.

...fuck...he had allowed himself to get too soft. Fucking, perfect gamer!

Mello growled with annoyance. Ignoring Near's gasp, he twisted the handle sharply and stormed out of the house, slamming the door shut. Once more he was stood on the cursed doorstep to the albino's house. He peered down and smirked at the 'Welcome' mat. He cocked his head to the side and sneered as he pondered on the many situations that must have happened on this mat.

His smirk grew cold and cruel as he thought up one more scenario.

If Near didn't get Matt to even contemplate forgiving him, then Near would die.

Right on this fucking doorstep.

* * *

**Violent!Mello is showing through...think of him now as how he was in the Mafia. Yahh...like that! ^.^**

**ZOMG! 300 reviews...time to shower you with glittery love! ^.^**

_snappygirl, axeldemyxXx, Broken Glass Walker, Dunkelmur, mikoofdoom, munnins-memory, Kyler Conroy, NoEcho, KFMMSA, Miko Akako, Jan, lily. flower, xxIceCrystalxx, skye hakari, LxIsxJustice, cutmeawayMYPENMYHAND, ShinigamiApples, MyColdHeart, Gabby-sama, Nehan Shinzui34, arandm30, crimson, westwardcircle, Kyler Conroy, rosethourne, maiko, gothicsantaclawz, Amaya-Ai, InnerShadow, Unlucky-angel13, kfjkaskm, InnerShadow, lovelyblackheart, Mello-Mellon, Raven1050, Kit-Kat Punk-lover, RistukaLovelessBelovedSoubi, Misha2011, Jaylee, XxXDevil-Chan, XXX, threemillionworded, Living in a fantasy, Nana Weiss, ZomgKelley, Fan, Blind Unicorn, Your Alien, keeda, twingem2, SunnydayinPallet, atomiclint, jinnabun, Sleeping Demon, Mia-Gabriella, methegirl, unheardcries, Nippz, Taio Ryder, Fused-Chappy, Cousin It Like Pie, XthirteenX, Bloody Mello, ShinigamiMailJeevas, GremlinGirl, xxWammyGirlxx, Hollie-chan, Possessed4evr, Yoru K-Chan, Agatsuma Ritsuka, ParaPara, ebo2, merichuel, doujinshilover1516, smiley95, Dreamer878, Missy, Fundibulous teh Zohan, Grace Raven, Shinra'sCrazyTurk, The. VII. LunaEclipse, trytobrakemylittleshell, Ms. Bloody Death ANND IndifferenceToSociety! And one reviewer who was anonymous but didn't leave a name...LOL ^.^_

**So yahhh...those people right tharrr are stars! Lovely, glittery, awesome people who reviewed! ^.^ Love you muchly!**

**Next chapter, will probably be another long update...sorry. But, I have an EPIC chapter to write for 'The Boy's Of Wammy' which is half way done and I have school and love, love, love! ^.^ Hehehehe...He is the sweetest person in the whole world...he's like my Sensitive!Matt! ^.^**

**Anyways, perty please review! If you've been forgotten, repeated or other such thing then I FAIL! X.X ...YAH!**

**Hehehehe...**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	16. Crimson

**^.^ So many lovely reviews! ^.^**

**Okay, so this is merely a filler chapter...there's a lot of these in this story, hehehehehe...Anyways, this is basically outlining Mello's life before the holidays, summing it all up in one easy chapter!**

**So...the romance? Do you remember that? Well...it was short-lived. We found that being friends was WAY easier than being BF and GF. So yeah, I'm single again now...**

**Also, colours...I have so few obvious colours to go through and then that's where it'll get hard. I haven't done: Blue, Green, Pink, Lilac, etc...those sorts of colours and I already have plans for them, so what I'm asking is...What is your favourite colour? Or, name me an unusual colour...yeah, that will make things a tinier bit easier!**

**So...we have, Mello, friends, Mello, Christmas, Mello, Matt(!), Linda, Mello, Mihael(!), Mello and...hummm...have I mentioned Mello?**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 16 - Crimson

_Crimson is the colour for an optimistic go getter. People who relate to crimson have a challenging, competitive nature and are eager for success. Crimson is often linked to people who are ready to champion causes but sometimes can be considered as reckless. A darker shade of crimson can indicate touchy tempers. Whilst a lighter shade indicates a person who enjoys a lot of social interaction._

It was the last day of school.

Three days till Christmas, twelve until New Years and fourteen until he saw Matt again. It was all noted down onto his calendar in thick black marker. He couldn't forget the dates, the numbers, the countdowns...he wouldn't allow himself to. He's even memorized the hours till each event happened.

Call him sad, call him desperate and Mello would punch your lights out, just like he had punched Light yesterday.

His friends hadn't spoken a word about his outburst; rather they buried the incident and left it there to rot. In fact, Misa had organized a little get together at _Shinigami _and Mello had gone along reluctantly, but was rather surprised at how they treated him. They carried on as normal, treating him as Mello Yellow, the guy who smiled and laughed and had fun, and most definitely didn't scream at his friends. However, they did become suspicious when Mello Yellow threw a punch at Light when the boy made a casual comment on how lame it was to count down the days until he saw Matt again.

Mikami had to restrain Light from retaliating, whilst L dragged Mello out of _Shinigami _by his collar. The raven had slammed him against the wall, his deep black eyes piercing into Mello. The blonde had steadily held L's glare, allowing all of L's warnings to bounce off of him.

Normally, he would apologize profusely for his actions...instead, he had yanked away from L's grip and waved the boy goodbye, leaving the raven alone to glare suspiciously at his retreating back. L knew that Mello had changed...he just couldn't understand why.

Currently he was stood with Light and Near by his locker, the term 'spying' sprang to mind, as they were keeping a watchful eye on the blonde.

Mello was sorting out his locker, getting rid of all the death threats and love letters and packing away all books that he would need. He could feel the three pairs of eyes burning into his back, but he paid no heed to them. They were getting dangerously close to figuring out his problem and Mello knew that the best way to avoid such a thing from happening was to avoid them altogether.

The blonde knew that his actions from the day before were inexcusable, but he really didn't give a fuck about Light and asking for his forgiveness at the moment...he had someone else's forgiveness to gain and that was far higher up in his priority list.

Luckily for him, his friends had avoided the topic of Matt during their mini get together and although he could tell they were desperate to question it, they kept their lips shut. Even better was that Near didn't show any indication that he and Mello and a small talk a few days before. In fact, it was as if nothing had happened between them at all. Mello was nasty to Near and Near ignored Mello.

Everything was seemingly right in the world...

Of course that was minus the fact that his friends probably hated him now and that's if they hadn't hated him before, he had an increasingly scary obsession with Matt and...Mihael was still refusing to come out.

His shy half was still giving him the silent treatment, keeping quiet deep in his subconscious. Mello could no longer hear or feel Mihael...sometimes though, he would be able to sense the other's pain and longing, frustration and anger, confusion and...

Love.

How pathetically wrong it was. For a person to feel so strongly for someone they shall never meet.

Yes, Mello had devised that plan. He decided to fuck the test altogether and figured that no one was ever really meant to see Mihael and so no one should ever be tested to prove that theory wrong. The blonde no longer desired people to see his other half. After being solely Mello for so long, he had actually gotten used to it...he could go as far as to say that he finally felt normal just being Mello.

However, he still felt...wrong. He couldn't be whole without Mihael and no matter how much he tried to persuade himself otherwise, he still wanted the other boy to take over once in a while. No matter how normal he was starting to feel, it was getting rather tiring and being just one person all the time was taking its toll.

"Damn Mihael..." He muttered softly, slamming his locker door shut.

He slung his bag over his shoulder and turned on his heel. He checked his watch...there was one more lesson before the end of the day...the end of the term...the last time he would see Matt, L, Near...any of them for this year. Adjusting his bag on his shoulder, Mello tucked a piece of hair behind his ear and started towards his last lesson. The hallways were slowly emptying out and when Mello could no longer feel those burning eyes, he sighed and fully relaxed.

He had hoped that he would be able to end the school year on a high note. Unfortunately, due to a certain incident four days ago...it was impossible for him to achieve that certain target. Originally, he had been aiming for a year where all of his friends loved him, his grades were better than Near's and he had a hot piece of red-headed eye candy attached to his arm. So far he was failing in all of those aims...quite miserably too.

Mello sighed and peered around the hall, his footsteps echoing around him. The school had been decorated in quite a tacky way this year. Cheap fairy lights glowed dimly along the walls, they officially over killed on mistletoe and the holly was not far off either. What was worse was that the school felt like they had to have a tree in every single classroom and that made the whole thing worse as each form group had to decorate their own tree. It was probably the most degrading thing he had ever done...but seeing the way the lights flickered across Matt's face made it that tinier bit better.

On the topic of Matt, apparently the gamer was alright with his current situation of being paired up with Near. The albino had called him up, relaying his conversation with Matt to the blonde and then hesitantly giving him all the dates of when Matt would be over at his house. Near knew that he was betraying Matt's trust, but his selfish and human needs made him fall to that temptation.

The date with Gevanni had gone wonderfully well and, thanks to Mello, the older boy had asked Near for a second...and a third...and a fourth...

Not to mention the seven more after that.

Mello grinned as he recalled Gevanni's phone call. The boy had thanked him earnestly, stating that he was in Mello's debt and that he would do anything for the boy in order to repay him. As long as it was legal, doable and wouldn't end up with him in hospital.

The blonde made a mental note to remember that debt.

His grin didn't falter even as he approached the door to his last lesson, Art. He wasn't bad at it and the teacher's probably seen worse, but sitting on the same table as Linda could make anyone feel like they were on a tennis court with L or Light.

Inadequate.

Mello pushed the door open with force. He was mildly late, but their teacher Mrs. Misora was lenient as long as you had a good enough excuse. Stepping through the door, he came to a sudden halt as he bumped into someone. That someone looked up. That someone was glaring hatefully at him through Orange.

That someone was Matt.

Mello swallowed hard, and etched his features into a cool and relaxed expression, not showing the other boy his inner turmoil. The gamer stared back at him, not a flicker of emotion was bared, except the one that showed pure disgust and hatred. Mello inwardly winced at the expression and a part of him longed to draw Matt into his arms and hold him. But he was in school and he had a reputation to uphold. Plus, he was not that fucking soft. Matt made to move past him, but he lashed out an arm across the doorway, blocking the gamer's path. He might not have it in him to hug the red-head and apologize, but he couldn't let him walk past with a glare like that being aimed at him. Matt paused and shot him a dirty look. Mello licked his lips subconsciously and opened his mouth to speak.

"Matt, I--"

"Look! They're under the mistletoe!"

The blonde's words were lost in his throat as the class silenced and turned to stare at him. It was a random girl who had called out to him, with long blonde hair and big brown eyes. She was smirking at him spitefully and Mello instantly knew that he had hurt her in the past. Forcing himself to look away, he reluctantly looked up to see a bunch of mistletoe hanging above him and Matt. The gamer followed his gaze and swallowed hard. They stiffly looked down again and caught each other's eye. The class was watching them with anticipation and Mello gave them a level stare.

He turned back to face Matt and forced back a flinch as he saw the begging look within Matt's eyes. Begging him not kiss him, begging him to remove his arm, begging him not to hurt him again...

Mello knew that he couldn't kiss Matt...Mello knew that he shouldn't kiss Matt. Mello didn't want Matt like that...he didn't.

Matt didn't want to kiss him, Matt hated him, Matt was disgusted with him.

Yet, Mihael loved Matt...and Matt hadn't met Mihael.

Maybe, just maybe with enough coaxing...Mihael coul--

_No...Matt has been hurt enough! I can't do that to him! I will not do that to him!_

His blue eyes widened and he immediately stepped back from the mistletoe and Matt. Mihael's words were like ice washing over him. Had he really thought all that? It was stupid and selfish...how could he have even considered doing such a thing? Why would he consider such a thing? He didn't want Matt like that...he wanted Matt's forgiveness and to be Matt's friend...not to kiss him and hold him and touch him and lov--

NO! That was Mihael...ALL Mihael! He didn't want that...he couldn't have that! Apparently Mihael didn't either...

...because Mihael had just spoken to him. Mihael had just shouted at him. Mihael had spoken up and had left his little shell for a few seconds.

Mihael...spoke to him. Mello mentally reached out to the other boy and frowned when he realized that the cold walls had been placed up between them once more. Mello felt angry and helpless and clenched his fists.

Ignoring Matt's suspicious glare, Mello stiffly marched to his place, trying hard to block out the whispers around him. Fuckers...they didn't know shit about him and yet they felt the need to talk about him? Well, they could go fuck themselves.

The class was confused about Mello's behavior and it made him want to laugh out loud as the questions circling him reached his ears.

Mello The Playboy? Turning down the chance to kiss a hot guy? Was he mad?

...yes, he was. Very, painfully mad. Mello couldn't help but grin as the rumors were hissed around him like snakes. They didn't know how right they were.

The blonde pulled out his drawing pad and flipped to a new page. He wasn't planning on drawing anything though...he had something better in mind.

"Hey...hey, Linda!" He hissed across the table.

The girl paused in her drawing of a dragon and looked up with a bored expression. She neither like nor disliked Mello, although she wasn't fond of his reputation. Luckily, she was one of the few girls he hadn't fucked and so she really had no personal vendetta against him.

"What is it Mello?"

He gave her a charming smile and pushed his charismatic talents to their limits. Mello jumped off his seat and prowled towards her, draping himself over her shoulder and giving her a wicked grin. Inwardly wincing as he glanced under his fringe to see Matt staring at them, he sighed and leant in towards her.

"Linda...I have a proposition for you..."

"Oh? Big word for a small boy...go on, enlighten me."

Mello stifled down a growl at her insult, and his expression became more forced.

"This English project. Let me do all the writing and you can illustrate it."

Linda gazed up at him with astonishment. Normally, whenever such an assignment came up, the blonde was notorious for stealing all the limelight and for him to actually give his partner something to do was unheard of!

He must want something...

"Why?" She asked, narrowing her eyes.

Mello grinned, showing off all of his straight, sharp and white teeth to her.

"Because. I'm shit at a drawing and you're fucking useless at writing. Got it? I will not fail this grade because you're too stupid to string a sentence together, alright?"

Knowing from his tone that she had poked at a touchy topic, she nodded silently and dropped it. She went back to her drawing, but frowned as his presence still lingered over her shoulder. She peered at him from the corner of her eye and raised an eyebrow as she realized he wasn't looking at her or her drawing. Following his gaze, she saw that he was staring at the gamer. The boy who never took off his goggles.

A small smile twisted its way onto her lips and she hummed with amusement. The sound brought Mello out of his reverie and he glanced down at her amused expression with confusion.

"What?!" He hissed.

She merely shook her head and shooed him away. Mello sneered at her actions but walked back to his chair anyway. He had been shamelessly staring at Matt under his fringe again, knowing that the boy would simply stare back with a level gaze. Matt had been staring at him, and neither boy had wanted to back down from their little staring contest. Unfortunately, he had been forced to tear his eyes away from Matt due to Linda's hum.

The class fell into silence, the only sound being the scratching of pencils on pads and the odd whisper or cough. Mello started to doodle on his pad, drawing a pair of goggles in one corner and then a little crucifix in the other. Hmmm...he hadn't prayed once since that one night a couple of days ago. Knowing that it wasn't his style, Mello had mentally decided to never pray again.

No matter how relaxed he felt afterwards, he had felt insanely stupid when he realized that 'God' hadn't made his life any better at all.

Yeah, Near had agreed to his favour and yeah, his friends weren't badgering about his little outburst...but in turn, everything had gone from bad to worse. He briefly wondered if that was because he hadn't prayed recently, but shot that idea down into the dirt. He was not going to talk to thin air again.

He could get Matt back...he could get him back himself, without the aide of friends, without Mihael and especially without the help of some higher being.

Mello could do it himself. All by himself.

"So...what do you want me to draw?" Linda casually asked, breaking the silence between them.

Mello glanced up at her and then quickly flashed a look over to Matt. The gamer was busy trying to play his PSP under the table discreetly...and failing at doing so as well. He stifled a laugh as Mrs. Misora snatched the gaming device off the crestfallen red-head and decided that he would stop at nothing to get that boy back.

He could do it.

He was Mello.

What Mello wanted...Mello got...and no one got in his way.

Mello could do it.

A small smirk danced across his lips and he turned back to face Linda with a smug expression.

"A Saffron Knight...and his Crimson Damsel."

* * *

**^.^ I find that chapter sweet...in a twisted kinda way.**

**Also, do not expect me to draw out Linda's drawing, like my friends did. I cannot draw for shite...I am so bad at it! GAH! Hehehehehehe....**

**Now...colours. Because I don't want people to get confused, I'll show you who is what colour to make things more simple:**

_Mello - Yellow, Mihael - Purple, Knight - Saffron, Matt - Orange, Mail - Red, Damsel - Crimson, Mello's friends - White, All the other people at the school - Black._

**More easier yes? ^.^**

**Anyways...please, perty, please review! ^.^**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	17. Onyx

**Finally, this is up! ^.^**

**The past week has been awful for me! I have been rushed around getting blood tests, scans, doctors appointments...no one knows what is wrong with me! GAH! I'm so ill and yet no one knows why...**

**Anyway! I'm loving my reviews as always and it made me smile at how quickly the amount of reviews on here are catching up to the amount of reviews on TBOW! ^.^**

**So, this chapter...well...I have started including some Matt in this. You won't understand his whole life story right now, but there many hidden hints and implications throughout his segment. There is a chapter planned, where I have Matt spilling all to Mello, but that won't happen for quite some time.**

**For this chapter, I tried hard to get Matt into character, with the slight snippets of Mail as well. Also, I wanted to highlight on how much Mello actually cares for Mihael too. ^.^**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 17 - Onyx

_Onyx is known to separate. It can help release negative emotions such as sorrow and grief. It is used to end unhappy or bothersome relationships. Onyx jewelry is worn to defend against negativity that is directed at a person. Black Onyx has protective energies in the sense that black is the absence of light, and therefore, can be used to create invisibility. The colour can also fortify self confidence and responsibility. Onyx also sharpens your senses and encourages a healthy egotism._

It was Christmas tomorrow.

When he was younger, he used to look forward to Christmas all the time, counting down the days from September onwards.

Christmas to him was a day filled with presents, fun and excitement...if only for a few minutes. As soon as those minutes ended, Christmas transformed into a Hellish day of misery. Arguments, shouting, screaming, hitting...it ruined the day for him and yet, every year he would still look forward to it.

He would still look forward to when his mother would place a few euros on his bedside table, to when his mother would secretly creep in and hand over some chocolate pennies, to when his mother would hold him and kiss all of his worries and fears away.

However, that was when he was younger.

When his childish, naïve young mind ignored the harsh reality of his world. That was when he was still a child, still innocent and pure. When things like murder, rape and betrayal were just odd words with unknown meanings.

He knew better than that now.

Before, Christmas was a day to remember: a day filled with lights and happiness; a day where you ignored everything in order to be selfish and keep your little bit of happiness.

Now Christmas meant nothing to him.

Christmas could go screw itself for all he cared, it was just another day.

...that didn't stop him from counting down the days though.

Matt peered at his calendar and sighed, stubbing out his fag. He had hoped that everything would be different this year, that everything would change and he would have a happy Christmas for once and that his year would end on a happy note rather than a depressing one like all the years from before.

But no...he couldn't have that. He wasn't allowed happiness and joy and when he did receive such things, they didn't remain as such for long. Everything always ended up being screwed over when it came to him.

After all, he was Mail Jeevas.

Nothing good ever freaking happened to Mail Jeevas.

The gamer scowled at his calendar and turned away from it, falling back onto his crappy bed in his crappy room inside the world's most crappy house. He really should start calling it a home; after all he lived there now...him and 'family'.

_Family...what a screwed up word. What made a family_?

A mother? A father? Brothers and sisters? Aunts and Uncles?

Please...Mail used to have a mother. A kind and pretty mother; he had her for the first five years of his life. Then the first incident happened and his mother was no more. A father? Well, his father could go screw himself; as far as he knew, his father was not freaking family. His first adoptive father however, was by far the best family he's ever had and they didn't have to be related, for him to know that. Then the third incident happened...and Mail was left all alone again.

He had no brothers, sisters, Aunts or Uncles.

Mail was all alone.

_How freaking emo..._

Ever since the second incident and the repercussions that came with it, Mail has been bounced and passed on over from orphanage to orphanage. Not that he cared. Mail was dead to the world...his eyes were dull and covered up by Orange goggles. His first adoptive father used to own motorcycles and would always have a pair of goggles around his neck; once the third incident occurred, Mail made sure that no fucker took them away and kept them for himself.

Mail made no attempt to get along with any families trying to foster or adopt him; rather he became cold and unfeeling. A block of ice...an undead zombie...hollow and empty.

His past was vast and complex; his issues were varied and misleading. No one knew why he refused to talk. No one knew what happened to his voice. Whenever social services would come around, they would always see him in his room, sat opposite his bed and just staring at it with wide, emotionless eyes. In his hands would be the goggles, just cradled there in his palms. No one knew what to do about his behaviour. Some psychologists put it down as PTSD. Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. That went well with the orphanages and they tried everything to get him to talk and come out of his shell.

The problem was...Mail wasn't in a shell.

_Mail was dead._

His eyes were like walls, his body was like ice and his whole body language screamed 'Leave. Me. Alone!'

...and so they did. They left him alone, they didn't go near him, they didn't speak to or talk to him. No one would even look at him or gossip about him. Mail became the ghost boy. The boy that was there but wasn't. Mail's body was still there...he was still alive physically, but mentally and emotionally he was dead.

Mail Jeevas died the same day as the third incident and no one knew about it.

It wasn't the first time it happened. It was actually the second...

The first time it happened, he was 'brought back to life' by his first adoptive father and for once Mail felt spoiled and happy and alive. Of course, the third incident happened and he died once again. Because he was older and wiser, the consequences were worse...much more worse. His mind was no longer naïve and childish, he knew what he saw and he knew what those men were doing. The images still flickered in his mind whilst he slept now and again, like an old film...crappy in quality, yet so very real at the same time. His memories were a little hazy, but he knew what he saw...he knew...

Mail never told anyone though.

Instead, he died.

For a few years he remained as such, living in another rotten orphanage...until a man by the name of Thierry Morello came along. Thierry Morello was better known as Aiber, a professional crook who longed to have a son competent enough to carry on his legacy. How Aiber came across Mail was a mystery, although there had been talk about him hacking into the orphanage's computer and scanning all of the orphan's files via email. Spain soon became a distant nightmare...and England was a new beginning.

Ever since that day of Mail being adopted by Aiber, everything changed.

It was a slow, painful transformation that spread over several months...but it was a transformation Matt (Mail?) never regretted.

Mail had died...but Matt had been born.

Matt, who was lazy and laid-back and relaxed. Matt, who had been told time and time again as Mail that his life was worth nothing and that he was just a mistake. Matt who was sassy and calm and collected. Matt who loved video games and would play on his PSP to cool his nerves. Matt who had been taught to hack and to set up websites and control security cameras.

The boy who still hid behind goggles. The boy who had walls that were miles long in thickness surrounding him. The boy who didn't open up to anyone, rather he gave them a show. The boy who deserved Oscars and Golden Globes for his acts.

The boy who was no longer naïve Mail...but Matt.

Matt...who still refused to talk.

Not that Aiber minded. He was actually rather glad that he owned a son that would never rat him out to the police...not that Matt would ever do such a thing. He somewhat liked living with Aiber in their crappy house, in the scummy neighbourhood surrounded by freaking deadbeats and losers. It wasn't the most perfect living environment, but beggars can't be choosers.

The gamer sighed once more and stretched out. He gazed around his cluttered room. Wires and games and various electronic gear was scattered across his floor. Random cigarette butts joined the mess. He wasn't stupid. He knew that kind of addiction would eventually kill him; he just couldn't stop though. Ever since that night, his nerves had been up high and so his fags were the only things to calm him down and chill him out. His Onyx guitar perched neatly in its stand in the corner. He heaved himself up and shuffled over to it, reaching out with a gloved hand. Aiber spoiled him something rotten, even if the gifts were stolen goods. Whenever Matt carried out a good job during one of his schemes, the blonde man would always repay him.

However, no amount of gifts and presents would ever be enough for Matt. As far as he was concerned, his first adoptive father was the best...no one could beat him. Not even the thieving criminal, Aiber.

He stroked the cold plastic covering gently, softly running his fingers over the strings and plucking at them.

No one knew about his secret...no one knew apart from...

_Him._

_Mello...Mihael..._

Matt chewed on his lip and collapsed in front of his beloved guitar. The other boy had been a friend, an extremely good friend. Mello had been his best friend ever...the only person to gain his trust and respect. Mello had approached him; Mello had spoken to him, been nice to him and joked around with him. Mello didn't care about him being 'mute'. The blonde boy still befriended him and then introduced him to his other friends.

L and Light made him laugh and they also came in handy when you had an essay to write or an assignment that needed doing. It was like owning two personal encyclopedias. Mikami was cool...he knew everything about the school and gave him tips and hints on how to survive within the school system. Near scared him. The boy's eyes penetrated deep into his soul and Matt swore that boy instantly knew about his history from the very first glance. When Ms. Wedy read out their names together for the project, his heart dropped and his world shattered. Near was friends with Mello. Not very good friends mind...but friendly enough. What did this mean for him?

Hopefully nothing...but knowing his luck, it probably meant everything.

Misa. Now Misa made him wary and worried. He never knew how to handle girls. The first five years of his life with his mother, basically summed up all the experience he's ever had. Matt didn't know what to do when it came to the fairer sex. He didn't know how to talk to them, or socialize with them. Their soft curves and straight hair, their high voices and pouty lips. Their grabbing hands and teasing tones...they made him on edge and he just didn't know how to handle them. Misa was nice though, no matter how scary she was.

...despite all that, Matt never trusted those people. Matt never felt close to them.

_Only Mello...and just Mello._

With Mello, he felt relaxed and at peace. Mello made him feel normal. Mello made him feel like for once something good was going for him.

But as the saying goes...all good things come to an end.

Matt's immense trust for him, his respect for him; it was so rare for a person to gain both his trust and his respect, but somehow Mello had managed to do so.

What did the blonde do to that trust and respect though?

He spat on them, burnt them, kicked them when they were already down.

Matt had never felt so..._betrayed_ in all of his life. Mello had been a very good friend; a best friend. In one single night, Matt had been blasted back into his gritty and dark past. In one single night, Mello turned into the children from his orphanage. Mello had turned into Matt's father. Mello became the very thing that haunted him and tormented him.

Mello had hurt him, his trust, his respect...everything.

Matt sometimes wondered whether he was at fault too. Did he give off the wrong signals? Had Mello made it obvious that he only wanted Matt for his body and the gamer merely overlooked such things? Was it Matt's fault that Mello wanted to sleep with him? What the Hell gave Mello the impression that he 'wanted' what Mello wanted?

The gamer had spent ages pondering about such things; sleepless nights and endless daydreams were spent wondering over what went wrong.

For the past few days, it seemed as though he must have done something wrong. Mello always looked so...so...sad. It was funny how no one else could see the sparkle missing from those icy blue eyes. Mello looked terrible and Matt longed to be the one to reassure him that all was cool and they could go back to be totally awesome friends again.

Hah...if only life was so simple.

He knew that it was only a matter of time before he was back in that classroom, sat next to his Knight and trying hard to block out all the pain and misery of being near him. Matt had tried so hard to ignore the blonde during their last few days together in school; he found their Christmas holiday to be something of a blessing. No more Mello...no more awkward moments, suffocating tensions or heavy atmospheres that he longed to drown in.

Instead he had two weeks in a house alone, with a few days spent at Near's home to do the project. Aiber was away in Italy, 'visiting' some Mafia contacts and so Matt was alone during Christmas and New Years. A fact that made him feel rather bitter and lonely. However, for some reason, Near had included both dates in the days for when Matt was to come over.

The boy had made it very clear that they would not be celebrating the days, but working on their project.

The gamer was still confused over the whole situation. Sometimes, his day dreams would lead him to the conclusion that everything was a set up, that Near was planning something to get him and Mello alone together, but he would immediately disregard such things and would play on his PS2.

After all, denial wasn't just a river in Egypt.

Matt stifled a short laugh and jumped up, giving his guitar one last longing look. Only two people have ever heard him sing; only two people have ever heard him play. One was dead and the other...? God. How he wished that everything would go back to the way they were before.

A Knight and his Damsel, sitting pretty in a classroom and scribbling ridiculous notes to each other. Never before had he a friend. Never before had he experienced the wonderful things that came with having a friend. Their conversations were freaking weird and he loved them. They would start off random, with one of them insulting a teacher or mocking a student and then they would escalate to the strangest topics and the most random of subjects. The people in their classes had noticed the close and quick friendship that had blossomed between them, especially as it became rare to see one without the other.

Matt and Mello. Mello and Matt. In the space of a few weeks they had become such good friends. Perhaps Matt should have been more wary though? Should he have spent more time getting to know Mello, before pouring all of his trust into one boy immediately. After all, he had only known Mello for a few weeks. Maybe they had moved too fast?

...the Hell? 'Moved too fast'? They weren't freaking dating!

Or, at least in his personal opinion they weren't. Maybe in Mello's mind they--

_Damn._

Matt scowled and tore his gaze away from the instrument; instead he shuffled over to the Playstation 2. It was the only thing (bar the guitar) that was polished clean in his room. He used to spend hours just playing on the gaming device when Aiber first brought it to him. The gamer would also buy games upon games; it didn't matter what genre they were, he still bought them. They were a distraction, or at least they had been.

When he first started school, he no longer needed them as a new distraction came along in the form of Mello.

That distraction prevented him from being lazy and ignorant of the outside world. Mello forced him out of his shell. Mello made him sing and play and talk.

Mello was his...his..._damn it all_! He didn't know what Mello was!

Clutching his hair and throwing himself down to his knees in front of his game console, Matt moaned with frustration. The blonde boy regretted his actions, Matt knew that...the blonde boy desired his forgiveness, Matt knew that too.

Did Mello deserve his forgiveness though?

A large part of him screamed NO! But a small, tiny whisper longed to march over to Mello's house and declare everything that he has done and everything that he will do was forgiven. He knew that Mello would continue to intentionally and unintentionally hurt him; after all, it was impossible to try and never hurt a person at all. Eventually, that person will get hurt, whether the person who did the hurting intended to hurt or not.

It was just his luck. It was just how Mello was.

Flicking his PS2 on, Matt sat back with the controller in hand and looked up to the ceiling.

_To forgive or not to forgive...that is the question._

X-x-X-x-X

Mello gazed up at the tree, lingering in the far corner of the ballroom.

It was bare. It was green. It was real.

That was it.

Nothing more and nothing less.

He didn't care much for Christmas...he never had any good memories of the past fifteen Christmases he has to endure. Mainly because it was always Mihael who did the whole Christmas thing. The other half would go to mass and attend concerts. He would pray on Christmas Eve and he would always decorate the tree.

This year, Mello was all alone and so a few changes had been made.

The tree could get fucked, the mass could get fucked and the concerts? Could get fucked as well.

He didn't like Christmas! It was all fake and stupid and ridiculous!

Who cared about a fat man coming down the chimney? If anything you should be worried and have the fire blazing full blast. Santa Clause...it was funny how more people believed in him than Jesus. Most people forgot all about the birth of the Messiah and cared more about being good 24/7 only to get their greedy mitts on some expensive, shitty presents that they would play with once before discarding it.

Mello didn't care either way for Santa or for Jesus.

He only cared about making Mihael happy, but right now he wasn't. He was pissed and he was angry and he was sad. Mello might not be able to hear or feel the other boy, but he could sense his depressed emotions. For the past couple of days since the holiday began, he had been running around, researching on the web, looking for anything that could bring Mihael back to the surface.

He needed Mihael back. Without the other boy, his whole being was unbalanced. It was different with Matt though. Without the gamer, his _world _was unbalanced, but with Mihael...he was empty and missing a piece. Mihael was a part of him and without that part, he was incomplete.

So, he resolved to do two things during the Christmas break. One was to bring back Mihael; the other was to give Matt his present.

Despite all he thought about Christmas and the celebrations that entailed it, the blonde still wanted to give something to Matt. Unfortunately, because Linda was a slow drawer, the present would be delayed until New Years Eve.

Not that it bothered him much.

It didn't matter when Matt received his gift, as long as it was before the holiday ended, it didn't matter.

Linda had received her full orders and hopefully she knew exactly what to draw. Whilst she was busy illustrating his story, Mello was busy writing it out. He had screwed up page after page of paper, wasting almost three trees worth of the stuff. Mello didn't give a fuck though. As stated before, trees could go fuck themselves. He had a story to write and a boy's forgiveness to gain!

The blonde tilted his head to the side and glared hard at the tree before him. It looked stupid...Christmas was stupid...this whole..._thing_! It was so ridiculously stupid!

He turned on his heel and marched out of the ballroom. The rest of the mansion was bare, not one sign of 'Christmas Cheer' could be found. He jumped up the stairs, missing each of the squeaky ones out of habit and he slid into his room. It was drowned in darkness, but he didn't bother with the light. Instead he stiffly walked over to the large window and fell to his knees. Glancing up at the Onyx sky with the twinkling stars, glowing softly, Mello reached for his rosary.

_Once_...he had done the whole praying shit once before in his life and it had done nothing for him.

Now, he wasn't praying for anything in particular. Now he was trying to coax the stubborn bastard Mihael out of his damn shell. Mello was damaging his pride and dignity for the prick, but he knew that if it worked, it would be worth it.

He closed his eyes and grasped the rosary tightly.

...

...

...nothing.

He couldn't do it.

He couldn't pray. When he had done it before, he had actually meant every fucking word that spilled from his mouth. He couldn't do that again! He couldn't mean it, like he had before. Mello had nothing to pray about, he was only doing this to get Mihael back. Wait. If he couldn't pray for Mihael and yet he could for Matt, then what did that mean? Mello furrowed his brow and cursed softly under his breath.

Did that mean that getting Matt back was more important? Did that mean that to him, Mihael meant nothing when compared with Matt?

Fucking Hell! He couldn't damn well choose between the pair!

He wasn't going to either!

Growling with frustration, he tore the rosary off and threw it onto his chest of drawers. He stood up and began to pace around his room, taking out a bar of chocolate as he did so. He snapped off a piece and chewed on it slowly. He would have to do something else to get Mihael back. Fuck praying and fuck Christmas. Besides, he had other plans to concentrate on.

Plans that involved going over to Near's house, plans that involved somehow giving Matt his present.

Plans that could make or break their friendship. If that friendship still stood though.

Fuck.

Mello hated so many things and to finally like something, to finally want something that he--Mihael--loved...it was so fucking hard! However, he would not give up. He was not the type to give up easily. He was not a fucking coward!

He wouldn't be! He refused to be!

Damn all who called him that...fuck all who thought him that.

Mello wasn't a coward and he didn't give up either. He would get both Matt and Mihael back...

No matter what it took.

If he had to pray, then he would. He might not be able to do it, but Goddammit, he would try. If he had to blackmail, bribe or threaten people who got in his way, then fuck…he was very willing to carry out such things. Murder? He was on it. Rape?

…well, that was the thing that got him into this mess in the first place, was it not?

It was highly disturbing and quite surprising with what lengths he would go, to get what was his back. It was true after all…they were his.

Mihael was HIS other fucking half.

Matt was HIS fucking angel.

Both of them were his and Mello would get them back.

Snapping off a piece of chocolate, he allowed a grim, cold smirk to curl his lips upwards.

It was only a matter of time now…

* * *

**Why make Matt live with Aiber? Because I love Aiber...he makes me laugh and I couldn't believe that he died in front of his wife and kid.**

**Stupid Kira...^.^ Hehehehehe...**

**Anyway, the next chapter I have planned is going to be a bit different. It's going to have seven separate segments, each with a look into how my characters celebrate their Christmas this year and with quite a few details into each character and hints about future plot twists as well.**

**Now...Matt? IC? Is he? Everyone says that I have Mello In Character which I'm so very proud of! Plus, in TBOW, reviewers say that I'm good at both POVs...but what about Matt in this story? ^.^ Hehehehehe...**

**So...thanks for the colours! I needed them! I have a wide variety to pick from now!**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	18. Saffron

**^.^ I'm so glad people are still loving this! I'm amazed by the amount of reviews I'm getting!**

**SO CLOSE TO 400! ^.^ Also I have 100 alerts on this story now! ^.^**

**Hehehehe...so, this chapter is different. It's all about the seven main characters and their feelings with many hints of plot twists and stuff! ^.^**

**Also, Mello's scar will come in a couple of chapters or so...but it will happen, because the scar is what makes Mello teh smex! Right? Hehehehehe...**

**Anyways, I am awfully tired as I have a new washing machine that sounds like a plane taking off, I've got so much effing homework AND I have my cancer jab coming up.**

**Fun.**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 18 - Saffron

_Saffron is a bright, happy colour, sometimes mistaken for yellow. It is an unusual colour with mixed meaning. On the one hand it denotes happiness and joy but on the other hand yellow is the color of cowardice and deceit. The negative side of saffron is that its stands for cowardice or cowardly people. The positive side is that it's often connected with hope, support and remembrance. For years yellow ribbons were worn as a sign of hope. Softer saffrons are linked with relaxation and laid back people; however darker saffrons tend to stand for irresponsible, reporting people._

It was Christmas today.

Not that Mello cared. He was stood in front of the calendar, eyeing and counting the days until he saw Matt once more. He had been doing this everyday. Waking up, playing his CD, eating, sleeping, glaring at his calendar and glaring at his tree.

His tacky, horrible tree that now had fairy lights on it. Mello had hoped that putting more effort in Mihael's favourite holiday would make a difference and cause the other boy to push away his defenses and allow the bond between them. The little lights flashed in soft colours of Yellow, Orange, Red, Purple and Saffron.

Saffron...just like the Knight he was supposed to be for Matt.

The Saffron Knight.

A perfect title for him, for he was exactly what it stood for. Saffron for coward, Knight for brave.

A contradiction...an oxymoron.

Mello the very personification of an oxymoron. Together with Mihael, they truly were opposites.

Mihael would be Saffron. The coward that refused to come out to the world. The hidden person, the missing link. He disguised himself under a thick layer of lies, deception and deceit. No one knew who he was and no one would ever be able to get him out of his shell.

Mello was the Knight. Brave and charismatic. All flashy smiles and fake laughs. He was the one people adored and hated. He was the one that rode around on a noble steed, rescuing pretty Damsels...and then of course, he was also pissing off pretty Damsels, hurting pretty Damsels and downright fucking with the pretty Damsel's minds.

Not that the Saffron Knight minded doing such things...unless the pretty Damsel was Crimson and rich and deep and beautiful.

Mello knew that he was being a coward by not apologizing to Matt. He knew he was being brave by stopping himself from just walking up to Matt and groveling at his feet...or was that him being a coward? Mello didn't know, but he knew that in order for his plan to work, he had to be brave...not a coward. He wasn't a coward!

Mihael was the coward. Mihael was the one that lingered in darkness.

Mello refused to be as such. He was not a wimp, a chicken, a wuss, a _coward_. Mello was Mello. Brave, fearless and utterly unbreakable.

He had to be...he was a Knight.

Knights were honored and adored. Mello was too. By his fans who longed to reach out and touch him, his fans who wanted him. His fans who loved how he acted, how he looked, how rich he was and how cool he was.

Hah...if only they knew the truth...

Mello flung his bag off his shoulder and gazed at the calendar with cold eyes. It had been weeks since the walls had been placed up and days since Mello had tried coaxing the boy out of his shell but Mihael still hadn't turned up...the Saffron coward! Mello loved and cared for Mihael very much...after all, Mihael was him and he was Mihael.

Knowing how much Mihael liked Christmas, Mello had hoped that the boy would have made something of an appearance, but no...

Nothing.

Mello had wandered around his cold, empty house wondering what to do. Normally, Mihael would receive his presents off his (Mello's?) friends and would open them up. Following that, he would make a traditional Christmas dinner but...Mello couldn't do that.

Mello wasn't like that.

He hated Christmas and all of its fake faith! He despised all the commotion that went on around Christmas...even the word sounded ridiculous to him! He didn't give presents, he received them. He didn't watch the specials on TV or gaze out of the window waiting for snow...all of that could get fucked!

So, the gifts were left untouched. The kitchen was neglected and everything else was put on hold. No snow, no specials, no presents...

...except Matt's.

He had given Linda her orders; to produce a picture of a Knight and his Damsel. He hoped she would get the hint and draw him as the Knight, but hopefully she didn't look too far into it and drew Matt as the Damsel.

That would ruin everything.

People would figure things out...people would start talking and then people would come to realizations and assumptions.

Matt would never be left alone. People who hated Mello would use Matt to get to him. People who loved Mello would destroy Matt at the opportune moment. People would despise and block the gamer out.

Mello could never do that to him. Matt deserved to be loved and adored much more than the next person.

Of course, if his attachment to Matt did get out, then Mello would protect his Damsel against every fucker who dared to try and cross him. Anyone who even fucking contemplated hurting his Matt would regret the day they were born.

He wouldn't kill any of them...but he was pretty sure that they would be begging for death once he was through with them.

Smirking at the thought, Mello approached his calendar and reached out for a thick red marker pen on the table beside it. With two swift movements, Mello crossed out the day.

_Christmas...what a load of bollocks._

X-x-X-x-X

Though most people were contrary to the thought, Matt was definitely not brave.

Living with a thieving criminal, surrounded by gangs of murderers and rapists was not a good example of being brave. It was the very opposite actually. Matt was being a coward by living so close to Aiber's contacts. They kept him safe...they prevented people from getting too close, too near to him. Of course, it wasn't like they cared about him personally. Their reason for keeping him safe was quite justified but totally ridiculous at the same time.

No one wanted to lose their prized hacker. Their underage electrical whizz kid. Their personal child prodigy.

Matt didn't mind living with them though. They made him feel wanted...made him feel like his life was worth something. For years Matt believed that he was destined to live on streets, selling his body to make ends meet. After his adoptive father died, Matt truly thought that he was going to end up homeless. The thoughts had been drummed into him enough times...

The thoughts that he was useless, helpless and hopeless.

He had been told enough times by..._him_, that his life was screwed, right before it even started.

After all, Matt was unplanned...a surprise...a mistake. His father must have blackmailed his mother into sleeping with him and marrying him, because Matt could hardly believe that someone would actually do so voluntarily with such a disgusting man.

For the first five years of his life, his father made every second of it a misery. Insults, taunts and put-downs were common to his ears and Matt was so close to actually agreeing with them. It wasn't until his mother had stolen him a Gameboy that Matt started to doubt everything his father said. When he first started to play on it, he was astonished to find out that he was rather good at it. His father had always said that there was nothing he could do, but Matt soon discovered that statement as wrong.

Matt had a talent and that talent was electronics.

Ever since he had first received his Gameboy, Matt took to messing around with wires and batteries and circuits. He took to fixing small things like lights and even attempted bigger things like cars. He could do something. He was good at something...and all it took was a stolen Gameboy to figure that out.

Funny...that Gameboy had been a Christmas present as well.

This year, Matt's present from Aiber was an amplifier...most likely stolen from some music store he had busted his way into. It was strangely amusing how the presents that counted were the ones that were stolen.

The gamer plugged his guitar in and stroked the Onyx surface lovingly. He could survive with food, water and oxygen...but not his guitar, not his games and not...not...

Damn...not Mello either.

Slowly clenching his fist as the blonde's face slowly formed in his mind, Matt closed his eyes and sighed. He had known the boy for what? A few weeks? Not even that...and already the blonde had made an impact on his life. With Mello he could actually relax...he could be himself.

Around Mello, he wasn't just Matt who flinched whenever the word 'Ruby' came up in conversation, who hated his hair being touched, who hid his eyes behind Orange goggles and who didn't know how to handle girls. With Mello, he could be himself. Laid-back, not edgy. Relaxed, not tensed. Lazy, not jumping at every touch and sound.

Of course, Matt knew how pathetic he was being and that if he were still Mail, everything would be different. If Mail was still around then he would hiss at those who said 'Ruby', he would break the arm of anyone who touched his hair and he would tell every girl who lingered near him to bugger off.

...but Mail didn't exist, because Mail had been broken. Mail had been tormented and tortured so much, that Mail died...and Matt came in his place.

No...he didn't have a split personality. Matt had been so tired of being angry, depressed and bitter Mail. As soon as he came to England, he decided it was time for a fresh start. New country, new name. Not new person...just different personality. Mail was gone, dead, vanished. It was time for Matt to shine.

...and God, once he met Mello...he shined brighter than the stars.

Matt loved being around Mello, he loved playing with the blonde, laughing with blonde and being able to write all over the blonde's arms. For once, Matt enjoyed being in someone else's company for the pure reason of friendship. The blonde made him feel special. Like he wasn't a mistake, like he didn't have to conduct illegal hacking just so people would keep him safe, like his life was worth living for.

But for him, all good things come to an end and another incident was added to the ever growing list.

Mello...he...he...

Matt clenched his fists and closed his eyes. It wasn't worth thinking about. Clearly Mello was sorry about the incident, but he had yet to apologize. Would he ever though? Mello was a very proud person and Matt wondered if he was worth an apology...probably not.

After all, Matt was a freaking mistake.

His guitar strings screeched in protest as he twanged them too hard and he glared down at them icily.

Damn...Mello knew he could talk. Mello knew he could sing. So why hasn't he done anything about? Why hasn't he demanded Matt to speak to him? Wasn't he worth the blonde's time of day anymore? Had he been worth it in the beginning?

Matt sighed and mournfully gazed down at his guitar. He had cared about Mello. He still did...he loved being the guy's friend and he loved the guy being his best friend. Maybe he had given off the wrong message for Mello to act like that...or had that been Mello's ulterior motive to start with?

Befriend the new guy, sleep with the new guy, dump the new guy.

Matt shook his head and scowled. He was reading too far into it now, he knew that. The gamer re-tuned his guitar and shifted into a more comfortable position. When he felt ready, he placed his hands in the appropriate position and opened his mouth...

...and he sang.

X-x-X-x-X

She couldn't believe it.

It had been such a smart plan and she had pulled it off!

Well, of course she pulled it off! She was Misa-Misa...new, up-coming model who had the brains to match the beauty.

Misa smiled and stroked the side of the video case softly. When she first saw it, she threw away her alcoholic drink and made sure she was sober before watching it again. Not that it made a difference...the video still showed the same film...the same gritty movie...the same scenes and actions.

She still couldn't believe it though. Many had dismissed her as naive and dim, she didn't know why though...when her mind was put to a certain task, she could be as cunning as a fox! Those people who called her stupid should be eating their words! Misa understood perfectly what had gone on in that video!

It was a very brave thing of her, to put those cameras in Mello's fucking-and-chucking room. It was extremely brave of her to find her way through that thick forest surrounding Mello's home to retrieve said camera. It was awfully brave of her to watch that video five times.

Not many people would be able to stomach watching an attempted rape once, let alone five times.

Yes, Misa-Misa was completely and utterly brave! So brave, she deserved a medal...or a trophy...or another martini at least.

She was perched delicately atop a stool at _Shinigami_, and flagged down Rem for another fruity drink. Misa didn't have a family to spend Christmas with; instead she sat down in the closed club with Rem. The woman peered at her curiously, seeing Misa's dazed and dreamy expression. Rem had known Misa for ten years, ever since the girls' parents had died. The woman had kept an eye out for Misa, since the day her adoptive father Gelus died. Gelus doted on Misa very much, so much that he died for her.

Making sure that her old friend's death was not in vain, Rem decided to protect Misa with everything she had. From Misa's expression, it looked as if the girl was about to do something life-threatening and dangerous.

"Misa...what is on your mind?" She asked, passing Misa her drink.

The girl accepted it with a nod and lifted the video up with flourish.

"This here, Rem is my master plan! Misa-Misa has thought long and hard about her plan and voila! All that hard work has paid off!"

"And what is it?"

Misa giggled and reached out to whisper in Rem's ear. The woman's eyes widened with shock as Misa sat back down with flashing grin. Rem didn't want to know how Misa obtained such a thing, but her curiosity got the best of her, when she pondered 'why'.

"Why do you have such a thing Misa?"

"Beeeecause...Mello is a very good friend of Misa-Misa! But...Mello has also been a very bad friend too. He broke his promise to Misa...and now Misa must get revenge. She's going to use this to get back at Mello and to get rid of his reason for breaking Misa-Misa and Mello's promise!" Misa said, delighted with herself.

It was true after all. Mello was a good friend...a friend in need! He clearly wasn't feeling alright in the head when he screamed at her the other day, but Misa knew why...Misa would fix everything!

Rem blinked and tilted her head to the side. People disgusted her...and yet, Misa and her friends were always different. Misa was special and her friends made her feel as such. To go to such lengths to avenge a broken promise...

"What was the promise?"

Misa fell silent and looked down. Her gaze was sad, but her fists were clenched and shaking. She was upset and yet anger was bubbling to close to the surface. Misa remembered Mello's outburst...Mello's words...the look in Mello's eyes whenever he saw _him_.

Matt...Mello...Matt...

Broken promise...

"He fell in love!"

X-x-X-x-X

Light was brave!

Of course he was brave! No one else would be brave enough to do what he was doing...

He scrawled the name out; every word was neat and perfect. His handwriting was perfect. He had to be perfect.

Light had the perfect family home...a policeman for a father, a loving mother and a cute little sister. Picture perfect...and there was him. Wonderful grades, astonishingly handsome looks and he was a very desired young man.

Guys wanted to be him, girls wanted to be _with_ him.

Perfect.

Light was perfect...but in order for him to embrace perfection, his world needed to be perfect too.

Not that he could do much about it...he couldn't go around killing people, as much as he wanted to. Instead, he wrote out his thoughts in a little black notebook. It was cheap, tacky thing and across the cover was a short title. _Death Note._ Some people's idea of a joke and yet, Light found it to be very useful.

He could write whatever he wanted into his notebook and no one would find out about it.

The notebook had been a Christmas 'present' from Ryuk. The teacher had offered him the stationary in exchange for an apple. At first, Light had refused but after some consideration, he decided to take Ryuk up on his offer. After all...it was a way out. A way to right down exactly what he thought and exactly how he felt without people knowing or judging him.

No one would find out about his imperfection...his smudge...his stain...

Light was perfect. Grades, looks, social skills, athletic skills...the only thing that was wrong was his...his...

Sexuality.

He was gay. His friends knew about it...his friends knew about it long ago probably. Misa was too deep in denial, but the rest of them knew.

That was okay though, because even with that smudge, he was much more perfect than any of them. It was just his family that couldn't know about it. His mother...she wanted her son to form a family. His father...he wanted him to become a real man. His sister...she wanted nieces and nephews and a sister-in-law she could look up to.

They had been talking about it whilst Light and Sayu had been opening up their presents. He had received so much from his parents...it was only fair to give them what they wanted. Happiness, a perfect family, grandchildren....

Light could give them all that. Light could give them Misa...he wouldn't be happy...but they would.

Much happier than if he brought L to see them.

L. One little letter that had such a hold on his heart. L wasn't perfect...far from it.

L was too blunt, too selfish, too childish, too...cute. The raven would bring shame to his perfect family and Light couldn't have that.

He supposed in that way, he was a coward...a coward who couldn't stand up for himself and shout: 'I want L!'...because that wasn't perfection. Mello stated that fact himself when he had screamed at them. Mello knew that Light and L should be together...but that was not perfection!

To be with L wouldn't be perfect.

And Light had to be perfect!

X-x-X-x-X

Bravery...it was a funny thing.

Courage...what a strange concept.

To be courageous and brave like a lion...what did that mean?

Did that mean he had to save others, to protect the ones he loved? He did that already, didn't he? Near was protected by him...it might not seem as though he did, but L thought it was his duty to Justice to protect the boy who had been wronged so many times. Mello had been saved by him...without L befriending him the blonde would have deteriorated into nothing.

L was brave. L was very brave. You had to be if you desired to be a detective.

Why couldn't anyone else see that? Unless...he wasn't that brave after all.

Watari still had to save and protect him. His grandfather had been doing so for quite some time...

Ever since his parents died in the train crash, L had been passed over from orphanage to orphanage. He had experienced things, seen things, done things...things that no child should see or do or experience. Yet, Watari had come to him...Watari had adopted him and saved him.

Was L really brave, or was it Watari?

Were the ones who were truly brave, needn't be saved by others?

The raven looked across the table to where his grandfather was eating silently. It was Christmas today and Watari had presented him with five luxury gifts. Four of which were L's favourite cakes and one was a high-tech laptop. Currently they were having their Christmas meal...Watari being traditional had turkey and vegetables...L being L had cake. He stabbed at his piece and peered at it thoughtfully. His grandfather still made his meals still brought his meals to him. Was that him being lazy? Or something else?

If one could not get his own dinner, was one not truly courageous after all?

L shook his head and sighed.

There were times where he could be considered brave...he had come out to Light. He had approached Light and had proven his obvious affection for the other boy time and time again. Naturally, each time ended with rejection and bitter feelings in the air, but L eventually got over them in time for the next rejection.

That made him brave, did it not?

L was comfortable in his own skin, in his sexuality...Light wasn't. Light must be a coward then.

Chewing thoughtfully on his piece of cake, L pondered his current predicament.

He could continue with his persistent moves, which worked 9% of the time. There was a 64% that Light could eventually give in...of course the other 36% was not in his favour. L knew that Light was 100% homosexual...yet, the boy refused to acknowledge this...even after his forced 'coming out' and Mello's outburst. Surely Light knew of his feelings now and how genuine he was about them. There was a 72% chance of it!

...of course, Light was Light. Light had a complex within him and therefore, Light must be perfect for his perfect family in their perfect world of perfection.

Personally, the very concept of 'perfect' bored him to tears.

Why be perfect? He certainly didn't want to be! L wasn't a sheep, designed to follow the trends...

If only Light was the same.

X-x-X-x-X

Black hair? Check.

Pale complexion? Check.

Deep eyes? Check.

Skinny frame? Check.

...they were exactly the same. They both had hair as dark as ebony, and so what if L's happened to be more wild than his own...they still resembled each other. Their skin tones were pale and white. He burnt easily and he knew that L would do so as well. Their eyes were dark and black...L's more so due to his bags. Their frames were skinny and lanky. Although, L could clearly be mistaken for a skeleton.

So...they were the same. L was a teensy bit more wild and he was teensy bit more sophisticated.

Is that what Light desired? Wild, untamable people?

Mikami could do that...and Mikami could do it better.

He was brave enough to take that chance, that risk! Light would see that he could make a better L than L himself!

...even if he knew that not even that would make a difference.

The older boy placed his new glasses on sadly and inspected his reflection. Misa had bought him some special, expensive brand of glasses for Christmas and Mikami felt obliged to put them on. However, he knew the he couldn't wear them...they interrupted his routine. They were different. They were new. They were...

No! He couldn't wear them! There was nothing wrong with his old glasses and so his old glasses he shall wear.

Mikami took them off and placed his original pair back in their rightful place. For some reason, he felt calmer and more relaxed. Like everything was right in the world once more. Mikami shook his head and glared hatefully at his reflection. Why couldn't Light want him!?

Was it because he hadn't been good all year? Had Santa decided he wasn't good enough for his Christmas wish?

...no. It was just his unfair luck in the world.

Besides, Mikami didn't celebrate Christmas. The day meddled with his routine and his routine had to be exact. Without it he would...crumble, break, fall apart. He was brave enough to do anything for Light...just not brave enough to ruin his routine. His routine kept him sane, even if other people thought otherwise. People like Mello...

Mello. The boy had screamed at them all the other day...Mikami could remember each and every word that spilled from his acid filled mouth. Each word dripped with heated passion. Mello was angry because he was in denial. Hypocrite. He has the nerve to call Light in denial, yet he couldn't see what denial even looked like!

Mello was in love, no matter how much he despised the feeling. What's worse, he fell in love with Matt.

The gamer that meddled with his daily routine. As soon as Matt came along, everything had changed. Mikami's routine had changed...no longer were there five people around him but six! Altogether, including him, that made seven. An odd number. An odd one out.

Who was the odd one out?

Not Light of course...but then, with Light came L, so it wasn't him either. Naturally neither Matt or Mello were the odd ones out. With L and Light came Misa...with Matt and Mello came Near.

So...it was he.

He was the odd one out. The unwanted one. The one left behind.

Mikami grasped the sink tightly and growled. Matt changed everything...Matt corrupted his daily routine, his happy life.

Matt...had to go.

X-x-X-x-X

He was surrounded by 52 cards.

Each one of them had been placed face down. Behind him, the clock chimed softly. It was noon...Matt would be coming over in two hours to start their project.

He peered around him and curled a snowy lock of hair around his finger tightly. Which card?

Reaching out, he hesitantly paused over one and flicked it upwards. A twisted smile stretched across his lips. The card had a picture of a woman with a lemniscate hovering over her head, crouching down to pet a lion.

**Strength.**

Was Near strong? Were any of them strong?

Or...perhaps the meaning ran deeper than strength. Bravery maybe?

Well, he certainly didn't have the courage of a lion, but he was no coward either. He was brave enough to live through his parent's death, whereas many others would suffer and their lives would slowly ebb away.

Near gazed at the card intently. They were new cards, better than his last pack. L had given them to him as a Christmas present...it had been his only present and yet Near cherished them. The cards were of the Rider-Waite deck...popular and yet, so hard to decipher.

Strength? Bravery? How odd that he picked such a card.

Did this mean that Misa had the strength to give up on Light? Did this mean that L had the courage to make the first move with Light? Did this mean that Light finally accepted his sexuality? Did this mean that Mikami was brave enough to break away from his tedious routine? Did this mean that Mello--

Mello.

Was Mello even brave to begin with?

...yes. Yes he was. Of course he was. Mello was exceptionally brave...just not brave enough to be true to himself...to be honest with himself.

Near sighed and flicked the card away. His hand hovered above his cards once more and he closed his eyes.

Scanning the cards, he paused over one...one that gave him a good feeling and flipped it over. The card had a picture of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, with an angel looking down at them.

**The Lovers.**

Near's finger curled tighter and tighter within his hair. His gazed flickered to and fro from the discarded Strength card to the one in his hand.

Lovers...passion, desire, lust, want, temptation.

It was obvious that The Lovers stood for many things, but to connect it with the Strength card...the meaning was as clear as crystal.

Bravery...love...were any of them brave enough to face their love? Their desires? Their temptation?

Near thought not. Light's pride and L's stubbornness were two hard barriers to break through in their relationship. Matt's secretiveness and Mello's denial were their problems. Mikami and Misa needed to get over Light and he--

--he needed to get over everything.

Gevanni was a true gentleman. So clever and witty and suave. What on Earth did the man see in him?

Near sighed and bitterly threw the card over his shoulder. Yes, he was brave...yes, they were all brave. None were brave enough to actually take a risk and venture forth in unmarked territory. Not that he could blame them...he was one of them.

The albino loosened his grip on his hair and peered down at the deck once more. What card would he get next?

Temperance...Justice...The Devil...

Without thinking, Near flipped a card over and flinched when he read it. Near felt a small bubble of worry and a bad feeling washed over him as he read the card's title over and over again in his mind, allowing it to sink in.

The card's picture was of a skeleton, clad in black armour. It was riding a white horse and a black flag flew high above his head.

**Death.**

* * *

**^.^ Don't jump to any conclusions about that last bit yet! ^.^**

**Anyways, hehehe...how was it? For a weird chapter?**

**Also, I want to heavily stress that Matt doesn't have a split personality!**

**Hehehehe...it'll go back to normal next, with Mello's POV!**

**Perty, please review! Help me get 400! ^.^**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	19. Ivory

**This was supposed to be up yesterday! But, Document Manger had a glitch and so I couldn't...**

**Honestly...anyway...I am so freaking happy with my 400+ reviews! This story has beaten TBOW! And that's been up longer and has more chapters! Hehehehe...**

**Thank you all so much! ****I'm in a mixed mood today and I found out that my injection is on Monday...MONDAY! Urghh...I have an awful phobia of injections...**

**Also, I have a new story posted up...more like a one-shot...I had posted it up but somehow it got deleted and so I'm posting it up once more. It's a 50 Sentence Challenge with L/Light and Mello/Matt in it. The title is _'Yours, Mine & Ours'_...which is a new title for it. Perty please check it out! ^.^**

**ANYWAY! This filler chapter haaaas...more emo stuff...Mello...emo stuff...Mihael...emo stuff...**

**Hehehehe...I told you this story would be an angst-fest! ^.^**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 19 - Ivory

_The color ivory provides a calming effect. It is used to set a relaxed tone of understated elegance. As a neutral, ivory is a calming color. Ivory represents quiet, pleasantness and people who are intellectual or a teacher. However ivory can be negative in meaning as it is often used in a derogatory manner to indicate someone who has been physically or mentally in a place out of touch with reality or the real world. Ivory is sometimes linked to refuge or a place of seclusion from the world._

Midnight.

The time where everything 'magical' happens in the fantasy world. The time where everything bad happens in the real world.

To Mello it signified the end of Christmas...thank fucking God. He was almost getting bored with waiting around for the day to end. Almost.

For the rest of the Christmas Day, Mello had been up in his room, listening to his CD. For some reason, he's started to consider it being his and Matt's 'song'. The kind of song that lover's had, the kind of song that reminded them of when they first met, first kissed, first danced and all that shit.

Personally to Mello...it was the first time he felt.

Felt. Fullstop.

Before he heard that song, Mello honestly didn't give a fuck about anyone apart from himself and his friends. Even then, his friends came pretty close to last on his priority list. Mello merely yearned for their attention, trying to do anything that would get him noticed.

Even if it was sleeping around.

Even if it was risking his health.

Even if it was hurting Mihael...

Damn boy. He still wasn't talking to him...still wasn't trying to connect with him. If he was trying at all that is.

"Come on Mihael..." He muttered, closing his eyes and relaxing fully on his bed.

His room was in total silence, except for Matt's beautiful voice spilling out from his speakers. The curtains had been drawn back so the moon and the stars gazed in through his window. Mihael would sometimes leave his curtains open for nights like this...nights when he wanted to think about life, Mello, school and his apparent friends.

Mello discovered that sleeping under the stars was rather relaxing and all of his worries would simmer down as he watched the stars glow softly in the midnight sky. At first he began to leave his curtains open to see if Mihael would come out whilst he slept. Even though he would be sleeping, Mello would still have a recollection of Mihael's activities during the night. However, since the first night when Mello fell asleep as Mello, he had no memories of Mihael during the night.

Which meant that Mihael truly didn't want to wake up from his safe place within Mello's subconscious.

The very thought of being abandoned by his other half worried him, but Mello knew that it would only be a matter of time before Mihael came back to him.

Just like Matt would.

_Slower, slower  
We don't have time for that  
All I want is to find an easier way  
To get out of our little heads_

_Have heart my dear  
We're bound to be afraid  
Even if it's just for a few days  
Making up for all this mess_

The song haunted his dreams and thoughts.

Why would Matt choose that particular song...that very song that described them ever so perfectly? It was a chilling thought that Matt had purposely picked it because of that reason, but Mello dismissed such a thought...

Matt didn't want him in that way. Neither did Mello for that matter.

All those confusing feelings and disturbing urges were simply Mihael's thoughts leaking into his own. Mihael 'loved' Matt and so, in turn, Mello was beginning to feel the same. It simply wasn't true though...

It couldn't be true!

Mello didn't love people in that way...Mello loved Matt as a friend. Even if they weren't even _that_ anymore.

But...like he said, it was only a matter of time. After all, Mello had Matt's Christmas present now. The blonde had walked over to Linda's house after a phone call stating that it was finished. The final result was...

Perfection.

_"Is...is that it?"_

_Awe...Disbelief...Shock..._

_"What do you mean 'is that it'?! I spent hours on it, adding in every specific detail, making sure it was of my highest standards! Like you ordered!"_

_Annoyance...Frustration...Anger..._

_"It's...Well Linda...I have to say, it's pretty fucking good."_

_Lie Happy...False Casual...Fake Nonchalance..._

_"It's more that 'pretty fucking good' Mello! This is my best piece of wor--"_

_Interruption..._

_"Shut it Linda! It's good alright!"_

...so much more...it was so much more than good.

Linda had outdone herself when she drew the picture. Even Mello had to admit that. When he first saw it, he was glad to see the resemblance between the Saffron Knight and himself; however, that delight turned to dismay once he saw the Crimson Damsel.

Her eyes were Orange...her hair was a blend of Golds, Browns and Red...

Fucking bitch had drawn the female version of Matt. Was it that fucking obvious? Shit...what annoyed him most was that the Damsel herself was holding a PSP in her dainty hand. If anyone saw that, they'd see right through to the subliminal message and automatically jump to the correct conclusion.

But fuck...was it perfect. Even though it was obvious to anyone with half a brain...Mello liked it and he knew that Matt would too.

The picture showed the Saffron Knight standing in the middle of the school hallway; lockers to the left of him, the school toilets to the right. He was wearing shimmering armour in bright shades of Yellow. His helmet had been dropped to the floor and with one hand, he was snapping off some chocolate with a cocky grin and his eyes were bright, daring and blue. With the other hand, he was holding up the Crimson Damsel, bridal style. Mello knew that he would never be able to do such a thing and yet the position suited the picture.

The Damsel had one hand curled around the Knight's neck and with the other, she was avidly playing on a PSP, her Orange eyes were focused on the little screen and her dress was rich and red. Upon closer inspection, Mello was frustrated to see that two tones of red had been used to create stripes on the dress.

If the PSP didn't scream 'Matt!', then the stripes would.

The blonde however, didn't chew Linda out and firmly decided that the painting would only be seen by himself and Matt.

...Near would unfortunately have to see it as well, as it was his house that Matt was currently spending most of his time at. In order for Mello to give Matt his present before school, he would have to go over to the albino's house. Plus, the fact that he didn't even know where Matt lived did create somewhat of a problem.

Mello sighed and rolled onto his back.

The very idea of visiting Near was not an idea that made him feel better; on the contrary, it made him feel worse. Not to mention that seeing Matt would probably send all of his plans flying through the window.

"Damn boy..." He growled and glared out of the open window.

The moon shone with an Ivory glow, purer than White and much more beautiful...

...the fuck?

Mello rubbed his temples and groaned. He must really be fucked if he was quoting poetry in his mind. That sort of shit didn't happen with him! He laughed and spat upon poetry, not quote it like some modern day Romeo.

Fucking Hell...Matt really has changed him. Mihael being M.I.A hasn't helped either...fucking bastards that they are.

Mello was fucking happy before the shit hit the fan and everything came tumbling down.

Although, he had to admit that lying around and cursing his bad luck wasn't going to do anything. He resolved to fix everything that went wrong...starting with tomorrow.

Tomorrow...or rather later today, he would march straight over to Near's house and present Matt with his gift. Going through stoic force known as 'Near' didn't worry him as much as having to face Matt.

Matt who had the ability to make and break him.

No one should ever be able to have that ability and yet that fucking boy...that fucking stunner of a boy had that ability! Matt could make him happy, make him frustrated, confused, angry, depressed, fucking Hell!

It simply wasn't fair...

Mello hated people having any sort of control over him, but when it came to Matt...he found that he didn't mind it so much and damn...did it frustrate him. People were bound to notice the little changes in his personality and people were bound to see something different when...

...when he stopped fucking and chucking.

Mello's body froze and his eyes widened. The test. His test-subjects. The blonde knew that he had verbally and in-verbally spoken of his hatred towards his test, ever since the incident with Matt, but would he really put an end to it.

If he did, everyone would notice...

If he didn't...

...then what the fuck would that mean?

X-x-X-x-X

Mihael was there.

Mihael was deep down in his subconscious. The boy was just watching him, observing him, seeing what attempt he would carry out next in order for him to 'come out'. Mello was like that...he was always like. Always trying to get his own, always trying to get what he wanted.

However, for once Mello would not get what he desired. He would not get Mihael out for his own selfish reasons.

Mihael might be the original 'copy' but Mello was the one who used the body most. If Mello wanted him to surface, then Mello would have to listen to reason. His immature attempts at trying to break through to him would not work.

The tree...the lights...Christmas...the night sky...

None of that would make him even want to communicate with Mello.

...not even the CD. It was perhaps the most successful of the blonde's attempts, but instead of giving in to his temptation, Mihael resisted and forced himself to believe that listening to his beloved's voice was enough. He did not need to see the CD, touch the CD or even register that there was a CD at all.

Listening to Matt's voice was enough for him, or so he believed.

Squashed down in the darkest depths of Mello's mind was a scary place to be. It was pitch black, with voices of the past haunting him...the therapist's diagnoses would create flashbacks for him as their cold voices would echo within Mello's mind. It would keep him awake at night as the memories would bubble up within him once more as Mello's mind became more and more unstable.

The blonde knew that his other half wanted them to connect once more, but Mihael knew that Mello simply wasn't ready. However, it wasn't just that reason on its own...

Mihael was being selfish, he knew that but...it was also his own personal reasons that made him pull away from Mello.

He didn't trust the boy.

He didn't trust the boy with himself.

He didn't trust the boy with his (their) life.

He most certainly didn't trust the boy with Matt.

Mihael heard the whisperings within Mello's mind and knew exactly what the other boy was thinking.

_"I want him..."_

_"...so....pretty..."_

_"...fucking...mine..."_

_"...have to have...need..."_

Mello's reasons for wanting Matt back as a friend weren't as justified as they seemed. Sure, Mello was in denial over why he wanted the boy back, but Mihael saw the truth.

The ugly, unforgiveable truth.

Some say that the truth hurts...well this one killed.

Mihael knew exactly what Mello wanted, even if Mello himself didn't know it yet. The blonde knew he should prevent Mello from going over to Matt, but the small, selfish part of him longed to see Matt once more...just one more time, then he would put an end to it all.

Mello would cease his desperate attempts at becoming Matt's 'friend' and Mihael...would rid himself of his unrequited feelings at once.

It would do him no good to angst over himself. To pull the 'poor-pity-me' routine...after all, he wasn't the actor. Mello was.

Mihael sighed and gazed around the dark, empty space around him. The voices still continued to echo around him. They weren't mad...neither of them were insane. It's just that Mello...thought too much. His thoughts were loud and frightful and...Mihael wanted them to stop.

Mihael wanted it all to stop.

So why won't it?

* * *

**Questions and Questions and Questions...deary me...**

**Anyway! Time to thank you lovely reviewers who've put up with my review whoring and actually reviewed for me! ^.^**

_It Reeks of Fangirls, Galaxy The Element Girl, Xx-Tarqui-xX, amourien, Ninna-chan, what the vell, orochimarusbadgirl, NightRoseK, Melly, mello-jeevas, Song Of Eternity, Hilarious-Mayhem, im a molly doll, Shawdee, lala, cheyjeevas, eris.x, chocolate-mello-monster, snappygirl, axeldemyxXx, Broken Glass Walker, Dunkelmur, mikoofdoom, munnins-memory, Kyler Conroy, NoEcho, KFMMSA, Miko Akako, Jan, lily. flower, xxIceCrystalxx, skye hakari, LxIsxJustice, cutmeawayMYPENMYHAND, ShinigamiApples, MyColdHeart, Gabby-sama, Nehan Shinzui34, arandm30, crimson, westwardcircle, Kyler Conroy, rosethourne, maiko, gothicsantaclawz, Amaya-Ai, InnerShadow, Unlucky-angel13, kfjkaskm, InnerShadow, lovelyblackheart, Mello-Mellon, Raven1050, Kit-Kat Punk-lover, RistukaLovelessBelovedSoubi, Misha2011, Jaylee, XxXDevil-Chan, XXX, threemillionworded, Living in a fantasy, Nana Weiss, ZomgKelley, Fan, Blind Unicorn, Your Alien, keeda, twingem2, SunnydayinPallet, atomiclint, jinnabun, Sleeping Demon, Mia-Gabriella, methegirl, unheardcries, Nippz, Taio Ryder, Fused-Chappy, Cousin It Like Pie, XthirteenX, Bloody Mello, ShinigamiMailJeevas, GremlinGirl, xxWammyGirlxx, Hollie-chan, Possessed4evr, Yoru K-Chan, Agatsuma Ritsuka, ParaPara, ebo2, merichuel, doujinshilover1516, smiley95, Dreamer878, Missy, Fundibulous teh Zohan, Grace Raven, Shinra'sCrazyTurk, The. VII. LunaEclipse, trytobrakemylittleshell, Ms. Bloody Death ANND IndifferenceToSociety! And one reviewer who was anonymous but didn't leave a name...LOL ^.^_

**Now, because I always, ALWAYS end up missing someone out...please PM me if I have, then I'll add you straight in! ^.^ Glittery love covered people be up tharrr! ^_^**

**So, why the glittery love...well, because in a Kingdom Hearts story, I wrote that my reviewers were covered in Love...of the Glittered kind and ever since then it's kinda...stuck...heheheheh...**

**Perty please review!**

**Love City Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	20. Violet

**OMG! **_It Reeks of Fangirls _**has done a cover for this! OMG! It's so pretty and wonderful and OMG! I never in a million year thought I would get fanart! I've always wanted it, but never actually received it! It's made me so happy that I've decided to update early! ^.^**

**Here's the link...just take out the spaces and VOILA! Lovely picture for all to see:**

http://olivegreeni . deviantart . com/art/Broken-Colours-Cover-Art-139726450

**It really is perfect! I love it so much!**

**Anyway! I've had my injection and Dear Lord does it hurt...my arm feels so heavy and bleurghh...I'm petrified of needles...hehehe...I'm such a wuss...**

**So, this chapter is...MELLO AND MATT! Mello goes to Matt, meets Matt, talks to Matt and gives Matt his painting!**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 20 - Violet

_Violet is the color of purpose. It can assist people to use their imagination to its fullest. Violet is also the colour for people who want to re-balance their lives and get them back onto the right track. Those who have obstacles in their paths or futures can use violet in order to remove or destroy whatever stands in their way. Violet can also help to calm over activity or to energize from depression._

Even with his Red coat on, Mello still felt the chill from the Winter air.

He had slept for four hours, each hour being disturbed by his waking up to think and plan out his mission. It was 5:00AM when he finally decided to get up. Mello then proceeded to destroy his entire wardrobe looking for something that said: 'I'm terribly sorry! Please forgive me!', but failed, as no outfit in the world could portray such a message.

Instead, he decided to forgo looking for an outfit and took a long hot shower.

As the water had trickled down and soothed his aching muscles, Mello had closed his eyes and begun picturing the scenarios that could occur. Near could slam the door in his face, Matt could refuse to see him, Matt might talk to him, Near might order him to leave...he could make Matt cry...

Fucking Hell...he could even just chicken out and turn back home.

Shit...he wasn't that much of a coward, was he?

...no. His pride simply refused to even acknowledge the possibility of him chickening out and running back home.

Then he had tilted his head back, allowing the shower to spray his face with hot droplets, his mind set up and his decision made.

His decision had leaded him to this very doorstep. The doorstep where Near's world crumbled and the doorstep that would be splattered with Red, if Near didn't deliver his end of the favour. Matt had to talk to him...Matt had to accept his present...

He had to...

There was no other way about it.

Pulling the coat closer around him, Mello shivered slightly and held on tighter to the painting. He had spent ages trying to make a choice over whether to wrap it or not. And if he did wrap it, then what paper? Should he include a bow? A card? Anything else?

It was quite possibly one of the more agonizing moments in his life. It was embarrassing that the moment was over something so tedious and simple.

Wrapping a fucking present. Anyone could do it...just not him.

Trying to find the perfect way to not only present himself but also the gift was quite the difficult feat. After all...he wasn't Light. He wasn't a fashionable, in-the-know sorta guy who knew anything and everything. He was Mello...selfish, cruel and fucking insane.

Selfish, cruel and fucking insane Mello declared wrapping a tedious and ridiculous job. However, that didn't prevent him from wrapping the gift up in Orange paper...then tying it all up with a Violet bow to top it off.

Violet was very close to Purple...and it was Mihael who loved Matt. It almost made sense in his fucked up mind to try and do something to show Matt that there was someone else in him that cared about him.

Apart from Yellow of course...

After all, Orange and Yellow went together. Well...they do, until Yellow hurts Orange beyond compare and destroys all chances of them blending well together.

Mello's teeth started to chatter as the wind picked up and his eyes started to ache from the biting chill of the air. He had been standing outside Near's house for a few minutes. Not doing much, just standing there. He had been going over his conversation with Matt in his head, going over his conversation with Near in his head.

Both of which sounded tremendously ridiculous and stupid.

Shaking his head clear of his thoughts, Mello glared hard at the wooden door in front of him and growled. He was being a fucking coward. He had been standing outside the house for a few minutes and he still hadn't knocked. Angry and frustrated with himself, Mello gave the door three hard knocks, holding tightly onto the gift with one hand.

He stood back a bit and waited for Near to open the door. The fucker better had let him in now. Mello was in no mood to be fucked around with and he was beginning to get desperate now. If he didn't see Matt today then he woul--

"Mello? I had a feeling you would be stopping by today."

Near had opened the door, interrupting his train of thought. Growling, Mello pushed him aside and strode into the warm hallway, shaking his hair free from the frost and rubbing his arms gingerly with one hand. The albino cast a glance over to the living room doorway and sighed. He gently closed the door and turned to face the pacing blonde.

Mello resembled a ticking bomb, just waiting to blow off at any given moment.

Near waited until Mello calmed down somewhat and shuffled over to the staircase. He crouched down and began to curl his snowy locks around his fingers. He watched as Mello marched back and forth, looking very much like a tiger in a zoo. Mello seemed to make his mind up quickly, as he abruptly turned to face Near, his face fixed into a scowl.

"Where is he?" He asked coldly.

The albino merely gazed up at him coolly, curling his hair more and more as he silently debated on how to answer Mello's question. The blonde despised the silence and cursed, tearing his coat off and throwing it to a nearby table. He was wearing his typical leather outfit again and Near took a moment to wonder how Mello could stand such chilly temperatures wearing such clothes.

"He is here," He responded simply.

"Don't give me that cryptic bullshit Near! Where the fuck is he?!"

"Mello, do you really believe that I'm going to answer that question with you acting like that? Matt is probably fearful of your very presence...it wouldn't be wise for him to see you like this."

The blonde growled and clenched his fists, the present's frame digging into his palms. Near noticed this and took note of the wrapping paper's colours.

"Is that for Matt?" He asked, indicating towards the gift.

"Well it's fucking damn well not for you!" Mello spat.

Near hummed and cast another glance to the living room, curling his hair tighter and tighter. Mello followed his gaze and smirked, knowing exactly where Matt was hiding now. He shot Near a spiteful grin before heading towards the door.

"Stop. Mello, calm down. Is it really wise for you to be marching into that room with your emotions running high?"

Mello paused in his steps and turned to glare at the albino.

"Oh? And what to you propose?"

"Allow Matt to come to you."

Mello scoffed and sauntered back towards Near with a mocking smile on his face.

"Really? What makes you think he'll come to me?"

Near tilted his head to the side, regarding Mello with his expressionless, blank eyes. He switched his attention to the door and curled his hair more.

"Matt? You may come out, if you wish," He called out.

They fell into silence and Mello was beginning to feel antsy again.

No movements could be heard from the other room and it made him all the more frustrated. Nothing was fucking happening! Casting Near a scathing look, Mello began to march towards the door...

...only to freeze when said door began to open up slowly; the hinges creaking in protest and the person opening the door silently stepped forward.

Mello's heart jumped to his throat as he saw the copper-haired beauty standing hesitantly by the door. Fuck...he hadn't changed at all. He still looked as perfect as ever...and yet, there was still that underlining sadness that radiated from him.

Fuck...

"Matt...Mello would like to speak to you," Near announced, cutting the tension in the air.

Matt blinked at Near and turned to face Mello. He eyed him warily from the doorway. The gamer didn't trust Mello...the gamer didn't want to be in the same room as Mello...

At school, he had every opportunity to avoid or ignore the blonde, even if he did do a poor job of doing so. Here, now...with Near crouched on the staircase and Mello lingering by the front door, Matt knew he had no escape. But he had two choices.

A) Turn around and close the door. Officially marking it as the end of their friendship and showing Mello that he no longer wanted anything to do with him.

B) Stay. Listen to what Mello has to stay and consider his apology...if it was an apology. Show Mello that he still had a chance (albeit, a very small chance) to be friends again.

The answer was obvious.

Glaringly obvious.

Matt tilted his head to the side and furrowed his brow at the broken look in Mello's eyes. Eyes that were supposed to be lively, fiery and bright. Eyes that now looked dead, dull and...wrong.

Stumbling into the room, trying to keep his distance as far away from Mello as he could, Matt sat down next to Near on the staircase.

Mello's heart skipped a beat and his eyes widened as he realized what Matt had chosen to do. His gamer had chosen to stay and listen to him...to his fucking excuses and pathetic attempts at an apology. They all seemed ridiculous...none of that was enough. Not enough at all...saying sorry, kissing and making up...that wasn't enough.

Not to Matt...never to Matt...

Fuck, it wasn't enough for anyone.

The blonde opened his mouth, but found that he couldn't speak. His words died in his throat and his fingers grew clammy as they grasped the present. His speech...his words...his voice...all of it had disappeared. He couldn't even form a coherent thought whilst looking at Orange.

How fucking pathetic!

What's worse was that Near was observing all of this with his same blank expression. Fucker...he was probably enjoying Mello fall from his pedestal. His fists clenched and his eyes narrowed as the albino curled his hair around his finger...fucking bastard. Mello's anger rose up and his thoughts returned to his head once more. As soon as they did, he said them out loud.

"Near. I want you gone...this is between me and Matt only. Get out."

His voice was hoarse, but his tone was clear. It was like ice...cold and hard. It chilled Matt to the core to hear such words in such a voice.

The albino didn't look surprised and merely sighed, standing up and turning to ascend the staircase. Matt's eyes widened as he realized that he was about to be left alone with Mello and he lashed out a hand to grab Near's arm, pulling him back slightly. It pained Mello to see Matt in such distress and it hurt all the more when he realized that it was because of him that Matt could no longer feel safe when alone with him.

"Matt, I shall be back soon. If anything happens or if anything is said, just turn around and find me upstairs, okay?"

The gamer chewed his lip, his eyes torn between staying safe and staying with Mello. He twisted his neck around to see the blonde with his head down and his hands grasping tightly onto the parcel. His knuckles were turning white and Matt could hear his breathing quicken in pace.

He felt...sorry for him. Mello looked so vulnerable and exposed and...sad.

Could he really hurt him like this?

...well, he could if he wanted to. But Matt had a clear impression that hurting him was the last thing on Mello's mind.

Reluctantly, he released Near from his vice-like grip and turned to face Mello fully. The blonde's heart beat erratically within his chest as he looked up to see Matt's gaze firmly locked on his. Near looked over to Mello and even though his face remained blank, the blonde could still sense the threat and warning behind his eyes. If he hurt Matt now...he was fucked.

When Near disappeared up the stairs, Mello relaxed somewhat and took a hesitant step forward. Matt almost immediately scrambled up a couple of steps, eyeing Mello with apprehension. The blonde paused in his actions and his expression turned sad. He knew why Matt was acting like this...he knew why Matt was eager to get away from him...he knew why Matt didn't want Near to leave.

He was scared. No...he was terrified. He was fucking terrified.

Of Mello. Of him. Of whom he was. Of whom he is....and what he had done.

Great fucking start...

Mello averted his eyes away from the intense Orange gaze and sighed. It was now or never...make or break...do this or fuck this.

"Matt..."

He had to...he fucking had to...he was not going to lose Matt. His pride, his dignity, his self-fucking-respect demanded him to not let Matt go. And even though his voice was hoarse, even though he looked like death warmed up and even though Matt currently despised his very person...he was going to do this and he was going to do this now!

He took a hesitant step back and looked back up, directly into Matt's suspicious eyes. Mello forced his shaking body still and held his head high with fake confidence.

"Matt. I know this isn't going to change much...but I'm sorry," He said, his voice strong, level and...toneless.

The gamer noticed how monotone he was and narrowed his eyes. Fuck...he didn't sound sorry at all. Mello could see Matt glaring at him with calculating eyes. He needed to convince Matt that he was sorry. Fuck...the only way he would ever sound really sorry was to...to...fuck...

He had to get rid of his facade.

Looking back at Matt, he saw the gamer peering up stairs, clearing debating on whether to go join Near or not. Heart racing and stomach fluttering, Mello's mind was jumbled up, filled with utter nonsense and jargon. Instead of thinking before he spoke, Mello opened his mouth and allowed the words to flow.

Matt was not to go up those stairs...Matt was not to leave his life...Matt was not allowed!

"Matt...I...I'm a fucking bastard, I know. Jesus Christ, only the fucking world knows how much of a douche I am...I hurt you so much. I hurt you in such a fucking cruel way...Matt. You have to believe me when I say that I never meant to hurt you! You're the best fucking friend a guy could ask for. That doesn't mean shit to some people, but when I say it...when I say that I trust someone and respect them and...like them as much as I do you, then fucking Hell Matt. I mean every damn word. You're cool, you're funny and I can have a decent conversation with you. Not only that, but God...I...it's like I can only be me, when I'm around you, do you get it?"

The gamer's eyes were wide and shining. His mouth fell open, but he didn't speak. He didn't reach for his pen...he just stared and nodded slowly at the heavily breathing blonde before him.

"Thank God...I was fucking panicking there for a second and not many people can make me panic. Shit, you're the only one who can make me panic. It's just that...Matt. You're fucking awesome! I can't believe I was so stupid to do something so cruel to someone like you! You're so nice and shit. You'd never hurt anyone and what happens anyway? I attempt to rape you. I was so fucking drunk and yet I knew...I fucking knew what I was doing and yet I still didn't stop. Only when you...y'know...did I actually pause and think 'fuck, what the Hell am I doing?'...if you hadn't...y'know, done that, I reckon I could have actually gone all the way. You're not safe around me and I know you're scared of me. Don't try to hide it Matt, I can see it in you're eyes. Even though they're covered up by Orange, I can still see the fear in them. You're fucking petrified of me and shit, I don't blame you."

Mello paused for a second to recollect his thoughts. His mouth was going dry and his hands were shaking but really? He didn't give a fuck. Matt was listening to him and Matt was letting him inch closer.

Matt was actually listening to him!

The blonde froze when he was a meter away from the gamer. Any closer would be pushing it and so he decided to present Matt with his gift. Stiffly, he held it out and averted his eyes. Matt eyed it curiously and reluctantly reached out to take it.

Fingering the Orange wrapping paper and the Violet bow on top of it, Matt looked back up to see Mello backing away.

"Merry Christmas Matt. I didn't do it...Linda did, but under my instruction. It was supposed to be for our English project but I rather you have it instead. Besides, it's fucking perfect for you. There's a message on the back and...fucking Hell Matt. I'm sorry. I hope we can be friends again, because you're one Hello of a mate...you know that. No one else is fit to be my Damsel. Damn Matt...you're just...you...I..."

Mello sighed and closed his eyes, trying to force his words out. Matt's expression was one of confusion and hesitation. It was so easy to see that he was torn between wanting to be friends again, yet wanting to be as far away from Mello as he could.

The blonde hated fucking up his speeches and tried so hard to get his apology out once more. Nothing was working for him and so he gave up and looked back up at Matt's wide and shining eyes. Fuck...only one word came to his mind as he saw the beautiful, Orange-covered eyes...

"Sorry."

It was a mere whisper and yet in the midst of the silent atmosphere, it resembled a scream. A scream of desperation, of pain and longing. Of sorrow and depression. Of hope and anger.

Matt chewed his lip and nodded once more. Gazing down at his present, he closed his eyes and sighed. Mello seemed so sincere. Could he truly forgive Mello for his foolish, stupid actions? Actions that caused many nightmares and flashbacks to come hurtling back to Matt?

...

...he needed a long think. This sort of decision wasn't easy. It would probably be the most difficult decisions he would have to face.

Did Mello deserve his forgiveness? Did Mello deserve their friendship? Could their friendship be salvaged?

He was lost in his thoughts and it wasn't until the front door opened that he was brought back to reality with a brutal crash. Matt snapped his head up to see Mello pulling on his Red coat. Matt bit his lip, fighting the urge to jump up and hug the blonde in front of him. Mello was leaving and Matt hadn't said a word to him. Matt hadn't written a word to him.

Matt had done nothing.

How pathetic.

Mello lingered by the doorway, feeling Matt's gaze burning into his back. Hesitantly, he turned and gave the gamer a sad smile.

"So...guess I'll see you later, eh Matt?"

Matt tried to return the small smile but failed, opting to give him a half-hearted wave instead. Mello inwardly flinched at the blank expression, but forced his smile even more, turning to leave Near's house...turning to leave Matt.

Shit...this might be the last time they would see each other all holiday. Freezing once more, Mello turned and faced the gamer with a level stare.

"Oh...and Matt? Even though I never got to say this when we were still friends, at least let me say it now..."

Matt looked up from his gift and tilted his head to the side.

"...you have an amazing singing voice."

* * *

**Nyaaaa~!**

**Heheheheh...loved writing that! ^.^ I just adore writing Matt...he's so freaking adorable! Everyone should have a Matt! ^.^**

**Anyways, hehehehe...thank you for your AMAZING reviews! Seriously, your reviews melted me...seriously melted me! They just make me so happy and they give me the warm fuzzies too! I love you all so much!**

**^.^ Now...next chapter...we have more Matt and of course, more Mello!**

**Perty please review!**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	21. Jade

**Okaaay...so this chapter had me worrying. It was hard to write and their POVs were driving me crazy!**

**Speaking of crazy, I had one HELL of a crazy fangirl moment in art. We had to choose new artbooks and the colours availible were: pink, purple, orange or green. As soon as I saw orange I spazzed out and thought immediately of Matt...I now have an Orange artbook because of this story...hehehehe...**

**SO! Thank you for the most awesome reviews I got last chapter...including the ones that pointed out that I had written Yellow bow instead of Violet... X.X FAIL! X.X**

**Hehehe...anyways, this chapter has Matt's thoughts and Mello's thoughts. It's like a filler...but hopefully it sheds some light on how they're feeling and whatnot. It was a hard chapter to write so...yeah...**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 21 - Jade

_The colour jade has a far more complex meaning than green. Jade can mean both positive and negative things. A lighter jade can indicate love between torn lovers, healing for the heart, money for those in need of it and protection for those who desire it. Darker jades are usually linked with a new state of balance or feel a need for change or growth. People who wish for the freedom to pursue new ideas are also connected with jade. The more complex meaning of jade is that it can stand for protection from fears and anxieties connected with the demands of others._

The painting was of him and Mello.

Or to be more specific, the Knight and his Damsel. It perturbed him that Linda had drawn them in such a way, but he couldn't deny the fact that they looked...good. As the Knight and the Damsel of course. In reality he would never let Mello hold him like that...if Mello could hold him like that anyway.

Matt ran his fingers along the paintwork, feeling the small ridges underneath his fingertips. It was a beautiful picture, there was no denying it. It was a typical background scene of a school hallway. The Knight had Mello's personality down perfectly, right down to the confident smirk and the way he held his chocolate. The Damsel was more relaxed, with her whole body leaning against the Knight, a hand placed around his neck and the other hand holding a PSP. However, it wasn't the background that had captured his attention. Nor was it the cocky Knight with the chocolate bar in his hand. The Damsel was the first thing he laid eyes on...and for a good reason too.

As soon as he saw her, he knew instantly that she was meant to portray him. The PSP in her hand, the faint red stripes on her dress...they were typical features of himself. The eyes however, intrigued him. Linda had painted her (him?) with orange eyes...

The sight reminded him of what Mello had said earlier...

_"...Even though they're covered up by Orange..."_

Covered up by orange? At first, Matt didn't even register what Mello had said to him, but now...after seeing the picture, he was intrigued. The way Mello said 'orange' like it needed to be capitalized, made Matt wonder how important that word was to Mello. Plus, the way he said the whole sentence was...odd.

Mello had said that his eyes were covered up by Orange. Not orange goggles or orange plastic. Just Orange.

It confused him that Mello would say it like that and even though a small part of Matt wondered if he was just over-reacting to the whole thing, he was still curious over why Mello had worded it as such.

Of course, a lot of things Mello had said confused him. The blonde obviously thought ill of himself and Matt could tell by the amount of insults Mello had directed to himself. Mello had called himself a bastard (Matt could see why), a douche (again, that was obvious)...and apparently, he can only be himself when he's around Matt.

Funny how Matt had thought the exact same thing.

The gamer could truly relax around Mello. He had no stress upon him, no worries, no fears...whenever he was around Mello, it all just melted away. Of course, that was before the night of Mello's party but even still...when he was alone with Mello earlier on, there was still that tiny connection between them...

The connection that made Matt feel safe...even though he was in the same room as his potential rapist.

...no. That was wrong. He had to stop thinking of Mello as a rapist. The blonde didn't rape him...plus he had eventually stopped. Matt whole-heartedly believed in those statements and tried so hard to get his head to believe them too...to no avail. In his heart, Mello was automatically forgiven for his actions. His mind was an entirely different matter.

Mello might have stopped and Mello might now have raped him, but that still didn't change the fact that Mello still tried to force himself upon him. And the only reason he had stopped was because Matt screamed at him to.

Perhaps Mello could have raped him that night...but saying that wasn't fair. Mello deeply regretted his actions and Matt knew that, could see that. However, Matt also didn't trust Mello anymore. The blonde...the blonde had ruined it, to put it bluntly. Through his drunken actions and his fogged up mind, Mello managed to bring back the memories that had died along with Mail. For that reason alone, Matt could never forgive him...in his mind anyway.

Nights were now spent awake, dreading to fall asleep...not wanting to relive the past and see the images that should have been destroyed and buried. Days were spent worrying, dreading that day when he would see Mello again...not wanting to face him and not ready for another encounter.

Matt was a coward, he knew it. He had every right though...more right than the next person anyway.

That gamer wondered if he would ever forgive Mello and when his mind would wander to such thoughts, his questions would only be answered by questions...

_Should he forgive Mello? Does he deserve it?_

_Will their friendship go back to normal? Did he still want it?_

_Did he trust Mello? Did he respect Mello? Did he even like Mello?_

Out of those seven questions, only two had the firm answer of 'no'.

Their friendship will never go back to normal. Matt will always be wary of Mello and would always be too frightened to be in the same room as him. Matt's trust in Mello was utterly destroyed. It's possible that it could be salvaged, but Matt wasn't betting on it.

All the others were answered by a 'maybe' or a 'don't know'...because Matt found it hard to answer such questions. He had no idea whether to forgive Mello or not. For all he knew, Mello's pretty speech could have been an act and the blonde was just biding his time, waiting it out until he had the opportunity to hurt him once more. That however was a cruel line of thought. Matt may not have known Mello for long, but he knew him long enough that when he apologized, he meant it.

What Mello had said earlier on...Mello had meant it. Every word.

Mello...deserved to be forgiven. It was true. Matt could see it in Mello's eyes, the way his voice cracked, the way his hands shook. Mello deserved to be forgiven; Matt knew that...he just didn't know how or when...

He knew why though. He knew why Mello deserved to be forgiven. Mello had a need for attention and for everyone to obey him. Mello needed people to bend to his will and become loyal to him. Mello needed all that because without it, Mello would fall apart. Those reasons were pathetic but true. Matt saw how Mello yearned for the spotlight and loved being the best, the centre of attention.

...he also saw how dependent Mello was. How he loved having his friends around him, how he loved intelligent conversation and having someone with him. Matt understood what Mello was talking about, when he said he could only be himself around Matt. Mello needed someone there, someone who understood him and didn't judge him.

Matt was that person.

The gamer saw what happened when all of those things went wrong or didn't happen or Mello didn't get. The blonde was breaking up inside because he didn't have that person and Matt knew that he deserved to be forgiven, purely for the fact that Mello needed him.

...did Matt need Mello though?

The answer for that was easy enough.

Yes. Yes, he did need Mello...and probably for the same reasons too. Apart from the minor facts that Matt hated being in the limelight and being the person everyone looked at and talked about, Matt felt exactly that same way as Mello. Matt loved having someone who could empathize with him and Matt loved the feeling he got whenever he was around Mello. The feeling that told him he wasn't alone, that he belonged, that someone else knew what it was like to harbour a secret.

...a secret.

Matt had a secret.

Mello had a secret.

Mello had a very big secret that clearly no one else knew about. But Matt wanted to know it...Matt wanted to know why Mello would temporarily freeze whenever someone said 'Mihael'. Matt wanted to know why no one could have Mello's address or his number. Matt wanted to know a lot of things about Mello...things that were probably never meant to be discovered.

That didn't stop Matt from being curious though.

After all, Mello knew his secret...or at least one of them. So why couldn't he know Mello's secrets?

Stroking the Knight's armour with a finger, Matt thought about the armour Mello wore. The figurative armour. Mello protected himself against a lot in the world and Matt knew how vulnerable he was inside. It was one of the many reasons his heart wanted to forgive the blonde.

His head though, told him he might not like Mello's secret...and that caused many doubts to rise up in his mind.

Running a hand through his hair, Matt placed the painting down, leaning it against his bed. He sighed and gazed around his room, looking for an answer to all of his problems to jump out at him. Nothing came though and Matt felt more lost than ever. Reaching over to grab a packet of cigarettes, Matt searched his pockets for his lighter. In his jeans pocket, his hand brushed against something. Pulling it out, he found the object to be his pen.

His tool for communication.

His way to talk.

His way to speak to Mello...

_...speak to Mello?_

Matt tilted his head to the side, merely gazing at the plain black marker pen. His thoughts seemed to slow down, allowing him to process them in his mind. His heart and his head were at odds. His heart screamed yes...his head shouted no.

Tossing the fags behind him, Matt walked over to his drawers and pulled out a notebook. With his pen, he began to make a list.

What his heart wanted...and what his head wanted.

He fell back onto his bed, writing down everything that needed to be said, but couldn't. His hand raced across the page, his thoughts and feelings flowing down into the pen and onto the paper. Every time he wrote something down, the next thing he thought up of, would contradict the statement before it. The page began to fill up with complex words and jumbled up sentences...nothing made sense...

Yet to Matt, with every word he wrote, his decision became clearer.

What his heart wanted...and what his head wanted...

Two completely different things.

His heart wanted him to forgive Mello, to give the boy a second chance, to restart their friendship. His head wanted nothing more to do with Mello, to blank the breaking boy out and to act as if the blonde didn't exist and that their past friendship was nothing more than a phase.

But it was more than a phase...much more than that.

Looking down at the messy page filled with odd words and scribbles, Matt chewed his lip and furrowed his brow. He had a small, fuzzy idea of what he wanted now. The gamer sat up, his eyes trained on the page before him. He was incredibly wary of what Mello would say to this. Of what Mello would do about this.

However, it was the best way...even if he was being a coward again.

The gamer sighed and closed his aching eyes. His heart wanted this, his head wanted that. The notebook page had been filled with words describing what his heart said and what his head said...in the end, they both had an equal number of reasons for why he should do this and why he should do that instead.

It hadn't worked...then again, he wasn't surprised it didn't work. Matt was just getting desperate for an answer.

_Should he? Shouldn't he?_

_Could he? Couldn't he?_

_Would he? Wouldn't he?_

Now with his plan in mind, Matt knew exactly what he had to do.

He wasn't going to forgive Mello. He wasn't going to become Mello's friend again. Those were out of the question until further notice.

Matt was going to, however, allow Mello to earn his second chance. He was going to give Mello the opportunity to gain back Matt's friendship. Mello would do everything and anything to get Matt's trust back...so why shouldn't he do the same to get his forgiveness...and his friendship.

It was a cowardly, cruel way...but Matt was getting so desperate and he needed his answer now! Of course the only way to get his answer was to speak to Mello.

Looking down at his pen once more, a small, sad smile grew on Matt's lips.

_Speak to Mello..._

X-x-X-x-X

It was a stupid fucking thing to do!

How could he even contemplate the very thought that Matt had forgiven him? Would even want to forgive him?

Mello growled and punched the wall again, hearing his fingers crack under the impact. His eyes were flashing with fury and his muscles were burning with pain. Mello hated what he ha just done...what he had fucking attempted to do.

Like Matt would ever forgive him because he was given a pretty picture.

Fucking stupid!

Punching the wall again, Mello scowled at the sight and flexed his aching fists. It had been hours since his attempt at apologizing to Matt and those hours had been spent going through the conversation in his head, loathing the way his sounded and not standing the way Matt hadn't reacted...or responded.

The gamer had mostly looked blank all the way throughout their conversation, the occasional bouts of shock and surprise knocked away that blank expression and Mello hadn't a fucking clue of whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Glaring hatefully at the dent in his wall, Mello marched away from it, storming into his kitchen to retrieve some chocolate. The kitchen was coloured in soft tones of Jade and only Mihael and his (their?) cooks had inhabited it...until they were fired that is. Back then the kitchen had been filled with all sorts of food. Now his kitchen only stocked chocolate and some other easy to make meals. Mello never had to cook before as it was always Mihael's job...but since Mihael had hidden away, Mello had been living on chocolate bars for the few days or so. He made a beeline to the fridge and yanked it open. It stored boxes upon boxes of chocolate bars. Nothing healthy could ever be seen in kitchen, not that Mello really cared.

Grabbing a bar and slamming the door shut, Mello leant against the kitchen table, tearing the wrapper off with flourish.

He chewed on it thoughtfully, repeating his apology over and over in his mind. He had said too much...Mello knew he had said too much. Matt was going to start asking questions soon. Questions that required answers. Answers that were too painful to actually think about, let alone say out loud.

Could he trust Matt with those answers? Most likely yes...

Matt might not be able to trust him, but he could trust Matt. The game had that air about him. Something that just screamed 'I keep secrets'...perhaps it was because Matt himself had a secret?

No...more like _secrets_. Matt could talk, that was one secret. Matt had a bad past, that was another secret. Matt reacted strongly to certain things. That was one more secret. Mello longed to uncover all those secrets...to find out who the real Matt Jeevas was.

Or should he say Mail Jeevas.

...of course, it wasn't like he could fucking talk. He had enough secrets to fill in a few hundred fucking diaries!

Crumpling up his wrapper, Mello aimed it and then tossed it over to the bin. He missed.

Shit...Matt could get it into the bin without even looking at it. Remembering the memory of Matt taking care of him whilst he had a bloody nose made Mello smile. The gamer had dabbed up his blood and had thrown the paper towel over his shoulder, straight into the bin.

Lucky bastard...

Of course, that memory wasn't only a happy one. Mello's smile slipped off his lips when he remembered what had happened next. Matt had ran away from him, but that time he had ran from a mere kiss. Or what could have been a kiss.

The blonde frowned and turned to rest his head in his arms, as he leant on the table top. He grasped at his hair and sighed. He was fucking stupid. He knew...he fucking knew that Matt was skittish and scared of such intimacy...and yet, that didn't stop his from wanting to conduct his stupid fucking test. Shit...as soon as school began, he was scrapping that fucking test once and for all.

Mello was a selfish bastard and he knew it.

No wonder Mihael had locked him out from their bond. Fucking coward.

Mello cursed and slammed his fists down onto the hard, cold counter and glared at the calendar on the wall. It's been ten fucking days since Mihael cut him out...ten fucking days. What did he have to do to get Mihael to talk to him again?! What did he have to do to get Matt back in his world again?!

For fucks sake! He knew that fucking answer to those questions already...

Everything.

He would have to try and do everything for them...anything to get them to forgive him. And Mello was willing...fucking Hell was Mello willing. He had a claim on Matt and that claim was still standing. Matt Jeevas was his and no one else could have him...naturally that was meant in a purely friendly way, but Mello knew he could kill two birds with one stone with his statement.

What better way to get Mihael back than getting the one he loved back as well.

If Matt trusted him once more and became his friend once more, then surely Mihael would return.

...of course he fucking would! He'd return just to make sure Mello wouldn't fuck things up again and hurt Matt once more.

"Mihael...you'll be back, I know it," Mello whispered, knowing that somewhere within him, Mihael would hear it.

No...not only would Mihael hear...he would fucking _acknowledge_ it and _accept_ it!

First things first though...Matt.

Despite the ridiculous attempt at saying sorry earlier on, Mello knew he had made some sort of impact in Matt's decision. The gamer may have hurt him when he didn't react or respond, but at least he took the picture. Fuck...that reminded him. He would have to call Linda up and make some excuse or something like that...

After all, that picture had been their school project.

Although, Mello had to admit it...it was better off in Matt's possession. The gamer deserved the gift and even though he knew that no amount of gifts could get Matt to forgive him, Mello fucking hoped that Matt would now consider the idea.

After all, Matt was his...no, Matt was theirs. Mihael was the one loved him. Mello was the selfish one who wanted to keep him away from others. They both owned them and it was up to Mello to get back what was theirs.

He was the one to fuck it all up and now he was the one to fix it. The blonde would do everything to fix it.

...he just didn't know where to begin.

* * *

**Matt has a plan and Mello his getting frustrated...hehehehe...**

**I'm so tired...and I'm so close to getting 500 reviews! ^.^**

**Y'know, normally I reach the 20th chapter and just stop...or end the story there, but this one I actually want to keep writing. It's fun. ^.^**

**Also, Mello's incident which leads up to his scar is coming up! ^.^**

**Next chapter...Matt and Near talk about Mello and Mello recieves an odd text message.**

**Perty please review!**

**Love City Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	22. Aqua

**^_^ Heheheh...I love your reviews! I loved them so much, I updated early.**

**I'm still writing this story! No matter what...no leaving it to rot or anything. I am DETERMINED to finish this story!**

**Plus I'm having trouble writing the next chapter for TBOW. It's another EPIC one...and damn, is it hard to write!**

**So...I have another spazzy moment to tell you. Yesterday, I went prom dress shopping. I know it's way too early to be doing that kinda thing, but I went anyway. So...there was me...little 5ft.2 me, surrounded by dresses designed for 6ft. girls. Yeah. So, the woman comes out with this huge, puffy yellow THING and she asked if I liked it. I took one look at it and said: 'no thanks, I don't do _Mello_.' O.O**

**Seriously, I couldn't wait to run outta that shop. Hehehehehe...**

**So, I'm happy to say that I have over 100 favourites for this story AND I'm over 500 hundred reviews! ^.^**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed and favourited this story! It has become my BABY! Hehehehe...**

**THIS CHAPTER! Matt and Near have a conversation about Mello. And then there's like this tiny bit of Mello himself at the very bottom!**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 22 - Aqua

_A brighter form of blue, the colour aqua has a more down-trodden meaning. People related to aqua have a need to be recognized. It doesn't matter whether they're anyone or everyone. Some people who are sensitive and vulnerable are linked to the colour aqua. Those that are responsive to almost anything, whether it is flattery or an insult often have an aqua aura. Stress and anxiety are also meanings that relate to the colour aqua. Those that conduct aura-readings say that aqua above the head means that music plays an important part in their life._

Turning the pages, Matt began to feel more and more depressed.

He was lying on his stomach on the floor of Near's living room. Near was sat at the computer desk above him. Matt had been looking through romance novels and each one confused and disgusted him somewhat. Each page showed a pitiful, dainty little woman in the arms of a big, strong man. How sexist...or was it stereotypical? Hmmm, either way it seemed that every fairy-tale he had studied always ended up with the pretty, little princess being kidnapped or drugged then at the last minute, the handsome prince would come storming in, killing the bad guys and saving the...saving the Damsel.

If Mello ever did that to him, Matt would be sorely tempted to shoot him.

He didn't need a strong Knight to fight his battles for him. Matt could do it himself, had been doing it himself for the past few years of his life. Always looking out for himself, never having to call for help. He merely forced a happy grin on his face and shoved all the bad memories under the figurative rug. Metaphorical rug. Whatever.

At the very least, they should have been. A certain blond boy had made quick work of making sure that all those memories came flying back to him. Matt sighed and shook his head, flipping the page over. He grimaced at the picture of the pretty princess and the handsome prince kissing on their wedding day. Staring at the picture made Matt wonder. The pretty princess; the Damsel. The handsome prince; the Knight.

In his painting, the Knight was holding the Damsel close, too close to be considered a friendly embrace. Plus, Matt didn't know many people who would actually carry their friends like that. Or if they could actually manage to pick their friends up at all. Surely Linda didn't mean to portray their, ah, 'relationship' like _that_.

Unless, she did. Unless Linda wanted to paint them in that way because it was symbolic or something. Or she wanted to help them...or something. Or she wanted to paint them like that because it looked pretty. Or something. Oh, perhaps she just wanted to paint them like that because...because...

Oh...he didn't know! Matt mentally groaned and clutched his hair with exasperation. He didn't know why Linda painted it like that! Matt froze and slowly released his hair and realization sunk into his mind like a ton of bricks. Maybe...perhaps...

Mello told her to paint it like that.

But why?

Matt thought back to Mello's words, Mello's actions, Mello's expression. So full of passion and meaning. Then Matt remembered the night where everything fell apart and held back a wince. Mello. Mello liked him. Mello liked him a lot...but how much?

What exactly did Mello want from him?

His friendship, that was certain...but was there anything else?

Mello hadn't given him a reason for why he tried to force himself on Matt. He actually avoided the whole thing altogether; which pretty much annoyed Matt to no extent. He wanted to know exactly why Mello had done that. Yes, he was drunk...but he was also sober enough to realize what he was doing. He managed to stop after all. A drunk person wouldn't have been able to register that command, until you knocked them out. So why had he done it exactly?

The gamer couldn't help but find twisted amusement from the whole thing. For the past few days, he had been worried about whether or not to forgive Mello...he hadn't even spared a thought as to why Mello had acted like that.

...did...did Mello...like him?

In _that_ way?

The very thought made Matt's face heat up and his eyes widen. Mello. Blonde-haired, chocolate-eating, emotions-flying Mello. Liking him. In that way. Matt.

Oh God! He needed to be institutionalized! It was an absurd thought; yet it was an absurd thought that just wouldn't leave his mind. Impossible, Mello couldn't like him like that. He was Mello and he...he was Matt. They were friends. Or used to be friends anyway. They had only known each other for what? A month, give or take a bit? Mello couldn't have...feelings for him.

Could he?

Damn...what if he did. What if he actually, really, in all honesty...did? What if he was one of those people that believed in love at first sight? Oh God! What if Mello was a secret die-hard romantic that fell and fell hard for anyone who would give him the time of day? Oh. God.

Matt's face flared up in a bright pink and he allowed his head to fall forward to hide his face from Near. If it were a possibility that Mello had a small crush on him, then what could he do? Matt didn't like Mello in that way. Matt liked having him as a friend. A friend.

He had wondered what Mello's ulterior motives were. Now that he thought about it, Mello wasn't the sort of person that fell in love at first sight. Heck, he was the kinda person that would probably never hand his heart out like that. No, it was impossible. This was reality, not some romance novel. People didn't fall in love at first sight. With him especially.

Of course, Matt was just flattering himself by humouring the very thought of 'love at first sight'.

Mello was just a very confusing person who had complex reasons for doing everything. The blonde didn't like him in that way. Maybe...he truly was just playing with him. It would make more sense, seeing as Mello's personality did give off that sort of impression. Mello was the kind of person who didn't fall in love, but played games with them. One-sided games that the other person didn't know about.

Well, if Mello wanted to be friends once more, then those games would have to stop. He'd had his heart and emotions played with enough times in his past life and Matt didn't want to experience the pain once more. Yet, he had felt the pain and agony, just mere weeks ago. It was too late to say he didn't want to experience pain again, because he had. At Mello's hand. Matt swallowed hard and felt his eyes sting.

So. That was it...Mello merely played him. What a fool he was...

...then again, if Mello was truly playing him, then why did he stop? Why make such a heart-breaking apology? Why go through all that trouble, if he's simply a player?

The gamer knew that he was making things harder for him, but he couldn't prevent the thoughts from growing. They twisted around one another, muddling up his way of thinking and causing everything to become more difficult. It was no longer a case of whether or not to forgive Mello. It had become so much more than that. Either Mello did have some sort of feeling for him or he was a very good actor.

His troubled mind started to ache, and he rubbed his temples wearily. Unbeknownst to him, Near had been watching his every move for the past five minutes. He watched Matt's expressions change from thoughtful to disbelief to embarrassment. Near's thoughts had been solely concentrated on the project, but even still...he couldn't get the readings he gathered from his Tarot Cards out of his mind. Something was going to change...he didn't know whether it was for the better or not, but somehow he knew that Matt and Mello were involved.

The albino thought about the predicament Mello and Matt were in and decided that it was time to gain some answers.

"Matt, what's wrong?"

The gamer looked up from his book to see Near peering up at him with wide, unblinking eyes. The hard gaze unnerved him and he tried hard to tear his gaze away. Matt found Near to be quite partner during their project, although he couldn't help but feel somewhat discouraged when Near allowed Mello to see him. Matt remembered how deep set in denial he was thinking about the situation...and then it actually happened and...

He just didn't know what to do anymore.

Reaching for his pen and a notebook he had brought with him, he scrawled out a word.

**_Nothing._**

Naturally, this meant everything.

Near wasn't fooled by his calm exterior. The albino had been reading people and observing them for years to know when nothing was wrong and when everything was wrong. Right now, Matt looked as if everything was against him and Near knew the main source of his troubles.

"Matt? This wouldn't have anything to do with Mello...would it?"

The gamer snorted softly and wrote down another message.

**_Wow...they don't call you a genius for nothing, eh?_**

Near frowned at the childish note and gave Matt a bored look. The gamer appeared to be nonchalant, but Near could see how tired and stressed he truly was.

"Now Matt, there is no need to be so snarky."

The gamer shrugged and returned to the fairy-tale book before him. Near had caught sight of the title before Matt had opened it up. The book had a bright Aqua cover, so it was hard to miss. It was an interesting choice in his personal opinion, seeing as it related to Matt somewhat.

_The Little Mermaid._

A beautiful, singing princess who has her voice stolen away in exchange for the chance to win her true love's heart.

Near wondered if Matt had picked that book by mere coincidence or on purpose. He noticed that the gamer's eyes weren't focused on the words, rather the pictures. One picture in particular. The wedding one...where the prince and the princess were embracing lovingly. Near didn't care that much for romance, but Matt's reaction intrigued him. The gamer's face had brightened up to soft pink and Near hadn't a clue as to why.

He averted his eyes, trying to gather all the evidence together, hoping that they would fit together and Near would be presented with the answer.

Matt and Mello fall out. Mello cries about hurting Matt. It's obvious that Mello has feelings for Matt. Then Mello has a hysterical moment where he shouts at friends. In the same moment, he declares that he almost had his 'beautiful, innocent Matt'. Matt is far from innocent, although he appears to blush at fairy-tale pictures.

Near curled his hair once more and switched is attention to Matt lying on the floor. The gamer had lost his blush, but Near could still sense his discomfort as he flicked through the pages. The gamer was a complex and confusing person...but Near was determined to crack him.

As his thoughts rolled over in his mind, he came to a number of conclusions. Either Matt was uncomfortable with seeing the loving couples in the book because of something personal, or Matt had discovered Mello's feelings for him, or...or...

...

...of course.

Near's fingers left his hair and he peered down to the gamer.

"Do you have feelings for Mello?" he asked, bluntly.

Matt was startled by his question and his large eyes blinked up at him with a distant flicker of fear. He hesitantly reached for his notebook and shakily replied to Near's unnerving question.

**_No...I like him. Or...I think I like him. I did like him...but I don't love him if that's what you think._**

It wasn't very convincing and seeing Matt biting his lip and averting his eyes only solidified Near's theory.

"Do you think he loves you though?"

The gamer flushed and threw Near a disbelieving glare. His hands raced across the page as he wrote down his message.

**_What? What's with all these questions?_**

Near shrugged and glanced down, curling his locks thoughtfully. Matt seemed to be distressed by his mini-interrogation, but Near was curious and when he wanted answers, he wanted them transparently clear.

"I'm merely trying to figure out what is going on between my two...friends. Is that a crime?"

Matt chewed his lip and looked guilty. Near had been something of a friend to him, although he had allowed Mello in...even if it was because he wanted to apologize.

Whilst Near was questioning him, perhaps he could gain his own answers as well. After all, Near must know some things about Mello. Even if they end up being only trivial facts, Matt wanted to know every last detail about Mello. Especially considering how he's contemplating forgiving the blonde.

**_I suppose not...no. I don't think Mello is in love with me. He's just playing with me right?_**

Near paused as he read. Matt had tricked him into asking about Mello. How clever...but how to answer...

"Matt," Near began, picking his words carefully, making sure not to say anything incriminating about Mello.

"Matt. Mello is a difficult person to understand. He isn't playing with your mind, heart or emotions. Trust me. Right now, I think hurting you in such a way doesn't even appear on his 'To-Do List'. He likes you. He's never liked a person as much as he likes you. That doesn't mean to say that he's in love with you though. Please understand that Mello cares about you. I know that he has cruelly hurt you in the past. I can understand how you feel, because Mello has hurt me too. Not in the same way, of course. But similar."

The gamer's mind ached. He's been given so many pretty speeches about forgiveness and hurt and Mello...Matt had no idea what to with them. Plus he highly doubted that Near could feel what he's feeling right now. Although, Near had implied that he knew how Mello had hurt him and - oh God! Please say that Near doesn't know. He can't know! Couldn't know!

**_Do you know how he's hurt me?_**

Near's cold, blank eyes stared deep in Matt's wide, unblinking ones. The albino knew the doubt that Matt was feeling and didn't know whether to feel insulted or to accept it.

"Do I want to know how he's hurt you?"

Answering a question with a question. Rather annoying, but also quite handy.

**_No...you don't._**

"Then why ask?"

**_I was just wondering...anyway, why the many questions?_**

"As I said before...I merely want to know what is happening between my...friends."

**_You consider Mello a friend?_**

...did he? Mello as his friend? It seemed such an absurd thought, but Near found that he couldn't deny it. Mello may despise his very being, but Near didn't reciprocate his feelings. Near liked Mello. He was intelligent and intriguing.

"Yes. Yes I do..."

**_Even though he's hurt you?_**

"Everyone gets one chance. If they fail, then that is it...no more chances. With Mello, he doesn't get given chances. He creates them. Somehow, it doesn't matter whether you believe in second chances or not, Mello always gets that second chance with everyone. Never before has someone stuck out as long as you have."

Matt looked down to the floor, biting his lip and furrowing his brow. Should he give Mello a second chance...even though he's had more second chances than he could count?

Slowly and thoughtfully, he wrote out another message to Near.

**_Does that mean...more than one person has been hurt by him? To get so many second chances and...by everyone too?_**

"That was a gross exaggeration, but yes. Mello has been hurting people for so long. Not once has he ever felt this much regret though. You should feel special."

Matt scoffed at Near's words and replied quickly.

**_Of course...I'm special because I've been hurt by a close friend, whom I thought I could trust. Now because he's feeling some regret, that makes all the difference, right?_**

"Your sarcasm won't help the situation. Mello never feels regret...he truly likes you a lot. Probably more than he thinks he does. Mello can't help his actions; he can't help his thoughts and feelings. Once Mello does something, he'll go ahead and do it. No second thoughts, no thinking it over. Mello is a very spontaneous person and well...not everyone can keep up with him."

Matt nodded and bit his lip. He didn't want to feel sorry for the blonde...but he did. Though there was still that small bubble of hesitation within him. Near had said that by saying 'everyone' he was exaggerating. So...what was the more accurate count?

**_How many is everyone?_**

Near thought over the question. He had probably said more than Mello would have liked...but he couldn't just ignore the questions Matt gave him.

"That's like asking 'how long is a piece of string?'. You can't measure the length, just as you can't calculate the number. There are too many variables, too many different answers to gain an accurate number. Don't think of Mello as some cold-hearted bastard whose out to get everyone. He's not. I suspect that Mello has some sort of disorder of some kind. I would ask him about it, but now isn't the right time. Don't judge Mello, because I can tell that you're different in his eyes."

**_How? He's just met me!  
_**

"I don't know how Mello's mind works, all I know is that he's rather protective of you and he'd rather die than hurt you again. He's overly dramatic in that sense."

Overly dramatic?

...more like Mello-dramatic.

Matt's lip quirked up into a small smile, but it was lost as his thoughts came together. That was a Hell of a lot of insight into Mello...but what to do with all that information?

"Do you know what you're going to do?" Near asked.

The gamer froze at the question and understood the meaning all too well. Near was asking him what he was going to do about Mello. About the situation, about the future, about their friendship...

Damn. What was he going to do?

Near waited patiently for his answer, resting his head against his knees. Matt seemed to be lost in thought, his eyes were troubles and his hands were shaking slightly. The albino watched silently, observing Matt's every movement, every twitch, every blink. The gamer seemed so confused and mixed up.

It wasn't all that hard to believe that Mello was the cause of this.

"Matt?" He prompted.

The gamer seemed to snap out of his trance and hurriedly grabbed his pen and notebook.

**_...I have an idea. I'm afraid I can't tell you what it's about though...I know what I'm going to and I hope it will fix everything._**

Matt looked back down to his book after giving Near the note and so he didn't notice the small frown the albino gave him. Crumpling up the paper, Near dropped it to the floor and returned his attention to the computer. Their conversation was over, apparently.

They fell back into a heavy silence, with Matt flicking through more pages and Near gazing at his computer with a troubled glint in his dark eyes. Their conversation may have ended, but he wasn't satisfied with any of the answers Matt had given him. Matt sounded as if he wasn't sure what to do about Mello. Normally, he wouldn't have cared...but as Mello's threat about his life and about Gevanni surfaced in his mind, he couldn't help but feel mildly worried.

He gazed back down to Matt and curled his hair. The boy was a complex puzzle...a puzzle that couldn't be completed because pieces were missing. Just like Mello. Near released his hair and rested his hands upon his knee. Mello wanted him to gain Matt's trust...

Perhaps if he told Matt what he knew...then maybe...

He could.

"...apparently, you have an amazing singing voice," He said, breaking the heavy atmosphere between them.

Matt looked up sharply, his eyes showing off how startled he was. He grabbed his notebook again and hastily scribbled out a reply.

**_You were listening to our conversation!_**

Near gazed back at him unblinkingly and tilted his head to the side. Lifting up a hand to curl his snowy locks, the albino rested his head against his knee.

"It wasn't difficult to eavesdrop. Mello has a rather...loud voice and due to how quiet this house is, it was rather easy to hear every word he said. It's a shame you didn't respond. I can't imagine how foolish he must be feeling right now."

The guilt bubbled up within him and Matt looked away with a frown. Near's words unsettled him and scrambled up his thoughts. So, Near knew his secret...as well as Mello and-

-Mello.

Mello thought he has an amazing singing voice. That compliment had never actually sunken in until now. Matt had barely registered it when Mello told him. A small smile grew on his lips and he couldn't help the warm feeling that grew in his stomach. The feeling washed away the guilt and the gamer looked up to Near with a confident gaze. He refused to speak to the albino, even though Near knew it was all an act. He reached for his pen once more and wrote Near one last message.

**_I know what I'm doing...and I know what I'm going to do next._**

Near nodded and turned back to his work. He was still apprehensive. Thoughts of Mello killing him, flashes of Gevanni and Mello having sex, scenes of him being left behind...normally he wouldn't be fazed by anything Mello said. But this boy beside him...Matt. He had changed something within Mello. Near didn't know what exactly it was. Nor did he know whether it was a good thing or a bad thing.

What he did know, was that Mello's threats seemed more likely to happen.

"I hope so." He whispered.

X-x-X-x-X

_Hummmmm...Hummmmm..._

He had been coming out of the shower when his phone went off. The vibrations caused it to fall off the table and Mello caught it just in time before it hit the floor. He ran a hand through his damp blonde hair and sighed. It was the first time his phone had made any sign of life all holiday. He flipped it open, seeing the text labeled as **Unknown**.

A small bubble of apprehension grew in his stomach, and jolt of hope ran up his spine. He knew it was fucking ridiculous but shit...if that message was from Matt then he was going to make good on his promise to God and fucking pray morning, noon and night! Mello opened up the message, a small smile on his face. As he read it, his thought process slowed down to a grinding halt and it was as if time had stopped altogether.

It was a short message...a cryptic message. One that made his grinning expression fall into a confused frown as it sunk in.

_I know UR secret. C U 2morrow._

* * *

**Oooh...I wonder who it's from! Hehehehe...**

**So, there's more plot twisting and stuff! It's getting exciting! Hehehehe...**

**Now, time to thank you lovely, love-glittered reviewers! I am ALWAYS missing someone out though! GAH! X.X**

_lynarsiane, MattTheGamer, Reality-or-Dream, kee\, Kfbbl, cx13, romantiscue, MellyMisfit, 1Ivanessence1, pandaabear23 It Reeks of Fangirls, Galaxy The Element Girl, Xx-Tarqui-xX, amourien, Ninna-chan, what the vell, orochimarusbadgirl, NightRoseK, Melly, mello-jeevas, Song Of Eternity, Hilarious-Mayhem, im a molly doll, Shawdee, lala, cheyjeevas, eris.x, chocolate-mello-monster, snappygirl, axeldemyxXx, Broken Glass Walker, Dunkelmur, mikoofdoom, munnins-memory, Kyler Conroy, NoEcho, KFMMSA, Miko Akako, Jan, lily. flower, xxIceCrystalxx, skye hakari, LxIsxJustice, cutmeawayMYPENMYHAND, ShinigamiApples, MyColdHeart, Gabby-sama, Nehan Shinzui34, arandm30, crimson, westwardcircle, Kyler Conroy, rosethourne, maiko, gothicsantaclawz, Amaya-Ai, InnerShadow, Unlucky-angel13, kfjkaskm, InnerShadow, lovelyblackheart, Mello-Mellon, Raven1050, Kit-Kat Punk-lover, RistukaLovelessBelovedSoubi, Misha2011, Jaylee, XxXDevil-Chan, XXX, threemillionworded, Living in a fantasy, Nana Weiss, ZomgKelley, Fan, Blind Unicorn, Your Alien, keeda, twingem2, SunnydayinPallet, atomiclint, jinnabun, Sleeping Demon, Mia-Gabriella, methegirl, unheardcries, Nippz, Taio Ryder, Fused-Chappy, Cousin It Like Pie, XthirteenX, Bloody Mello, ShinigamiMailJeevas, GremlinGirl, xxWammyGirlxx, Hollie-chan, Possessed4evr, Yoru K-Chan, Agatsuma Ritsuka, ParaPara, ebo2, merichuel, doujinshilover1516, smiley95, Dreamer878, Missy, Fundibulous teh Zohan, Grace Raven, Shinra'sCrazyTurk, The. VII. LunaEclipse, trytobrakemylittleshell, Ms. Bloody Death ANND IndifferenceToSociety! And one reviewer who was anonymous but didn't leave a name...LOL ^.^_

**...Right. If I forget someone THIS time, I am throwing my phone out of the window. Which I'll pretty much do anyway. It won't work! GAH!**

**ANYWAYS! Some of you have some questions for me:**

**_1) I'm sorry but Mello is getting his scar, no matter what._**

**_2) Matt didn't know that Mello's got a few disorders, until Near had mentioned it to him in this chapter. He won't be hacking any databases, but I can assure you...he will be doing some research._**

**_3) No one is going to die. If you saw my reaction to their deaths, you will know that I could never kill my Matty-boy! Or Mello..._**

**So...I think that's all of the questions answered. Anymore questions regarding them, the plot or anything else, then please PM me. I'll try to answer them all without revealing the plot! ^.^**

**So, perty please review! I actually have a question for you lots out there...how many of you are guys? Random I know, but I was just thinking about it earlier...hehehe...**

**Love City Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	23. Cream

**I have finally updated...and I am in so much pain. ****GAH! I love your reviews so much! ^_^**

**Anyways! I have been so busy the past weekend. You can see a picture of me on my profile...hehehe...I stayed over at the Alton Towers Hotel...got humiliated by my mum and dad as it was my 16th birthday party and so they HAD to sing to me. Then I got drunk, stayed up all night dancing, getting birthday kisses and watching 'Wolf Creek' and 'Silent Hill'. Creepy movies they are...and then the next day...I got a hangover. I woke up everyone by being sick...hahahahaha...**

**And I am still ill. The funny thing is, is that my birthday isn't until November...hehehehe...**

**But my paranoia is now through the roof because I have 'walked' through THE scariest haunted house EVER! I was crying and hyperventilating at the end! Urghhh...it was horrible. Then I watched a load of horror movies and now I jump at the slightest noise and I keep seeing things. I have lost it. FACT!**

**ALSO! Another pretty sketch done by** _It Reek of Fangirls_**:**

http:// olivegreeni . deviantart . com/art/Mello-Sketch-140699686

**Go check it out! ^_^**

**SO! I apologize for the late update and for the up and coming update of TBOW. That will be awfully late and so I am sorry...**

**In this chapter we have Mello...and ?????...our mystery texter!**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 23 - Cream

_Cream is a paler colour to yellow, and yet it can still assist people as it is mentally stimulating. Cream shines with optimism, enlightenment, and happiness. Shades of Cream carry the promise of a positive future. Cream will advance from surrounding colours and instill optimism and energy as well as spark creative thoughts. The colour can help stimulate the nervous system and can activate the memory. It can also be linked to people who long for acceptance, tolerance and have a growing maturity or a need for tolerance. _

Mello glanced at the clock.

It was 11:50PM

Ten more minutes and it would be New Years Day. A whole new year, a fresh start, a new beginning...

Mello wanted for his new fucking beginning, where everything was right and status quo was restored. When he got back to school, everything would be perfect once more for him. His friends would have forgiven him for snapping out, his grades would be back up and Matt...Matt would be Matt and they would be friends once again.

Nothing more and nothing less.

Mello smiled slightly and gazed around the room. Candles glowed softly around him, illuminating the room. Mihael always had candles on New Year's Eve...and this year would be no different. The candles had been placed against the fireplace in front of him, lighting up the clock above it. A distinct smell of cinnamon rose into the air and the warmth smothered him, making him feel drowsy and sleepy.

The blonde yawned and cast another glance to the clock.

11:52PM.

The blonde boy sighed and closed his eyes, sitting absolutely still and merely taking in the sound of the ticking clock nearby. So close to midnight, to his new beginning. Mello had already made a list of resolutions. He planned to keep them, to stick to them and to try and do something right for once. Fuck...he couldn't do any more wrong that's for sure.

Plus these resolutions were nothing like the rules for his test.

If he had to compare them to something, then Mello would compare them to the commandments in Mihael's eyes. Mello had finally decided to give his test...a bit of a break. At least until the whole thing with Matt has died down. Mihael may be disgusted with the test and Mello may have broken some rules for his test, but he still longed for the attention, that feeling of control. Mello still wanted it.

But he wanted Matt and Mihael more.

So his test and the rules had been put to rest...for now anyway. Besides, he had new rules to abide by now.

And these rules were nothing like the rules for his test.

**Mello's Resolutions**

**1. Matt's friendship is fucking precious. Do not fuck it up. Get it back.**

**2. Friends are next priority. They handle all your shit and you do fuck all in return. Do more for them, even if it fucking kills you.**

**3. Mihael...should really be top priority, but if he's being a moody little bitch then fuck him. But make sure you gain him back and make sure you keep his fucking trust. He's half of you fucker!**

**4. Grades. Beat that sonuvabitch Near! That smug little tosser deserves all he gets!**

**5. Parents...the fuck?**

The last one was a 'last-minute' kind of thing. Mello wasn't quite sure what brought the thought on, but he had a slight suspicion that Mihael's thoughts were once more leaking into his. Mello didn't care for his parents, but Mihael had always missed them. Soft fucking tart.

However if Mihael's thoughts were slipping within his own, then Mello wondered what that could mean.

He desperately hoped that this meant that Mihael was coming back in his life once again. Especially since that weird text last night. The blonde cracked open his eyes and reached into his pocket for his phone.

He had left the message on the phone, wondering if he would ever get a text back...or a phone call. He had received nothing. What's more, the person hadn't even turned up yet and Mello was beginning to highly doubt the seriousness of the text. If the person meant what they had said then they either didn't know where he lived or they had sent it to taunt him. And Mello despised being taunted.

As soon as the person showed up, he would rip the secret away from their quivering lips and once he was through with them, they would be begging for death.

Not that he would give them such an easy escape.

No one blackmailed him. No one.

Mello growled and shoved the phone back into his pocket. Thinking back to his text and to the new year coming, a small hum of amusement vibrated in his throat. The blonde's lips curled up into a cold smirk as he mentally added one more resolution to his list.

**6. Blackmailer. Make them regret the day that they were born.**

Grinning cruelly, his closed his eyes once more and tried to relax again. But he couldn't. Impatience was a bitch and Mello couldn't stand the wait. He flexed his fists and glared up at the clock. Five more minutes. It seemed like hours and Mello was starting to fidget. It was ridiculous to be waiting around for the year to end, but Mello needed it. He fucking needed it.

When his new year began, Mello was going all out to make sure that Matt was his friend again. Matt...

The boy would be at Near's house right now. Maybe. He supposed. After all, Near had told him that Matt would be over on Christmas...and New Year's Day, so why not the Eve as well. They'd be sitting side by side, discussing fucking fairy-tales and writing down notes and fucking Hell! Near was probably spilling all to Matt right now and--

--no. No he wasn't. He wouldn't dare...after all, his precious relationship with Gevanni was on the line and Mello knew that despite Near's blank exterior, inside he was head-over-fucking-heels in love with that pretty boy. Near wouldn't dare go against their agreement. Not if he valued his life as well.

The thought calmed down his nerves and Mello exhaled slowly, releasing all the tension from his muscles. The blonde fell onto his back and sighed, staring up at the white ceiling. It was getting hotter in his room and he briefly wondered if he should have blown a few candles out. However, Mello felt heavy and tired. His entire body ached and he simply didn't have the strength to move.

It seemed that the past few days of worrying and planning and swearing had taken its toll on him.

Mello was exhausted.

His eyes felt heavy and as he turned to face the clock once more, he realized that it was finally midnight. A soft, serene smile grew on his lips and his eyes began to close. His thoughts were slowing down and his breathing had calmed. Mello yawned and stretched out along the floor, his back arching away from it. He tried hard to keep his eyes open, watching the candles through a heavy-lidded gaze.

The Orange, Red and Yellow colours danced before his eyes, blending into one beautiful blur. Mello smiled, knowing then that Matt was meant to be his friend...his. Not Mihael's. Yes it would be nice to see if anyone else could see Mihael, but for now the test was dead.

Matt was going to be his and his alone.

As a friend of course...Mihael's feelings would soon go and Mello would be damned before those sorts of thoughts leaked into his mind.

The blonde shook his head and yawned once more, eyeing the candles with interest.

The warm colours seemed to blur more and more, growing bigger and bigger before his hazy sight and Mello smiled lazily. Sleep was taking over and the warmth around him wasn't helping to prevent it. Mello was so very fucking tired...and...he simply...couldn't...stay...awake...

As he slowly and finally succumbed to sleep, only one last thought registered in his mind.

_It's so fucking hot in here..._

X-x-X-x-X

Misa was lost!

It wasn't fair...she knew the way to Mello's house but the stupid forest around his mansion had messed up her route. She was hopelessly lost, doomed to wander around the woods forever...she would never get the chance to say goodbye or sleep with Light or marry Light or have Light's babies or--

Oh! What a thought...mini Lights running around, begging for their mummy and wanting to be held and oooh...Misa longed for such a dream to come true!

Giggling, she began to skip through the forest, ignoring the shadows and the animals hidden amongst the trees. Misa wasn't scared of such thing, not when Light's face was fixed within her mind. Light...he was perfect for her. A true gentleman. So handsome and polite and damn...he was so smart!

Not as smart as L though. Misa didn't think anyone could be as smart as L, but Light was getting there. She dearly hoped Light would beat L. The raven was slightly creepy to begin with, but after Mello's outburst, Misa had started to see him in an entire different way.

L was a pervert, preying on her poor Light.

She had seen them kissing, she had seen where L had put Light's hand and she had heard what Light had confessed to L.

Her poor baby, so confused. Misa would put it all right though! Misa would fix everything...starting with Mello.

Now, Misa loved Mello. She loved him a lot. He was one of her special friends, one of her 'cool' friends. Mello was sexy, intelligent, coy and sneaky. His gorgeous blonde hair and Creamy soft skin...he was everything and Misa knew that test he had created was pure genius. The way he handled his test subjects was a sight to see. He was so casual about it all and even though Misa was a complete romantic, she thought that Mello had the most wonderful life. He could have anyone and do anyone without a second thought...well, he used to anyway.

Now it was all about Matt.

Beautiful, gorgeous, _innocent_ Matt.

Misa's footsteps grew harsher and she began to march her way through the forest. Mello was in love with him, when the blonde promised that he would never allow himself to get hurt like that. He had promised. Promised!

Therefore, she had to send that text, she had to sound like she was blackmailing him, she had to go see him! He had done her wrong!

How could he break something so precious to her? The worse thing was, that he didn't even know it. He's probably forgotten all about it, but Misa hasn't. Misa never would forget such a beautiful promise.

Her throat constricted and a lump began to form as the memory rose up in her mind...

_"Misa? What's wrong?"_

_"Hmmm? Oh! It's nothing Mello!"_

_"Yeah...tell that to your tears. Tell me what the fuck is wrong!"_

_"..."_

_"Misa!"_

_"Have you ever been in love Mello?"_

_"What? Why the fuck would I want to be in love?"_

_"Oh...just to feel the wonderful feeling. It's lovely being in love...but it hurts Misa so much."_

_"Then don't be in love."_

_"It's too late for Misa. Not for you though...Misa likes you Mello and Misa never wants to see Mello in pain."_

_"..."_

_"Mello? Promise Misa that you'll never put yourself through this. Misa never wants her friends to feel this crummy."_

_"...alright. It's kinda fucked up that you don't want your friends to fall in love, but whatever. I promise Misa. I promise to never fall in love. It's pathetic anyway."_

A small smile grew on her lips and Misa sighed.

Mello always had his weird ways of making people feel better, even if he didn't mean to. The blonde boy was all rough and raw, but in his own special way, he was sort of sweet too. Especially to his friends. That's why Misa had to fix things up.

If Mello allowed himself to fall in love then he would only get hurt. If Mello's hurt...he wouldn't be Mello anymore. He would just be this weird, hollow person who flinched every time Matt's name was mentioned.

...damn. He did that anyway. Misa was running out of time.

The girl bit her lip and quickened her pace, running blindly through the forest. Her hands pushed away any looming branches and her skirt kept getting caught on the thickets around her. Misa wasn't scared though. Misa was a brave girl because she could do anything. She could break into Mello's house twice. She could watch Mello trying to hurt Matt several times in a row.

Misa was fearless.

The video in her jacket would prove just how brave she was. When she showed the film to Mello, she hoped that it would knock any feelings of love out of him. Watching this video would get Mello's original intentions back to full force and Misa knew that once he realized what his motives were, Mello would go back to his test and start to sleep with people. Misa paused in her steps slightly as she ran her last though throught her mind.

She had always wondered why Mello called it a test.

Light had once told her that Mello was testing to see if people were only after his looks and fortune. Misa had believed him at once, but she couldn't deny the small feeling that there was more to it. Not that she would pry into he friend's private life any further. After tonight, she would leave her friend's lives alone and give them their privacy back.

She nodded fiercely and began to step forward again, but froze once more.

It was hopeless. She was lost!

Misa swore she had gone past this tree three times before. Three. Times. The blonde girl knew that she should have made a trail or something, but Rem had disagreed with her, reminding her that she lived in reality, not in _Hansel & Gretel_.

Sighing, she stumbled over herself, hoping for a sign to show her the way. She gazed up at the night sky and pouted. It couldn't be that hard to find someone's house! Unfortunately for her, Mello had to live in the one house in the middle of nowhere!

She turned her attention back to the forest around her, a scent of burning wood drifting past as she walked on. She disregarded it though, determined to not get distracted by anything else. Including the sounds of animals that surrounded her. Misa ducked under branches and squeezed past trees, jumping over bushes and shimmying past some more trees. The girl was having that familiar feeling of dread and worry curling up in her stomach once more and she began to stumble over herself as an owl called out, the noise echoing around her.

Misa was about to give up, when something bright caught her eye. Cocking her head to the side, she automatically began to walk towards it, brushing aside the branches that got in her way. The light was bright and seemed to rise up in the air...no wait...

It was smoke? What was smoke doing rising up into the air?

Feeling slightly more curious than she should, Misa picked up the pace and began to push her way further towards the light. As she broke through more branches and bushes, an intense heat began to swell up around her. Fanning herself, the girl forced her way through some thick bushes and jumped over a fallen branch. The heat was suffocating and as Misa looked up, she had the sudden urge to scream.

She had found Mello's house alright...

...and it was on fire.

* * *

**It was Misa! And so many people got it right! ^_^**

**And yes...this is where Mello gets his scar...yesh...it is sadness all round.**

**ANYWAYS! I have more questions to answer! ^.^**

**_1. Mello. Is. Getting. His. Scar. Fullstop. Hehehehe...he's sexier with it anyway! ^_^_**

**_2. I CAN'T KILL LIGHT! I know he was a total douche in the anime/manga...but without Light...there's no Light/L!_**

**Hehehehe! Anyways...my phone still lives because I didn't forget anyone last time! Finally!**

**Next chapter...Dun, dun, duuuuun! Hehehehe....**

**Review Perty Please!**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	24. Maroon

**I have updated uber quick today...and yes, I did say the word 'uber'! ^_^**

**Why have I update uber quick today? Because a darling reviewer of mine has made me some fanart...TADAH!**

http:// lynarsiane. deviantart. com/ art/ DN-Broken-Colours-141675370

**This is a picture of the portrait Linda painted for Mello...The Saffron Knight and his Crimson Damsel! Thank you **_lynarsiane_**!**

**I love seeing fanart for other fanfictions...never before did I expect to get some MYSELF! I am like so...wow...thank you to** _It Reeks of Fangirls_ **and **_lynarsiane_** for their beautiful pieces of art!**

**And of course, my reviewers who have given me lovely reviews last time. Hehehehe...you're all split down the middle when it comes to Misa though. You all either hate her or like her in my story...which is why I now rename her MARMISA! it's kinda like MARMITE...but it's MARMISA! ^_^**

**Hehehehe...okay, back to business! ^_^ This chapter will hopefully change some people's minds about Misa...and at the bottom we have a peek into the chaos that is Mello/Mihael's mind.**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 24 - Maroon

_Maroon demonstrates stamina and strength within a person. People who have a purpose and restraint are often related to Maroon; as with those that long for recuperation. Those with a fighting spirit, who strive to get what they want and to beat all who get in their way are linked to the strong colour of Maroon. Some people with warmth within them and have a cooperative effort are sometimes defined by dark red or maroon auras. However, there is a negative side to Maroon as people who are moody and selfish are also connected with this colour._

"I'm afraid he could be in hospital for days, weeks even...maybe more, depending."

Misa blinked and gazed at the sleeping blonde in the hospital bed. She chewed her lip and turned back to the doctor.

He was a young man with dark brown eyes and floppy Maroon hair. He was quite attractive but nothing special in Misa's opinion. He was no Light...and he certainly was no Mello either. Thinking of Mello made her heart ache...the scenes of last night flashed in her mind and the tears welled up in her eyes once more.

Poor Mello.

Her poor, poor Mello.

Misa had to wait hours before the ambulance arrived. Her directions weren't very clear as no one knew where Mello lived exactly therefore, she found it difficult to give directions to an ambulance through a forest. There was a road to Mello's house...it was just heavily hidden by trees. As soon as Mello had been carried into the ambulance, the girl immediately burst into tears. She had been allowed to accompany him, holding his hand as he lay unconscious on the stretcher.

He looked quite peaceful, but Misa couldn't see how someone could lie down so still...especially when half of their body was singed and...and...

Oh! Her poor, poor Mello!

Misa shook her head, trying hard to get the mental pictures out. She turned to face Mello through the window into his room and sighed. He was half covered in moist sterile bandages; numerous wires connected him up to a drip and monitors. She bit her lip and looked up to the doctor once more.

"How long is 'depending'? And what does that mean?" She asked uncertainly.

The doctor gave her a kind smile and peered down at his clipboard.

"Well it says here that the patient is suffering from third-degree burns. He shall require some skin grafting, but for these kinds of burns...it will take more than a week to heal him fully." He said gently.

"Oh...okay...will Mello need those bandages on forever?"

"No. After a couple of weeks, those bandages won't be required."

Misa looked delighted at the information and nodded happily. The thought of her Mello getting better so soon was wonderful. However, another thought plagued her mind and it was one that worried her most.

She remembered seeing his clothes on fire...seeing his skin burning...his beautiful flawless skin.

"Will Mello turn back into super sexy Mello again...or will he look different?"

The doctor hesitated and furrowed his brow. Misa gazed up at him with wide, shining eyes, her hands fumbling with the ribbon on her dress. In his personal opinion, she seemed more naive, than shallow. Surely she wouldn't ditch her friend because he looked...different.

"Well...concerning the patient--ah, Mello...I'm afraid that if he refuses the grafting and the treatment then he will have somewhat of a scar on his left side. It won't deter from his good looks, some people actually look better with a scar."

Misa wrinkled her nose and shook her head. The doctor was talking nonsense to her and she refused to believe that anyone could look better with a scar eating away at their pretty bodies.

"Don't be so silly, of course my Mello will accept the graph-thingy...but if he doesn't...then how big would the scar be? Would it be tiny? Could he hide it with make-up?"

The doctor laughed and smiled at her good-naturedly.

"Sorry to disappoint you but make-up couldn't be an option. The chemicals in foundation and concealer will only aggravate the scar; therefore the possibility of an infection could occur."

Misa nodded slightly and turned to watch Mello sleeping in his cot. Sleeping. That's what he was doing. She had been told that he wasn't in a coma...he was just resting, sleeping, gathering up his energy once more. This little fact seemed to relax her somewhat and she felt a whole lot better about the situation.

"How long before Mello can come out of there. If it's a long time then Misa won't be very happy...she'll miss Mello very much..." She stated sadly, stroking the glass as if she was stroking Mello's face.

Smiling sadly, the doctor peered through the window with her, his eyes losing their sparkle as he gazed at the sleeping boy.

"Hopefully not for long. If he wakes up soon, then there'll be an increased chance of him leaving sooner than later."

Misa's face brightened and she gave him a stunning grin.

"Thank you! I don't think Mello's friends would be very happy if he had to stay in here for long...especially L. He's quite protective of Mello, even if he doesn't see it. But Misa can...Misa sees a lot of things that others don't."

The doctor nodded, understanding how the girl before him could be underestimated and misunderstood quite easily.

"Have you called his friends yet? To inform them of his situation?"

Misa gasped, her eyes widening with shock. She had been so busy worrying about Mello that she had forgotten all about telling the others. She fumbled for her phone and flipped it open, only to moan and grumble when she realized that she had no signal. She bit her lip and looked up at Mello through the glass.

She didn't want to leave him on his own...she wanted to stay with him. However, if she wanted to tell the others, she would have to step outside to get her signal.

Mello...signal...Mello....signal...

Her eyes flickered back and forth, from the phone to the boy and she sighed.

"I think I'll call them in a while," She declared, shoving her phone back into her jacket pocket. As she did so, her hand brushed against the hard case of the video and she flinched.

Her poor Mello.

She couldn't give him the video now. She didn't want to show him the footage ever.

...well, maybe not 'ever', but not for a very long time anyway. Then again, with Mello looking like this, maybe he did need Matt with him.

Poor Mello.

"I have to go now Ms. Amane. Visiting hours are over, but you may sleep over if you wish," The doctor offered, his voice causing her thoughts to grind to a halt.

She nodded happily, delighted that she could look after her Mello. Light would be so impressed with her. Very impressed! The doctor seemed impressed anyway. He gave her a small smile and turned on his heel, walking swiftly down the hallway and out of sight.

Misa tilted her head to the side with a small smile. Doctors were really nice people...bad taste in fashion though.

Pushing Mello's door open quietly, she crept into his room and slowly closed the door shut behind her. It was different being inside Mello's room. It was quieter, tenser and she felt more...closer? Together? Something anyway...

Misa gently walked up to the bed and gazed down at the snoozing boy, a serene smile on her face as she brushed a few stray strands of hair out of his pretty face. Well...his half pretty face anyway. Misa dearly hoped that when the bandages came off, nothing would be different about Mello.

He'd still be sexy, still be raw and flawless and pretty and oh-so-attractive.

After all, Mello was her little playboy. Playboys had to be attractive...that's how they got the girls and boys lusting after them. That's how Mello got girls and boys lusting after him. Misa tilted her head to the side and reached out to touch the moist bandages. Her fingertips brushed the material before snatching her hand away quickly.

Underneath that white cloth would be Mello's face. Mello's singed face, scarred face, damaged face. Misa could tell that he would be different physically. She could tell just by looking at his hair. It used to be straight and sharply cut. Now it was dry and singed with split ends. His hair was choppy and scruffy. Misa thought she would have hated his hair looking like that...but found herself gazing at it with awe.

Mello's hair was still pretty to look at. It just had an added spice of danger and rawness to it.

Misa's smile widened somewhat as she leant against the bed. Mello looked so peaceful and quiet...how could something so horrible happen to someone so...nice.

Nice? Was that the word to describe Mello? No...of course it wasn't. Misa stifled down her giggles at the image of a nice Mello and shook her head at her own idiocy. Mello wasn't nice. He was mean, cruel and selfish. He was manipulative and didn't care for other people's feelings.

Apart from his friends. He loved his friends and so Misa loved him.

Leaning down, she softly kissed his exposed cheek, feeling how warm and soft his skin was. Leaning back up again, her eyes crinkled up with a smile as she watched Mello's lips twitch up. The girl knew then that Mello would remain pretty no matter what.

If anybody disagreed with her, then they had it coming.

If anyone insulted Mello, then she would protect him.

If anyone even tried anything with Mello...then she would get Light to sort them out. Maybe L too...they were both good at fighting.

Or were they just good at fighting each other...? No matter. She knew they would protect Mello. They all would...he was their friend.

"Love you Mello..." She whispered.

Misa briefly wondered if Mello could hear her voice within his mind and an idea grew in her mind. She leant towards him once more and brushed the hair away from his ear. She hoped it would work, otherwise she would look silly. Misa hated looking silly.

"...Mello? Mello...it's Misa. Misa found you Mello. Don't ask why Misa was looking for you, she just was. Misa found your house in that big forest all on her own. Aren't you proud of Misa? Hehehe...of course you are! I love you Mello...you scared Misa a lot when she saw your house was on fire. She thought you were inside it! Imagine the relief she felt when she saw you lying outside..."

Relief...she remembered that feeling. It was like the world and it's universe had been lifted off her shoulders.

Of course the relief didn't last long. Not when she got closer to him.

"Mello scared Misa even more when she walked up to him. You were covered in flames and Misa couldn't help but scream. But Misa was brave. Misa called the hospital and listened to their instruction. She had to pat the flames out on your clothes, but she didn't worry about getting her own clothes singed. Nope. She was far more concerned about Mello not turning into toast. Mello wouldn't make very good toast, you'd taste all funny. Plus, Misa prefers you as a friend."

Stroking more hair out of his face, Misa reached down to hold his hand and held it against her chest. As she watched Mello's chest rise up and down, she felt the familiar sting of tears in her eyes. She swallowed hard and looked back up to his contented face.

"Ummm...Misa--I...I waited with you for hours. Hours Mello, until the ambulance arrived. Then Mi--I started crying. After being so brave for so long, I ruined it by crying like a baby in the ambulance. You can't blame me though. You should have seen yourself. You...you were smoking and burning and Mello! It was so horrible! I was so scared...I thought you were going to die!"

A small tear ran down her face, mascara smudging and make-up running. She didn't care though.

Misa didn't care.

She squeezed his hand tighter and licked her dry lips.

"I hope you get better soon Mello. I really hope so...and..." She faltered, using one hand to finger the video in her pocket.

The girl had thought about it...thought about it long and hard. If having Matt in his life would make him as happy as Misa was with Light in her life...then perhaps she could give them a chance. However, as soon as Matt hurts Mello, she was showing him the tape.

She had too...because she loved Mello.

"I will call Light and L and Mikami and Near and...Matt. I'll call him and try and get him to come down here. That's what you want, right? Right Mello?"

Squeezing his hand once more, she gently placed it back down and kissed his cheek again. Her breathe shuddered against Mello's skin as she pulled away, gazing down at him mournfully. Mello wasn't supposed to be like this. Never like this.

Her Mello was strong and stubborn and definitely not this vulnerable.

"Oh Mello..." She whispered, gently touching his cheek.

A sudden knock on the door made her jump and she quickly turned to see the doctor lingering by the door frame with a blanket and a pillow. She smiled softly at him and watched as he walked into the room and placed the items onto the leather chair next to Mello's bed.

He gave her a short nod and left the room with a smile.

Misa's eyes flickered from the chair to Mello in bed. Her chest felt heavy and her mind ached. She stumbled over to the chair and sat down on it, arranging the pillow behind her head and tucking the blanket around her. She stifled a yawn and looked over to Mello once more.

He looked so...soft.

So...un-Mello.

Sighing she pulled the blanket around her body and closed her eyes as she settled down.

"...goodnight Mello."

X-x-X-x-X

_...pain...ow..._

_What...white light...dead?_

_No. Not dead. Living. Hurtful living._

_Painful living._

_Does it hurt...kinda...maybe...?_

_Fuck!_

_Burn...hot...pretty flame...not so...and yet it is..._

_...Wow...that didn't make sense..._

_Sense? What sense? What's the sense in no sense when one cannot make sense?_

_Mello makes no sense. Mello got us burnt._

_Mihael saved us though...MihaelMelloMihaelMelloMihaelMello?_

_Who am I?_

_Dead...living...heaven...hell..._

_Who. Am. I?_

_Two or maybe one? One who is two? Two that should be one?_

_...numbers...letters...no sense..._

_Sense enough to feel sleepy...sleepy, tired, drowsy, awake!?_

_Wakeupwakeupwakeup? Am I sleeping?_

_Am I making sense? No...no sense. No sense where it's common._

_Common sense. If Mello had common sense, we wouldn't have been burnt. Candles; dangerous; harmful...ouch._

_Oww. Voices. Echo, echo, echo, echo..._

_Flames fucking hurt...heat hurts...light hurts...light...light..._

_Light up, light up...as if you had a choice...cannot hear your voice...my dear..._

_Song? Song? That song? What song?_

_...confused...thoughts..._

"...Mello..."

_Voice? Soft voice...pretty voice....girl's voice._

_Girl's voice? Whose voice?_

"...it's....Misa...found...proud?"

_Misa! Pretty girl...stranger girl...found...proud?_

_How can one find pride? One earns it, doesn't find it. Silly girl, always has been a silly girl..._

_Aha, I'm making sense now!_

"...Mello...toast...taste..."

_Toast? I taste like toast? Or toast taste like me? Mello? Me? Mello?_

_Am I Mello? Or am I me?_

_...my hand? Whose holding my hand? Misa. Is she holding my hand?_

_Sentimental tart. Always so soft. Not like me...Mello...me..._

"...waiting...ambulance...crying...baby..."

_Crying? Baby? Crying doesn't make you a baby. Stupid girl._

_That noise...she isn't crying now, is she?_

_Soft fucking baby! Soft. Fucking. Baby!_

_I'm not dead! I don't want silly girls crying over me!_

"...hope you get better..."

_...fuck...you're not the only one..._

_I hope I get better too...shit!_

_It fucking hurts...hurts so much! Fuck!_

"...call Light...Near...Matt...call him...come down here...what you want...right Mello?"

_Fuck Light. Sodding nose-breaker. Probably laugh at my misfortune, the fucking stick-up-his-ass wanker!_

_Near...the fuck you calling him for? Fucking albino twat! Beating me in everything...should be shot down dead! Thinking he's better than everyone...the fucker!_

_Stupid cow._

_...Matt? Matt? Whose...Matt? Matt. My Matt?_

_Are they the same Matt? Pretty...Orange...PSP...boy..._

_My Matt!_

_Mihael's Matt? Innocence...Mello's Matt? Hurt...._

_Matt...what I want? What do I want? I want Matt...? Yes. Yes I do want Matt._

_Right Mello?_

_Right...or wrong..._

_Matt? Want him? Friend? Lover?_

_Yes. No._

_Maybe so._

* * *

**The last part is chaotic and choppy on purpose.**

**It won't happen again though...because NEXT CHAPTER! The blonde boy wakes up!**

**Also, those thoughts are a mixture of Mello's and Mihael's...some are easy to tell whose is whose, others are difficult to decipher. It was weird to write because I was hesitant to write it like this.**

**I just wanted to show how Mello's/Mihael's mind works. Or...doesn't work. I may rewrite it...I don't know...**

**Was it good? Could you like...get it? Hmmm...**

**Perty Please Review! ^_^**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	25. Emerald

**Dudes, I am not being funny but school...is a total pain in the ass!**

**I may have had a week off school, but then my laptop had to be taken away for a virus check up. I had 254 viruses BTW. Heheheh...also, I am proud to say that this story has kicked all my other stories in the ASS! 600 REVIEWS! SIX. HUN. DRED. That's like...LOADS of reviews! Hehehehe...**

**Also, I am ashamed. I have done something I never thought possible. I. Have. Gotten. Into...TWILIGHT! As in vampires and werewolves TWILIGHT! As in Bella 'Mary-Sue' Swan TWILIGHT!**

**Seriously, I hated Twilight, I used to have long rants about a human girl having dozens of friends and having human, vampire and werewolf boys running after her. Then BOOM! Two reasons got me into it. Three guesses what they are...oh! Before anyone asks...Team Jacob FTW!**

**Anyway, after that life-changing event, I am now going to apologize for my lazy ass and for my horrendous overdue update for TBOW. This weekend. Me. Computer. New Chapter. My Deadline. I PROMISE!**

http:// olivegreeni. deviantart. com /art/ BC-Mello-Chapter-24-141771310

**More fabulous fanart! ^_^ I don't deserve it though after all the waiting I put you all through...ANYWAY!**

**THIS CHAPTER: Tiny bit of Near, LONNNNG L/Light interaction, Mikami being all emo, Matt being all 'im in yuur webz, hacking yuur shitz' annnd MELLO! Or is Mihael...hehehe...**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter 25 - Emerald

_Emerald means hope. In myth and magic, hundreds of years ago, emeralds were thought to possess healing powers. During the renaissance, emeralds were exchanged among the aristocracy as symbols (and tests) of friendship. The stone, it was said, would stay intact only if the friendship lasted. This colour helps you find personal direction and clarity to emotions. Emerald can bring calm to the heart and can help those in finding successful love. Emerald is often linked with sensitivity and loyalty and can assist in opening the heart. Bright, clear Emerald can help with clearing negativity from one's life, creating abundance with peace and harmony. People who have patience and honesty are often connected with Emerald. Darker shades of the colour are used for easing depression and insomnia. It can also give peaceful dreams to those who need it most._

The message machine blinked softly, the green light flashing on and off.

He eyed it with apprehension, wary of who could be leaving him a message. Reaching over with a reluctant hand, he pressed the small red button and proceeded to listen intently. The machine crackled a bit and then a voice, loud and clear, filled the room. His eyes widened as he realized who was speaking. His mouth fell as their words sunk in.

_"Hi Near! It's Misa-Misa! I know it's totally weird for me to be calling you, but something really, really bad has happened to Misa's Mello! He's in hospital and he's really hurt and burnt up and stuff. So...I don't know...you wanna come visit him? I know Mello doesn't like you very much, but Misa knows that if you visit him, then he'd be a tiny bit grateful. Mello's asleep now, he isn't in a coma though. The nice doctor said he wasn't, but I'm scared 'cause he won't wake up...will you come? He might wake up if you co--"_

Near couldn't listen to the rest of the message. He frowned at her words and curled a lock of snowy hair. So Mello had been hurt.

By the sounds of it, Mello had obviously been in a fire, or a chemical-related accident.

If it was an accident...

Grey eyes widening and head shaking, Near pushed away the ridiculous thought that Mello had hurt himself on purpose and forced himself to look at the door. He knew who lingered behind the door, who had eavesdropped on Misa's message, who probably wanted to see Mello out of them most of all...but he didn't say anything.

If Matt wanted to make himself known, then Near would leave the choice up to him.

Curling and uncurling his hair, Near closed his eyes and thought about the current predicament. Obviously he would have to try and talk Matt into seeing Mello; hopefully it wouldn't take much persuading, knowing Matt and his decision. Not only that, but with only a few days of the holiday left, he wondered how Mello's life would be affected by the students.

Seeing as he's been 'burnt up and stuff', then his looks must have been somewhat damaged by his accident. Rumors and harsh words would be spread about the blonde boy, but more importantly, how shallow would Matt be when it came to Mello. Then again, did he find Mello attractive in the first place?

Near sighed and opened his eyes once more, thinking of Gevanni. The first thing that attracted him, wasn't Gevanni's beautiful face...it was his sharp mind and intellect. Of course, his features tied Near's whole attraction together...but even if Gevanni had lost his attractiveness, Near would still love him.

Glancing up at the door, hearing it squeak, Near tightened the grip on his hair. Matt wasn't shallow. He couldn't be...plus, Matt loved Mello's friendship. It was the very thing the gamer longed for. When you longed for someone's friendship, you normally didn't care about how they looked. Well, unless you were Misa. Even then, she still found beauty in everyone.

He remembered the day when she called him 'the most cutest and adorablest thing ever' and couldn't help but smile. Near never cared for his appearance before, but when Misa said that...even he couldn't deny the warm feelings it brought.

Releasing his hair, Near tilted his head and stared at the phone. Reluctantly he picked it up and dialed a number.

He needed to see Mello. He needed to speak to Matt.

Mello came first though. His eyes lightened up as Misa's voice came flowing through the phone. She knew immediately who was calling her and proceeded to give Near all the details of Mello's injury. He remained silent throughout the one-sided conversation, his hard reaching up to curl his hair once more when he realized that Mello had third-degree burns. All over the left side of his body.

Face as well.

Bidding farewell to Misa, he snapped his phone shut and dropped it to the floor. Mello had very, nearly burnt himself alive. Now his looks were paying the price.

Near prayed that Matt wasn't shallow...

Only God knows what that kind of attitude would do to a person like Mello. Especially in the current condition he was in.

Knowing his unstable mind and wild emotions, it would probably kill the blonde to know that Matt no longer found him attractive. If he wanted Matt to see him as attractive anyway. Near would bet all of his money that Mello most likely wanted that kind of attention from the gamer...

...he just didn't know it yet.

X-x-X-x-X

"L...please, will you just leave me alone!"

The raven glowered at Light's back and refused to move an inch. He had walked all the way to Light's house in the rain and on New Year's Day too. He had been hoping that, with the new year, he would have some new luck too. Of course, just because a new year had begun, didn't mean that Light's stubbornness had changed.

The caramel-haired boy simply refused to acknowledge L's feelings for him and fiercely denied his own as well. It had taken a lot of self-sacrificing of his pride for L to 'come out' and even though he didn't want to force Light out of the figurative closet, his desire for the boy was beginning to get too much.

"Light? What is it like to be so selfish that you actually appear to be selfless?" He questioned.

Light paused by his bed and span on his heel, an eyebrow raised in confusion.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, suspicion lining his tone.

L hummed and entered Light's bedroom, closing the door behind him. Light wrinkled his nose at the action but remained silent.

"You, Light. You want so much for everyone to love you and see you as perfection. That's selfish. Yet, you want to push away your personal desires and your true self in order to gain that? That's selfless."

The teenager rolled his eyes and sat down on his bed, clutching his hair with frustration.

"L, I have no idea what you're talking about. If you have something to say, then by all means...spit it out!"

"...I hope you don't mean that literally."

"L!"

The raven hummed once more with amusement and approached Light cautiously. He knew that Light felt for him, perhaps not as strongly as he felt for Light...but it was getting there. If only Light could see it though...that's what pained him most of all.

"Light. I know you refuse to accept it but I have to be blunt--"

"When are you not?" Light cut in, snidely.

L chose to ignore him and proceeded onwards.

"--but I care for you. I like you very much Light. I dare say...that I might even...love you Light."

As soon as the words left his mouth, L regretted them instantly. Light had frozen, his breathing stopped and the aura around him seemed to grow heavy and thick. It was almost suffocating to be near him, but L stayed, knowing that if he left now...he would regret it.

He opened his mouth to saying something--anything--when Light's cold, empty voice filled the room.

"Don't."

L cocked his head to the side and frowned.

"Don't what?"

Light looked up, his gaze freezing L to the spot. His eyes were so...cold. So hollow. It was like looking at...at...

Mello.

"Don't you dare say things like that to me L," He said, his voice was still cold, but L could detect a hint of pained desperation within the icy tone.

"It's true though," He responded simply.

"Don't say that!" Light shouted, standing up and glaring down at the raven before him. He seethed and shook with pent up fury and began to pace to release some of his tension.

Unfortunately for him, L couldn't leave the subject alone. He stood up and stiffly marched over to Light, spinning the boy around and gazing deep into the dangerously glittering eyes of his best friend. His best friend...?

_Well, it was a little too late to be finding that out now, wasn't it?_

L sighed and glanced down, his hands firmly gripping Light's arms.

"I love you Light."

The teenager groaned and pushed L's hands away, forcing the raven to look up once more. Light looked torn between accepting L...and rejecting him. L swallowed hard and took a hesitant step back, knowing that their verbal fights soon turned physical once someone over crossed the line. And he was about to make a massive running jump over it.

"I love you Light...and I know you love me too."

Snapping his head up sharply, Light cursed and narrowed his eyes at the raven. He pointed at him with a shaky finger and bared his teeth angrily.

"Liar. I don't love you! You don't love me! Stop saying that kind of shi--"

"It's rude to point Light."

His restraint began to snap and the thread that held Light together was thinning out. He started to march towards L, forcing the raven to start backing up.

"I don't love you L!"

"Yes you do!"

Light had backed L up against the wall, his eyes blazing with fury and his teeth bared with frustration.

"Why can't you accept it? I. Don't. Love. You!"

L inwardly winced, but held his ground.

"Light, why can't you accept that denial isn't just the longest river in the world?"

Growling, Light slammed his fists either side of L's head, the raven inching down the wall, trying to get away from Light's anger. The teenager was just mere inches away from him and L couldn't help the ignited flame of desire that had burst into life within him. Their short pants mingled and L knew that he could count every eyelash that fluttered over beautiful caramel eyes. He licked his dry lips nervously, noting how Light's eyes darkened as he watched L's tongue dart across his lips.

The anger seemed just as fierce in Light's eyes and yet, something about the boy had changed. L could sense it as the caramel-haired teen leant in forwards, towering over L with a scowl.

"Light...?"

Furrowing his brow, L looked up into Light's intense gaze, swallowing hard at how dark his eyes had become.

"...I hate you L. I hate you so much..." He whispered, his body pressed against the ravens.

His voice sounded broken, and the raven frowned upon hearing it. He cocked his head to the side and reached up hesitantly, gripping Light's shoulders gently. The caramel-haired boy grimaced at the touch, but didn't pull away. Instead, he placed his own hands over L's and ran them down the raven's arms, down his sides, across his stomach...until they rested firmly on the boy's waist. L's eyes widened as he felt Light pull him flush against him. He looked up with wonder and confusion shining in his gaze, as Light's features were laced with anger, frustration and...

...want. Need. Lust.

The raven stifled his smirk down as he knew, he _knew _that Light wanted him too! He tilted his head to the side and gave Light a small smile as the boy leant down, his lips just centimeters from his own. L leant up, his eyes closing of their own accord and his hands clutching at Light's shirt.

He could feel Light's small pants against his skin, hear his quivering intakes of air and taste, taste, taste the wonderful flavour of Light.

"Hate you. I hate you L," Light hissed, before pulling L close to him and--

_--BEEP: "Hello? Hello? Light...? It's Misa-Misa! You have to come to the hospital quick! Mello's been really, really hurt! Misa-Misa is really scared and you have to come quickly! Misa has already called the others so it's just you that needs to come! Love you lots and lots and lots and lots and lots! Misa knows you love her too, but Mello needs love as well! Come visit Mello please! Bye Light! Love you!"_

...

...

Silence.

The air was heavy.

Nothing could be heard.

Nothing moved.

Light peered deep into L's eyes as Misa's voice ceased to be heard. Her words circled around his head. Not the words about Mello...not the words about the hospital, or visiting Mello. No...the words how much she loved him.

_"Love you lots and lots and lots and lots and lots! Misa knows you love her too."_

She loved him. He loved her.

That's how it was supposed to be. That's how perfect was supposed to be. Looking down at L, he realized just how wrong and how...imperfect the situation was. Swallowing hard, he released L and slowly began to back away. His eyes were ablaze with fury again and L shuddered as an icy feeling ran down his spine.

He hesitantly stepped forward but stopped when Light growled.

"Stay. Away. From. Me," The teen bit out each word like a blunt knife, twisting and stabbing at L's heart.

He flinched as a look of disgust and repulsion marred Light's beautiful features. Against his better judgment, he remained still, watching as Light struggled with his inner turmoil. The caramel-haired boy looked distressed and L longed to just reach out and smack Light out of it. Although, his common sense seemed to tell him that punching Light wouldn't do their current situation any good.

Even worse, Mello was in hospital.

As soon as the words had left the answering machine, L immediately felt a bubble of worry bloom in his stomach. Now he felt sick. He wanted to stay with Light, yet he wanted to go and see Mello. The feelings tore at him within and L sighed, giving Light a defeated look.

"Alright Light. I'll leave you alone," He stated, his voice sounding tired.

Light shot him a quick glance, a glimmer of regret in his eyes. It pained him, yet L knew that to actually try and comfort the teen would just make things worse. He turned on his heel and left the room, flipping out his phone. Light wanted him, he knew that.

But Mello needed him.

X-x-X-x-X

_"Mikami! I have some very bad news to tell you! Mello is in hospital! Misa is terribly upset and you need to come visit Mello now! Please Mikami? I know you and Mello don't get along very well, but you need to come visit your friend, okay? Light will be there and L and Near and Matt...hopefully. Come visit Mello now! Bye!"_

He pressed a small Emerald button, muttering 'delete' under his breathe.

Pushing his glasses back up his nose, Mikami eyed the phone with worry.

Mello was in hospital? How...?

He hated how brief Misa's message had been, especially when he knew that others would get a longer more detailed account of what had happened to the course, that's how it always would be. He was always the last one to get the full description of whatever new had happened, always the last one to find out about new sparks in people's lives.

Always the last one.

However, one mustn't ponder on such trivial matters...especially when one's friend is lying in hospital.

Mello...is lying in hospital.

The blonde girl wasn't lying when she said that Mello and Mikami didn't get along, for it was true. They didn't get along. It wasn't like Mello and Near though; the blonde boy could tolerate him far more than the albino. That's for sure. At least, it was something he firmly believed in anyway.

Though, he knew that he was no where near as close to the others, as they were with each other. He knew he wasn't high up in their chart of friends.

Misa had Light, always had Light, always will have Light. She treasured him far more than anyone else. Mikami probably came third on her list.

Light had Misa, yes. But he also had L. No matter how clever Light was, Mikami saw through his little fake game of heterosexuality. Light was gay. Light wanted L. It pained Mikami to see this, but he stubbornly refused to believe in the fact whole-heartedly. If there was one new year resolution he had made, it was to ensure that Light was his. Making a hazard guess, Mikami predicted he was most likely fourth on Light's list. That hurt.

L. He and L...they both wanted Light. How could Mikami even expect to even appear on his list?

Mello was something else. Mello was cruel, nasty and cold. Mello also loved Matt and L and Light and Misa and...perhaps even he, himself to a certain extent. That placed him at an unfair fifth place. Maybe visiting him at the hospital would change that...

Matt liked him. He liked Matt. They got on together and they had a laugh together. That didn't mean Matt liked him as he did the others. Fourth, maybe fifth on his list?

Near...was there even a point of pondering his list?

Mikami shook his head and sighed. He loved his friends dearly, he needed his friends. Without them he was lost, alone and empty. They were a part of him, a part of his routine.

No one messed up his routine. It was solid, it was firm and it was perfect. However, not even he had the guts to keep his routine by ignoring Mello's condition. He had to go visit the boy, even if that meant throwing his routine away just once. Mello's life was far more important and even though it would eat away at him as he stood there, gazing at Mello in his bed, he knew that he would have made the right decision.

Besides, who knew?

Light might be there...

X-x-X-x-X

Matt bit his lip as he closed the door to the apartment shut.

He didn't need to look at the phone to know that Misa had left him a message. He didn't need to listen to the phone to decide on whether he was going to visit Mello or not. He had already made his decision. Slinging his bag down, he slowly walked into the main room, seeing the flashing light on the telephone.

Matt didn't need to hear the message.

Matt didn't need to know who the message was from.

Yet, he listened to it anyway.

_"...Matt. It's Misa. I have something very important to tell you about Mello. Don't press delete or end the message or whatever, you need to hear this! Mello is in hospital with some really bad burns on his face and body. The doctors said he might be like this for a while and so Misa would love it, if you came to visit Mello. Misa knows that Mello would love it too...please come. Misa knows that you and Mello have fallen out, but maybe you can fix whatever it is that's happened by seeing him! Please Matt. Mello...likes you very much. You have to come see him. Please?"_

Matt sighed and deleted the message.

He pulled his goggles down to around his neck and rubbed his eyes warily. He was tired and he felt the beginnings of a headache pull at his mind. Glancing up into a mirror, he smiled, knowing exactly what he was going to do.

The gamer was going to see Mello.

He had to. Matt was dreadfully worried about him. He wanted to know how Mello got burnt, when Mello was brought to the hospital, how badly his burns were and if...

...if they were fatal or not.

To die from burns wasn't unheard of, but Matt desperately wished that the case didn't happen to Mello. He cared about the blonde boy. Maybe he cared too much...maybe not enough. The only thing he understood from his contradicting and messed up thoughts, was that he needed to go and see Mello.

Not today, perhaps not even tomorrow, but soon. Before school started anyway.

He had to. The sick feeling of worry and regret was making him ill and Matt was torn from staying put and figuring out his feelings and rushing over to the hospital and gushing out words of forgiveness. A person shouldn't be forgiven on the mere fact that they've been hurt, but for Mello...he knew he could make an exception.

Sighing and looking away from the mirror, Matt shuffled along to is bedroom, taking in the darkness around him. He really needed to tidy the place up, especially as Aiber was returning from his trip soon. Matt had been notified of his early return before he left the apartment and by the sounds of it, Aiber had been able to make his deal with the Mafia boss. He also knew that Aiber would need him to carry out some illegal hacking sooner or later and it was something Matt looked forward to.

After all he was, in Aiber's words: '_a fucking wizard!'_.

Hacking was fun...it wasn't just a job, it was a challenge, a game. How many firewalls can you break down, how long before you get detected? It was a dangerous game and Matt found a thrill in breaking laws and hacking into databases.

Of course, hacking would never come close to his gaming, or his singing...but at least out of the three, it was the one that made him money. The murderers, the rapists, the thieves...they all paid him well if the job was finished smoothly, therefore Matt didn't have a single drop of guilt within him whenever he carried out one of his jobs.

Although, it would be nice to have a laptop or a more updated computer...not the ancient one that Aiber nicked out of a library of all places!

Flicking the switch on, Matt dropped into the chair and yawned. His eyes roamed the room, taking in his beautiful guitar, his awesome collection of games and of course That Picture. He had hung the painting opposite his bed, making it the last thing he saw at night and the first thing he saw when he woke up. Misa had told him once that when a person was someone's last thoughts at night and first thoughts in the morning it meant that they were in love.

Naturally, with that thought in mind, Matt automatically envisioned himself and Mello. A small flush crept up his cheeks as he thought of Mello holding him like that, carrying him like that...Mello's arms tight around his waist, his hand stroking against his neck...

Swallowing hard, the gamer shook his head and turned his attention back to the computer. He opened up a few windows and typed in a few searches. His eyes burned as they flickered across the screen, never blinking and always focused.

Finally his search came to an end when the desired website presented itself across the screen. Craning his neck around to gaze at the painting and feeling one more lurch of nausea in his stomach, Matt knew that visiting Mello was his top priority. Finding out about Mello's condition though, was slightly more important.

Matt had a hospital to hack into.

Breaking down the first firewall was a breeze. He grinned as his fingers flew across the keyboards, cracking codes and working his magic. He reached for a cigarette, expertly lighting it up with one hand, as the other clicked the keys in order to bring down the second firewall.

He puffed away as the security system slowly broke down, firewalls crumbling and more and more information flooding onto his screen.

Finally, he hacked into the private files. He guessed he had about half and hour before he had to backtrack his way out of there in order to not get caught. He skimmed the patient's files, looking at everyone with last name beginning with K.

He bit hard into his fag, feeling more and more frustrated as he failed to find any person with the name Mihael Keehl.

Typing the name into the search system, he drew up a blank. No names, no person with that name. Chewing thoughtfully on the butt of his cigarette, he typed in Mello Keehl. Once again he came up with nothing.

Slamming his hands down onto the desk, he kicked the machine with a moody glare. Taking out the cigarette, he tapped off the ash a couple of times before closing his eyes tiredly. He had to find out what really happened to Mello. He couldn't wait until he saw him...he'd rather see the damage now and get over it sooner than later.

Plus, he wanted to make sure that Mello...was still Mello.

His Mello. Blonde, feisty, loud mouthed and emotional. His...friend. Ex-friend? No, Mello was still his friend. Matt had forgiven him long before his accident and unfortunately, his stubborn pride got in the way of actually telling the blonde that he was forgiven.

Of course, Matt wouldn't forget...but he would forgive.

Drumming his fingers and rumpling up his hair, Matt sat up once more and eyed the clock. He had fifteen more minutes before he was detected. Approximately anyway.

God...he knew that he was just torturing himself, but he just imagined Mello lying there, wrapped up in blankets like a mummy. Eyes closed, face looking peaceful...burnt up and scarred. Now, Matt knew that he wasn't straight or gay or anything else, but even he couldn't deny how..._pretty _Mello was.

Mello. He was exceedingly pretty. With his bright blue eyes and beautiful blonde hair, the boy was the very definition of pretty. He had this way of making pretty, masculine. Either that or he made handsome, very feminine.

Either way, he had to admit it, Mello was one of a kind. Thinking of him all scarred and damaged made him wince. How would Mello take being like that? The blonde highly appreciated his looks and used them to their fullest extent and even though Matt was the farthest thing from shallow, he couldn't help but wonder...

How would Mello look? He simply had to know, that way, at least he wouldn't react badly in front of Mello when he went to visit him.

With newfound determination, Matt cracked his fingers and set to work. He spelt Mello's names in different ways, ignoring the 'h' in Keehl, putting it in a different place, swapping the 'a' and the 'e' around in Mihael...nothing came up. Plus, with ten minutes left, Matt was getting pretty desperate. Flicking away the last tiny bit of his fag, he clicked back to the main page of patients and tried going down the M listings.

**Kalin, Mark**

**Krowe, Martin**

**K, Mel.**

...Mel K?

Matt quirked up an eyebrow and smirked. Misa obviously wanted Mello's condition to remain a secret so she gave the hospital his nickname. The nickname that Matt had let slip through his lips once when he and the girl were alone for once. Their conversation was about how Matt had resorted to avoiding Mello after his birthday. Truthfully, Matt had never been able to deal with embarrassment well, therefore he tried to keep his distance away from the blonde for as long as he could.

It didn't end well...especially when Misa taunted him about for weeks on end...

Smiling as he clicked on the link, he briefly wondered if Misa had given them that nickname on purpose. As if she knew that Matt would look him up on the website. He snorted at the thought.

Impossible.

Reading through Mello's files though, made his smile drop and turn into a deep frown. Random words flittered through his mind, imprinting themselves in his memory.

_...left side of body..._

_...could be weeks before fully healed..._

_...burns...third degree...skin grafts..._

_...scars...scars...scars..._

Blinking, he swallowed hard as he hesitantly hovered over the link where the pictures were stored. Licking his dry lips nervously, he clenched his eyes shut and clicked onto it. Biting his lip, Matt felt his hands begin to shake. He pulled down his sleeves over his hands and began fiddling with them, pulling at them, twisting them and rubbing his eyes with them.

He had to do this.

He had to...he had to...he had to...

Reluctantly, he cracked open one eye and with his shock, the other one snapped open too.

His mouth fell open, his eyes widened and his breathe was caught up in his throat. Pictures, only ten of them. Pictures, nothing explicit. Pictures, not the real thing mind. Pictures...they could say a thousand words. Right now, those thousands of words were swirling around his mind as Matt continued to stare. Mello...

Oh...Mello...

X-x-X-x-X

_...this is incredibly boring._

_Where is Misa? Where the fuck has that stupid bitch gone?_

_God...for the first time in my life I actually want to see her and now she's gone?_

_The Hell is that all about?!_

_...that's not fair though. Misa did sound very upset._

_Why though?_

_Am I hurt? Well, obviously...it's fucking agony!_

_Burn, numb, ice, fire...fuck!_

_Mello left the candles on. Mello's fault._

_Yes. Mello was the one who hurt us. Me. Us. Me?_

_Am I me? Am I us?_

_What am I?_

_Mello? Mello? Mello?_

_Mello are you there? Where is he?_

_Where am I?_

_Oh...it hurts so much. I want L...I want Light and Misa and Mikami and damn it all! I want Near._

_I don't want to be left alone. Parents left me. Staff left me. Therapists left me._

_No more leaving me! Mello?_

_You haven't left me as well...have you?_

"...Mr...K...okay...you?"

_Voice. Not Misa voice. Man voice. Old man voice._

_Doctor?_

_Hmmm...perhaps. Mello are you there?_

_Mello?_

"Misa...phone...message...Matt!"

_Cryptic code. Cryptic message._

_Doctor voice? No...Misa!_

_Misa phoned Matt? Misa phoned and left a message for Matt?_

_Matt?_

_...my Matt!_

_Not Mello's Matt. Mello has left me, like everyone else. Mello? Are you there? Please answer me?_

_MELLO!?_

_..._

_...he isn't there._

_What about Matt, Mello? Have you left him too? Mello?_

_Why aren't you answering me? Mello..._

_Fine. Abandon me, like everyone else. I don't care. I've gone past caring._

_I want Matt._

_I. Need. Matt._

_Matt..._

_Matt..._

_MATT!_

"MATT!"

...

The light burned his eyes as Mihael cracked them open and shot up in bed.

Misa jumped and the doctor peered at him curiously. Mihael panted and looked around the room with darting eyes. The room was too clean, too neat, too bright. The blonde boy swallowed hard as he realized that he was not Mello in Mihael's body. He was his own mind, in his own body...but with Mello's friend gaping at him.

Mihael licked his dry lips and blinked at her.

Misa...he knew that girl. She was loud, loving and simple.

She was too much though. He didn't want her here! He wanted Mello to come back to him. He couldn't handle Mello's friends, that's why they were _Mello's_ friends. Not his. Never his. He didn't trust people, didn't love people, didn't want people like that.

Apart from...Matt.

He wanted Matt. Mello wanted Matt.

Where was Matt?

* * *

**So yeah...sorry if they're not all: 'ZOMGZ MELLOZ IN TEH HOSPITAL!11!!11!!!', but I didn't think their characters would suit that kinda reaction...hehehehe...**

**SO! 600 FREAKING REVIEWS DARLINGS! SWEETIES! MY LOVED ONES! 600!!!! THESE PEOPLE. LOVE. GLITTER. MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN.**

_CallMeClandestine, Mitsu-heart, Kaki9, serious, -GraphicxVandalism, Winddyy, pandaabear23, Edward slept with Poison Akii, MellyMisfit, CaramelColoredDreams, NoEcho, Taio Kaiona, , DancingIsMyRemedy, ?, Raven Rose Knight, Sigga-san, lynarsiane, MattTheGamer, Reality-or-Dream, kee\, Kfbbl, cx13, romantiscue, MellyMisfit, 1Ivanessence1, pandaabear23 It Reeks of Fangirls, Galaxy The Element Girl, Xx-Tarqui-xX, amourien, Ninna-chan, what the vell, orochimarusbadgirl, NightRoseK, Melly, mello-jeevas, Song Of Eternity, Hilarious-Mayhem, im a molly doll, Shawdee, lala, cheyjeevas, eris.x, chocolate-mello-monster, snappygirl, axeldemyxXx, Broken Glass Walker, Dunkelmur, mikoofdoom, munnins-memory, Kyler Conroy, NoEcho, KFMMSA, Miko Akako, Jan, lily. flower, xxIceCrystalxx, skye hakari, LxIsxJustice, cutmeawayMYPENMYHAND, ShinigamiApples, MyColdHeart, Gabby-sama, Nehan Shinzui34, arandm30, crimson, westwardcircle, Kyler Conroy, rosethourne, maiko, gothicsantaclawz, Amaya-Ai, InnerShadow, Unlucky-angel13, kfjkaskm, InnerShadow, lovelyblackheart, Mello-Mellon, Raven1050, Kit-Kat Punk-lover, RistukaLovelessBelovedSoubi, Misha2011, Jaylee, XxXDevil-Chan, XXX, threemillionworded, Living in a fantasy, Nana Weiss, ZomgKelley, Fan, Blind Unicorn, Your Alien, keeda, twingem2, SunnydayinPallet, atomiclint, jinnabun, Sleeping Demon, Mia-Gabriella, methegirl, unheardcries, Nippz, Taio Ryder, Fused-Chappy, Cousin It Like Pie, XthirteenX, Bloody Mello, ShinigamiMailJeevas, GremlinGirl, xxWammyGirlxx, Hollie-chan, Possessed4evr, Yoru K-Chan, Agatsuma Ritsuka, ParaPara, ebo2, merichuel, doujinshilover1516, smiley95, Dreamer878, Missy, Fundibulous teh Zohan, Grace Raven, Shinra'sCrazyTurk, The. VII. LunaEclipse, trytobrakemylittleshell, Ms. Bloody Death ANND IndifferenceToSociety! And one reviewer who was anonymous but didn't leave a name...LOL ^.^_

**Now because I am like, n00b-central and because I'm always leaving someone out, I'll say it once more. If I forget you, please tell me. 'Cause I am a n00b...seriously...hehehe...**

**Anyways, I adore all your reviews, but this one had me melted into a goop of...melted stuff.**

_DancingIsMyRemedy:_ This story is up there with the wonderful fanfiction of MRS. Jeevas from adultfanfiction!

**If anyone has read the work of MRS. Jeevas, then you will know how flattered I am and how...amazing that compliment is...even if it isn't true. LOL!**

**ANYWAYS! QUESTION TIME! ^_^**

**1) I. AM. NOT. KILLING. OFF. LIGHT.**

**2) I have plans concerning Mello and the skin grafts. If he has them, then he won't have his sexy as hell scar. Although, without them, he will be in a HELL of a lot of pain. So...kinda torn on that subject.**

**3) Near has most of the symptoms that relate to Aspergers, and although he hasn't got it in my story, plenty of people write about him having it as it would make a lot of sense.**

**^_^ LOVE YOU ALL! YES I'M HIGH! Hehehehehe...seriously, I love you all. In fact, I've decided to marry each and every one of you who have reviewed! THAT'S HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU ALL!**

**...anyways...backing away now...perty please review!**

**Love**** City**** Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	26. Green

**I want to apologize now for the lateness of my updateness.**

**I love your reviews, but I have been so very busy! Why?**

**Because it was my BIRTHDAY on Tuesday! I am now 16 and I can have a tattoo, buy a lottery ticket...other legal stuffs ;)**

**Also, I have now got a place at my desired college...SO HAPPY about that! ^_^ And I feel loved once again!**

**Anyway! This chapter was quite hard for me, because it is Mihael and Mello's friends in one room. I had to capture Mihael's inner torment at being abandoned by Mello, his friend's confusion as to why 'Mello' is acting strange and of course the tension between L and Light.**

**MORE FABULOUS ARTY WORKY!**

http:// olivegreeni. deviantart. com /art/ BC-Mello-Lightning-142535723 -_ It Reeks of Fangirls_ **did this beautiful piece of work for me! Love. It.**

**So here ya go...my first update at SIXTEEN years old!**

**ENJOY!**

**

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**

Chapter 26 - Green

_Green is the color of nature, fertility, life. Grass green is the most restful color. Green symbolizes self-respect and well being. Green is the color of balance. It also means learning, growth and harmony. Green is a safe color, if you don't know what color to use anywhere use green. Wear green when you want to overcome a sense of thwarted ambition. Green says growth - balance - harmony. It is a color of healthy relationships. Certain shades of green demonstrate different things such as nature, growth and hope. A bright, vivid green represents youth and young people. Those who are easily sick or have poor health are often linked with green. People who are in good health are shown to have a soft green aura. Green is mostly known as the colour of envy._

He was frozen.

Absolutely and completely frozen.

He couldn't move, blink, breathe properly...fear had filled his veins with an icy liquid and his heart hammered against his chest. He was terrified and paralyzed.

Five sets of eyes peered at him curiously and he couldn't tear away from their inquisitive gaze. Deep grey eyes were blank, but a glint of worry could be seen within there depths. L. Caramel eyes were confused and suspicious; an eyebrow raised and foot tapping impatiently. Light. Bright blue eyes were openly worried and neat little teeth chewed on pouty lips. Misa. Sharp, brown eyes, narrowed and frustrated. Mikami.

Then...deep, dark grey eyes. Wide and unblinking. Blank and empty. Near.

_He_ knew...he knew, he knew, he _knew_!

He saw the truth, saw past the mask, saw the facade. He knew when it was Mello and so it must be obvious with him as Mihael now. The albino was closest to him, his fingers curled and tangled in his hair. Near was observing him, watching his every move.

Feeling trapped and suffocated, Mihael licked his dry lips and cleared his throat. He didn't want to speak to these...these...strangers! He didn't know them, didn't understand them, didn't even like them!

Oh! Where was Mello?

Why had he abandoned him like this...?

Was he fed up? Did he get bored? Or was this payback for the weeks of being left on his own?

...most probably.

Mihael clutched at his bed covers and shivered as Misa approached him. The girl leant in with curious and worried eyes and touched his forehead gently. He flinched and shrank back, trying to force himself far into the pillow propped up behind him. He tried hard to ignore the flash of hurt that swept across Misa's face and looked down, fumbling with the covers once more.

"Mello...? Please talk to Misa-Misa..."

_Yes Mello...talk to Misa-Misa...don't leave me here on my own!_

He kept quiet. He kept his head down. He kept fumbling with the covers.

Hearing Light huff made him wince as he realized that his friends wanted to see Mello, but were just receiving a stupid, little recluse who would very much like for them to leave. His friends wanted the social butterfly, the happy-go-lucky person within him. Instead they were getting a social retard, as Mello would ever so eloquently put.

Licking his lips once more, he chanced a glance upwards. He jumped and pushed himself further into the pillow as he saw how close they had all gotten. Misa was perched on the side of the bed, Light was glaring down at him, Mikami was lingering at the bottom of the bed and Near was sat on the bed. L was helping himself to Mihael's (no...Mello's) box of chocolates that Misa had bought at the hospital shop for a fiver.

"Mello! Will you please just look at us!?" Light demanded, his tone was strict and harsh, but Mihael could hear the underlining fear and worry.

Misa tugged at the bed covers gently and L coughed, trying to get his attention. Mihael knew that he should at least say something...but what? What could he possibly say to a group of people who wanted Mello!?

"...Hi?"

_Well...that was just perfect!_

His voice was hoarse and raw, his throat ached from being used and a sharp pain stabbed at his head as his jaw moved. The pain from the burns had settled into a dull throb, the amount of meds the doctors had given him, had ensured a heavenly three pain-free hours.

So far, he had one hour left.

"Hi? We've been here for half an hour and all you can say is HI?!" Light said, incredulously.

Mihael shrank back down, biting his lip. The words stabbed at him and even though his eyes burned with unshed tears, he knew that Mello would kill him if his friends saw him cry. Because they saw Mello. Not Mihael. Whatever Mihael did now, they would assume that it was all Mello's actions.

So...he had to act like Mello?

Confident...like Mello?

Brave...like Mello?

Talk, act, behave...like Mello?!

Well, that was going to be hard. He coughed and cleared his throat, shuffling up to sit up straighter. He tried to thinking like Mello, visualizing what the other boy would do in such a situation. He sighed and glanced up, giving Mello a weak glare.

He opened his mouth and said the first thing that came to mind.

"Y-Yeah...hi. What'd you expect? A hug? A kiss? A f-f-fucking make-out session?"

The words were so foreign on his tongue. As soon as they slipped from his lips, he wanted to clap a hand to his mouth and bury himself under the covers. He despised cussing...it was so dirty and wrong and unneeded and yet as the words left his lips, he saw a light brighten up in every one of his friend's eyes. Misa clapped and gave him a blinding bright smile. Light smirked, Near's eyes reflected a smirk, Mikami relaxed and L continued to eat his chocolates. Ahem...Mello's chocolates. Since Mello ate chocolate. Therefore...he would have to eat chocolate.

"L! Get your dirty mitts off MY chocolate! Want your own? Go buy it!"

The words...they just rolled off his tongue so easily. Yet they gained him so much attention. So much unwanted attention. With every word spoken, they seemed to edge closer and closer. It was unnerving. He didn't want them there. Didn't need them there. The pain in his throat, his head, his body...the pain in his heart, it all seemed worse now that he was surrounded by people who saw him as their friend.

Which he wasn't.

He was Mihael. Not Mello.

Mihael licked his lips once more and swallowed down a hard lump. Matt wasn't there. Why wasn't Matt there? His quivering gaze scanned the room with a heavy, disheartening feeling sinking into his gut. The one person he wanted around him, wanted to see, wanted to be near...

Why?

Why wasn't he there?

Fiddling with the bed covers, Mihael felt suffocated once more by the silence that enveloped the small group. His words still echoed around his empty mind, wishing that he could take them back. They were not his words. They were Mello's. He had no idea what possessed him to say such...such...things! Out loud and in the open, in front of others who saw him as a friend. It was just...wrong.

Mihael bit his tongue gently, trying to prevent any more from slipping out. He averted his eyes and looked down, away from intense gazes and confused glares. He wanted to leave this clean, white place. He wanted to escape all the wires and beeps that connected him to machines. He wanted to get out of the atrocious hospital gown with the gaping back. He wanted to leave the hard, cold bed and fake smiley faces of nurses and doctors.

All Mihael wanted, was to go back to his house and bury himself under his subconscious. Mello would take over because Mello knew what to do in these circumstances. He didn't. That's why Mello was created, that's Mello's job, that's why Mello was, well...alive.

Mello was to protect him in every sense of the word.

However, what does one do when one's protector is MIA?

Hide? Run?

...both?

Mihael felt the familiar sting of tears bite at his eyes and he chewed hard in his lip to keep them in. However, a cold finger tapped under his chin and grasped his face, pulling his head up. Misa peered down at him with fear and worry lacing her pretty features. Mihael felt instantly bad. His...Mello's friends were worried and scared...and he wasn't making the situation any better. To be honest, he was probably making it worse.

"Mello...please tell us, are you really okay?" She inquired her voice soft and hesitant.

Her eyes were bright and beautiful. Mello never took any notice of Misa's beauty, only her annoyance and hindrance. Mihael saw past that though. Misa was just a worried girl who loved her friends very much. Just like Mikami was a boy who felt left out and Light was a boy who was deep-set in denial. He peered at Light from the corner of his eye, noting how uncomfortable he looked and how edgy he seemed. It was almost as if he didn't desire to be here.

Mihael also noticed how far apart Light and L seemed to be. The heavy tension between them seemed obvious and yet the other three occupants of the room didn't seem to notice such energy crackling between the two boys. Mihael stifled a small smile and returned his attention to the girl in front of him. Love was truly a scary and beautiful thing.

If only he could experience it...of course, he would need--

"Matt."

Misa blinked and cocked her head to the side. His voice was still scratchy and raw, but he could still get his words out. The one word, name, noun...it made all the tension disappear. Everything, everyone seemed to relax a bit more.

But of course, it was natural for Mello to inquire about Matt. The blonde was obsessed with the gamer. However, it wasn't Mello who was asking for the boy...

"Where is Matt? Is he coming to see me?" The words wouldn't stop. Mihael hated speaking to strangers and yet, around these people he felt at ease. Like he was...almost comfortable with them.

Near was the one who answered though. The albino released his hair and tilted his head to the side.

"Matt will be visiting soon. He just has a few...things to sort out first," He replied, his monotonous voice filling Mihael's fragile heart with a flickering hope.

"Oh...but he definitely is coming, yes?"

He had to make sure...he had to...

Near opened his mouth to reply, but Light cut him off.

"Forget Matt! We came here to see you! You alone! Why can't you just be satisfied with just us?" He demanded his tone harsh with hints of hurt mingled in.

Mihael recoiled backwards, hating how loud Light was being. Misa noticed this and gently placed a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it softly. He tried hard to resist flinching at the contact and just concentrated his stare at the white blanket pooled around his lap. Light opened his mouth to say more, but hesitated and closed it again. Mihael knew that the boy had intended his tone to come out so harsh, but even that thought didn't deter from the fact that it scared him.

L watched his reaction with large eyes and sighed; he silently approached Light and tapped the boy on the shoulder. Acting as if L's hand had scalded him, Light pulled away from the contact and took a step back away from the raven. From the corner of his eye, Mihael saw the hurt blossom across L's face. A foreign urge of wanting to hold and comfort the boy grew within Mihael and the blonde swallowed hard as he tried to stifle the sickly feeling down.

Somehow he felt a pull towards L...he wanted to help the raven, be there for the raven, listen to the raven.

L was just like him. He was in love. He was in love with someone he could have, but couldn't. Someone he should have, but shouldn't. Someone who reciprocated the feelings...but either didn't know it or didn't want to acknowledge it.

Matt. Matt didn't know it, but from all the observing Mihael carried out whilst Me-Me-Mello...whilst Mello was in control gave him the solid fact that deep down within Matt, the beautiful and complex feeling of love was growing. Matt loved him. No...Matt loved Mello...but did that mean he would want Mihael as well or just Mello? Or what if he was mistaken? What if the love was just brotherly love or friendly love...not..._love _love?

Sighing, the blonde looked up and gave L an empathetic look, feeling for the boy and hating for the pain that wallowed inside.

Then he glared at Light. Unfamiliar anger and hatred suddenly burst forth within him and Mihael couldn't hold his tongue in time.

"You don't deserve his feelings!" He spat, sounding more like Mello than ever.

Light froze and his mouth fell open as he gazed at Mihael (Mello?) in astonishment. L blinked a couple of times, appearing quite surprised and, Mihael noted, there was a glimmer of relief in his black eyes. Mikami was confused as to who 'he' was...but judging by the reactions of the raven and the handsome teen, he felt bitter and jealous. Misa was puzzled as well, stroking Mihael's hair gently and soothingly.

Only Near appeared to be unsurprised.

The albino tilted his head to the side, regarding Mihael with a cold, blank stare. Mihael shifted and swallowed nervously as he realized that everyone was now looking at him. He hated attention...despised it in fact; now he wished he could bury himself in his covers, never to be seen again.

Light closed his mouth and gazed shamefully at the floor, his face burning with mortification. Mihael licked his lips and reluctantly reached out to touch Light's sleeve. Giving it a small tug, he gained Light's attention as the boy looked up, his beautiful eyes narrowed and pained.

"He deserves yours though..." Mihael whispered, his voice pleading with Light.

The raven watched all this in silence, wanting more than ever to smile and hold Light close...but he couldn't. If he did, Misa would cry. If he did, Mikami would try to hurt him. If he did, it would be selfish and cause Mello pain. Hatred, pain, jealousy...all linked with the Green-eyed monster. All were envious of the other in their group, L could see that. To hold Light in public would only intensify such an ugly feeling.

Mello wanted Matt...L wanted Light.

_The course of true love never did run smooth..._

Light tore his gaze away from Mihael knowing exactly what the blonde was talking about. The words stabbed at his aching heart and he couldn't take it anymore. He threw Mihael a hateful, pained glare and turned heel, storming out of the room with the air of a torn man.

No one stopped the boy from leaving. They merely watched and observed. Mikami knew that Light was hurting...knew that this was the perfect chance to show Light how much he cared. How much he loved him...

Taking one last glance of the room, he too left with a sneer aimed at L. The raven didn't react, simply held his glare with the ghost of a smirk playing on his lips. As the older boy left, Mihael felt more relaxed with just Misa, Near and L in the room. As the seconds passed, he found that Misa was a wonderful stress-reliever...her fingers combing through his hair was soothing and felt good.

L seemed tense however, his pupils flickering to the door and back every few second. Mihael knew he was worried about what was going on between Mikami and Light and desperately wanted to reassure the boy that everything was okay. Everything would be fine.

However, those were false statements. It would take a lot of pain and patience for L and Light to get together, Mihael knew that. It would be worth it though, he was sure. He just hoped it would be as worth it with him and Matt...

If they were to get together that it.

A cold hand touched his forehead and his eyes snapped back, wincing slightly. The pain spiked him in his head and his bit back a whimper. Mello didn't whimper.

They were Mello's friends...they saw Mello...wanted Mello...wanted Yellow...

Right now, he was peering into Silver...cold, harsh silver that made him freeze and quiver.

"Who are you?"

The silence was loud, the tension was heavy and Mihael wished he could suffocate within it. Near's question wasn't a demand or even a question itself. It sounded as if he was talking to himself. That wasn't good.

"Silly Near! It's Mello of course!" Misa giggled as she began to plait some of Mihael's hair.

Near hummed and sat back, twirling a lock of snowy hair around his finger tightly. The boy in front of him. He was too reserved, too quiet, too...nice. The Mello he knew would have slapped Misa's hands away, commanded L to bring his chocolates to him straight away, kicked Near off the bed...there were too many flaws to list. This boy was simply not Mello. Unless of course, something happened to him mentally.

Memory loss? Concussion? Personality chan--

...

...personality change?

Mello? Personality...change?

Near averted his eyes and tightly curled his hair. It sounded logical, but he would need more research in order to gain some solid facts. Pulling up memories from the past, only increased Near's suspicions. Mello apologizing...Mello being nice...Mello flinching away from a kiss. All those actions were not Mello. Many more memories flooded his brain and Near knew...he just knew that something was off.

He just couldn't understand why he didn't see it before.

The albino knew that Mello had some sort of disorder, but he merely thought it to be some variation of a dramatic disorder. Those who sought out attention and would do anything to gain. However certain incidents had put dents in such theories but now...now he had a possible answer to the cryptic puzzle that was Mello Keehl.

Mihael's breathing quickened as he saw the calculating look in Near's eyes. He was trying to solve him, figure him out...as if he were a puzzle.

He didn't like that. He didn't want that. God...he wanted Matt.

Matt understood him (Mello?), Matt loved him (Mello?), Matt would be able to help him out and take care of him (Mihael...purely Mihael). The blonde pulled away from Misa's touch with a sigh, his head starting to ache with his tangled web of thoughts and feelings.

L understood that sigh instantly. Mihael wanted to be left alone.

"Mello?"

The blonde looked up with tired eyes. A pang of sympathy stabbed at him.

"We shall be going now...please get better soon."

Mihael gave him a short smile, before falling against the propped up pillow with another sigh. Near touched his leg hesitantly, acknowledging him, saying goodbye to him. He slid off the bed, and tried to get Misa to do the same. However the girl pouted and tried to continue the plaiting of Mello's hair.

"Mello needs his Misa-Misa! She can't leave now, not when her friend needs her so much!"

"What Mello needs is rest, Misa. Leave him alone tonight. You can visit him again tomorrow," L offered, holding the door open for Near to leave.

The girl huffed and fluttered her eyelashes at Mello, trying to get him on her side. Unfortunately, he wasn't looking. Mihael was too busy trying to block them out. He wanted to curl up and hide himself away from the outside world. Misa sighed and leant over to kiss his cheek. The contact made him jump and recoil, making him feel instantly guilty of his actions as he watched Misa's face bloom up in hurt.

He tried to apologize, but the girl merely sniffled and slid off the bed. Shuffling out of the room, Misa swallowed hard and twirled around with a bright and happy smile. Mihael knew that he would never get used to her mood swings and merely decided to take it in his stride.

"I know what will make Mello happy! Misa will get his Matt to come visit him!" She exclaimed happily, flouncing out of the room with a giggle.

The blonde blinked a couple of times, before her words fully sank in. He gasped and shot up, crying out in pain as the left side of his body erupted in agonizing stabs. He clutched at his arm and tears sprang to his eyes. L's own orbs widened as he saw Mello curl up and grasp at the gown and the bed covers. His body shook as the pain rippled up and down his spine, his mind ached and his eyes leaked with fast flowing tears.

It hurt...

It hurt, it hurt, it hurt....

It fucking HURT!

Oh! Where was Mello? Where was Matt? Where was his protection? Where was his safety barriers?

Where were his parents?!

Mihael cried out, feeling as if a white-hot rod was poking at his body. It hurt...the pain...the agony...it really, really, very much so HURT!

Cold, plastic-covered fingers tried to touch him. Touch him! Mihael recoiled away from their touch, more tears falling down his face as his body protested at such a harsh movement. The pain made his mind numb, his body shake and his mental stability started to crumble. He started to rock back and forth, trying to will the pain away, but it wasn't working, just making it worse. The pain felt like fire, licking his body and burning the skin. The fingers still prodded at him, poking, touching...

Mihael couldn't take it anymore. He wanted it all to end. His memories all surfaced through the pain and his sobbed as each one broke down his mentality that little bit more. His mother handing him over to the nursery nurse. His parents then leaving for a long cruise. Waiting every birthday and Christmas for them to come back. The hurt that ate away at him inside. Mello being created. Mello taking over his life. Finding out that people preferred Mello to him. The therapists. The disorders. Matt hating him. His friends hating him.

The blonde wanted it to stop. Over. Done with. End of. Nothing left to say.

As his body racked with agony, only one thought echoed within his hazy mind...

He couldn't take it.

He couldn't take i--

He couldn't tak--

He couldn't--

He coul--

H--

...

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**So there you have it.**

**My lame excuse for an update...it's really bad in my opinion. Must be an age this...SIXTEEN YEARS OLD! That's like...ancient! Gawd...I'm driving next year.**

**...well...fuck. ^_^**

**Anyways, it may seem like Mello's friends hadn't noticed the subtle (or rather large) difference in 'Mello's' behaviour, but they do...and I will prove it...in time.**

_**QUESTION TIME!**_

_**1. It was very easy for me to hate Twilight. Very. Easy.**_

_**2. I have decided what to do with Mello and the skin grafts...mwhahahaha...**_

_**3. Matty-boy is FAR from shallow!**_

_**4. *head/desk* I. Will. Not. Kill. Light. Ever. In. This. Story. EVER!!!!**_

**_5. Bring in Beyond Birthday, eh?...Hmmmm...I might be able to squeeze him in!_**

**OMG! I might do a sister story to this, but the L/Light side of things! It just appeared in my head one day and I was all: DAYUMN! That's a good idea! Lulz...  
**

**So. That was it. I didn't like it. I am tired. I am sixteen.**

**In short...I am old.**

**PERTY PLEASE REVIEW FOR THIS OLD BIDDY! ^_^**

**Love Your INCREDIBLY OLD City Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	27. Blue

**I've had a terrible week.**

**I dyed my hair blue...it came out green. I watched New Moon, but missed the beginning. My art is getting a C and I FAIL AT LIFE! Seriously...my family are pecking head and my friends are two-faced bitches who need to sort their lives out. Fast!**

**Also...my laptop has died, so I'm writing this on my dad's computer. Secretly too.**

**Anyways, I am going to Germany for the next four days, so I'm typing this out like CRAZYY! Seriously...**

**ALSO! I have over 700 REVIEWS BABY! THANK YOU! It's made my LIFE...seriously. Hehehehe...**

**Love you all muchly! ^_^**

http:// mattthegamer. deviantart. com/art/ The-Only-One-In-Colour- 144597138** - More fabulous fanart by** _MattTheGamer_**! Thank you!!!**

**Now...we have Mihael, Mello, Hollie (mini OC) annnnnnnnd...someone else! ^_^**

**ENJOY!**

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Chapter 27 - Blue

_Blue is the coolest color. It is the color of the sky, ocean, sleep, twilight. The ancient Egyptians used lapis lazuli to represent heaven. A pure blue is the color of inspiration, sincerity and spirituality. Blue is often the chosen color by conservative people. Blue is the calming color. Blue is so soothing that is a good choice for pajamas. Dark blue is the color of truth and moderation. A blue iris means your friendship is very important to you. Blue gemstones to wear to feel calm are blue sapphire and blue topaz. Lapis lazuli and azurite are said to heighten psychic dark blues for a stable, calm conservative feeling. All shades of blue will help to make easy communication, whether it is with yourself or others. Use blue paper for notes when you want help in remembering a speech or other information._

He was hideous.

Touching the delicate, inflamed skin gently, Mihael winced and bit back a whimper.

...he looked...disgusting.

Oh, how Mello would despise him for destroying his flawless looks. The other boy tried so hard to keep them perfect, to keep them natural and beautiful...and all that hard work was in vain. Mello craved attention, needed attention, lusted for attention. One of the many ways he gained such a thing was through his looks. Girls and boys, men and women...they all fell to their feet when he glanced their way.

Well, most of them did anyway...

Now none would and none ever will again.

What was once beautiful, soft hair was now a ragged mess of tangles and strings. What was once flawless, radiant skin was now a ...something entirely else. Mihael couldn't find a single word to describe the horrible mark upon his body. It was painful, ugly and stood out like a Black spot on a White canvas.

Gingerly, he prodded at the edge of it, hoping that in someway, he could peel it all off and throw it all away. Start afresh, anew...like a canvas.

However, he couldn't and he knew he couldn't. All he had to do was grin and bear it, and so Mihael tried. He held the mirror firmly in his hand and smiled. A big...bright...wide...

Grimace. He was grimacing and he winced once he realised that what he was doing, certainly was not a smile. Mihael sighed and placed the mirror face-down. He couldn't stand it anymore. The doctor had come in, all happy rainbows and colourful stars and proclaimed him as _lucky_! Lucky that he was not dead, that he was not blind in his left eye, that he was healing quickly.

Lucky!

The very thought of him being lucky was...well...absurd!

Mihael thought back to a couple of days ago, when his (Mello's) friends paid him (Mello) a visit. He hoped he had fooled them. Hoped they wouldn't notice anything untoward...but of course, nothing escapes Near and nothing escapes L. Mihael knew he would have had to worry about Light as well...if not for the mere fact that the handsome boy was occupied with his own inner turmoil.

The blonde hoped that Light would get over himself soon...someone like L only came around once in a lifetime and if he were Light, he would take hold of L and never let go. Never, ever, ever...

Of course, it was not L he held affections for. It was Matt.

Beautiful, perfect Matt...who would want nothing more to do with a repulsive, scarred _thing_, like him!

Mihael sighed and shook his head, frowning slightly. No...Matt wasn't like that. Matt was far from shallow and superficial. Matt was a caring, loving person who had as many layers and masks as Mihael himself. Mihael knew that, in some arrogant and selfish way, they were perfect for one another.

Emphasis on the 'were'.

Before, they were both beautiful people. Before, they could charm anything with two legs. Now...Mihael had lost that power. Not his power, mind...but Mello's power. Mello's power to gain himself some attention and love. Mello's power to be able to get someone to want him and love him and need him.

Even if the moment lasted less than a few minutes.

Mihael sighed and closed his eyes, the pain in his chest aching and humming. Naturally, the pain was nothing like the pain he suffered once him friends left, but it meant so much more to him. This pain was mental, emotional...physical pain meant nothing to him. He could get over it.

However, the mental pain...the emotional pain, would never leave. That's one of the reasons Mello was created, so Miheal could escape the pain his parents had inflicted upon him and leave it all up to Mello to sort out. Mello may have been a creation, but he was a strong one. Strong, powerful and full to the brim of confidence.

Oh! How Mihael wanted his Mello back! His Mello...his best friend...his other half...his--

"Mr. Keehl?"

He looked up sharply to see a young nurse, popping her head around the door. He gave her a crooked smile and silently gave her permission to enter. Mihael had learnt of the name Misa had given the doctors and firmly corrected them as soon as he could. His name was not 'Mel'...that was a name fit for Mello. Not him.

Mihael shook his head and returned his attention to the nurse before him. She gave him a soft smile, her big brown eyes melting his icy blue ones. She was new at the hospital and was utterly nervous around other people. This tended to lead her into becoming forgetful and a tad clumsy. In some way, she was rather like a more intelligent Misa, but not as pretty.

Her name was Hollie and Mihael was rather wary of her, but quite taken with her genuine personality.

"Ummm, hello again. Errm...you have a visitor waiting for you. Would you like me to bring him in?" She asked, her voice quivering as she silently scolded her nerves.

Mihael gently smiled and sat up straighter.

"Who is my visitor?" He asked, surprising himself at how calm he sounded.

Hollie's eyes widened and she bit her lip.

"Oh! Not again...he told me...he wrote it down for me too!"

At her statement, Mihael's eyes flashed and a burst of eagerness and hope erupted within him.

"Well, what did he look like?"

Her whole demeanor changed instantly. Hollie had a far away, dreamy look in her eye and she became instantly melted to the spot.

"Ooh...he was gorgeous. Rather quiet, but aren't they all? He has the most beautiful fiery hair, God only knows how much I wanted to run my hands through it. Pity I couldn't see his eyes though...he had some goggles over them. Bet you anything they're just as stunning as the rest of him. He had the whole waiting room drooling! Nurses and doctors as well! He didn't even know the kind of impression he was making. Oh Mihael, you are a lucky thing to have such a pretty boy coming to see you. Make sure you get his name plus number for me!"

Mihael felt a Mello-like smirk grow across his face at her dreamy rant. Her words filled his entire body with hope and excitement. Such things were foreign to feel and yet, he accepted them, knowing exactly who it was, that was waiting for him.

Hollie coughed slightly, bringing him out of his thoughts. The nurse smiled shrewdly and a twinkle appeared in her eye.

"Of course, if he were to be taken already, then I wouldn't mind that either," She said wryly.

Mihael's eyes widened and a light flush coated his cheeks. Hollie gave a tinkling laugh and winked at him.

"I'll go get him, shall I?"

Then, without waiting for a reply, she left him on his own.

Mihael let out a deep breathe he didn't know he was holding and gasped. A certain, red-haired beauty was coming to see him. He, Mihael and--

Oh...no...

No. Matt was not coming to see him. He was coming to see Mello. His precious, uncaring Mello! Mello, who abandons everyone. Mello, who was just like his parents. Mello, who breaks promises and hearts. Mello...who was needed so much by so few, it was painful to think about it.

Matt wanted him. L wanted him. Misa, Near, Light, Mikami...all of them wanted Mello!

Not Mihael. Never Mihael.

It was all about Mello. Selfish. Nasty. Horrible. Mello.

Everybody wanted Mello. Even he, himself had to admit it. Mello was a part of him and Mihael needed that big, empty void filling up, lest he die alone and unloved. At least with Mello, both of them would die and Mello did love him. Of course, he merely put it down to narcissism on his part, but Mihael didn't care.

Mihael clenched his eyes shut and let out a quivering breathe. He needed Mello back. He wanted Mello back. Just like everyone else...

"Oh Mello..." He whispered, his voice hollow and cold.

The silence was suffocating and for once, Mihael wanted it gone. Instead, he much rather hear Misa's delighted laugh, Mikami's posh voice, L and Light's annoying fights and Near's monotonous explanations. He wanted his (Mello's) friends around him, to surround him. He didn't want to suffocate from silence, but from love from his (Mello's) friends.

Above all he wanted...

"Matt?"

He looked up sharply at Hollie's voice. Her brown eyes still sparkling madly and her smile was shrewd and knowing.

"That's his name isn't it? Matt is here to see you!" She added, with excitement.

Mihael swallowed hard and nodded silently. The nurse gave him a flashy grin.

"He's here, I'll leave you two alone. Bye Mihael!"

Then for the second time in the day she left him in silence. His breathing was deep and ragged and he fell back against the bed with a huff. His heart beat erratically against his chest and he found it hard to breathe normally.

It was suffocating...it was horrible...it was heavy and tense and it was...

Silent.

A silhouette lingering by the door, the shadow hesitantly floating behind the window. Then the door handle turned and with a quiet, protesting screech from the hinges, the door slowly opened up and in came a figure.

Mihael shot straight up, ignoring the pain and the hurt and gazing wide-eyed at the person before him with hope.

"You...y-you actually came?!"

A shrug.

"Y-You...I..."

A raised eyebrow.

"Don't look at me like that!"

Then he remembered his face and gasped. Quickly reaching out for the blanket, he lifted it up off his face and bit back his tears. He was so ugly...how could he even look dare to look at him. He, who was so beautiful.

Matt, who was so beautiful.

X-x-X-x-X

He was beautiful.

Even more so in the flesh compared to the photographs that Matt had seen on the hospital database. For ages he simply stroked the screen, wondering what the scarred skin felt like and now that he was here...he wanted nothing more than to run up to Mello and hold the boy in a comforting hug, stroking away his fears and insecurities.

Before Mello had hidden himself away behind the blanket, Matt had spied beautiful, choppy hair hung over a pale face. Large blue eyes gazing wearily with long soft eyelashes fluttering nervously. Then there was his scar. Stretching across Mello's face, down his neck, covering his left shoulder and then weaving it's way down his left side before ending abruptly on his hip.

Matt slowly made his way into the room, his footsteps silent and careful.

He eyed the quivering blanket with sympathy and silently sighed. Hesitantly, he reached out a pulled the blanket down, the fabric pooling into Mello's lap. The blonde boy was like a leaf. Shaking and fragile. Matt was frightened that one touch would actually break Mello apart. He was even more frightened by the fear that shone in Mello's eyes as he looked up.

Mihael licked his dry lips and forced himself to gaze into Orange eyes. They were filled with flashing emotions, that they made Mihael dizzy to see them change. Sympathy. Fear. Worry. Lov--

No! He was mistaken. That...that was a trick of the light. Matt couldn't be looking at him with love. Could he?

"W-Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked tentatively.

Matt noticed his stutter and frowned. Mello didn't stutter. Mello was tentative or scared. This blonde before him couldn't be his Mello. His Mello had eyes filled with icy fire, brimming with confidence and was downright arrogant and cocky.

This fragile, delicate boy before him...was the very opposite of Mello.

Yet, they looked the same. Same hair. Same eyes. Same skin. Different...mark though. However, Matt could only see that whoever the boy was in front of him, the boy was certainly, extremely, very--

"You're beautiful."

Mihael froze. Those two words shocked him to the core. Those two words that were so wonderful, echoed within his ears. Mihael couldn't believe that such words were being said to him. However, Matt was no liar. He knew that. Matt was genuine, honest and, at times, blunt. Yet, Mihael found it hard to believe such words.

Even if it was Matt that had spoken them.

At that realization, Mihael was stunned once more. Matt had spoken. The blonde was shocked that the gamer would drop his defences and speak out loud in a public area. Now, he had no idea how to respond. How to answer.

This was not his forte!

Here, in front of him, was the boy he wanted. The boy he needed. The boy he loved. Mihael had no idea how to interact with him! It was so frustrating and Mihael could only whimper as Matt continued to silently watch him. Oh! How he wished Mello was here!

Mello would know how to handle the situation. Mello would know how to deal with his predicament and Mello would know how to reply to such a compliment. Oh...he really needed his Mello back.

He needed Mello's confidence. He needed Mello's social skills. He needed Mello's careless and full on attitude. He needed Mello, period!

_About fucking time!_

Mihael froze and gasped.

That voice...it was not spoken aloud and yet, it was just so near and so snappy...like, it was inside his mind.

He dropped his gaze from Matt and looked down, clenching his eyes shut. He grasped fistfuls of blanket into his curled up hands and gripped them hard. He knew he shouldn't get his hopes up, he knew he shouldn't be getting excited, but oh...how long Mihael has waited to hear that voice!

_...Mello? Is it really you?_

Please...please...let it be him! Not a figment of Mihael's screwed up imagination! Please!

_The one and only baby! Now, let me get the fuck outta here!_

It really was him!

_Oh Mello! You have to tell me everything! Where have you been? I needed you so badly, why did you leav--_

_Now, now. Enough of that. We have a sexy, young gamer to entertain. You've fucking left him alone for ages! _

_Ah...yes, of course. But before I let you go...promise me, that you'll tell me why you abandoned me?!_

_...Mihael. I didn't...I'd never...okay. I promise. Now, relax and let me talk to our pretty little boy._

Mihael allowed a lazy smile stretch his lips as he laid back against the pillows. He allowed his muscles to relax and he felt as if his body were floating. He felt himself get pulled away from the front of his mind, before he reacquainted himself with the dark depths of their shared mind. Mihael had a lot to think about...and he was glad he finally had time to do so.

Meanwhile, Matt was getting worried. He had spent the last couple of days worrying about whether to visit him or not. Then, he was unsure of whether Mello wanted to see him or not...although, Near had repeatedly insisted that Mello couldn't wait to see him or talk to him again.

However...

Now. In front of the blonde boy. He couldn't be any more unsure. For ages the blonde was silent after his spoken compliment and now Matt was silently wondering if it all had been a mistake. Had coming here been a mistake? Had talking to Mello been a mistake? He looking at him, complimenting him, seeing him...had it all been one big mistake?

The gamer sighed sadly, giving Mello a longing look. The blonde had acted rather strangely when Matt had spoken to him. At first, he seemed blank, like he wasn't really looking at Matt. Then he had gasped, as if the compliment and what Matt had done had finally registered in his mind. Now...he seemed serene almost. He just...relaxed.

Was that him accepting it? Or something else...? What was _wrong_ with Mello today!?

Matt felt like tearing his fiery locks out of his head with frustrated confusion. Instead, he turned to leave. He gave up. It was clear that Mello didn't want to see him, speak to him or be spoken to _by_ him. There was nothing left to do, other than leave.

The gamer turned on his heel and headed towards the door. Perhaps, after some time, Mello would wish to see him again. Speak to him again. Maybe once they were back at school...maybe? Maybe not though...what if Mello never wished to speak to him again? What if it was too late for him to forgive Mello, even though he had ages ago?

Mello must have been waiting for such an agonizingly long time. No wonder he decided to give up and leave it.

The thoughts swirling around Matt's mind saddened him terribly. Being around Mello didn't help at all. He had to get out. Now.

However, as he turned to leave, a cold hand grasped his wrist and yanked him back. Matt fell back with a startled gasp, as he landed on top of Mello's lap. His head was buried amongst the blankets and a small, flirtatious giggle made his head rise up with apprehension. Gazing down at him fondly with a cat-like smirk was Mello.

Not the Mello from before however, but his Mello.

Sarcastic, cruel, cheeky, beautiful and confident Mello. Fearless Mello. Mello who didn't hide or stutter or even think about how others perceived him. His Mello didn't care whether people loved him or hated him, he just wanted the attention.

Matt was slightly curious over Mello's sudden switch and it made him ponder on a certain conversation with Near. After the albino had visited the blonde, he had secretly told Matt about his theories on Mihael's mentality. According to the other boy, Mello had a personality disorder. With that in mind, Matt was starting to reconsider how he saw Mello as a person.

Mello was already unpredictable and carefree. If he had a split personality...well, Matt wondered if that was cause for Mello's disruptive life. He also wondered if the Mello he saw when he first came in was Mello's 'other side'.

He sunk further and further into his thoughts, until a hand stroking his hair brought him out his brooding. He gazed back up to see a smirking Mello staring at him with sparkling blue eyes.

"Beautiful, eh? Not heard that one before. Cute, maybe. Handsome, yes. Sexy, millions of times before. But beautiful...no, that has to be a new one, I must admit," Mello stated, his tone playful and mocking.

Matt blinked at how different Mello was and couldn't prevent the smile from spreading across his face. Yes, his Mello was back and his Mello wanted to speak to him. It wasn't a mistake at all.

He sat up a little, knocking Mello's hand away. Touch was still an uncomfortable issue with him, but he would work to get over it. He had to...for Mello's sake. He reflected Mello's cat-like smirk and fluttered his eyelashes.

"Well, I couldn't have your ego getting to big now. You have to leave the hospital sometime, you know and your head might not fit through the door if I give you so many compliments," Matt replied, with a casual tone. He noted with some amusement, that he had spoken more in the last few minutes than he had in the past five years.

Mello truly was something else.

"I wouldn't mind staying in this hospital, if it meant getting told I was beautiful everyday."

"What makes you think I would come visit everyday?"

So cocky. So arrogant. So Mello.

"You'd get bored without me Matty. I know you would. Misa would drag you on shopping trips whenever she could, L and Light would argue non-stop, Near would bore you to tears and Mikami would sling your ass into detention at every fucking chance he could get!"

Matt hummed with amusement and shuffled up closer to the reclining blonde. Wow...close up Mello looked so...wow.

His skin was rippled with scarred tissue...it was beautiful to see. Matt longed to reach out a stroke it, just to see what it felt like. To be perfectly honest, he was slightly jealous. Mello was the only boy who could make any look work; be it delivery boy or scarred boy.

"What? Is there something on my face?" Mello joked darkly.

Matt's eyes flickered up to see Mello's forced grin. Mello was hurting because of his looks. Mello was hurting because he was no longer perfect. Mello was hurting because that scar must be painful to have.

"Mello...do you know how much more...interesting you lool now?" He said carefully.

Mello quirked up an eyebrow. Interesting?...well, fuck beautiful, _that_ was something he _had _never heard before!

"Oh really? Do I look...better like this?" He asked, voice still strong and yet Matt could still tell he was worried.

"You look good no matter what Mello. You're just one of those guys who would look good in anything..."

Mello flashed him a sad smile and Matt frowned. He hated seeing Mello act like this. He hated it.

"Mello. You look stunning. You're one of the most prettiest boys I have ever met. Like...ever!"

The blonde felt hollow inside. Matt was saying all these wonderful, lovely words to him. But as a friend...nothing more, nothing less. It hurt. That fact pained him and tore at him...but he refused to let that pain show.

"Thanks Matt. Most boys would prefer being called handsome, but I guess I can work with pretty," He said with a small smile.

"Of course you can! You're Mello!"

"Yeah...I'm Mello..."

Matt furrowed his brow. Mello didn't sound as enthusiastic as him. He couldn't see why though. Anyone would kill to be stunning, careless and rich Mello Keehl! The red-haired boy made a 'tsk' sound and cocked his head to the side with narrowed eyes.

The blonde was being awfully silent and it petrified the gamer. His paranoia began to rise and a million questions flew through his mind.

Did Mello think of him as a liar?

Did Mello hate him?

Did Mello want him gone?

...was Mello still...guilty?

Mello gazed at the intense Orange glare with an inward flinch. He wondered with brief flash of fear if Matt could see through his mask...

"Mello. You're beautiful. You're my best friend and I've forgiven you. We all make stupid, drunken mistakes and I can't hold a grudge against you for that. Stop feeling guilty. Start feeling...Mello again," Matt commanded with a grin. However, his tone was firm and Mello couldn't help but smirk.

Matt had clearly interpreted his silence for something else, but at least one worry was cleared up. Matt no longer hated him and had forgiven him. Now, that's one worry down...a billion more to go...

"...thanks. You have no idea what that means to me Matt! I promise to never to do something so stupid again."

"Your welcome."

They both fell into a content silence once more. Matt still studying Mello's scar and Mello watching Matt with curiosity.

Mello still had the urge to lash out and tear off Matt's goggles, but had to fight that urge down. Matt would eventually take them off...he hoped. The blonde knew it was stupid, but he so terribly longed to see what colour Matt's eyes really were.

Orange was pretty colour, but he wanted to see more!

Although, he knew what had happened the last time he tried to see Matt's eyes and silently swore that he would wait until Matt took them off himself. However, the urge was really great...and Mello just had this need to see the red-head's eyes. It was an urge like no other...

To describe the feeling would be impossible. It was a ridiculous urge, yet Mello couldn't get rid of it. He had to see Matt's eyes.

"Mello...what are you staring at?" Matt asked, unnerved at how intense Mello's gaze was.

The blonde was shaken out of his thoughts and flushed. He averted his eyes and started to fiddle with the blanket around him. Matt shook his head and reached out to stop Mello's hands, trying hard to ignore how soft and warm they were...

"Mello? Answer me...please?"

Biting his lip, Mello forced himself to look up into Matt's Orange eyes. Matt's beautiful, confused, inquisitive Orange eyes.

Oh...how that urge to pull them off overtook his common sense.

"Your eyes," He said simply.

Matt quirked up an eyebrow and looked confused.

Mello reached out and stroked the side of his face, noting how Matt stilled and how Matt's breathing quickened. Touch was still and issue it seemed. Now he was certainly glad that he hadn't lashed out and yanked off the goggles.

"My eyes?" Matt replied.

"Yeah...I wanna...I want to see them. Please?"

Matt blinked and bit his lip. It may not seem like a big deal, but to allow someone to see his eyes...the windows to his soul, the two portals of all his emotions and hidden secrets...it was...so much to ask of him.

Matt hadn't taken his goggles since...

He flinched at the memory and the movement startled Mello into moving away his hand with a small sad smile. Matt sighed and felt the biting bubble of guilt well up inside of him.

Did he trust Mello?

Did he trust this beautiful blonde boy?

Did he?

...fuck. He knew the answer. He knew the answer ages ago. When they first met.

Hesitantly, his fingers rose up, cold and stiff. They slipped under his bands and slowly began to pull away his shield, his mask...his protection. Mello watched, holding his breathe. How he had longed for this moment!

Eyes slid shut as the goggles were pulled away, Orange hung loose in clenched up fists. Fingers reached up to stroke a quivering cheek and then...as long, dark red eyelashes fluttered open, Mello gasped at the sight.

Bright eyes that were the most beautiful colour...a colour Mello was instantly entranced by. Blue. Bright, Blue eyes...a colour that could put the sea, the ocean and the sky to shame. A colour that was so clear and so perfect, Mello was instantly pulled in. Dark Blue rings encircled the iris and the pupil. Flecks of silver were speckled across the eye and...and...

Mello couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't blink. Matt's eyes were the definition of perfect. So beautiful and so...Matt.

"Ummm...what do you think?" Matt asked uncertainly, fingers itching to pull Orange shields back up.

Mello didn't answer.

Mello only smiled. A sparkly, genuine smile that melted Matt to the spot.

It was that exact moment when Matt started to fall.

* * *

**TADAAAA!**

**Matt and Mello sittin' in a tree...being friends as they should be!**

**Let me say this now...that last part, Matt isn't falling literally, but figuratively. Hehehehe...I hope you all know what THAT means!!!**

**NOW! Those fabulous reviewers that have given me over 700 reviews ARE:**

_WeirdAnimeChick, Kara 'Nine', Bloodypleasures, xElementFivex, xSadistxFujix, red-headed gamer, Eighty-Five, courtneyxbx, CallMeClandestine, Mitsu-heart, Kaki9, serious, -GraphicxVandalism, Winddyy, pandaabear23, Edward slept with Poison Akii, MellyMisfit, CaramelColoredDreams, NoEcho, Taio Kaiona, , DancingIsMyRemedy, ?, Raven Rose Knight, Sigga-san, lynarsiane, MattTheGamer, Reality-or-Dream, kee\, Kfbbl, cx13, romantiscue, MellyMisfit, 1Ivanessence1, pandaabear23 It Reeks of Fangirls, Galaxy The Element Girl, Xx-Tarqui-xX, amourien, Ninna-chan, what the vell, orochimarusbadgirl, NightRoseK, Melly, mello-jeevas, Song Of Eternity, Hilarious-Mayhem, im a molly doll, Shawdee, lala, cheyjeevas, eris.x, chocolate-mello-monster, snappygirl, axeldemyxXx, Broken Glass Walker, Dunkelmur, mikoofdoom, munnins-memory, Kyler Conroy, NoEcho, KFMMSA, Miko Akako, Jan, lily. flower, xxIceCrystalxx, skye hakari, LxIsxJustice, cutmeawayMYPENMYHAND, ShinigamiApples, MyColdHeart, Gabby-sama, Nehan Shinzui34, arandm30, crimson, westwardcircle, Kyler Conroy, rosethourne, maiko, gothicsantaclawz, Amaya-Ai, InnerShadow, Unlucky-angel13, kfjkaskm, InnerShadow, lovelyblackheart, Mello-Mellon, Raven1050, Kit-Kat Punk-lover, RistukaLovelessBelovedSoubi, Misha2011, Jaylee, XxXDevil-Chan, XXX, threemillionworded, Living in a fantasy, Nana Weiss, ZomgKelley, Fan, Blind Unicorn, Your Alien, keeda, twingem2, SunnydayinPallet, atomiclint, jinnabun, Sleeping Demon, Mia-Gabriella, methegirl, unheardcries, Nippz, Taio Ryder, Fused-Chappy, Cousin It Like Pie, XthirteenX, Bloody Mello, ShinigamiMailJeevas, GremlinGirl, xxWammyGirlxx, Hollie-chan, Possessed4evr, Yoru K-Chan, Agatsuma Ritsuka, ParaPara, ebo2, merichuel, doujinshilover1516, smiley95, Dreamer878, Missy, Fundibulous teh Zohan, Grace Raven, Shinra'sCrazyTurk, The. VII. LunaEclipse, trytobrakemylittleshell, Ms. Bloody Death ANND IndifferenceToSociety! And one reviewer who was anonymous but didn't leave a name...LOL ^.^_

**I adore you all. Again, if I have missed you out, PM me! Tell me off! Cyber-slap me! Hehehehehe...**

**_QUESTION TIME!_**

**_1. BB/Near will not happen. BB/L/Light triangle...might._**

**_2. Light's sister Sayu will make an appearance soon!_**

**Also,** _WeirdAnimeChick _**your review was...amazing! Thank you so much...it practically melted me and made me flutter with love inside! ^_^ Thank you so much for a lovely review!**

**ANYWAYS! Perty, please review**

**Love City Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	28. Lilac

**I'll tell you something. My life is like a ball of yarn.**

**All the strings are tangled up and yet they all make one shape. Then of course, a cat comes along, knocks it about and all the string begins to unravel.**

**Ah...how poetic of me to describe my life in such a way. In short, my life is a mess. And I love it...hehehehehehe...**

**ANYWAY! My reviewers...how I love you all so! I come back from German-land to find 45 reviews! I love you all so much! ^_^ AND I HAVE MORE FANART! ^_^**

http:/ sleepingwaternymph. deviantart. com /art/ Broken-Colours-Front-Cover- 144378366 - _SleepingWaterDemon_ made a cover for this story!

http:/ olivegreeni. deviantart. com /art/ Broken-Colours-Cover-Art-2- 144777930 - _It Reeks of Fangirls_ made another front cover!

**ALSO! I have a new and growing love for Final Fantasy VII. More specific, I have a little growing fondness for Angeal/Zack and Sephiroth/Genisis! ^_^**

**ANYWAYS! Back to business...this fic is my baby. It is now official! It has the most reviews, the most favourites, most alerts and the most love from ME! It is my loverly child and I shall adore it muchly so!**

**This chapter! We have: Mello, Mihael. Matt. Near. Simple, right?**

**ENJOY!  
**

* * *

Chapter 28 - Lilac

_Lilac is a colour of love, friendship and tentative feelings. In the language of flowers, purple lilacs symbolize the first emotions of love, while white lilacs represent youthful innocence. Aside from roses, there is no flower as beautiful and aromatic as lilacs.__ Deep or bright lilacs suggest riches while lighter lilacs are more romantic and delicate. Lilac symbolizes __humility_ and _innocence_ and other shades of lilac symbolize _charity_. 

"I'm finally complete."

Those three words swirled around his mind and with each chant, he felt calmer and more relaxed. Those three words soothed his troubled mind and made him feel warm and soft on the inside.

Mihael. Felt. Complete.

Mello. Felt. Complete.

That one body with two people intertwined, felt truly complete. His friends knew he was fine, Matt was his friend again and finally Mello and Mihael could feel and sense each other once more. They had whole conversations in their joined minds now, something that both were grateful for, when examinations came along.

Of course, the topic of why Mello had 'abandoned' Mihael never really came up in their talks and it was beginning to annoy Mihael greatly.

He wanted to know why his beloved Mello hadn't responded. He wanted to know why his Mello cut all communications with him. He wanted to know everything and anything that Mello could tell him.

If only the other boy would tell him!

Every time the subject would come up, Mello would find another to replace it, respond with a vague answer or even worse...blank Mihael completely.

It was driving him mental and Mihael didn't know how much longer he could cope with it. It was frustrating to the point of stressing him out. He dearly longed to know the exact reason for being left alone and unfortunately the answer to his troubles was not coming.

Meanwhile, Mello felt content with all around him.

He knew that eventually he would have to answer Mihael's prodding questions, but for now he was rather happy with avoiding them all and keeping himself locked up inside his tiny bubble. He was safe from questions there, safe from worries, safe from the doctors, safe from everything.

Except one thing.

One thing that still upsets them both.

One thing that eats away at Mihael. One thing that deeply unsettles Mello's confidence.

It was the only one thing really bothered him. One thing that killed him and pained him whenever he moved. One thing that stretched and broke his skin whenever he reached out. One thing that caused Hollie to gaze at him sympathetically and offer all sorts of treatments.

His scar.

Matt had called him (them?) beautiful. Matt had said it with honesty and love and so many damn pretty emotions in his voice. Mello couldn't fucking take it! Such a perfect boy...complimenting him in his ugliest moment. He couldn't believe that Matt had seen him like that. He couldn't believe his friends had seen him like that!

So weak, so pathetic, so vulnerable, so...

Fucking ridiculous.

Yet, he couldn't bear the thought of getting rid of the very thing that Matt considered 'beautiful'. The scar ran across the left side of his face and it was fucking sore and sensitive. The scar tissue rippled its way down his side, ending on his hip rather bluntly. The bandages had come off with only anesthetic keeping him from going insane from all the pain. His doctor and, of course, Hollie would recommend all different varieties of treatments to help him get by. One in particular would get rid of the scar altogether. It was painful, yes...but at least it would destroy any evidence of him burning to a crisp.

Skin grafts.

A magical thing where skin was taken from one thing and used to replace the damaged skin of another.

Mello had been given a full lecture on what they were and what type of skin graft he would receive. Allogeneic, they said. Where the skin donor was human, not related but was the perfect suitor for Mello's skin type. Pale and flawless.

As soon as a potential donor had been found, the doctor had asked Mello if he would like the skin graft.

The blonde smirked at remembering the doctor's reaction to his answer.

_"A donor? That was fucking quick!" Mello was, to put it simply, amazed._

_The doctor smiled and nodded encouragingly. He, himself had been taken-aback by how quickly a donor had come up._

_"Yes, a perfect match to your skin too," He replied._

_Mello fell silent and began to ponder. With the skin graft, he could return to school looking every inch the sex god that he was. Without the graft, he would return to school with a nasty scar, eating away at the left side of his body and no longer would he be considered-_

'...beautiful.'

_Oh! Oh? Oh..._

'You're beautiful.'

_So sweet, so nice, so...honest._

_Matt thought he was beautiful. Matt was all he needed and Matt didn't give a damn about his scar. Matt had gazed up at him, close up and everything. Not a hint of disgust or repulsion were noticed in his eyes. For that, Mello was honestly grateful. Matt truly believe his was beautiful. With the scar too._

_The doctor waited patiently for Mello's answer. He had been waiting so long for Mello to recover. The boy was clearly well and ready to leave...just a couple more days and he could be fully discharged. However, the other problem was where Mello would go to after he left hospital. Clearly he was home alone...but surely he had a friend that could take him in for a day or two. The blonde girl had said that Mello's house was under reconstruction...not that the boy knew any of this._

_He also briefly wondered if Mello's parents had caught wind of the incident. From what he had heard, Mello hadn't spoken nor seen his parents in the last five years._

_Such a sad thing to happen to such a lovely boy..._

_"-the donor?"_

_The words brought the doctor out of his thoughts and he looked up inquisitively. Mello rolled his eyes and laughed softly._

_"Who is the donor?"_

_"Oh!" The doctor exclaimed. "The donor is a young man, not quite sure of his name however, but he looked rather like one of your friends from before. I don't think it is him however...he seemed more...unique?"_

_Mello smirked at the doctor's word choice, knowing fully well who had come forward to donate some skin._

_His 'friend' had always been a strange one...always been fascinated with blood and skin and the body in general. To be honest, he wasn't surprised.  
_

_"Would you please tell my anonymous donor, that whilst it was a lovely gesture, I simply have to decline. I rather have my scar thank you. Oh, and doctor? Make sure to throw in a jar of jam whilst you're at it?" Mello said, not bothering to wait for the doctor's answer._

_The doctor blinked. He had known the blonde boy long enough to know of his notorious mouth and to hear him speak so politely...clearly this donor is quite the person. Especially if Mello knew who he was already._

_...but to turn down such a rare opportunity?_

_"Are you sure Mello? This is a one off chance after all...don't you want to look pretty again?" The doctor had said, using Misa's words from his last conversation with her._

_Mello blinked and then laughed out loud._

_"Pretty? Why would I want to be 'pretty' when I can be beautiful?"_

Yes...why would one want to be pretty? Especially when one is already considered to be beautiful?

Mello laughed to himself as he recalled how dumbfounded the doctor appeared to be. He was truly and honestly shocked at how swiftly Mello had turned down the skin grafts. Even more so by the fact that Mello had realized who the mysterious donor was.

However, a doctor must respect his patients wishes. When given a choice on whether or not to have a skin graft, it's the patients answer that a doctor must abide by...although, this must have been the first 'no' he has ever been given.

The blonde stretched out, trying to ignore the sharp pain in his side as his skin pulled against the scar tissue.

He would have to get used to it. Mello was not going to have a skin graft. Mello was not going to go back to being pretty.

Mello was going to stay like this.

Scarred...marked...tainted...

Beautiful.

X-x-X-x-X

"Histrionic Personality Disorder," Near informed him simply.

It was one of the final days before they had to return to school and instead of finishing off their English exam...they were busy talking about Mello. Or rather Near was talking about Mello and Matt was nodding along, adding his own hand-written opinions into the matter. They were both in Near's small library. They were sat at the table, surrounded by paper and books and pens.

The books were all about one thing.

Illnesses. Disorders. Diseases.

Matt fully believed that Mello was...ill? Was that the word?

Ill? Different? Sick? ...weird?

No. One couldn't call him weird. That wasn't fair...but you couldn't call him exactly normal either...

So what was he?

Near had told him that his personality was split. From observing Mello for quite some time, Near has noticed cracks in Mello's mask. To the average person, one could say that Mello would just be having an off day...to Near though, it seemed as if Mello was a whole different character. His eyes would dim down, no longer the beautiful icy shade that entranced many a person, but rather a dull blue that one would associate with a starless night sky. His whole demeanor would slump over and Mello would no longer hold himself up with pride and dignity; it would look as if he was trying to shrink into himself and appear small and invisible. When Mello did such things, he was no longer 'Mello' in Near's eyes.

Of course, he wasn't the only one to notice such things. L had sensed that something within Mello changed when certain situations would occur.

Thinking along that train of thought, Near began to ponder the exact situations when Mello would 'switch'. It would happen normally when he thought he was alone, or when he was hurt deep down or when -and especially when- Matt would ignore him.

Near knew he was getting close to Mello's true self, but also knew he would never truly get inside Mello's mind. Only one person had that slight chance and that one person was now nudging him with a piece of paper stating:

**_Histrionic...Personality Disorder?_**

Near nodded solemnly and nudged a book into Matt's hands. The gamer eyed it warily, before flipping it open to the marked page. The book was large with delicate pages, each one feeling like a butterfly's wing in Matt's fingers. It was rather dusty, but other than that, it was in perfect condition. On the page Matt had turned to, was a large embellished title, the capital letter of each word coloured in a pretty Lilac: Histrionic Personality Disorder.

For some strange reason, as his eyes flew across the short passage and as each word sank into his mind, Matt felt as if he was reading Mello's personal diary...rather than his personal disorder.

_People with this disorder are usually able to function at a high level and can be successful socially and professionally. People with histrionic personality disorder usually have good social skills, but they tend to use these skills to manipulate other people and become the center of attention. Furthermore, histrionic personality disorder may affect a person's social or romantic relationships or their ability to cope with losses or failures. People with this disorder may seek treatment for depression when romantic relationships end, although this is by no means a feature exclusive to this disorder. They often fail to see their own personal situation realistically, instead tending to dramatize and exaggerate their difficulties. They may go through frequent job changes, as they become easily bored and have trouble dealing with frustration. Because they tend to crave novelty and excitement, they may place themselves in risky situations. All of these factors may lead to greater risk of developing depression._

His eyes skimmed over each under-lined word with a heavy sense of...something. It made him feel quite ill, but he couldn't put a name to the emotion he was feeling.

Relationships? Attention? Depression?

Mello...depressed?

It seemed so...unlikely, so...unreal. Matt couldn't imagine Mello being depressed. Mello was Mello! Happy, attention-seeking and...manipulative. He was dramatic, could get easily bored with people and his frustration? Well, anyone could tell the Mello had anger issues.

Damn...

This...this was all Mello. Mello was all this. This was the dictionary definition of Mello!

"The disorder matches Mello well, doesn't it? I also believe that his depression has already come and gone, so no need to worry about that," Near informed him.

Matt cocked his head to the side and furrowed his brow. Mello had already been depressed? When did that happen and why couldn't he have seen that? As if sensing Matt's inner questions, Near coughed slightly, gaining Matt's attention at once.

"I believe that his depression occurred after that certain incident," Near said simply.

Matt inwardly flinched, knowing what Near was trying to say, but still not wanting to admit it. After 'That Incident', he refused to speak to Mello, look at Mello and (at best) he even tried to stop thinking about him too. It was understandable of course...but surely that wasn't the reason for Mello's depression. Right?

_**Am I the reason for his depression then?**_

The question was hastily written out on a scrap piece of paper. Near read the words carefully and regarded Matt with a heavy gaze.

"Yes...and no."

Matt's eyes flashed behind Orange and Near couldn't help but smirk. His answer must have brought up some worries into Matt's mind and it was rather amusing to see the emotions flitter across said boy's face. Matt appeared to fighting against feeling ashamed and feeling relieved.

"Would you like me to elaborate?" Near offered.

The question itself was rhetorical, even Matt knew that. However, he motioned for Near to explain his answer. The albino shifted slightly and brought up a hand to curl snowy white locks around snowy white fingers. Near's eyes darkened and his stare grew intense. Matt felt uncomfortable under such a stare but found that he could not move nor did he want to.

"On the night of Mello's birthday, an incident occurred between you both. After that, you grew distant and began to avoid Mello at all costs. Like the others, I was concerned with Mello's health. However, my concern ran deeper than his emotional health, rather I was more inclined towards his mental health. Mello is quite unstable and even the smallest incident can cause him to 'switch', if you catch my drift."

Matt nodded silently, his gaze falling to the floor. His thoughts swam around, confusing him and clearing things up at the same time. Obviously, his cold demeanor had hurt Mello deeply; but was that the true cause for his sudden depression?

"Now, to most people, depression is something that can occur when a loved one dies or when your life falls apart. In Mello's case, his depression occurred due to his disorder. His 'relationship' with you was both a failure and a loss. Now, maybe I'm being a tad melodramatic here, but his depression seems to be linked with his other side. That other side may have been hurt from the incident, breaking down their shared mentality. I believe that they are totally dependent on you and you view them, feel for them. It would seem rather dramatic to say, especially with how new you are to his life...but I feel that it is safe to say that you Matt, you are Mello's life. When he failed you, when he lost you, both sides of him were quick to experience the consequences. When he hurt you, you fell apart. His life fell apart. Do you understand what I'm trying to say here?"

Orange covered eyes widened and skin grew pale with the realisation of understanding what Near was trying to convey. Reaching out for another scrap of paper, Matt quickly scrawled out another quick message.

_**Are you trying to tell me that I...I'm...Mello's life?**_

Near hummed and a small smirk grew on pale lips.

"I wouldn't go as far as to say that you're his entire world, but you do seem to take up a large chunk of it. After witnessing Mello's rather rapid downfall in his mentality, I suspect that you could very well be considered the love of his life. Cliche, right? I may not have been his friend for long, but I have been around long enough to know when Mello becomes dependent on something. At first, it was L. Then his test, then...you. Never before have I seen him melt down like that. Never before you anyway."

Matt drank in the information with a pinch of salt. He never knew how much Mello liked him, never knew how Mello viewed him...but to be that dependent on him? Along with some disorder? Really?

Clutching at his hair with earnest, Matt realized how pathetically cliche everything sounded now. The gamer saw Mello as a friend, however...he had come to admit to himself that Mello saw him as more than a friend. Mello had a crush on him and Matt had accepted that.

However, Matt didn't know how to respond. For now he was going to act as if nothing had happened, although even he knew that plan had to come to an end. Feelings could only build up for so long and Matt dreaded to think of how Mello would react to his feelings once they became too much to bear. His own feelings were simply another battle he had to fight.

Mello was special, and yet Matt refused to allow his feelings to grow. He did not love Mello romantically, however he feared that (with his luck) his feelings would blossom into such a thing. Love was a tricky thing, a foreign thing, something Matt was not overly familiar with. It was something he was terrified of. Yet, he had experienced it and had accepted different forms of love. From what Near had told him, there were four kinds of love, based on Greek Theories.

Familial love came in the form of his mother. A beautiful, kind woman who revealed his talents with technology.

Platonic love came in the form of..._him_. A man who not only adopted him when no one else wanted him; but a man who showed him the world.

Erotic love was something he wished he would never be involved with...not again. Never again.

Romantic love however...that was different. That was strange and new and so..._unnerving _to think about. He couldn't possible love Mello like that. Surely it was all platonic...?

"Matt? What is wrong?" Near interrupted his train of thought.

The gamer snapped his head up with guarded eyes. His thoughts were private, especially those thoughts. He knew how perceptive Near was, but he would rather die than allow the albino to view such intimate thoughts within his mind. Hesitantly, he reached out and shakily scrawled out another message.

_**I was just thinking...Mello depends of me that much. That's quite a burden to bear...**_

Near nodded and released his hair.

"Of course, being the center of someone's love life, especially someone as mentally fragile as Mello can be quite the burden. However, to make it easier for yourself and for Mello, it would be best for you to go back to the way you were. Friends. Nothing more and nothing less."

**_Mello...he likes me though. Wouldn't I be hurting him, rather than helping him?_**

"Yes, well...the cliche term comes in handy here: 'I'd rather be friends, than nothing at all'. Have you heard of that one?"

**_Yes, but surely Mello would be much happier with being more. Right?_**

"Wrong. Despite his outward appearance, Mello is rather insecure. Of course, I do not know if it's Mello's other personality or if it's just Mello acting up. Although, I do suspect that the test has probably made things worse for himself. Before he was rather quiet and brooding. Now...well, you can see for yourself how arrogant he's become."

_**...test? What test?**_

Near paused here to think. Mello would clearly murder him if he revealed his dirty little secret, but how to avoid and answer such a question at the same time...?

"Matt. The test is something of utmost importance to Mello. Only five people apart from him know about it really," Near began carefully.

Matt tilted his head to the side and began to ponder on his words. Something so important to him that only his friends know about it. L, Light, Misa, Mikami and of course...Near. There were many things that could be considered secret and important to a person...but a test? Who was being tested? What for...and why?

The questions were many and the answers were vague.

A test?

Was this something he would have to ask Mello about?

Would Mello answer him?

Matt bit his lip and scrawled out a small question on the last piece of paper...

**_Do I want to know what the test is?_**

Near eyed each word with a blank look upon his face. Matt's question was dangerous and tricky. Near himself could not decipher whether Matt's reaction to Mello's sordid secret would be a positive or a negative one. It simply depended on how Mello explained it to him...and whether Matt would listen to the whole story.

Slowly, he crumpled up the paper into a ball and dropped it to the floor. Matt swallowed hard at the empty stare he was receiving. Near's eyes were like stones. Cold, hard and solid. It was difficult to pull yourself away from such a stare and yet Matt found himself not really wanting to tear his gaze away.

Near's eyes flashed for second, but even Matt recognized that look when he was being subjected to it. Suspicion. Near was suspicious of his question and he was probably right in being so. Matt only flinched when Near began speaking, as his voice sounded like steel. Cold and hard. Just like his eyes.

"The answer to your question..."

Near paused. Matt held his breath.

"...depends on your reaction."

* * *

**Dude...**

**ANYWAYS! Matty-boy is in denial, but not for long, eh? ^_^ Mello's refusing to tell Mihael why he 'disappeared' and who likes my OC? Hollie...I adore that name!**

**So...anyways, I have a new story up. It's a Christmas Special and it's called **_'Twelve Days Of Mattmas'_**. The Mello has a much fouler mouth in it, but Matty-boy is ever so adorable! You shall love him! I know it!**

_**QUESTION TIME:**_

_**1. Yes, I have found myself falling into the world of Twilight. Why? Because of Edward/Jacob slash, Seth and...Taylor Lautner! GAH! He is gorgeous...**_

**_2. The story will be as long as a piece of string. ^_^_  
**

**ANYWAYS! Perty please review!**

**Love City Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	29. Obsidian

**Okaayy my sweets! It's almost Christmas time and you know what that means...**

**Longer intervals between updates. I know...it is a sad, sad thing. ^_^**

**However! I shall try my very best to update once more before the year ends! Anywayy, thank you very much for your loverly reviews. Yes, I did say loverly. ^_^**

**AND! I have started to linger back to my old roots of the Kingdom Hearts fandom. I have started a new multi-chaptered fic called **_'Alphabet Soup'_ **which is a bunch of 26 drabbles of AkuRoku goodness. I have also written my very first het! Not counting the Light/Misa bits in this one. 'tis called **'_Confessions Of A Savage Nymph' _**which is a one-shot with the Larxene/Axel pairing.**

**I fear I may be going over to the straight side as I was rather proud of it. Nyaaaa!**

**ANYWAY! This chapter has: Light angst, L angst, Sayu annnnd a freaky little dream/nightmare sequence belonging to Mello! ^_^**

**ENJOY!**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 29 - Obsidian

_It can bring negative emotions and unpleasant truths rushing to the surface, which have to be confronted before peace can return. Many people find Obsidian's effects overwhelming and prefer to use a gentler colour. Black Obsidian is a very protective colour. It is said to form a shield against negativity and to absorb negative energies from the environment. Considered the negation of color, Obsidian is conservative. It also has conflicting connotations. It can be serious and conventional. The color Obsidian can also be mysterious, sexy, and sophisticated._

Stupid?

Him? Stupid?

Of course not! He most certainly was not stupid. Or blind for that matter. Light had seen something odd that day at the hospital and that something was called 'Mello'. The blonde was acting shy, timid and everything he said sounded forced. When Mello swore, it sounded like water. So natural to flow from his mouth. When _that _Mello in the hospital swore, it sounded like drinking sand. Raw, harsh and you'd have to force yourself not to choke.

Mello was drinking sand when he was in that hospital.

Stuttering and tripping over each word that was uttered. Each word that was forced out of his mouth. It sounded painful to hear, so Light couldn't imagine what it must have been like for Mello to actually say it all. Each sound Mello uttered, it was as if speaking could actually kill him.

Light hated it.

His friend was lying to him and he could see it. He could feel it. Oh, damn it all; he could even _taste _the lies that Mello was trying to feed them all!

If that truly _was _Mello after all. Light sighed and slammed his diary shut. He silently eyed the black cover, stroked each white letter on the front and clenched his fist tightly. He despised being left out. Despised not knowing what is happening. The Mello in the hospital was not the same Mello he had known for years. The Mello he knew was independent, fierce and everything he said sounded like it belonged to him. The Mello he knew was not a shy, quivering mess of nerves. Fire or no fire, Mello would not have let such a thing change him so dramatically.

Closing his caramel eyes, Light's memories flickered back to the day at the hospital. When he had walked in, the last one to do so, he could instantly feel the tension in the air. Near had perched himself on the bottom of Mello's bed. Misa had been lingering near the bedside table, Mikami by the door and typical L had stood by the chocolates.

Typical L.

His Typical L.

Then, because L was being Typical L and because Light was being Typical Light, they ended up having a Typical Fight. Only, this one was unspoken and Mello was the one to start it. No, actually. L was the one to start it. He had reached and touched Light. Then, because he was being Typical Light, he reacted harshly, trying to not let the pain on L's face affect him. Typical Light didn't need L to touch him, because the more L touched him, the more imperfect Light became. The more needy and wanting he became. That wasn't to say the seeing the pain and hurt of L's face _didn't_ affect; because it did. Inside.

Of course, Light wasn't the only one to see L's hurt.

_"You don't deserve his feelings!"_

Mello.

Mello had seen the pain, hurt and sadness. Normally, Mello wouldn't have voiced such an opinion. Matters of the heart didn't concern him as he saw such things beneath him. However, this Mello had seen the agony that Light's actions had caused. Mello had taken L's side almost instantly and Light knew why. His friend Mello may not admit to anyone, not even to Matt himself. The Mello in hospital however, might be a different story. The Mello in hospital had a vulnerable air about him, one that unnerved Light slightly. Due to that vulnerable air, Light saw why Mello had taken L's side. Mello was in love with Matt. However, it appeared that Matt wouldn't be requiting those feelings. The blonde was hopelessly lost in the sea of unrequited love.

Just. Like. L.

_"He deserves yours though..."_

Only, he wasn't. L knew that Light loved him. _Damn._ Mello, Near, Mikami, they all knew of his love for the raven. If they hadn't before, then they should know now. Mello was a master manipulator; he could see through everyone's masks and walls. Of course he would have known. Chances are, he probably knew before Light knew of his own feelings. Now everyone else was aware of such things. All thanks to that certain, bandaged up blonde boy. Even Misa should have a small inkling now, no matter how many times she would try to deny such a fact. Knowing her, she would probably continue to deny such a thing and live in her happy bubble of falseness.

Same with him for that matter.

After that incident, Light had stormed out of the room. Ignoring every curious glance aimed at him. Ignoring every little whisper. Ignoring the way Mikami had called out his name. Ignoring the way Mikami had tried to confess of his own feelings, talking nonsense over how he 'understood' how Light was feeling. Mikami's face, contorted with emotional pain, his eyes narrowed and intense with adoration. Not love. Mikami didn't love Light, not the way L did. Not the way Light wanted to be loved. Mikami didn't see him as a person, or an equal. Mikami saw him as a God, as perfection. Light adored him for seeing him in such a way, wishing that everyone else saw him in the same way. It was just bad luck that he happened to fall for a person who noticed every little flaw and imperfection. It was good luck that L still wanted him.

Therefore, Mikami simply couldn't understand how he felt. Light wished to be perfect, yet he desired to be loved by and to be with the one person who saw all of his faults. That one person who he loved. That one person who saw everything and still loved him. Who could understand such conflicting emotions?

The answer was no one. None could ever understand the way he was feeling.

Light sighed and cracked open his eyes, gazing around his dark, empty room. The last time he was in here, he had almost lost it. That stubborn boy who had the nerve to come waltzing up to _his _house, knock on _his _door, enter _his _room uninvited! Light had so very, nearly lost it. He was so close to kissing L and then _Misa _happened. God. He could still smell L's sweet, delicious scent and it was agonizingly painful to remember. That day...

It was the same day when L said--_damn_. L had come out and said _it_. So calmly and smoothly. Typical L. Having the nerve to say it once and then having the nerve to say it again. Light could remember his face, so calm and cool. Not an inch of embarrassment visible. No fear, no regret, no _shame_!

_"I love you Light!"_

The way L looked so fearless. He looked so damn beautiful. Light couldn't control himself and then next thing he knew, he had L up against a wall, lips mere inches away from trembling, parted ones. Hissing and spitting 'I hate you' over and over again. Trying to ignore the urge to throw L down and have his way with the beautiful raven. Their bodies were pressed against one another, legs tangled and in-between each other against the wall. The heat had risen between them, all blood had raced down to his groin. God, never before had he desired the other boy so badly. That beautiful, infuriating boy!

Only, it didn't matter. No matter how much he wanted L and needed L and desired L, Light knew that he couldn't have L. It just wouldn't be perfect. Light could dream it, wish it, hope for it, but none of that mattered. It wouldn't become perfect, not in his eyes. L was a boy, not a girl and his family would most certainly not approve of their only son getting involved with another male. His father. Head policemen who couldn't wait for his son to carry on the bloodline. He would have a heart attack. His mother. She so desperately wanted grandchildren from her baby boy. She would break down and cry. His sister. She would lose all respect for him.

His eyes clenched shut once more. His mind's eye flashed with different images and scenarios. His family finding out that he was gay. His family seeing L. His family disapproving. His family disappointed. Himself, getting hurt._ L_ getting hurt--no. He couldn't allow such things to happen. Being with Misa made them happy and their happiness came first. L would get over him eventually and someone else would see how beautiful and pretty Light's raven was and...and...

Light resisted the urge to gag. He couldn't imagine someone else touching his L. He didn't want to imagine someone else touching his L. The very thought of such a thing, made him heave and retch. However, he would have to get over it. L would need to to get over it. If they got over it, then Light would finally make his family happy. Making his family proud and happy was number one priority. His own happiness would have to hitch a ride in the backseat.

Right?

"Light? Are you in there? I need help with my Math homework!"

Sayu's voice broke through his thoughts and Light gazed at the door thoughtfully. Sayu was thirteen years old, the age where he and L first met. The age when Light first realised that a guy could actually be called pretty. Light had kept his new-found thoughts private and never allowed his family the slightest hint at his homosexuality. Maybe he should have though? Perhaps there was the slightest possibility that maybe they wouldn't react as harshly? He never had actually asked his family on their thoughts on homosexuality. He had never dared to. Never wanted to really.

Could he? Should he? Was all this just wishful thinking?

Sayu would be the easiest to ask and her reaction probably wouldn't hurt him as much. Plus she was young; she would be more open-minded to these kind of things. Perhaps she didn't even know what it was? No. Sayu might be young, but she wasn't naive either. Her reaction might not hurt him as much, but it was just as important to receive. It only made sense to ask her first.

But right now? To ask her right now?

No. It was far too early.

Another time. Yes, he would ask her some other time.

Light stood up and strode over to the door, opening it up with a smile. Sayu gazed up and thrust her book into his face. Her eyes were filled with admiration and respect for her older brother and Light knew that he depended on that sort of look. To lose that look due to his secret would kill him. Sayu looked at him as if he was perfection. Sayu skipped into his room, her hair bouncing up and down as she planted herself at his desk. She brushed aside the notebook, causing Light's heart to skip a beat. Thankfully she ignored it and spun around to face him with a pleading gaze.

Resisting the urge to laugh, Light gazed at her with amusement and tilted his head to the side. He quirked up an eyebrow, indicating for her to speak. Sayu beamed and gave him her best puppy-eyes.

"I absolutely hate algebra and you wanna know the thing that sucks most? I am the only one who doesn't get it! Help me?" She pleaded, batting her eyelashes and holding her hands together in a begging motion.

Light chuckled and walked over, a small smile on his face.

"Sure, why not?"

As they began to go over the questions in her book, Light's phone rang. Sayu paused in her rant about how unfair her teacher was, and glanced up. The siblings fell into silence. Light eyed the phone with a torn gaze and Sayu watched her brother with suspicion lacing her features.

"Aren't you gonna answer it?"

Light came out of his reverie and gazed down at her with a kind of broken gaze. He sighed and nodded silently. Light slowly walked over to his bed, ignoring Sayu's gaze that seemed to be burning into the back of his neck. His heart hammered against his chest and he resisted biting his lip. He would not get his hopes. He would not get his hopes up!

Caramel eyes flickered to the screen and a hesitant hand reached out to grasp the phone. Feeling his heart burst within, he clenched his eyes shut and snapped them open once again. The name didn't change. It was still that name, still that person. Light's eyes narrowed at the screen, his mind taking in the name over and over again, feeling it sink in. He wanted to answer it, he had his hopes risen up for this person to call him. Then again, Sayu was in the room. Sayu was in the room! He couldn't allow her to see him so vulnerable and needy! Swallowing hard, Light scoffed and tossed the phone behind him with disgust.

Sayu gazed up at him and cocked her head to the side. Her brows were furrowed with confusion at her brother's actions. Light had been acting weird for some time now that she thought about it. She silently vowed to find out what was wrong and fix it. Her brother had looked so lost and alone when he had read the name of the person calling him. Perhaps it was time that she took action? Yes. Yes it was! Sayu returned her attention to her brother, a drop of concern mingling with confusion as she sensed the disgust coming from him.

"Who was that?" She asked innocently.

Light swallowed hard. Sayu sounded confused. Sayu wanted to know. Sayu _couldn't _know! He hesitated and slowly turned to her, giving her a small smile. Sayu saw straight past it though and she resisted the urge to frown and demand what was wrong with him.

"No one important..."

_L._

X-x-X-x-X

_Light._

It pained him; it truly did. Deep down, inside his heart and below. The pain was a dull throb at first, hardly noticeable at all. Over time, the pain had intensified to a sharp stabbing agony that persisted and worsened with each rejection Light gave him. The pain he felt now was numbing. Before, Light would argue with him and verbally deny his love for L. Now Light was ignoring him and L had never felt so miserable in all of his life.

Why wouldn't Light answer? Did he not want to answer? Couldn't he answer, or was it simply that Light just didn't wish to speak to him. Of course, it was understandable. He had made quite the fool of himself when he last communicated with Light. A determined, love-sick fool who had laid his heart out, but a fool nonetheless. He hadn't spoken to Light since that eventful day and he found himself missing the boy's presence rather a lot.

The visit to the hospital didn't really count as they didn't really speak to one another. Sure they glanced at each other, sure L had attempted to touch Light, but that was it. Nothing less and certainly nothing more. Not a word was spoken between them directly. Even though he wished they did. Although, it seemed that Mello did most of the talking for them. Strange when the Mello at the hospital seemed rather timid and shy. How unlike Mello and yet, his outburst had Mello written all over.

_"You don't deserve his feelings!"_

The blonde was quite observant. Naturally, L had never underestimated Mello and pitied anyone who did. Mello had an eye for watching people, gauging their reactions and deciphering their body language. He could see how much L wanted Light and how much Light tried to deny any feelings (lovelovelove) for L. It also appeared that Mello seemed to be on his side--

_"He deserves yours though..."_

_--_hmmm, now was that a good thing, or a bad thing?

L sighed and placed the phone down gently. It was crystal clear that Light was not going to answer his call and it was even less likely that the stubborn boy was going to call back. He eyed it sadly, briefly wondering if any texts he sent would be deleted and paused in thought. No. He refused to appear needy and pathetic. L had given it his best shot, he had taken his turn; it was now up to Light. The ball was in his court, it was his move. L tore his eyes away from the phone and switched his attention on to a delectable chocolate coffee cake. Watari's specialty of course. In his opinion it was 67% delicious. Naturally nothing could beat Light. Naturally.

Nonetheless, it was a rather marvelous recipe. Two out of three of his most favorite things in the world, wrapped up into one cake. Chocolate and Coffee. The chocolate to feed his sugar addiction and the coffee to feed his caffeine addiction. Now, if Light were to be here, then that would make the list complete. Picking up a fork, he stabbed at a corner of the cake and held it out. The cake was rich and soft and crumbly. Perfect. He licked his lips and ate it with none of the elegance he had when holding things.

As he ate his cake, L couldn't help but allow his gaze to flicker back to the phone. He wasn't going to call again, he refused to send a single text, yet his mind wouldn't cease with the questions. Why wouldn't Light answer? Was he that much of a coward? Could it be that he has a _genuine _reason for not being able to answer? Well, there was the possibility of Light away from his phone, but Light _always _had his phone on him. That possibility was ruled out. Therefore, it wasn't a matter of not being able to answer; Light just didn't wish to answer, period. Naturally, that meant that Light was childish and immature to stoop so low as to avoid the inevitable confrontation between them.

Oh, yes. That was just like him, and in a way, the very opposite of how Light would act. Towards him anyway. In fact, especially towards him. Only to him. Since L was the only one to ruffle Light's feathers and cause him to act so terribly out of character.

Of course, Light could be too busy to answer his phone as he had other matters to attend to. Matters that would have to have taken up 100% of his time. Matters that were unavoidable and couldn't be interrupted no matter what. Of course, this begged another question.

What matters could be so important?

Light didn't work; he didn't need to, his parents income was more than enough for a family of four. Light had no homework; all homework would have been completed on the day he received it, leaving him with a copious amount of spare time. Light couldn't be--no. It wasn't possible. It wasn't...but could it...?

Yes. It was likely. Light was with someone, or rather, someone was with Light. It didn't take a genius to solve the puzzle of who the 'someone' was. After all, Misa was his _girl_friend. Emphasis on the 'girl' part. Emphasis because Misa was a girl, therefore she was perfect for Light. Light who was gay. Light who was gay for him! Light who would refuse to be publicly gay due to the fact that being gay in his eyes was not perfect. Oh, how L resented such a fact. It made him bubble with anger every time he thought about Light's opinions on homosexuality. In particular, _his _homosexuality. Light would rather hang, draw and quarter himself before announcing that he was in love with L. It was imperfect after all. Not like being with Misa anyway.

L clenched his fork tighter and tried to stifle his jealousy. Misa could touch Light, speak to Light and interact with Light as much as she could. Misa had the privilege of being in the same room as Light without the other freaking out and getting paranoid. Misa didn't appreciate such a privilege; but L would. However, L can't as he didn't have that privilege. No matter how much he longed for it, it simply wasn't going to come. L loosened his grip on the fork and sighed. It was such an ugly feeling--envy. One of the Deadly Sins as well; whilst he may not believe in Heaven or Hell, L knew that it was unhealthy to fall victim to one of the Sins.

However, sometimes, when you couldn't help yourself--it was just easier to feel, rather than to avoid or deny.

If only Light felt the same way.

Back at the hospital, he had been wishing for a proper conversation with Light, instead of the haphazard, poor excuse for a conversation they had in his room. That haphazard, poor excuse for a conversation that led to him confessing (not once, but _twice_) that he loved Light. That haphazard, poor excuse for a conversation that led to Light backing him up against a wall, muttering the same old rant--'I hate you'--over and over again.

True, that each time Light uttered the words, it pained him to hear it, but he could see in Light's eyes that he thought differently. He had felt the heat and passion radiate off Light's body, warming up his own and making him hope so badly. L had wanted to reach out and touch their lips together, but it simply wasn't his move. It was Light's chance to take whatever they had further. It was up to Light on what happened next. No matter how much Light may protest and deny and accuse L of being selfish, L knew the truth. He had seen it shining in Light's angry and flashing eyes.

Light loved him.

Even Mello, the most conceited and most selfish person he knew, could see past Light's mask. Of course, through Mello's rather public statement, all of their friends would have the ability to see through Light's mask now. Even if half of them could see through it before. Near obviously had seen through it, yet it wasn't in his character to meddle in the affairs of others. Misa must have sensed something, as she was rather perceptive when she chose to be. Mikami?

Chewing thoughtfully on another piece of cake, L went over what happened at the hospital. After Mello's little revelation on their feelings, Light had stormed out. Like the ever obedient and loyal 'friend' he was, Mikami had glared at him and then Mikami had gone after Light. Alone. No one else went after them. They had fifteen full minutes of alone time before everyone else left. Fifteen whole minutes of--what, exactly?

L had tried hard for the past couple of days to not let that little detail bother him. It did. L wanted to know exactly what had happened after both boys had left the room, every little detail. On his way out, he had caught sight of Light and Mikami conversing by an elevator. Mikami looked pleading and Light appeared to be exasperated. His curiosity has now been eating away at him ever since that sighting and he was getting more and more desperate over what they had said to each other.

Had Light and Mikami...? Would they have? Did they?

_No_, L firmly told himself. Light wouldn't do that. His pride and dignity wouldn't allow himself to lose control, over something as tedious as Mikami. Actually, Light wasn't the kind of person to allow anyone to destroy his self-restraint, no matter how tedious they were. Unless--with a small smug smile, L allowed himself to believe that only he was capable of causing Light to lose control. He certainly wasn't tedious.

Although, what if (hypothetically speaking, of course) Mikami managed to have 'his way' with Light?

Shaking his head, L tried to banish such thought. Such thoughts wasted his valuable time and caused unnecessary spurts of envy to form in his stomach. They were ridiculous and pointless. Light would do anything to destroy any evidence pointing to his homosexuality, so it would be absolutely absurd to think that he would threaten his perfect hetero life due to Mikami's crush. _Any _guy's crush. Of course, with the exception of L's crush, naturally. However, that was more due to the fact that L didn't merely have a 'crush' on Light; his feelings ran far deeper than that pathetic word.

With this fact in mind, L couldn't believe that he was still having doubts. Mikami and Light? It was _absurd_! Light would never allow such an imperfection in his straight-as-a-rainbow life. Unless that imperfection was L, of course. Even then, he upheld certain restrictions--like denying his feelings and sometimes acting as if L didn't exist at all. Well, if L didn't have a chance, then what did Mikami have?

No. Mikami and Light would never, ever, ever happen.

Firmly grasping that thought and holding onto it, L continued to eat his cake. The coffee was bitter and the chocolate was sweet, the two tastes mingling wonderfully on his tongue. His gaze flickered once more to his phone. Light's number still up on the fading screen. This was the first time Light had not answered him and although L knew Light had Caller ID, the other boy was certainly not petty enough to merely ignore him. Despite his earlier thoughts, it just wasn't in Light's nature!

Or was it?

Or was he truly with someone else? Someone else who was not Misa, because no matter what mood Light was in with L, he would always answer the phone when Misa was around at his house. It gave him a chance to escape, or so he said.

Mello was at the hospital and their last confrontation wasn't exactly, well, friendly. Near and Matt were busy on their project and Light was no way near close to either of them as Mello or L were. So that ruled out those three. Obviously, L was here and not there with Light. Then, that left--

Mikami.

...

...

L looked down, his insecurities flooding his mind. He was being ridiculous and he knew it. He acknowledged it, but he refused to try and dispel it. L was much better than allowing something as tedious as insecurity get to him, but it just...stung. What if something truly had happened between Mikami and Light that day at the hospital? What if...?

What if...?

L grimaced and dropped his fork.

Hmmm; suddenly his cake didn't taste all that good anymore.

X-x-X-x-X

_"Mello...?"_

_Silence.  
_

_"Hahahahahaha...I see you Mello."_

_Giggles.  
_

_"Can you see me? Can you hear me?"_

_Awkwardness.  
_

_"...you can't, can you? Why can't you see me!"_

_Pining.  
_

_"I thought you loved me!"_

_Anger. Spite. Confusion. Bitterness.  
_

_He opened icy blue eyes and gasped at the sight before him. He was surrounded by white. White light that burned his eyes and made him wince. However, it wasn't the light that made him gasp. A beautiful, young boy was kneeling down, hugging himself desperately. The boy knelt a few feet away from him and yet the expression of hurt on his face was clear and painful to see. Fiery red hair fluttered in the non-existent wind. A small, skinny body trembled with pain._

_"You said you loved me!"_

I said I loved him?

_Tilting his head to the side, he furrowed his brow and continued to observe the boy before him. The boy was talking to him, shouting at him, pleading with him. His voice held so many degrees of hurt and anguish. He couldn't help but flinch at the tone.  
_

I don't know you..._  
_

_..._

_A frown. A sigh. A mumble and then a cry. The boy in front of him was crying. Each tear shone in the light and fell down to the floor in slow motion. Each one landed with a soft splat, the splats becoming more and more frequent with each passing second. He felt lost, hopeless. He hated seeing the boy cry, which was ridiculous. Who was this boy? As if he could read his mind, the boy spoke, his voice shaky and filled with pain.  
_

_"Mello? Do you know who I am?"_

_Rhetorical question. Stupid question. It had dawned on him as soon as the boy had opened his mouth. Of course Mello knew who he was, why wouldn't he?_

_Well...?_

_...?_

_Oh. That's right. Because of that incident. That. Incident. He tried to erase the boy from his mind because of That Incident. Hmmm, why call it That Incident anyway? There have been a fair few Incidents as he recalled. As his remembered each and every one, the place he and the boy were in seemed to flash. Each flash blinded him. Each flash drowned their surroundings into darkness, but only for a second. Each flash made him dizzy and disorientated.  
_

_Parent's leaving...FLASH!_

_Therapist diagnosing...FLASH!_

_Babysitter taking his virginity...FLASH! FLASH! FLASH!_

_FLASH!_

_With each FLASH came a new person. To the left of him stood his parent. A tall, elegant woman with soft blonde hair, tumbling down to her waist. She looked lost as she gazed at her son. Her face; beautiful, her eyes; cold. A proud, muscular man stood next to her, his arms crossed and his features marred with disgust. Mother. Father. Mother's pain. Father's hate. He was ten when they left, without a single glance. Heck, they hadn't even left in the same limo together. Sure, they went on the same cruise, but his father had gone with his fourth mistress. His mother went alone.  
_

_To the right of him was his therapist. The second one. The one that declared Mihael as fucked up. Funny, that therapist had pissed him off the most. Not the one that diagnosed him, Mello. He could take care of himself, but Mihael? No. Mihael was fragile and delicate. He was like a butterfly's wing. Beautiful but easy to break. Calling Mello fucked up would earn you a broken nose. Calling Mihael fucked up would leave the boy moping in a dark room for days.  
_

_Then, in front of him, caressing the boy with a leering grin stood his babysitter. His babysitter, his teacher, his mentor. The boy kneeling down whimpered and shuddered with every stroke and Mello (yes, Mello) wanted to lash out and destroy the babysitter for touching something so precious._

_Was the boy precious? Yes, he was._

_"You loved me!"_

_The boy had to be, if he had loved him. Well, perhaps he wasn't as precious now. The boy was using past tense, so surely once upon a time, the boy had been precious. He just wasn't anymore. No, that couldn't be right. Such a thought made his innards twist cruelly and his head ache.  
_

_Eyes narrowed and grew darker in shade as the babysitter sat down beside the boy. Caresses had ceased, but not all mocking was physical. Not all taunting could be seen. Mello felt the challenge from the babysitter. He could taste the teasing and smell the cruelty. BB wanted the boy next to him. BB wanted his boy. Somehow, Mello had the impression that the boy wasn't thinking the same thing. The boy eyed the babysitter with a gaze that screamed 'monster'!  
_

_How odd. BB wasn't cruel. BB wasn't a monster. He was actually very helpful. He helped Mello grow up, maybe he could help the boy grow up too?_

_..._

_"PLEASE! No...don't...you said you loved me!"_

_The boy flinched away from BB, his eyes were wild and desperate. The boy was terrified of BB. He didn't want BB to touch him, but why? BB wasn't that bad; in fact, BB was rather wonderful to sleep with. Of course, that opinion only applied to people who liked it rough and dirty._

_Mello gained the impression that the boy in front of him would rather have a more gentle, more sensual touch. BB would tear this boy apart if he had his way with him. The babysitter seemed to hear his thoughts and glanced up with a cruel smirk. BB ignored the boy curled up on the floor and began to crawl towards Mello. His hips rolled and the exotic red gleam in his eyes grew darker. He wanted the boy in front of him._

_He had wanted Mello since he was thirteen._

_It seemed quite absurd. A thirteen year old having to have a babysitter look after them. Well, Mello thought it was humiliating, however, the advantages of having BB as a babysitter were quite beneficial._

_He never did find out how BB was picked to look after him. He didn't care. A part of him always thought that BB just broke in one day and declared himself as Mello's babysitter. It was rather amusing to see his staff's reactions to the jam-loving young man. Seems none of them had hired a babysitter either. Not that any of them would have dared to.  
_

_Of course, what happened over the next few weeks was a well kept secret. Fond memories of lessons that Mello would hold close and keep forever. During that May month where Mello had begun his little test, he had used those lessons to their full potential. Thanks to those lessons, he was no considered a 'sex-god'. How accurately sweet.  
_

_Mello sighed and looked down, seeing BB pawing at his clothes. The man had jam dripping from his chin and was slowly making his way up Mello's body, kissing it softly and stroking it sweetly. The jam reminded him of blood and he shuddered as a few drop landed on his leather pants. Each spilled drop gleamed on the black material and made him blanch slightly.  
_

_"NO! You love me! Stop him! Why are you letting him touch you?!"_

_The boy's distressed call snapped Mello out of his trance. Pushing BB down, Mello glanced up to see the boy crying and stumbling backwards. His face was a mask of horror and betrayal. Mello could literally hear the boy's heart breaking in two and he swallowed hard, trying to ignore the persistent babysitter at his feet. In the corner of his eye, he could see his therapist jotting down a few notes on their notepad. His father looked disgusted and his mother appeared quite sickly. They faded away into the background as the boy before him started to scream hysterically.  
_

_"No...nononononononoNO!" He shrieked, his beautiful blue eyes filled with tears. The boy--no, Matt. His Matt. His darling, wonderful, beautiful Matt--started to run. The boy dashed off into the light, leaving Mello behind, stranded, completely alone with his painful memories. The babysitter eyed the seen with morbid interest, licking his jam covered fingers with a hum. Mello wasn't concentrating on him anymore. Mello was solely focused on Matt; any other memory simply went away.  
_

_Mother...FLASH! Gone._

_Father...FLASH! Disappeared._

_Therapist...FLASH! Left._

_One by one, his memories left him. Abandoned him. He was all alone, like he always had been, like he always shall be._

_The feeling was bitter and cold, Mello hugged himself as he watched the boy run off, heartbroken. He rubbed his arms, feeling the goosebumps and shuddered as a chilly, icy feeling enveloped him and flooded his veins.  
_

_Oh...Matt...  
_

_BB cackled his signature laugh. Oh, he had forgotten about him. BB, it seemed, didn't wish to disappear like the others, oh no. He wanted to stay and watch the show. The cackles surrounded him and filled the empty space. He winced at the harsh noise and tried to back away. The sound of BB's hysterical laugh gave him a headache. He threw a glare at his old babysitter and stared determinedly at Matt's retreating back._

_"Oooh...Oh-hohoho! Gonna go after princess are you? Hyuk! Hyuk! Better run fast Mello...she ain't gonna be around for long!" BB whispered into his ear, his voice filled with cruel amusement._

_Mello shook the man off and started after Matt._

_He ignored BB, who was just sitting there, laughing his head off and sprinted after his red-haired beauty._

_Matt was so close...so close..._

_Mello gritted his teeth, ignoring the sharp pain in his legs.__ He had to...get to...Matt! His breathing was labored, but he was so fucking close!_

_"Maaaatt...Maaaatt!" He panted, gasped and begged. His voice was hoarse and his throat burned. Air started to become a problem as his body simply refused to take it in. His body didn't want air. His entire being didn't want air; all it wanted was Matt.  
_

_So...close...so...close..._

_SO FUCKING CLOSE!  
_

_His legs were slowing down, his muscles protested and his bones were in agony. Yet, he had to get to Matt. Matt who was just in front of him, so close, yet so far! The boy was within touching distance; if Mello stretched far enough, he could grasp Matt's sleeve. Determination settled in his stomach like a rock.  
_

_Reaching out with a shaking hand, Mello tried to grasp Matt's arm and--_

_"Fuck!"  
_

_--he slipped. On a flat surface. How humiliating._

_He fell, tumbling down, down, down, down..._

_"MATT!"_

_His voice echoed around the lonely space around him. Obsidian black enveloped him. Choking him. Suffocating him._

_"MATT!"  
_

_Matt had gone...he had escaped...Mello had missed his chance..._

_"MATT!"_

_..._

_Empty._

_..._

_Cold._

_..._

_"Hyuk! Hyuk! And they all lived happily never after! HYUK! HYUK!"_

_..._

_Silent._

_...  
_

_"...Matt..."_

_

* * *

_

**Nyaaa~**

**Poor ickle Mello...he needs a hug. Hehehehehe...**

**ANYWAY! BB's background has started to come, so he is not just a random cameo. He shall be a proper character, no fear. Sayu has entered the building and I have big plans for her in the Light/L side of things...and...that's about it. ^_^**

**Hope it wasn't too confusing...^_^  
**

**So...QUESTION TIME!**

1. This story will hopefully be around about 50 Chapters...give or a take a bit. I now have an outline of each chapter!

2. No one knows about Mihael yet. Emphasis on the YET! ^_^

**Anyway...perty please review!**

**Love City Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	30. Navy

**Late update is so late it cannot even be considered late anymore. -.-'**

**OMG! I hate art with a passion. And food tech and german and every single other subject I have to do coursework for! GAH! I am so uber, duber sorry for the 2 month wait for me to get this up! GAH! My first update for the year 2010 for this story...champagne is in order, yeah?**

**Or maybe not...the last chapter was a bit of an omen for what's to come. Well, the dream bit was. The L/Light segments were for people who were interested in what they were up to and the nightmare was there to give this chapter a bit of a boost and it was to tell you that all the fluffy will come after the angsty.**

**I did get a review from someone saying that they were disappointed with my chapter, but whatever, you can't please everyone! ^_^**

**Anywhooo, this chapter has Mello, L and Matt. Get yer tissues out for Matt.**

**ENJOY!**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 30 - Navy

_The colour navy carries the symbolism of the feeling of importance within a person. Someone who wished to feel wanted by another. Navy is also linked to confidence and power - a person who carries themselves above other, whether or not that confidence is fake or not, that person needs to uphold that power. Navy blue is also related to a person needing authority. Navy is associated with intelligence, stability, unity, and conservatism._

He had been screaming.

That's what he had been told. That's what his throat felt like. That's what his headache had been telling him.

No one blamed him of course. His nightmare had been so twisted, so surreal and so...close to home. When he had woke up from it, screaming Matt's name, he had instantly broken out into cold shivers. The icy cold feeling stabbed at him again and again. He pulled the covers up around his chin and looked down with defeat. Even in his dreams he couldn't escape reality. How crappy was that. Just the other day, he had felt complete. Just the other day, he and Matt had put the past behind him. Just the other day, he had gotten over himself and had accepted his looks.

Now, because of one dream. One. Fucking. Nightmare. Because of that, everything that had happened seemed to have happened in vain. Well fuck that! Fuck that twice over! For once in his life he had something good going and he was not going to let a simple nightmare shake him up--no matter how unsettling it was. Fuck. Never before, in six whole fucking years had he had a nightmare featuring his parents.

He couldn't remember the last time he had a nightmare, period.

Damn, this was something he really didn't need right now. His confidence had suffered a major setback and he wasn't looking forward to seeing Matt again. Matt, the mere name gave him shudders, and not the good kind either. There was no doubt about, that boy in his dream had been Matt. Matt had been shouting at him, screaming at him with pain and agony. What confused him even more was the fact that Matt said:

_"You loved me!"_

Now the last time Mello checked, he had said nothing of the sort. Either Mihael's feelings were leaking over again, or his subconscious was hinting at something...again. Mello closed his eyes, flashbacks of the dream dancing in front of closed eyelids. Matt being playful, Matt getting confused, Matt getting hurt, Matt getting jealous of BB, Matt getting touched by BB...urgh. The last thought made him gag. He adored BB with every bone in his body, but if the demented little bastard even thought about touching Matt, then they would need to have a little talk. A little talk that involved two dislocated shoulders, a snapped neck, a broken leg and maybe a chance of brain damage thrown in for kicks.

A lazy smile grew on his lips and he hummed with content as he leant back on cotton white sheets._  
_

Mello stretched out across his white cotton sheets and frowned as the skin on his neck protested against such a rough movement. Due to the fact that he had refused skin graphs, Mello's skin had become rough and tight only allowing for stiff movement on the left side of his body. No matter though. He had to get rid of his doom and gloom thoughts straight away. He had a very good chance of being dispatched today; Hollie had told him so.

He smiled softly at the thought of the bubbly nurse. For some strange reason, he had become fond of her clumsy and endearing ways and wouldn't snap at her as much as he would the other doctors. The nurse had been the one to wake him up, concern written all over her features without a drop of pity. That action right there earned her a permanent spot in his good books. Pity was something he could sorely do without, especially after a nightmare.

The blonde yawned and buried his head deep into his pillow. He missed his room. He missed his house. He wanted out and he wanted to leave and he--

Icy blue eyes snapped open.

--he and Misa needed to have a little talk.

_So do we!_

Mello smirked and the hurt voice that echoed within his mind. It had just occurred to him that he and Mihael never did get around to discussing Mello's little stunt. Not that he had wanted to, nor did he wish to. Especially in public.

_I guess we do...but I'm not doing it here._

_At home then??_

_I promise._

_Pfft! That's what you said last time! You always promise something and then you always break that promise! It's unfair and I hate it!_

_Mihael...I promise that I will explain everything at home. I will keep this promise._

_How can I know that?_

_You're me and I'm you. You should know what I'm thinking, therefore you should know that I genuinely mean to keep this fucking promise!_

_Alright, no need to swear. I believe you._

_Don't patronize me, you little bastard._

_I love you too._

A warm smile blossomed across his face and for a moment, Mello allowed his icy facade to melt. Mihael's last quip amused him to no end, especially when one would take Mihael's aversion to love into consideration. Plus, he knew a sarcastic Mihael was a rare Mihael to encounter, therefore one would have to savor seeing that side of the boy entirely._  
_

Yawning once more, Mello shifted up, trying hard not to wince as his skin pulled against his actions. He knew that it would be come a quick irritation to him and that he would most likely end up tearing his own skin off. Hum, what a delightful mental image that was. The sound of his door swinging open, brought him out of his morbid and regretfully graphic musings and he cracked open one icy orb to see his nurse stride into his room, a sparkle in her eye and a bounce in her step.

"Hiya Mello!" Hollie greeted with a beaming smile.

"Good morning Hollie."

The blonde's mood always seemed to lift up whenever she was around and he returned her smile with ease. The bubbly nurse bustled about his room, checking his vitals and making sure his skin hadn't broken again. Her fingers were soft and gentle, making sure that she caused no pain, but he felt faintly aware that she was treating him like he was made out of glass. It didn't bother him half as much as it should have. She cared about him and there was nothing wrong with that. As she carried out her duties, Mello found himself thinking back to his dream.

Well, perhaps 'dream' was rather vague and quite misleading. Nightmare was far more accurate and held more truth to it. Such a nightmare had never happened once before, but now that he's had one, it seemed as if everyone wanted a guest appearance in it. His parents were there, his therapist too, his Matt and of course BB.

BB. His babysitter.

The man who had taught him everything he knew when it came to subtle seduction. After all, the man had managed to subtly seduce Mello to his bed; not that he was complaining though. If it weren't for BB, then the cracks in Mihael would never had broken. If they hadn't been broken, then Mello would never had been created.

No Mello meant no friends. No Mello meant no Matt.

No Matt meant a life that resembled a broken pencil. Pointless.

So naturally, when memories of BB touching him and fucking him came to surface, he looked back on them with a fond feeling. What had happened to him was not traumatic in his opinion, but rather an opportunity that he grasped hold of and cherished. BB adored him in his own special way and BB taught him in the same way a teacher would teach a pupil. Nothing BB did seemed wrong or dirty. In anyone else's opinion, BB may have appeared to be a pervert or a pedophile. To Mello, BB was a teacher--nothing more and nothing less.

BB had wanted him and Mello liked the feeling of being wanted.

When he had been thirteen, it had been a life-long dream. An impossible mission, yet he would have done anything and everything to have felt wanted and loved. Granted, BB didn't love him. The babysitter had made sure that was clear from the first, but damn...he had sure made him feel wanted. Every touch and kiss had burnt his skin, every whisper and hiss had been imprinted into his mind. BB had been his sensei; Mello was just the lowly grasshopper.

BB had taught him how to seduce a person with a single glance, how to turn them into putty in your hands, how to make sure that he would always reach an orgasm before his partner. His babysitter had taught him everything and for that, Mello was grateful. Of course, BB had never met Mihael. Mello was pretty sure that such a meeting would never occur. Mihael would much rather hang himself than spend five seconds in the same room as the lecherous babysitter.

God how he has missed him.

When BB had left, he had left with a promise. He soundly kissed Mello hard on the lips and promised that he would drop by soon. Three years may be a bit late, but whatever, better late than never, right? Of course, Mello desperately wanted to see BB, but knew that he would have to wait longer. If he had accepted the damn skin graphs, then a reunion would have been right around the corner. That could wait though. He had been waiting for three years, Mello was pretty sure he could a few more days.

Hollie hummed quietly under her breathe and her smile seemed to intensify as she checked off the last box on her clipboard, snapping it shut and giving him a sparkly smile. Her expression lightened up the room and in turn, lightened up his mood.

"Good news Mello! Your vitals appear fine, your skin is healing nicely...I reckon there's a good chance of you being discharged today!" She declared brightly.

Now that _was _good news.

The best news Mello has heard in a while.

X-x-X-x-X

"Mello, you've been okay-ed by the head-doctor to leave. However, you must come back twice a week for a check up and we strongly advise you to visit a physiotherapist. Not for your muscles of course, but to stretch your skin. This way, your skin will break and repair itself. It sounds horrible, but it will prevent the left side of your body from restricting itself. Sometimes, when a burn is healing, without the skin graphs that is, the tissue will toughen up and become tighter. If the skin becomes too tight, it may prevent movement, from raising your arm to blinking your eye. Understand?"

The blonde sighed and merely pulled the jacket around his weakened body tighter. He had been given a set of clothes that Light had brought over to wear. The fact that he was no longer wearing that awful gown didn't brighten his dark mood by much. It didn't matter that he had to return to the fucking hospital, it didn't matter that he had to visit a physiotherapist to stretch his skin, oh no, what mattered was the fact that the doctor treated him like a fucking child. He knew why he would have to attend physiotherapy, he knew why the skin had to be stretched and, for the love of all things chocolate, he fucking knew why his body would restrict itself!

"Ah, your grandfather is here to take you home!" The doctor declared, a smile stretching his lips.

Mello raised an eyebrow and turned to face the doctor with confusion written all over his face. Grandfather? He didn't have a--

Oh.

Oh!

Oh...

Watari entered the room with a sparkle in his eye and a regal air about his figure. The doctor nodded his head in acknowledgment and left the room. Mello smirked at the older man and hoisted himself up to sit on the bed. He winced as pain shot up his spine, but he held back the gasp of agony. Instead, he focused his attention on the raven behind Watari. A full-blown smirk blossomed across his face as L made himself visible.

"L? What are you doing here?" Mello mockingly asked in surprise, as the raven entered his room.

A slight shiver of worry rippled up Mello's spine as he took in the raven's appearance, but he didn't allow the smirk to falter. Normally, when one would see L, they would automatically assume that he was disheveled and untidy. They were wrong. The L that everyone saw was actually a neat and tidy person who just didn't care about his appearance; only a close friend would know the difference.

This L however, the L stood before him, truly was a person who personified 'disheveled'. L's skin was almost translucent and the bags under his eyes were deeper and made him appear more gaunt. His figure was almost skeletal and Mello feared that L's eating habits had wittled down to nothing. The raven appeared to be exhausted and uncaring to how fragile he looked. Of course, L always had looked fragile, but underneath that delicacy hid an incredibly strong person. Mello silently feared that the incredibly strong person was weakening and fading away. He knew why L looked like this though and the reason made him see red.

Dangerous, bright and deadly Red.

"You'll be staying at my home," L responded automatically.

His voice sounded mechanical and forced, as if it killed him to talk. Mello frowned and his eyes narrowed with suspicion. L never avoided a person's eyes, not when he bribed, not when he manipulated and definitely not when he lied. So why the averted eyes now? Why was it so hard for L to look him in the eye now? Mello scoffed with displeasure. He was not impressed. Watari gave him a silent warning with his eyes, but Mello merely shot him a small smirk. Jumping off his bed and trying hard not to wince, the blonde swaggered over to the raven and gripped his chin.

He forced the boy to look up, directly into his eyes. The grey orbs looked dead and cold and Mello didn't like that look one bit.

"I'm going to stay with you? In your house?" Mello asked, his tone just as cold and dead as L's eyes.

The raven didn't react to Mello's touch, nor to his voice. L merely nodded and stared straight back into icy cold eyes. Mello was pissed, he could tell, but there was nothing he could do about it. He also knew how perceptive Mello was and understood that the blonde could see straight through his facade. However, he didn't wish to argue right now, neither did he desire to do so in a public place.

"Yes. Your house is being repaired by a private building company. All expenses have been paid of course," L answered, his monotonous voice grating on Mello's nerves.

Mello didn't care about the expenses, he knew long ago that it was fruitless to argue against L over paying for something. No, what Mello cared about was how much damage had happened to his house. He had been in the dining room when the fire broke out, and just above the dining room was his room. Fuck!

"Is my house fucked up now?" Mello asked, ever the eloquent one.

L hid a small smirk at the blonde's blunt question and forced his tone to remain cold and indifferent.

"No. Only your dining room and the hall suffered most damage. Your room has suffered some damage but most things have been retrieved and saved."

Mello stifled his sigh of relief and brushed a hand through blonde locks.

"Come. I believe it is time to go," Watari's voice sounded over the silence between the two boys. Without another word, L turned to leave and, with a disbelieving and bemused glance, Mello followed after him.

The white walls and the strong smell of bleach surrounded them as they walked down the hallways of the hospital. Busy nurses and doctors bustled their way around them, patients fumbled along, relatives hurried past them, holding bundles of flowers and balloon bouquets. Hollie had stopped the quickly, giving Mello a short kiss on the cheek and ruffled his hair up fondly. She would see him at his next check up but knew that she would miss him something terrible. Mello couldn't help but reciprocate the sentiment.

He missed the amused smile that had appeared on L's face.

As they walked out of the hospital, Mello gave a low whistle of appreciation. L hadn't taken his limo, oh no, he had brought the Bentley Arnage. A gorgeous classic car that Mello would kill to own. Along with fifty six motorbikes of course. The blonde slid into his seat smoothly, stroking the Navy leather interior with an almost longing look gleaming in his eyes. Light hadn't brought him a single item of leather clothing. It was all denim and cotton.

How scandalous!

L sat down next to him, whilst Watari climbed into the front. When the car began to vibrate with life, Mello sat back with his arms folded behind his head. He was fucking exhausted and couldn't wait to lie down in bed that someone hadn't died in. As they pulled out of the car park, L turned to regard Mello's relaxed profile. The scar looked perfect on Mello and the blonde somehow carried it off without appearing deformed.

Smiling slightly, L began to relax as well. He knew that once they arrived at his home, he would have watch Mello closely. Near had phoned him earlier this morning, telling him all about his theory on Mello's mental health. L had taken full advantage of Mello's lack of home and took it upon himself to offer his own house for Mello. That way he could uncover more secrets about their friend whilst helping him out at the same time.

Two birds; one stone.

"By the way L, once we get to your house, we're gonna have a little conversation concerning you and a certain nose-breaking twat. If you catch my drift," Mello's sardonic tone interuppted his line of thought and L felt his stomach churn uncomfortably at the thought of having that conversation.

"Consider your drift caught," He quipped, his tone not betraying his anxiety.

Mello smirked and leant back, watching the scenery blur past the car windows. He felt his eyes grow heavy as the images almost became hypnotic, sending him slowly to sleep. The vibrations made his position highly uncomfortable, but his fatigue won over everything else. As soon as he was about to succumb to the land of sleep, a somewhat heavy object landed on his lap. Cracking an icy blue eye open, Mello peered down to find a CD in his lap.

He glanced over to L and picked it up with a suspicious gleam in his eyes. A small spark of hope lit itself up in his stomach and he gazed at L questioningly.

"Well, I thought you would have missed that. Lucky it was saved in the fire; between you and me, I don't think the singer would have willingly made a copy," L answered his look without actually looking at him.

Mello smirked. _How right you are L...and how wrong too._

Clutching the CD close to his chest, Mello allowed his eyes to finally close.

His day just kept getting better and better.

X-x-X-x-X

A soft kiss. A small sigh. A gentle ruffle of his hair.

He arched his back into the touches and a soft smile appeared on his lips. He hummed with delight as the lips descended up his neck, nipping and licking at his pulse point. He jerked his hips up higher, begging for friction, asking for contact, grovelling for touch. The lips moved over to his jaw bone, biting gently and teasingly, licking at the teeth marks to soothe the pain. Then they reached his mouth, pressing softly and sweetly, moving sensually against his own. A tongue swept across his lips, asking for entrance.

As soon as he opened his mouth, the tongue slowly made itself at home, massaging his own tongue and flicking up to tickle the top of his mouth. He sighed in pleasure and moaned in delight.

Another hand held onto his hips firmly, stroking the hipbone lazily, the thumb rolling over it in small circles. Rippled of pleasure soared up his spine from such a simple caress. Another hum of delight vibrated from his throat as the other hand buried itself in his hair, tugging, stroking and twirling it around fingers. Arching his head back, he bared his throat, his silent plea answered by a pair of soft, velveteen lips.

Sharp teeth bit into his collar bone, a smooth tongue lapped at it slowly, teasingly.

A sigh. A giggle. A hum.

He wanted more. He would love to have more. However, that plea went unanswered. Instead, he was teased and taunted by the hand that gently brushed against his bare chest, stroking his nipples into hard nubs. Wet, hot heat encased the left one, sucking on it in such a tantalizing way; he was left moaning and writhing, by the mere contact. The hand in his hair, fluttered down to the nape of his neck, gently playing with the soft downy hair at the base of his neck.

The other hand decided to wander further down. The hand strayed to his waist, tickling the sensitive skin and making him buck up and squirm. The hand at his nape tightened in grip, forcing him to stay still. Fingers danced along the painful pressure points either side of his neck. More fingers danced from his waist and to the buckle on his belt. He froze and reached down. He wasn't ready for that; he removed the hand back up to his hip with a sheepish smile. The eyes that glanced back up at him were wicked and impish. The hands reached down once more to his buckle. Swallowing hard, he clenched his eyes shut and shook his head wildly. He didn't want _that_. He could feel the mouth on his chest curl up into a smirk. A smirk that told him that not only did the cat get the cream, but she got the canary and the mouse as well. That smirk screamed danger and he tensed up.

A growl. A freeze. A pause.

Eyes fluttered open. The loving and warm atmosphere around them grew chilly and cold. All the warmth and safety evaporated from their embrace and all that was left was a heavy, cold feeling of foreboding doom. He tried to shift up. Cold, iron-like hands kept him in place. He tried to squirm. Sharp, deadly incisors snapped and bit him hard. Small beads of blood appeared on the nub of his nipple and he swallowed hard.

He heard a clink and a swish of leather and looked down in horror. His belt had been slowly removed by deft fingers, dancing across the waistline of his jeans. The belt was yanked off and whipped around an iron fist. Eyes blinked. Mouth went dry. Throat constricted and brain shutdown. A pair of lips nipped harshly at his skin, no longer teasing, no longer loving. These bites were aiming to hurt.

And they weren't just hurting physically either.

Rough, grasping hands moved down to his waistband, yanking and tugging. No longer pinned down, he began to thrash about, desperate to get away, to get free, to escape! A hum of amusement sounded above him and he glanced up fearfully. In the darkness of the room, he couldn't see anything but a pair of acid green eyes gleaming with cruelty and malice. The lack of warmth made him shudder and the demented smile that bared pointy teeth only solidified his desperation. He wanted out and he wanted out now!

He lashed out, kicking and punching, but a hand reached out and effortlessly pinned his wrists together, holding them down on the bed, above his head. A whimper escaped from trembling lips and dark laughter broke through the heavy tension. A hand pulled down the jeans, leaving them to rest at shaking ankles. The only thing that protected his modesty was a pair of black boxers. Humming with mock interest, the person above him kept his wrists pinned together in a vice-like grip. A pair of lips smashed against his, the taste of copper filling his mouth as teeth tore away at his lips. A tongue breached his entranced, insistent at exploring every inch of his mouth.

Spluttering and whimpering, he tried to buck the boy off of him. His tongue was bitten in answer to his actions and he froze, pain sparking up from his mouth and causing tears to sting his eyes. The lips pulled away from his mouth and he gasped for air, filling his starved lungs up quickly. A slimy tongue lapped at his cheeks, taking in any tears that escaped from clenched eyes.

The hand that had been playing with the waistband of his boxers, became bold and dove straight in. He felt as if ice had been poured directly into his veins as the hand grasped his soft cock. He cried out in horror as the boy began to play with him, stroking him and teasing him. He willed himself not to become hard, he tried so hard not to get erect. The humiliation of such an act could kill him alone. He yanked at the grip holding his wrists and he tried to kick up at the boy sitting on his waist. He didn't want this anymore! He couldn't take it anymore!

His mortification increased tenfold as he felt all the blood rushing down to his groin. No...no...no...nononononononoNO! This wasn't fair! He didn't want this! He wanted love and gentle touches and sweet whispered nothings. He wanted to be cherished and loved!

He didn't want this!

The hand yanked at his semi-erect cock and he jerked his hips in answer. The pleasure was horrible. It made him sick. His body was betraying him in the worst way of all and there was nothing he could do. He was powerless and it made him nauseous. The rough grabbing hands, the mocking sweet smile, the cruel gaze and the sharp teeth. They made him sick. He wanted to die. He wanted it to be over. He wanted it to end.

Hot tears of shame and anger and fear streamed down his face. He opened his mouth to scream but nothing came out. His words froze up in his throat and he felt himself choke and splutter on them. The tongue lapped up more tears, a vibrating hum, indicating displeasure at the seeing them.

_"Hey, hey...ssshhhh, Matt? You'll enjoy this, I promise. C'mon loosen up...it'll be fun. Trust me."_

That voice.

That cursed, bittersweet voice. He knew that voice. He knew those words. This wasn't fair! He had forgiven **him **ages ago! Why was this happening now?

_"Hey, hey...ssshhhh, Matt? You'll enjoy this, I promise. C'mon loosen up...it'll be fun. Trust me."_

Shut up! This wasn't **him**. **He **would never go this far!

_"Hey, hey...ssshhhh, Matt? You'll enjoy this, I promise. C'mon loosen up...it'll be fun. Trust me."_

Shut. Up. It was no longer funny and the joke was long past dead!_  
_

_"Hey, hey...ssshhhh, Matt? You'll enjoy this, I promise. C'mon loosen up...it'll be fun. Trust me."_

Silence! This wasn't **him**! This couldn't be **him**.

**He **would never do this again. He had seen the guilt first hand that leaked from the very pores of **him **and he knew that **he **would never do such a thing ever again.

The hand scrabbled along his hard length, scratching and rubbing and stroking and teasing his leaking tip. He felt the burning sensation of vomit curl up in his stomach and he knew that he was close. Humiliation made itself apparent across his face; a bright red blush illuminating saddened and pained features. He could feel a bubbling feeling building up in his stomach and it hurt. It hurt so damn much.

He knew what was about to happen. He knew what was going to happened afterwords.

Every attempt to ignore it and pretend it wasn't happening had been in vain. It was going to happen whether he wanted it to or not. The feeling grew stronger with each stroke and the tears kept on coming, his humiliation doubling when he knew that there was no way out. This was happening. This was actually real. The feeling crawled down to his groin and with a jerk of his hips and a cry of terror and agony he knew that he was close. So close...so terribly and horribly--

"Come for me, my darling Damsel."

He screamed.

X-x-X-x-X

Matt woke up in shivers, cold sweat leaking out of every pore.

Desperate hands clutched at bed covers, scratching at his body, desperate to erase the feel of those hands, those teeth, that tongue. Eyes stung with burning tears of terror and his throat constricted as he began to retch. Stumbling out of bed, he dashed to the bathroom and fell to his knees in front of the toilet. He dry-heaved, the pain tearing at his chest and clawing at his throat. He retched again, but nothing would come out. It wouldn't come out.

He sobbed and collasped, curling into a ball and holding his knees tight to his chest.

That body in his dream...it hadn't been Mello. Those hands were not Mello's and he would know. That tongue that had unceremoniously made its way into his mouth didn't belong to Mello. Those fingers, those teeth, nothing belonged to Mello. The voice was a different matter altogether. That voice was a perfect imitation of the blonde's. The same pitch, same deepness, same smug drawl. That voice had Mello written all over it.

The very thought made him heave again and he suddenly felt very small and wishing for Aiber to come back soon. The guy had left for another meeting with another client the day before and Matt was usually okay with being left alone. Now he wanted to be anything but. He hated the silence, the deep sinking feeling that something bad was going to happen. He swallowed hard, the lump in his throat not budging and his hands still scratching at his limbs. The crawling, itching feeling of dirty hands tainting his skin, wouldn't leave him.

Matt glanced up at the shower and felt himself fall into a trance. Almost automatically, he stumbled to his feet and staggered over to the shower. A shaky hand reached out and grasped the pressed down on the 'on' button, releasing freezing cold water to cascade over his trembling body. Exhaling a stuttering breathe, he reached out again and twisted the knob to a boiling temperature. He tore off his boxer shorts and began to scrub the every inch of skin that the person in his dream had touched. The water turned his skin a painful pink colour, whilst the scrubbing sponge turned it an angry red.

Still, Matt didn't feel the pain, he was just trying to scratch at an itch that wouldn't leave.

The sponge was soon discarded and finger nails desperately clawed at his arms and chest, sobs erupting from his throat as he slid down the shower wall. Curling up into a ball, Matt chewed on his lip, his fingers still rubbing away the feeling of being touched. He hadn't had a dream like that in ages. He hadn't even had one when Mello had--_since that night_. Was this an omen? Was this his subconscious telling him that it was dangerous getting close to Mello again?

Matt was too exhausted to think up of an answer and his eyes grew heavy with fatigue. He hoped Aiber would come back soon...sure Aiber wasn't _him_, but he was a damn good replacement. Too bad that he had a bad habit of getting up and leaving most days. Hmmmm...well, he was certainly nice enough to leave a message so he wasn't that bad. Still, as Matt continued to scratch away, he came to a harrowing conclusion.

He hated being alone. As soon as...this...was all over, he was getting a pet. Not a dog, mind. Aiber and dogs weren't on the best of terms, it must be said. A cat perhaps? Damn, he would accept the comfort of a fish right now if he could! He was the desperate! Matt felt his throat burn and throb from his dry-retching and his heavy sobs. The shower still burnt and scalded his skin, but he couldn't feel anything but a numb ache. He sighed and leant his head against the cold, hard shower wall; his fingers finally stopped scratching and were crossed against his chest tightly.

Matt felt so tired, so alone, so frightened of going back to sleep. He didn't want to feel those hands again, he didn't want to feel that mouth and he certainly didn't wish to hear that voice. Not in that way, mind. The red-head glanced up at the ceiling, hoping that someone was looking down back at him. His mother...the matron at his first orphanage..._him..._it didn't matter, he just wanted someone to be there.

Someone to hold him without inciting any panic attacks.

Someone to whisper sweetly to him without him wanting to retch.

Someone to just be there.

Was that so hard to ask?

* * *

**Sad storyline is sad. Poor Matty-Boy.**

**I have now given you some insight into his past...and before anyone asks, Matt is still a virgin. HIS FLOWER OF PURITY IS GUARDED BY A CHOCOLATE-WIELDING MANIAC. Have no fear! ^_^**

**Now I have officially gotten over 800 reviews. Thank you for sticking with me FOR SO LONG! HAVE A HUG YOU GORGEOUS PEOPLE YOU!  
**

_Ven Ceinza, inpatientcourtney, Lellozawa, doomshuriken, Hi, BreathexFreelyxx, blue-eyes27, Nehan Shinzui34, red-headed gamer, Ashes of the Phoenix, Shebali, Sandstorm. Amaterasu. Zira, xxSaspra,_ _WeirdAnimeChick, Kara 'Nine', Bloodypleasures, xElementFivex, xSadistxFujix, red-headed gamer, Eighty-Five, courtneyxbx, CallMeClandestine, Mitsu-heart, Kaki9, serious, -GraphicxVandalism, Winddyy, pandaabear23, Edward slept with Poison Akii, MellyMisfit, CaramelColoredDreams, NoEcho, Taio Kaiona, DancingIsMyRemedy, ?, Raven Rose Knight, Sigga-san, lynarsiane, MattTheGamer, Reality-or-Dream, kee\, Kfbbl, cx13, romantiscue, MellyMisfit, 1Ivanessence1, pandaabear23 It Reeks of Fangirls, Galaxy The Element Girl, Xx-Tarqui-xX, amourien, Ninna-chan, what the vell, orochimarusbadgirl, NightRoseK, Melly, mello-jeevas, Song Of Eternity, Hilarious-Mayhem, im a molly doll, Shawdee, lala, cheyjeevas, eris.x, chocolate-mello-monster, snappygirl, axeldemyxXx, Broken Glass Walker, Dunkelmur, mikoofdoom, munnins-memory, Kyler Conroy, NoEcho, KFMMSA, Miko Akako, Jan, lily. flower, xxIceCrystalxx, skye hakari, LxIsxJustice, cutmeawayMYPENMYHAND, ShinigamiApples, MyColdHeart, Gabby-sama, Nehan Shinzui34, arandm30, crimson, westwardcircle, Kyler Conroy, rosethourne, maiko, gothicsantaclawz, Amaya-Ai, InnerShadow, Unlucky-angel13, kfjkaskm, InnerShadow, lovelyblackheart, Mello-Mellon, Raven1050, Kit-Kat Punk-lover, RistukaLovelessBelovedSoubi, Misha2011, Jaylee, XxXDevil-Chan, XXX, threemillionworded, Living in a fantasy, Nana Weiss, ZomgKelley, Fan, Blind Unicorn, Your Alien, keeda, twingem2, SunnydayinPallet, atomiclint, jinnabun, Sleeping Demon, Mia-Gabriella, methegirl, unheardcries, Nippz, Taio Ryder, Fused-Chappy, Cousin It Like Pie, XthirteenX, Bloody Mello, ShinigamiMailJeevas, GremlinGirl, xxWammyGirlxx, Hollie-chan, Possessed4evr, Yoru K-Chan, Agatsuma Ritsuka, ParaPara, ebo2, merichuel, doujinshilover1516, smiley95, Dreamer878, Missy, Fundibulous teh Zohan, Grace Raven, Shinra'sCrazyTurk, The. VII. LunaEclipse, trytobrakemylittleshell, Ms. Bloody Death ANND IndifferenceToSociety! And one reviewer who was anonymous but didn't leave a name...LOL ^.^_

**Smoochies all around, yeah? Hehehehehe...**

**_QUESTION TIME!_**

_1. Mello and Mihael will maybe/maybe not merge into one. Hehehehe._

_2. Sayu will be playing matchmaker. Because we love her like that. ^_^_

_3. Matt was speaking to Mello in his dream. It was as if his subconscious was giving him a kick up the ass in the right direction._

_4. Mello? Normal? Dear God how boring would he be then...hehehehe...but yes, as in all cliche love stories, he shall overcome his problems._

_5. Sex scenes? CONSENSUAL sex scenes? Would you like to see them? Hehehehehe..._

**Now, I apologize once more for the late update that is so late it gives a whole new meaning to the word 'late'.**

**Love City Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	31. Magenta

**What do you get when you have 13 exams, a writer's block and three weeks of non-stop revising? A very late update.**

**Hopefully what is about to come will be worth it! ^_^**

**Also, two fabulously, fabulous fan-arts by **Reality-or-Dream **and **Dragon Rhapsody**:**

_http:/ /reality-or-dream. deviantart. com /#/d2rg14c_

_http:/ /orenomamushi .deviantart. com/ art/ Broken-Colours- 163450742_

**View them. Comment on them. Love them like I do.**

**So, right now, as I am typing this, I am on my knees. Yes, my knees. Grovelling for forgiveness for being God-Knows-How-Late on my update. God-Knows-How-Late the next one will be...hehehehe. In my life right now, I am obsessing with Final Fantasy Dissidia. Yes. Obsessing! Never before have I obsessed so much over a game since Kingdom Hearts. ^_^**

**ENJOY!  
**

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* * *

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Chapter 31 - Magenta

_People who relate to the colour magenta are nonconformists and innovated. They tend to be strong-willed in whatever they do. Inventive, imaginative and artistic, people linked to the colour magenta are truly one of a kind. Those with a magenta aura make the best musicians, writers and artists. Magenta auras tends to show that people are resourceful, productive, creative and own agile minds. Magenta's are bright and determined about things they regard as important. They are great manipulators as well as actors._

Mello had, so far, spent a total of two days in L's humble abode.

Fuck, he couldn't wait to leave. If his dentist found out how much crap he had been eating these past few days, he would have a cardiac arrest. Mello rubbed his stomach and sighed with pain. Breakfast consisted of toast smothered in chocolate spread, accompanied by croissants, cocoa pops and a cereal covered in sugar. In order to wash all that down, they had a tea, coffee, hot chocolate, milkshakes and smoothies. Not even healthy smoothies either. Lunch provided another opportunity for tooth decay. Cakes, biscuits, toffees, truffles and an alarming amount of syrupy treacle that made Mello gag.

Urgh, then there was dinner. The table spread during that time would have made Willy Wonka wince. Mello may adore chocolate, but even he had his limits as to how much chocolate should be eaten. The blond groaned in pain as his stomach threatened to burst the laces on his leather pants. Glancing down, he frowned at his flat-pancake-stomach and briefly wondered where exactly all that food had gone. Mello looked further down to his thighs and saw that they were still slimline and slender. A fleeting glance at the mirror told him that, despite having a mild gaunt look still, his face was perfectly fine.

Mello glanced down again and swallowed hard. Slowly, he twisted his body around and clenched his eyes shut. Laying flat on the bed, Mello took a deep breath and looked over his shoulder. He deflated with relief. Mello's derrière was as perfect as ever. Pushing himself back onto his back, Mello stretched out again and allowed his mind to wander. The past two days felt like a blur and he never really had the time to settle down and just think.

Thought 1) BB was back and most likely wanted to pay him another visit. That will be fun.

Thought 2) L had promised to talk to him about Light.

Thought 3) He had one day left before he went to school and everyone would see him as this half-deformed freak. A _beautiful_, half-deformed freak if you were Matt anyway.

Mello sighed and gently fingered the raised scar tissue along his face. It was soft, sensitive and not as rough as he thought it would be. The ridges and bumps sent shivers of disgust down his spine, but he ignored them. He was beautiful. Matt thought him to be beautiful. B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L.

The blond allowed a small, indulgent smile to grow across his lips. The last person to have ever called him beautiful was BB-and he just wanted in his pants. The blond grimaced as his thoughts filled with a jam-covered, madly-grinning Beyond Birthday. Mello never did find out his name, only that BB gave it to himself. Tch. BB: a selfish, indulgent genius who always had been Mello's first love.

But...if that jam-loving, psycho-maniac came anywhere near Matt, then Mello would fucking castrate him with a fucking wooden spoon. Never mind all the other shit he cooked up whilst lying in that fucking hospital bed. Anyway! Leaving behind such stressful and murderous thoughts, Mello's train of thought arrived at the '_L Loves Nose Breaking Twat_' station. Absentmindedly rubbing said nose, Mello settled down onto his bed and cocked his head to the side. It was painfully obvious that L liked, liked Light. According to Mihael, Light liked, liked L back. Also, due to Mihael's inability to being subtle, the rest of their friends were now aware of the two painfully obvious facts.

In fact, those two were about as obvious as chocolate was sweet. They were as obvious as Near was annoying. As obvious as Mikami's awesome hair. As obvious as Misa's jealousy-issues. Heck, they were about as obvious as Mello's ever-growing crus-_BANG!_

Mello jumped and clutched his chest as the bedroom door suddenly swung open and then slammed shut. The cause of these happenings then sauntered into the room and settled himself down into a chair. Mello blinked. The atmosphere grew thick and tense. He blinked again as the other person in the room regarded him with blinking eyes as well.

It was truly an awkward moment to say the least. One minute, Mello was sat on the bed wondering if L would keep to his word. The next minute, a pretty red-head waltzed in, slumping down onto an armchair by the door. Mello blinked. Matt appeared to be nonchalant about the atmosphere that thickened between them; it was almost as if he didn't know Mello was in the room with him. Mello knew better though. The silence that hung between them was heavy and suffocating; Mello couldn't help but wonder how to break it. Should he say something? Should he wait until Matt says something?

Mihael chuckled with slight amusement, as he took in how nervous Mello was. Really, Mello being nervous was rather contradictory in itself. The blonde bit his lip, preventing himself from making scathing remark to Mihael out loud. Instead he took in a deep breath and tapped his fingers along his leg. The sound was the only thing heard in the silent room and Matt lifted his head up and peered over his shoulder. Orange guards were up and ready; Mello felt a sinking feeling of realization. Oh yes, Matt may trust him, just not to the degree of which Mello wanted Matt to trust him. Not that he was surprised. Much.

"Y-You look better," Matt remarked, his voice hoarse and quiet. Thankfully, the silent room allowed his voice to project louder and Mello licked his lips nervously when he heard Matt speak. Matt looked fine, albeit understandably nervous.

"Thanks. A little TLC never hurt anyone, you know?" Mello replied, acting suave and casual came natural to him.

Matt raised an eyebrow and stifled a smirk.

"TLC? L does TLC?" he asked, his tone incredulous and teasing. Mello had missed that voice so fucking much!

"Yeah. Toffee and Licorice Cake. Sounds disgusting, I know, but seriously; don't knock it 'til you try it!" Mello declared, laughing as a wave of repulsion danced across Matt's face. The blond's demeanor did nothing to hide his anxiety. His hands fidgeted impatiently, his feet tapped and his eyes flickered back and to. From the window to the wall, to the boy sat opposite him.

Matt was so close. Five feet separated them. No obstacles in the way, no one else in the room. The door was closed, Matt seemed relaxed enough in his presence. Why was it so hard to resist this little piece of temptation?

_You waaaaant him. You liiiiiiike him. You neeeeed him. You wanna kiiiiiiiiss him! _Mello wrinkled his nose. Funny how it wasn't Mihael taunting him, but his own subconscious. His other half was sulking in the corner of his mind, scowling at his thoughts. Mello still hadn't told Mihael why he had 'abandoned' him and had hoped that the other boy would eventually give up and let it go. Unfortunately, luck just wasn't on his side at all. Mihael had been bugging him about it every single day. Interestingly enough, he was rather quiet in Matt's presence. Mello chuckled internally, knowing that Mihael was most likely gazing at the boy with wide-eyed adoration and awe.

_I am not!_

_You so are..._

_Am not!_

_Are._

_Not!_

_Are._

_NOT!_

_...totally are._

_I am not. I am not. I AM NOT!  
_

Mello shook his head. The lady doth protest too much, and although Mihael wasn't much of a lady, he was on hell of a protester. Mello couldn't see why though. He didn't blame Mihael for wanting to stare at Matt. The boy was gorgeous. Glancing up at him through his fringe, Mello allowed a small, soft smile to grow. Matt seemed rather calm, despite his nervous ticks. The red-head was alluring in a way that no other person had been to Mello.

He just couldn't understand why though?

Matt, however, was fighting an internal battle. A part of him wanted to bolt straight out of the door once the fact that he was alone with Mello sunk into his mind. Flashes of his nightmare kept dancing through his mind and the red-head tried hard not to heave in front of the blond. Matt knew that the _guy _in his dream was not Mello. Mello would not do that. Mello would have...Mello _did _stop. When Matt asked him to. The guy in his dream didn't. Mello's voice may have been used, but it wasn't Mello's hands.

When Mello...ah, _that night _occurred, Mello had tried to make it nice for both of them. In a twisted, drunken way. The _guy _didn't do that. The _guy _had acted like those kids from his days at the orphanages. Grasping, scratching, cruel hands. Sadistic grins and cold laughs. Those hands had intended to hurt him and break him and watch him dissolve into nothing. Mello would not do that to him. Not again.

A part of Matt understood that and wanted to stay in order to help him get over that. Matt wanted to accept that it would never happen again. Matt wanted their friendship back and wanted them to get over this. A small chat at the hospital meant nothing but a beginning to the very conversation that Matt wanted right now! However, the other part of him-the one that wanted to bolt-wanted to get out of there. Hightail it, before anything bad could happen. Again.

That part was small though. So small in fact, it had been drowned out by the question that Matt had to ask next.

"Why?"

The ice had been broken. The silence had been cut. Mello glanced up sharply, not sure of what Matt was asking, but at the same time he knew. He just knew. The blond swallowed hard and ran a hand through his hair nervously. How to answer such a question? How to answer that question?

"Because..." he trailed off. Unsure. Unknowing. Not wanting to be sure. Not wanting to know. Matt scowled and tossed him a half-hearted glare. The red-head knew. Mello was being cowardly. Mello was scared. Matt no longer cared though.

"Why?" he asked more firmly. More determined to get his answer. Wanting his answer now, before he lost his nerve and scampered out of the room, out of the house and out of the country. Mello suppressed a sigh and swallowed hard once more.

"I was drunk. I wanted you. I felt lonely. It was my birthday. You were there," Mello listed off, his voice gaining a bitter, monotonous edge to it with each reason. Each fake, fucking reason that Mello knew Matt wouldn't buy. No, Matt didn't buy any of them one bit. The red-head clenched his fists and bit his lip.

"Test."

That gained Mello's attention. His stomach dropped and his heart came to a stuttering halt. His mouth went dry and fell open. His eyes widened and all of his breath escaped him instantly. Mello couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't even twitch if he wanted to. That one word made him sick, ill, nauseous and wrong. At the beginning, it had been a test. He wanted to test Matt. Then Matt became his friend. Then Mello felt things for Matt that he had never felt before. Then he had tested Matt. The test had been a major case of epic fail.

Mello had discarded the test. Spat upon it and burned it along with his house, his belongings and the left side of his face.

"What's the test about?" Matt queried once more, tilting his head and appearing so very fucking innocent. Mello couldn't tell him. Matt would kill him. Matt would feel devastated. Matt would feel cheap, used and unloved. Like all the others Mello had been with. He couldn't do that to Matt. Especially when Mihael liked Matt. As in, like, liked Matt. No. Mello refused to make Matt feel so low.

"It doesn't matter," his voice was dead. His voice indicated that the conversation was over. Finished. Gone. Pffft! Not on Matt's watch.

"What is the test!" Matt snapped, his throat aching from use. The red-head had stood up, his hands clenched tightly by his sides, his eyes flashing behind Orange and his lips drawn thin, with a hint of teeth being bared. Matt was furious with Mello's unsubtle ways of avoiding his questions. He hated it. He fucking hated it!

"It. Does. Not. Matt-"

"Like hell it doesn't! Tell me why you did what you did! Tell me what this test is and I'll never ask you of it again! Please?" Matt was pleading because he was lost. He wanted to be found. Matt was begging because he wanted answers. All he had were questions. Matt was pleading and begging and asking because that's all he could do. Mello shifted uncomfortably under the heated Orange gaze. Matt had never shouted at him like that before.

Matt had never shouted, period.

"The test doesn't apply to you. Not anymore anyway." Mello's voice held that same tone of finality. No more questions. No more asking. It was over. Done with. Matt was still not happy and his expression showed it.

"Mello! If you were 'testing' me in some way, then tell me! Plea-"

"Do you trust me?" Mello asked sharply. His voice clear, cold, icy. Matt felt a shiver rip down his spine and his heart skipped a beat. All of his pleading had escaped his mind and he was left with nothing. How could he answer that one? Matt shook his head and licked his lips nervously. His fists were curled up into tight little balls and his eyes were narrowed and unreadable. Mello felt slightly uneasy with asking such a question but found that he no longer cared. Matt would get his answer when Mello had his.

"I...I..." Matt stuttered, unsure and on edge, "I suppose I shouldn't." Mello felt himself crumble and fall. The red-head had a point-he shouldn't trust Mello. No one should trust their would-be rapist, even if they didn't get very far. The blond nodded stiffly and licked his lips. His eyes started to burn from lack of blinking, but he refused to stop staring at the highly interesting piece of carpet before him.

"No. No I don't trust you," Matt stated. "Yet, in some way...I do. Because in some sick, twisted way-you're Mello. Mello can't hurt me anymore because Mello has suffered for it. Mello had prevented his attack from becoming rape. Yes, Mello sexually assaulted me. But Mello...is Mello. Mello should be arrested and be castrated and be locked up forever and ever. But he shouldn't. He is Mello."

The blond listened to each word intently. Matt's voice had taken on a passionate tone, albeit, the way in which he said those sweet things-Matt was frightened. He was terrified of each word that left his lips and Mello knew why. He knew why Matt was scared of each word, frightened as the letters on his tongue bundled together to form words. Phrases. Sentences. A speech. A sweet, twisted speech that was hurting him to dictate. That was enough for Mello. That was more that enough for Mihael.

"Matt. You shouldn't trust me. You shouldn't be near me or even in this very room. But you are. You're here with me in this room. In front of me. Mello hurt you, yes. But Mello is also so very fucking sorry and he won't ever touch you without permission again," Mello replied, his voice loud and clear and sending fiery hot spikes stabbing through Matt's spine. The red-head felt weak with emotion, confusion.

"P-Promise?" he asked-quiet, innocent, simple.

Mello smiled.

"I promise!" he declared, no hesitation, no stuttering, no stammering. Just genuine, whole-hearted truth. Matt shook his head firmly and blinked.

"Good. But...just so you know. I'm permanently armed with Pepper Spray. One wrong move and your eyes are mine!" Matt threatened, although his whole demeanor carried about as much threat as bunny rabbit. Mello laughed and gave Matt a blinding smile that made him shiver. Matt responded in kind, a small, shy smile that lit up his whole face. Pretty, pretty, pretty, forbidden. Look but do not touch. See but do not feel. Matt was not his to touch on impulse. Not anymore.

They fell into a comfortable silence, with Mello silently regarding the boy before him. Matt trusted him, even though he had most likely left the boy traumatized. Matt had forgiven, but hadn't forgotten. Matt would forever remember how Mello treated him and because of that, he would never have all of Matt's trust, respect...love? Tch. Forget that one right away. Matt wasn't his, would never be his and Mello accepted that. Mihael didn't though. Mihael couldn't because Mihael was totally head-over-heels in love with the red-head.

Mello bit his lip. Perhaps Matt wouldn't give himself to Mello...but Mihael? Maybe. Just maybe. Of course, Matt would have to open up all over again. Mello knew that just because two minds shared one body, doesn't mean that Matt would talk to Mihael the way he talked to Mello. At least it would be a clean slate though. Mihael hadn't harmed Matt...although, Mihael would have to open up to Matt just as much. Not forgetting that this was Mihael, they were talking! Mihael, the very boy he was created in order to protect. Months of careful acting, skirting around conversation, avoiding unnerving situation. Months of hard work, of keeping Mihael a secret. Sleeping with all those people to see if they felt Mihael through Mello.

All of it. Was he really going to throw all of it away just to give Mihael a chance with Matt?

...yes. Yes, he was.

First, he had to tread water...he had to see if Matt would be willing to speak to Mihael without actually telling him who Mihael was. Mihael was the most important person in his life, as narcissistic as it sounds, and not even Matt could so freely be allowed to touch, speak and hear him. Mello had to know if Matt would willingly speak and trust another. The blond glanced up and gazed into unreadable Orange. Matt could sense his hesitation, his confusion. Matt remained silent, allowing Mello the chance to speak. Noting this, Mello swallowed hard and gazed into Orange firmly.

"Are you ever going to speak to anyone but me?" Mello asked hesitantly, his voice betraying his firm gaze. He was a trembling wreck of nerves inside.

Matt chewed on his lip, looking down to the floor with a blank expression. The way Mello had asked him that...it was almost as it he wanted Matt to speak to more people. A specific person, perhaps? Specific people? Which was an _impossible _and _difficult _feat to even _contemplate_.

"I...I don't think I can. I t-trust you. To a certain degree anyway. No one really makes me feel this...ummm...y'know? I-It's not bad, but it's like, not really good either. Y'know...you just make me feel...all...yeah," Matt stuttered and stumbled his way through a vague explanation and Mello swallowed hard at how uneasy Matt appeared to be. The red-head had averted his eyes, biting his lip and shuffling on the spot. He wasn't supposed to trust Mello at all. Yet, he trusted him. He shouldn't even like Mello. Yet, he did.

Why? Why? Why? Whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy?

The blond heaved himself off the bed and slowly made his way towards Matt. Knowing that Matt had still placed a tiny amount of trust within him made him feel light. Knowing that he had made Matt feel something different to everyone else made him feel heavy. If he could do this, then Mihael could definitely procure such reactions. All in all, Mello felt nauseous with the emotional roller-coaster within his stomach. Would he? Could he? Should he? As he approached the red-head, his nose wrinkled. Smoke? Smoke. The kind of smoke produced by a cigarette. Matt didn't seem to be the kind of guy who smoked, but Mello reminded himself that he didn't even know Matt all that much.

That very fact made him slightly ill. One single glimpse of the boy and that was it. He was hooked. Mihael was hooked.

Matt looked up, taking in a deep breathe when he realised how close Mello had approached him. He fought a heavy battle inside himself...don't flinch, don't wince, don't bat an eyelid. Mello wasn't going to hurt him. Ignore the dream, discard the dream. The dream-_nightmare_-meant nothing, because it was not Mello. The blond would never touch him like that again, he had repented, felt the guilt, never wanted to hurt Matt in the same way again.

The red-head knew that. He knew that Mello felt something for him. He knew that something, whatever it was, deep inside him was beginning to stir. Stir for Mello? Stir because of Mello? Matt didn't care; all he knew was that Mello was in front of him and all that separated them, were two inches of air. Matt wanted to step back, but at the same time he felt glued to the floor. He felt naked, vulnerable, open.

"M-Mello? Ummm...what are doing?" Matt asked, his eyes flashing behind his goggles with uncertainty and apprehension. Mello shook his head and wrapped his arms around Matt's shoulders, holding them tightly. He hadn't even asked permission. He had broken his promise already. Matt blinked as the blond embraced him tenderly, the warmth from him flooding Matt's insides and causing him to tingle all over. He didn't even think about getting out the Pepper Spray.

"I'm sorry Matt. But...I like you, you know?" Mello asked, unsure of what he was actually doing. Yes, he liked Matt, but Mihael liked him more. Mello tried to show Matt that through his words. Matt froze at the words, his brain coming to a halt as Mello began to run his hands up and down Matt's back. The movements made Matt shiver and he felt a sudden wave of weakness hit him and he felt himself collapse in Mello's arms. Those hands were so unlike the ones in his dream. They made him feel warm, safe, clean. Yet, he couldn't help the whimper that escaped trembling lips, the gleam of fright that shined in watery eyes. Matt was scared to death of this embrace, and he liked it. The secure hold the blond had on him made him all the more weaker and he hated himself for it. Because he _liked _it.

He hated feeling weak and even though he tried to push the other boy away, it just wasn't working out for him. Mello held him fast, and gazed down with a conflicted and pained expression upon his face. Matt bit back the wince of guilt. Mello did this. Mello did this to him, to himself and to everyone else he had ever met. God, Matt had missed so much. The red-head buried his face in the crook of Mello's neck and breathed in deeply. Chocolate. Leather. _Mello_.

Matt sighed and fingered the boy's black shirt delicately. His goggles bit into his skin as he pressed harder into Mello's chest, but he paid no heed to the pain. He wanted Mello to stay here, to chase away the loneliness, to never go away, to never hurt him again. Such thoughts were fruitless and were bound to fail sooner or later-however, Matt still concentrated on them. Never letting the thoughts escape his mind.

"Matt?"

Mello's voice sounded so sad. So confused. So...unsure. Matt did that. Matt needed to fix that! That was not how Mello sounded and he needed to resolve that problem!

Matt reached up and smiled. Mello cocked his head to the left slightly, wondering what Matt was thinking. He received his answer when Matt laughed quietly and kissed him. Sweetly, on the cheek. Mello's breath halted in his throat as the boy's lips left a warm, buzzing sensation in his cheek. Matt pulled away, his cheeks blushing lightly with a sweet Magenta colour; his lips crooked as they twisted into a nervous smile. Mello gently touched his cheek and gaped.

The blond gazed down and blinked, confused. Matt answered his questioning gaze, whilst averting his eyes and shrugging his shoulders.

"We're friends. Very good friends. Right?"

Mihael tried to ignore the sound of his heart shattering. Mello forced a pained, yet joyful smile onto his face.

"Best friends."

* * *

**Best friends. Right.**

**Anyway, I am desperately hoping to be hit by some inspiration soon. Not to mention that this story is soon to break the fifty chapter barrier I had been hoping to meet. Anyway, questions!**

_1. Matt will be getting a kitty-cat. Soon. Maybe._

_2. Aiber is Matt's second adopted father. His first one has not been named yet, but the pronouns relating to him will be in bold. There is NO Aiber/Matt in this story.  
_

_3. BB will be coming in soon. He was not a random cameo._

_4. I will update. SOON. I hope._

**I hope that the M/M fluff will gain me forgiveness for how long it took for me to update this story. ^_^**

**Love City Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x  
**


	32. Bronze

**Okay, so first of all, late update, I know. Sorry! **

**Also, I would like to say that my story is one year and day old. I wanted to have finished this yesterday so it could be officially a year old, but writer's block bit me in the ass so, no go. Then today, I was graced with this idea of introducing BB in a bit more and VOILA. Chapter 32 was on the go!**

**So, thank you very much for gracing me with so many lovely reviews, favourites and alerts! I love you muchly so!**

**Anyway, it is time for Mello to go back to school and I've realised how much I've failed in their characteristics in this chapters. Also, I think my writing style has changed...AGAIN!**

**Geeze...so, I'll be revising earlier chapters to improve the grammar and spelling and whatnot!**

**ENJOY!**

**

* * *

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Chapter 32 - Bronze

_Bronze is a natural, down-to-earth neutral color. It is found in earth, wood, and stone. Bronze represents wholesomeness and earthiness. While it might be considered a little on the dull side, it also represents steadfastness, simplicity, friendliness, dependability, and health._

Mello was strong. Mello was uncaring. Mello was totally indifferent and carried himself with dignity. The whispers didn't bother him. Neither did the giggles, the stares or gasps. Gossiping was a pointless waste of time and really, people these days surely must have better things to do, right? Apparently not. The blond had barely stepped foot into the school and already he was being subjected to the pitying stares and the horrified whispers of those surrounding him.

Rolling his eyes, Mello hitched his bag up higher and growled. The same group of girls that had harassed Matt a few weeks ago were now stood by his locker. Gawping at him. Like he was some animal at the zoo. The girl with curly brunette hair stared at him, her mouth open and her eyes wide. Her whispers could be heard and Mello tried so hard to ignore them.

_Oh...what happened to him? He used to be so gorgeous! He's so...ugly now! Eurgh, what is on his face?_

Mello growled and opened up his locker. He didn't care what they thought. Really, he didn't! He shouldn't at the very least...he didn't care. Nope. Not one bit did he care. Getting out the books he needed, Mello then slammed the locker shut and cursed. The girls flinched at the sound and huddled closer, their eyes straying over to his form. The blond ignored them...or at least, he liked to believe that he had ignored them. Their mutterings still reached his ears.

_Ugly. Eurgh. Yuck. What is it?_

Mello snorted and hitched his bag up. Spinning on a heel, he turned away from them and shoved a hand into his jacket pocket. He didn't care what they thought. Matt said he looked beautiful with his scar. He was going to rock the 'beautiful, scarred' look, even if it killed him! For Matt at the very least.

Mello paused in his steps and pressed a hand to his heart. It ached at the thought of the red-head, ached so hard, so bad. The blond sighed and carried on walking. Mihael was feeling awful. Every thought of Matt, was like an icy knife stabbing through his heart. Every time he played the CD, his eyes watered and stung, his mouth went dry and his throat clogged up. Each night felt like murder, to just sit in the darkness and do nothing but think. Think and hear Matt's words playing around in his brain like a broken record player.

'_We're friends, right?'_

Matt had said it so firmly. Like it was final and nothing could change it. Then Mello, like the absolute idiot that he was, he agreed to it. 'Best friends'? Yeah, sure whatever. Saying it so casually had brought Mihael to his knees, sobbing his heart out and clawing at the insides of Mello's mind, hence the massive headache that Mello was suffering from. Rubbing his temples wearily, Mello made a bee-line to his Art class, hoping that no one would actually come up to him and-

"Oh my god! What happened Mello?"

-ask any questions.

Swallowing down a harsh answer, Mello presented the girl in front of him a tight smile. However, it didn't quite reach his eyes and the girl gulped audibly from the frost found within them. She laughed nervously and twisted a lock of hair around her finger, glancing behind her towards her friends frantically. Mello mentally cursed them all out and clenched his fists.

"And why should you deem it necessary that I tell you what happened?" he asked coldly, his eyes hard and his voice harder.

As the girl stuttered and stumbled through her explanation, a guy from her clique came up behind her and threw an arm around her shoulders comfortingly.

"'Cause you look like shit. Fuck, she's only worried about you, no need to bite her head off!" the guy snapped, eyeing Mello with contempt.

Mello rose an eyebrow at the insult and briefly contemplated knocking the wanker out. At least the girl had the decency to ask her question in a nice way. This guy was just being a fucking jerk! However, before his arm even moved an inch, a high-pitched and enthusiastic voice piped up behind him.

"Oh! Is that my darling Mello? Mello! Misa missed you so much!" Misa cried out, her arms flinging to the side as she ran up to tackle him. Mello felt the air whip out of his lungs as she enveloped him in flowery hug, complete with an extra special Misa-style squeeze.

"Hey Misa. I missed you too," Mello bit out, his voice strained as she squeezed him one last time. Misa beamed at him and kept an arm around his waist as she turned to the offending couple before them. The girl's face was bright red and ashamed and Misa deemed her forgiven for her actions. The boy however, was too smug and arrogant for Misa's liking. He definitely needed to be kicked off his high horse!

"Are you picking on Mello? Tut, tut! Jealousy is very ugly you know! Misa believes that having ugly feelings will lead to having ugly features!" she scolded, adding in a finger-wagging that she had seen Ms. Wedy do once.

"Ugly features? Have you see your friend's face! That's ugly!" the boy retorted, shoving his hands into his pockets and sneering at them both. Misa scowled and stomped her foot, mentally apologizing to her six-inch stilettos.

"Ugly! Mello is raw and sexy and dangerous! Misa's Mello could oh-so-totally wipe the floor with you, Mr. Plain Jane! Misa's Mello is probably the only person who could work the 'I-just-got-incinerated-beyond-belief' look! You'd look nothing than a piece of toast that's been burned, chewed up and spat out! Now, Mr. I-Wish-I-Could-Look-Half-As-Good-As-Mello! Get your average-looking face out of my gorgeous one, before I get my boyfriend and his best friend to so totally kick your ass!" she snapped. Complete with more finger-wagging and foot-stomping.

Suffice to say, Mello was very impressed. The girl looked close to tears and had trotted off to seek better comfort from her friends. The guy on the other hand looked thoroughly admonished and was gazing down at the floor. Misa was a very friendly girl and no one had ever, ever seen her lose it like this before - not even when the rumours about L and Light were flying around!

The guy nodded towards Misa and muttered out an apology, turning heel to leave rapidly. His posse of wide-eyed friends stumbled after him, glancing back at the fuming Misa with awe. Fuck...even Mello was awed by her and he was very rarely impressed. The blond cocked his head and rose an eyebrow, regarded her in a whole new light. Feeling his eyes on the back of her neck, Misa spun around and beamed at him.

"Misa showed that guy a lesson, huh? Misa is super tough and no one goes around insult super tough Misa's friends!" she declared brightly. Mello snorted and looped and arm around hers.

"Or what? Misa will get her even tougher boyfriend on them?" he asked teasingly. Misa giggled and pecked him on the cheek. Mello stuck out his tongue and rubbed it with mock-disgust, making her laugh even more. As they reached the end of the corridor, they noticed that it was lacking in gawping students and nosy whispers. Well. Fuck that. Misa really was one of a kind. The girl gave him a scary grin and pulled him along happily chattering about their friends.

"Light is pretty moody today, even moodier when I said that L wanted to talk to him. I was over at Light's house this morning and L called up. Light refused to answer his phone and so I took the message. Then he snatched it out of my hand and stormed out! How rude! Anyway, Sayu said he had been doing it a lot, but she had Super Secret Plan that involved making L and Light happier again! Then she said that she would also find a way to make me happy too, although that sorta confused me...I am happy! So why would she feel the need to make me happier? Anyway, Mikami has been a real grump and I doubt seeing your hair the way it is will make him lighten up. Unless you ask him to fix it, 'cause no offense, but it's real dry and-OH! Lookie, there's Matt!"

Mello, for once, had listened to every word she said. He was curious as to what the 'Super Secret Plan' of Sayu's was, although he had an inkling, judging on why Sayu felt the need to make Misa happy. Mikami had most likely missed out on his daily dose of Light, so whatever. What confused him the most was why neither of them had come to meet up with him like Misa. Unless Light was avoiding him due to L and Mikami was indirectly avoiding him by following Light...whatever.

What did catch his attention the most was her delighted cry of Matt's name. His head snapped up eagerly to see the red-head lingering by Misa's next class, his eyes glittering happily as he caught sight of Misa and Mello. The blond smiled charmingly and practically dragged Misa over to him. Matt waved at them slightly, his head ducked and his body tense. Mello frowned slightly and felt Mihael whine. Matt was still unsure around him.

Well, he would have to fix that!

"Hey Matt!" she greeted, forcing herself to resist hugging and kissing him. Despite the closeness that had grown between them, Matt was still wary of her touching him. Sensing an awkward air beginning to grow, Mello hastily broke the ice and span round to face Misa.

"Misa, I believe this is your stop," he said, holding the door for her. The blonde smiled and Misa giggled and kissed him, calling goodbye to them as she skipped into class. Then, he turned to face Matt.

It had been three days since their last talk and Mihael was desperate to reach out and touch him once more. Mello sighed and shook his head, trying to get rid of Mihael's lovey-dovey thoughts from his mind. Matt bit his lip as the silence grew between them and took out a pen. Mello glanced up as Matt began to write on his arm and he felt his pulse quicken and his temperature rise.

_**Shall we go to class now or what?**_

Well fuck. Now he just felt stupid. Clearing his throat (and hopefully his flush) Mello smirked at him and placed a hand on his hip. "I don't know, I fancy standing around a bit more. I quite like looking like an idiot you see?" he said, his eyes glittering and longing for their old friendship once more.

_**Doesn't take much for that to happen**_, came Matt's cheeky reply. Mello's expression melted into one of mock-hurt and swept past Matt with his nose in the air.

"How rude! If I were a real Knight, I would have sliced your head off by now!" he called behind him. Mello heard Matt's tell-tale squeaky sneakers running across the floor and slowed down his swagger so Matt could catch up. He held out his arm and told Mihael to calm the fuck down.

_**You wouldn't do that...I'm your Damsel...**_

Matt had blushed lightly, his head ducked and his eyes averted. More bloody mixed signals! Mello resisted a weary sigh and ran a hand through his hair. The awkward and tense atmosphere rose between them once more. Desperate for it not to become a habit, Mello had a spontaneous idea and blurted, "Race ya to class!"

Sprinting up the corridor and carefully avoiding students, Mello began laughing at the confused and curious stares sent his way. He thought that, with his head-start, he had a good chance of beating Matt. Yet, before he knew it, Matt had overtaken him. It was funny how everyone seemed move out of the way of two boys having a race. Mello would have thought that they would have been stopped by a teacher by now, but whatever. He had a lovely red-head to catch up to.

Mello weaved in and out of students, intent on catching up to Matt. He grit his teeth in determination and accidentally bumped into someone on the way. Muttering out an apology, he managed to beat Matt to the door, opening it and letting it swing open. "I win," he declared cheerfully. Matt rose an eyebrow and smirked, rolling his eyes at Mello's childish display. Mello smirked and bowed down with a playful gleam in his eye.

"Damsels first," he said, his voice light and casual. Matt hummed with amusement and gave Mello a slight curtsy. They entered the classroom and were greeted by a hurried hush and a very awkward and tense atmosphere. The students were 'subtly' glancing at Mello, each one with their own rumour to spill and spread. Mello highly doubted that any of them knew the real reason for why his hair is two inches shorter and why he was horrendously two-toned and raw-looking.

Damn. He really was 'raw'. Mello never thought of it as a compliment until today. Misa was very passionate about good looks and decided that 'raw' was probably the best he would get to being called sexy. Whatever...he owned it now, so he should work it. As Matt took his seat quickly, Mello decided to take his time, slinking down the aisle like a panther, his hips swaying and the leather on his legs clinging to him with every move.

Mello used to be touchable and fuckable. Now he was raw and no one could touch him. No one probably wanted to touch him now, but that didn't matter. Mello was untouchable whether they wanted to or not. Yet, to some extent, he knew that they would have loved to have poked and prodded at his scar or his hair. None of them could though, he was raw and he wouldn't let any of them touch him in _that _way ever again. Fuck! He had never felt more desired in his whole life.

As he sat down, he sat up straight, ignoring every glance that came his way and smirked. As Misa said, he owned the 'I-just-got-incinerated-beyond-belief' look. They're just jealous of the fact that they would have begged for skin grafts as no one would have considered them beautiful like Matt did. Mello mentally froze as Mihael sent a wave of emotional pain through his chest. Matt was a bundle of mixed signs and it was really making him ill.

Shoving his hands into his jacket, he felt a crumpled up ball of paper. Taking it out, he rose his eyebrow and wondered how it got in there. L had bought it him as Mello's wardrobe held less leather than he'd have liked. As he carefully smoothed it out, he saw small, messy handwriting written across the sheet. The paper was dirty and smudged with jam and other...stuff. Mello wrinkled his nose and smoothed the paper out more, carefully avoiding the stains. Squinting his eyes, Mello hunched over and began to read.

_Mello, Mello, Mello._

_How long has it been, hmmmmm? Well, I must say, I have missed you rather a lot. Have you missed me? You'd better have, otherwise tracking you down would have been a waste of time! I see you still live in your old house._

_Not much of a house now though! Hyuk! Hyuk!_

_Now, now, nooooow...where was I! OH YES! I tracked you down! Does it sound weird? Yes? Hmmmm? Well it shouldn't because it's not! If everyone tracked down everyone they'd miss then this world would be a lot simpler! Yes? Yes!_

_ANYWAY! I heard from a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend whose a friend to a friend of a friend related to a friend by a friend for a friend from a friend that you were burned alive. Fascinating! I tried burning myself once...fascinating stuff it is! Did your skin peel away or did it melt off, like wax? How big is your scar? Did it take your whole skin away? Are you nothing but muscle now?_

_Fascinating! Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!  
_

_Such a shame your rejected the skin grafts...I would have LOVED to have been part of you, in you and on you..._

_Anyway, this is just a short note to say that whilst it has been MUCH fun stalking you, I would like to see you in person. Like now. Now Mello, as in I'm outside the classroom._

_See you in a minute!_

_Your ever loving BB xxx_

After reading the letter three times, Mello felt another headache rising up in his mind. Then, folding up a letter, he sighed and tucked it into his jacket. How BB managed to get it in there, he didn't know, nor did he want to know. Glancing up at the classroom door, Mello rolled his eyes and then raised his hand. Once he gained the teacher's attention, he glanced at the door once more and sighed.

"I think I'm gonna throw up, may I be excused?" he asked sweetly.

* * *

**We can haz BB now, yes? YES!**

**I adore BB...I loved writing that letter. ^_^**

**But I have some sad news...I'm running out of colours. I'm not using Pink for a very special reason, I hope you all know why...so I need other colours! **

**Perty please review...I'll try real hard to get the other chapter out earlier this time! Promise! I've just had so little time and I've gotten into a new fandom, writing new fanfictions, writing my own novel, getting ready for (le gasp) college! I'M A COLLEGE STUDENT NOW!**

**OH! It was only yesterday when I was complaining about high school...hehehehe...**

**Love City Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x  
**


	33. Chartreuse

**...Hi. Yes, I am still alive. Merry Christmas and all that. Yes.**

**Four months. And a bit. Meh...not really all that long if you think about it...okay. It is. And I'm very, very sorry. Like extremely sorry!**

**I'm afraid I have become obsessed with Assassin's Creed. Like seriously, head-over-heels obsessed. Meh.  
**

**But. I've updated now. So we're all good, yes? Please?**

**Meh.**

**ENJOY!**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 33 - Chartreuse 

_Lovebirds have feathers with many beautiful shades of chartreuse, therefore many take it to be the colour of love, rather than the typical red or pink._

BB hadn't changed. When Mello left the classroom, the first thing he noticed was how deserted the hallway was. Obviously BB was in a playful mood today, and so expected Mello to join in with his 'fun'. However, when Mello noticed the second thing, he was decisively not in the mood to be playing around.

"Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" came the unending cackles, echoing down the corridor and effectively winding Mello up more and more. Nothing irritated Mello more than BB's version of Hide and Seek. Mello was never the Hider and thus, came his logical explanation for why that game was not on his top ten. Crossing his arms and leaning against the wall, Mello decided to let BB come to him.

The tactic never really worked before, but you never know, there's always a first time for everything. Mello closed his eyes, ignoring the annoyed hiss of Mihael from within. Which was sort of odd, because Mihael was the one to encourage his advancements...although it was Mello he had...done it with in the end. Maybe Mihael had felt some sort of violation from it. Or maybe he was caught up in the fucked up notion that being with BB, could be considered as 'cheating' on Matt.

...Matt. Beautiful, beautiful Matt. Fucking hell, BB would never, ever know about that boy. Like, ever. God only know what BB's sick mind would conjure up if he ever laid eyes on the pretty red-head. Naturally Mello would have to think of an ingenious idea to keep Matt a secret, not to mention the fact that Mello was most likely turning into BB himself. The guy's ego would probably burst if he ever found out that little snippet of information, not to mention-

"Hyuk! Hyuk! Think fast!"

Having only the time to blink, Mello ducked and gasped in surprise as pieces of broken glass showered upon him. With sticky, red stuff on it as well. Sticky, strawberry-scented stuff.

...that jerk! He threw a fucking jam jar at him! A fucking jam jar!

"Birthday! What the actual fuck? What the hell was that for?" Mello demanded, stepping into the center of the hallway. He clenched his fists in annoyance and swore that BB was dead as soon as he spotted him! Glaring around the hallway, Mello grit his teeth and narrowed his eyes, all senses on high alert for the slightest inclination that BB was near him.

Apparently his senses were having a bad day, because a hot air suddenly puffed against his neck and a pair of spidery fingers grasped his hips. A hiss curled up into his ears, making Mello shy away from the ticklish sensation. "I was testing your reflexes. Awful, awful things really and yours are most awful! Hyuk!" was all the warning he had, before he was slammed up against a locker and was inspected upon like an ant under a magnifying glass.

"Humph! I thought you said you were burnt alive?" BB stated, sounding very disappointed. Mello smirked and rolled his eyes, ignoring the hiss from Mihael inside.

"Oh so sorry to disappoint, but I'm not fucking dead Birthday!" he retorted. BB snorted and gave him a look over. Wrinkling his nose, he reached inside his shirt and produced another jar of jam. Mello decided it best not to inquire as to where the fuck that had been hiding as he knew the answer would be equally as disturbing.

"Pity. When I first heard that you cooked yourself, I had gotten all excited! Imagine! A roasted-Mello! Omnomnom!"

Mello rolled his eyes and glared at him. "I doubt I would have tasted good."

BB preened. "Oh, you always tasted good." he said and flicked a tongue out. Mello smiled, hearing Mihael curse and hiss with an absolute fury. Damn. He was really pissed off this time.

_Damn right I am! I hate him!_

"Ah. Still insane then?" BB inquired with a raised eyebrow.

Mello blinked.

"You what?" he asked, very intelligent-like. BB chuckled.

"You have that look that says: 'Yes-I-am-talking-to-the-voices-in-my-head-yes-they-are-telling-me-to-burn-things-namely-myself-what-are-you-going-to-do-about-it?'." BB stated, very wisely. Although, where insanity was considered, BB would most likely have a degree, bachelor and all that other shit in the subject.

"...you what?"

"I hear them from time to time. Can't really ignore them, they're always there. Strangely in the same voice as my mother. Scary creature she was. Didn't like jam. Ridiculous notion of course. She once told me that the jam had to go. So I told her that I wouldn't get rid of the jam. So she said it was either the jam or her. Well, as you can see, I made my decision very clear. She never bothered me once after that...who was the scrumptious little morsel you were running with earlier?"

He hadn't even had time to blink when the question was pushed out into the open. Mihael hissed either way and clawed at the edges of Mello's mind.

_Don't tell him! Don't you freaking dare tell him! DON'T!_

"Who? What? Morsel?" Mello replied. His intelligence was indeed showing itself off today.

"Yes. Pretty little red-head. Looks like a blob of the richest, most expensive strawberry jam has made itself at home on his head. Beautiful looking creature. I wonder if he tastes like jam?"

"Fuck off! He's min-mi...he is min-..." Mello couldn't finish. He could never lie to BB. Plus, Matt wasn't really his now, was he.

BB's all knowing gaze glittered madly. Sharp pointed teeth bared themselves from a wicked grin. "Ah, so he's accounted for. Well, I never. You teaching him some of my lessons are you? Hyuk!"

"Back off BB! And no. I haven't." Mello muttered, his tone dangerous and dark. BB however wasn't affected by the clear warning in his voice.

"Shall I teach him then?" BB asked delicately, nodding as if he understood _everything_.

Mello's fist came out of nowhere. BB unfortunately had many years of experience with flying fists and caught it, sending Mello sprawling against a wall. Mello growled and brought up his fists again, only to have BB pin them to his chest.

"So, he does not know yet that he's been claimed. OH! HOW UNFORTUNATE...and pathetic. When I was your age, I-"

"-slept with little kids and corrupted them without fear of consequence nor fear of guilt. Hyuk," Mello mocked him, his eyes blazing with fury. BB however grinned like a cruel cat and dropped Mello's fists.

"At least I had the balls to claim them properly. Why can't you do it? Hmmmm? Why not?" he demanded.

Mello knew he had balls. BB knew that. Mello knew why he couldn't do it. BB didn't have to know that.

"Think! Think! THINK!" BB cried out theatrically.

"I don't fucking know! I can't think with you shouting at me like a fucking asylum-escapist!" Mello spat.

"If you can't think, then clearly you're not all there!" BB snorted. Well, that was rich coming from a complete and utter lunatic like him! Mello scoffed and folded his arms, turning away from the fucking loony. "I mean really, it's not like you've cut out your tongue, so why can't you just tell him. By the way, cutting out your tongue isn't all the hard to do. Sure it makes a mess, what with all the blood, but I found that if you have a pot of salt at your disposal, it really isn't all that tricky. And another thing-" and Mello tunes him out here. Really, there was no need.

...

...

How the fuck does BB know how to cut out fucking tongues? Ah, never mind. Mello really didn't want to know. As BB's voice became background, Mello slowly began to close his eyes and allowed his mind to wander. Now that BB was back, and god knows for how long, Mello's life would probably do a U-turn and end up getting crappier just as soon as it was getting better. Mello's friends did not think highly of BB. L especially had a few choice words for him. Hmmm...this could be tricky...

"What do you think Mello?"

...huh? Mello blinked at him and cocked his head. BB gave him a dead-panned look and flicked jam at him. Mello wrinkled his nose a dab of jam was left on his cheek and resisted the urge to wipe it off. To wipe it off would show some sort of weakness off in front of BB. God only knows what kind of weakness, but Mello bet the rest of his good looks that BB would most likely produce some sort of weakness from it.

"What do I think of what?" he asked, very intelligently. BB clicked his tongue, and leant in.

"Silly boy! You really should listen. Or maybe I should make you listen. Did you know that if you cut off a person's ears, their hearing ability increases three-fold? Maybe I should do so for you! Hyuk! Hyuk!" he teased, his tongue flicking out to remove the jam and then flicked up once more to lave at Mello's ear.

"Fuck off BB," he stated, maturely so.

"Let me repeat myself. Why can't you tell him, hmmm? THINK!" he shrieked, making Mello wince from the pitch and the volume. Really, there just was no need for it! Mello growled and pushed him away, eyeing him with a dirty glare.

"Because I...because I am..." he trailed off. Mello made a mental note there and then: _a) listen to BB, b) increase vocabulary. Remove any unnecessary cuss words to make room._ Sighing, BB shook his head and placed his hands on his hips with a raised eyebrow.

"Because you are..."

Mello twitched.

"Raw?"

Fucking. Hell. What. The. Fuck. Really.

BB's eyebrows nearly disappeared into his fringe and his head fell 90 degrees to the right as he regarded Mello carefully. The blond shifted uncomfortably under the gaze and tried not to slouch from the close proximity and the fierce intensity of the gaze.

"Raw? Really...that really is, the most..." Oh fuck it all. BB shook his head. "BRILLIANT WORD I HAVE EVER HEARD! I knew you were smart somehow. Maybe. Probably. Possibly. Pragmatically. Literally. Figuratively. Metaphorically. Considerably."

"BB, is this going somewhere?" Mello asked, wondering how not a single teacher had asked as to who the fuck was making all that fucking noise.

"Nope. Hyuk! Hyuk!" he crowed, his hand gestures making jam fly everywhere. Just great. Jam never washed out properly, not even out of leather.

Mello crossed his arms once more. Resigning himself to the uncomfortable silence (in his case anyway) between them, Mello simply rolled his eyes and waited for BB to talk again. With BB, he always began the conversation. Never the other way round. As the sound of jam-chewing slowly came to a stop, Mello mentally sighed and waited for BB to start.

_I hate him! Turn around now before he starts babbling again. Now Mello! Please?_

_Ssshh...calm down Mihael. I haven't seen him in ages. It's quite refreshing knowing that I'm not the only insane one here._

_YOU'RE NOT INSANE! Please. Get rid of him!_

_No.  
_

"So...how is everyone these days? You know, like that bubble-gum headed girl? Does she taste of bubble-gum, or is it all just false advertisement?"

Mello twitched. "I wouldn't know, I haven't tasted her."

"Pity. What about that boy...you know, that one that looks like he hasn't been coloured in properly?"

Twitch.

"Near is albino BB, not a colouring in puzzle."

"Pity, pity, pity. You should try colouring him in one day, would do him a world of good! Hyuk!"

Twitch. Mello knew who BB really wanted to talk about. So why the fuck wouldn't he talk about him? Fucking hypocrite.

"And how about-"

"BB, L still has the restraining order against you."

A curling grin. "Perfect. Hyuk!"

X-x-X-x-X

To say that Misa Amane was experiencing some technical difficulties, would be gross understatement. You see, Misa Amane, may have stood by Mello at the hospital and kept him company, not to mention sticking up for him mere moments ago, but that isn't to say that she has forgotten about something grievously important. Like, say a certain video tape she has on hand. A video tape of a very, not-good incident occurring in Mello's own house.

Misa needed to get rid of it. Then again, she probably shouldn't get rid of it. No, she should get rid of it. No, no, no...she needed to keep it. Just in case. No! She had to get rid of it, it was unfair towards Mello, not to mention extremely nasty if she were to keep it. But then, again, wouldn't the same reason apply if she were to get rid of it. What if it got into the wrong hands? Like Matt's hands? No, it was final. Misa was keeping the video tape.

...but what if someone found the tape on her. What if Light, or L, or god-forbid MELLO, found the video tape on her. She would never live it down. Misa would simply die if Mello realised that she knows what he knows that she shouldn't know. Oh god...Misa was in a heap of trouble!

Clutching at her hair desperately, Misa paced back and forth, ignoring the confused stares her classmates gave her. They really ought to be used to such behaviour really. After all, she was Misa Amane: Drama Goddess and all that. Drumming her perfect, long nails on a nearby table, Misa thought long and hard over what she had to do. She needed to find a way to hide the tape, so it would appear that she had gotten rid of it, when actually she hadn't, but just to keep up appearances and—

Oh god! She was so confused! Misa sighed and collapsed in her chair with an air of defeat about her. The tape was sitting quite nicely in her limited edition Prada bag...just sitting there. Festering away and laughing to itself because it knew the trouble it was causing her. God! It was laughing at her, wasn't it! Well, she didn't have to put up with that, no way! Misa stood up and saluted the teacher with determination written all over her face.

Picking up her bag she marched straight out of the room and gave the class a final bow before closing the door behind her. Absently she heard the teacher call: _you need a hall pass! _but she paid no heed to it. Nope, she had a mission to complete. Misa was a woman on a mission and nothing was going to stop her.

She knew exactly what she was going to do with this tape!

* * *

**So. 1000 reviews. We can haz champagne now, yes?**

**^_^ OF COURSE WE CAN! My god. Never, in a million, billion, zillion, gajillion years did I EVER see this happening to me. Even 100 reviews...no, 10 reviews seemed a bit far-fetched when I first started writing fanfiction. My god. I'm all...butterfly-ish! ^_^**

**So time to thank some people, yes?**

_schoolkid, PrincessPika, Skyeh, Beyond'sWaraNingyo, breathe chaotic, Italiangurlinamessedupworld, XxXDevil-Chan, cheyjeevas, Zellicy, SuperSaiyanKiri, blue-eyes27, Dragon Rhapsody, critter141151, doomshuriken, Living in a fantasy, Demon's sinner, im a molly doll, TheSnowAngel, Reality-or-Dream, 1Ivanessence1, Nehan Shinzui34, threemillionworded, Anon, monochrome1994, Luxord's Xigbar, SouthernDownpour, Kit-Kat-AnGeL, MeteorMello, Sylvertongue, Mad-Wiccan, Cassidy304, NikooruDesu, Brndl, insanepersonishappy, TheParanoidNerd, vvvvvvvvvv, Coral Eyes, CrimsonStar10, Hazaar, AuthoressOfTheAges, Quashie, the color maniac, PWN3D, -Chan.X, Dlvvanzor, bambiheartlock, usagisama7874, Armour-Duck, smilingrightnow7 _annnnd_ Missy Malice!_

**So BB is insane. Mello is slowly going insane. Misa has probably lost all sanity from the word 'go'. Never mind. ^_^**

**Perty please review! **

**Love City Girl**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x  
**


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